Best Posts in Thread: How Old Were You When You Had Your First REAL Boyfriend?

I was 21 in college, several months before graduation I met this guy that I just developed a platonic friendship with. He was like my at work brother or in class friend but we barely if ever hung out outside of those scenarios. So he low key checked me about how if we are boys why do we only hang out at work or in class. For some reason I felt convicted by that so that day at work I took him to lunch at Ruby Tuesday's which was across the street paid and everything and let him know it wasn't any embarrassed to be seen with him shit or anything, he wasn't noticeably SGL but was very much so out, the next day he took me to lunch and the following I took him etc after a while that just became our routine.

To my ignorance before I knew it we were going out on dates and I never put it together that that's exactly what they were. So we were getting to know one another deeper and deeper and I developed these feelings of attachment and felt the need to protect him and all of that.

Again he took the first step and shot me a text essentially saying he needed me to pick him up from his second job and that he had something for me, I get up get dressed go pick him up and he hands me this 6 page letter and asked that I don't read it til I get home. I'm like uhhh ok nigga....

The letter expressed some deep feelings that resonated with me and concluded with him saying he can't be my platonic friend anymore because he loves me and you know what for the first time I felt OK saying I romantically loved another man as well. I drive back to his crib walking in with a mug and he's looking nervous I guess not knowing what I was going to do and I snap like yo you're going to break up our bond via a letter? He starts to explain and I just went ahead and kissed him.

I told him I don't know how this shit works but if I was ever going to try to find out it would be with him and for the next 2 years we were together everyday he was my inspiration to come out as bisexual to my parents, friends etc and although ultimately that relationship did end I swear I have no regrets because it let me know I can love a man the same way I naturally