How Old Were You When You Had Your First REAL Boyfriend?

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by African King, Dec 30, 2015.

  1. African King

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    I was 20-something-NEVER when that happened lol.

    But I am curious to know - How Old Were You When You Had Your First REAL Boyfriend? What did that relationship teach you?
     
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  2. acessential

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    I was 15. He was 17. High School. Being in a relationship as a teenager is one of the whackiest, craziest, hormonal feelings ever. When we first became intimate, I realized how inaccurate and unrealistic porn really was. I remember after the first time, I felt like I did something wrong and just sat there without saying anything. That had more to do with internalized homophobia than anything else.

    I learned that gossip spreads fast in high school. People can be messy. I was outed soon after. But I also learned that most people didn't really care.

    I learned that I would never have the same feelings for a girl as I did with a guy. When I dated girls, everything felt robotic. I didn't know when I was supposed to kiss her or what I should do to her. With a guy, there was still a learning curve, but everything felt more natural.

    I also learned that it's normal to really reflect what's going on. I found myself thinking things like, "Wow, I'm actually kissing a dude. He has a mustache." lol.

    Basically, it's a unique and interesting learning experience.
     
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  3. African King

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    Wow that's what's up @acessential! That is so young though but I honestly wish I dated that young at times so that I could have the experience under my belt.

    I do understand what you mean about dating women and how it can be robotic. I did not know what I was doing with females BUT lets see what happens when I come across my first guy.
     
  4. Dr. Strange

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    I've no boyfriends or girlfriends to speak of, but my first kiss with a guy was unmistakable. I couldn't stop afterwards.
     
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  5. African King

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    The "healthy sexual being" in ACTION! He said it couldn't STOP! mmmmmkkaaayyyy @Dr. Strange hahaha just messin with you
     
  6. Dr. Strange

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    Lol. couldn't stop kissing. Even today its still pretty high on the list!
     
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  7. Drew Cole

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    I started off very late in this thing. I still haven't had one yet.
     
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  8. Jaa

    Jaa
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    I'm 30 and haven't had one. Never seriously looked because I need to work on myself first.
     
  9. Rah Brown

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    This actually didn't happen until after college. When I was free to do whatever I wanted.

    [​IMG]
     
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  10. KritiKal Analysis

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    Hmmm...my first REAL boyfriend...I was 36. That relationship taught me that when I look for someone who is independent (one of the boxes that I try to have checked on my list of things I look for in a dude), I really mean that doesn't mean someone who has his own car or even home (even though that helps), but that they have their own money. I don't mind picking my dude up and even bringing him back to my home, but I shouldn't have to pay for dinner, movie, and the drinks too.
     
  11. Tyroc

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    I was 19 and was hooking up/hanging out with a dude I didn't know was a crackhead at the time.
    We ran into an old friend of his who invited us over and as we entered into the dark apartment, my eyes locked with a half dressed dude coming out of a bathroom and I felt the arrow strike me.
    The four of us started to all hang together for about a month or three and while the dude I was talking to and his friend were getting higher, the friends dude and I were talking and getting to know each better.

    One day he was leaving the foursome to head off to work early and I left about 20 minutes later. To my surprise he was still at the train station, waiting in anticipation because he knew that I also had to leave soon.

    We started to get closer, hanging out on our own and one day when the other two were at their highest, we walked out and off together and spent the next 10 years together until situations separated us as a couple.
     
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  12. Discordant

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    I was 27 he was 21. The big lessons I learned were:

    1) Age is more than just a number; the emotional maturity and psychological developmental levels actually do make a difference. The same goes with where you are professionally.

    2) I have a stronger emotional and physiological reaction to bottoming than topping.

    3) Just because you love each other, doesn't mean you're right for each other.

    4) I have a slight hero complex.

    5) If a person's ENTIRE circle of gay friends are people they've had some type of sexual encounter with, run fast!

    6) Never date anyone who makes you feel like you have to parent them.
     
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  13. Coltrane

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    Hey guys,

    I'm a longtime lurker and this is my first post! The podcasts and the site have been invaluable to me since the old Discreet City days. Thank you to @ockydub and @Nick Delmacy for creating this space for us.

    Anyway, I accepted my myself as a black gay man much later than expected and only had my first real boyfriend at 42 (6 months ago). He was the sales guy at a men's clothing store who helped my while I was shopping and then slipped me his card with his number. We dated for almost 6 months and a lot of it was great. Finally being in a relationship with a man (I was in an opposite sex marriage for more than a decade) was eye opening. Being with a man felt right and it was what I had been missing all those years. But our age difference (he's 26 and I'm 42) and being in such different places in our lives (career, financially, etc) proved to be a huge challenge.
    This first relationship really helped confirm what I want in a relationship: a fellow masculine black man, intellectual, 30+, financially independent with an established career.
     
  14. OckyDub

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    Thanks for the support and leaving a reply to this thread. Welcome and we hope to read more from you!
    :sass1:
     
  15. scooter

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    I was 24 living in B-more. We were together for a year and half even got engaged. However, I eventually called the engagement off because I couldn't really come to terms with marrying him not really knowing if he was the man I was suppose to be with. We stopped speaking for three years due to the breakup, but at the end of the day I feel as if I made the right decision. I believe he's married to the guy he's with now, I'm very happy for both him and his partner.
     
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  16. grownman

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    Wheeew! You called me out BIG TIME.
    1,3 and 6. (Especially 6).

    I wanted to be parented. I payed my share of the bills. I worked but he actually was handling the business. I would give him the money and expect him to handle it all. I didn't cook, wash clothes or anything that required me to lift more than a finger(no pun intended-avatar) until he couldn't take it and went off on me big time. Yeah, the struggle was real.
     
    #16 grownman, Jan 10, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2016
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  17. grownman

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    I had my first and only at 29. We met on BGC of all places. I had a pic of me sitting on the couch and he responded that he had the same couch at his place. We met at a local park and hit it off. It lasted 5yrs. I ended it because I knew that I loved him-but not in love. Their is a difference.
     
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  18. hannibal

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    I've actually never had a long term boyfriend. I'm 33. Pray for me.
     
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  19. Jaa

    Jaa
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    LOL. That's a memorable opening line.
     
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  20. African King

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    I'm 26 and in the same situation lol
     
  21. NickAuzenneNOLA

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    I was 21 in college, several months before graduation I met this guy that I just developed a platonic friendship with. He was like my at work brother or in class friend but we barely if ever hung out outside of those scenarios. So he low key checked me about how if we are boys why do we only hang out at work or in class. For some reason I felt convicted by that so that day at work I took him to lunch at Ruby Tuesday's which was across the street paid and everything and let him know it wasn't any embarrassed to be seen with him shit or anything, he wasn't noticeably SGL but was very much so out, the next day he took me to lunch and the following I took him etc after a while that just became our routine.

    To my ignorance before I knew it we were going out on dates and I never put it together that that's exactly what they were. So we were getting to know one another deeper and deeper and I developed these feelings of attachment and felt the need to protect him and all of that.

    Again he took the first step and shot me a text essentially saying he needed me to pick him up from his second job and that he had something for me, I get up get dressed go pick him up and he hands me this 6 page letter and asked that I don't read it til I get home. I'm like uhhh ok nigga....

    The letter expressed some deep feelings that resonated with me and concluded with him saying he can't be my platonic friend anymore because he loves me and you know what for the first time I felt OK saying I romantically loved another man as well. I drive back to his crib walking in with a mug and he's looking nervous I guess not knowing what I was going to do and I snap like yo you're going to break up our bond via a letter? He starts to explain and I just went ahead and kissed him.

    I told him I don't know how this shit works but if I was ever going to try to find out it would be with him and for the next 2 years we were together everyday he was my inspiration to come out as bisexual to my parents, friends etc and although ultimately that relationship did end I swear I have no regrets because it let me know I can love a man the same way I naturally loved a woman and that was just as natural and just as valuable and essential to who I am.
     
    #21 NickAuzenneNOLA, Jan 10, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2016
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  22. Dr. Strange

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    Nice stories so far. I have none to share unfortunately.
     
  23. African King

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    I admire the guy for putting himself out there to you @NickAuzenneNOLA. This reads like a novel lol. I liked the story and thanks for sharing.

    I think it goes to show that you don't have to go looking for love because it finds you.
     
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  24. Jaa

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    That's a nice sentiment and some love stories do begin do have fairly spontaneous, coincidental origins, but it seems to oversimplify matters a bit. One or both parties need to be willing to put themselves out on a limb, possibly getting declined in the process , and finding love is often assisted by placing oneself in situations that feature more potential suitors. In Nick's story, love may have not been found friend put himself out there with the letter. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, but "love finds you" sounds kinda like a romance tagline. In fact, it's the name of a series of romance novels. But maybe I'm overthinking this because you've probably recognized these things already, and though I think finding love requires a bit of effort it is true that you can't just execute a plan with an 100% certainty of success. For many, it's more like putting yourself in a position where you're available and then relying a bit on chance and circumstance.
     
    #24 Jaa, Jan 10, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2016
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  25. African King

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    LOL maybe just a tad bit!

    But at the end of the day, I think about different men I've come across in my life that wanted time from me when in college but I had tunnel vision. I was 100% school, work and extracurriculars. But enough with the tangential chat from me... I will have my own story soon. My path is my own and everyone else's path is his own.
     
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  26. cypher21

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    ...………that was such a sweet story...every part of it, I don't even need to know how it ends...w-what? Shuddup I'm not crying...my eyes are just leaking...
    [​IMG]
     
  27. Dr. Strange

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    Hmm, not to sound like a debbie. While it was a lovely anecdote, "love finding you" is pretty rare. If love were as simple as waiting then everyone would wait.
     
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  28. Jai

    Jai I'm honing in on my inner freak.
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    I didn't have a bf until I was 24.....I didn't become intimate until many years later.

    Never dated in High School...sadly.
     
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  29. madmoral

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    24. And he's still here for some reason lol. We even got a damn dog.
     
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  30. BlackguyExecutive

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    I had my first declared boyfriend when I was 19 he was 21...he taught me a lot about everything, he was fearless and I admired that. I often think of him as the one that got away but when I really think about it, our timing was off. They say you always remember your first love and I say that is 100 percent true.

    This guy was eccentric to say the least and his moments of southern flamboyance always made me scared but at the same time it forced me to face my truth and I am grateful for that. We are still friends today and I am watching him live his dreams in the fashion world, I will always have someone to make me a good suit.
     
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  31. cypher21

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    Me too :francis:
     
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  32. JodyBell87

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    I was 21. He was my friend and confidant. We did everything together. Partied, drank, traveled. We had a lot of fun. He got me a diamond ring on our 1 year anniversary. Thought he was the man I was going to marry.......but you can't marry a man who is not out to his family when you are. It doesn't make sense. He's the first & only man I've ever been IN LOVE with. Luckily, we are still cool today.
     
  33. bisonboy

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    Still waiting on the first REAL boyfriend thing.

    When I was in middle school I had a friend that I messed around with here and there when we linked up and talked to each other on the phone occasionally, but I wouldn't call him a boyfriend looking back. Well technically you could call him a "boyfriend" if you are being literal which most times I am, but its not what the present me would call a REAL RELATIONSHIP. It was just two horny teenagers connecting physically and trying to make something out of it, when there was nothing really there to it other than our bodies.
     
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  34. Sean P

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    I was 29.

    That relationship taught me:

    Trying to be another adult's everything will eventually take its toll on the relationship;
    The energy required to sustain a relationship with a man was different than what was required for my relationships with women (As men, we need to nurture each other's emotional needs. It doesn't come naturally simply because we are the same sex.);
    Loving another person is different than being in love with that person; and
    Love alone can't sustain a healthy relationship. They require work and flexibility as each partner grows in the context of the relationship.
     
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  35. cuspofbeauty

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    it taught me that it takes a lot of work to maintain relationship
     
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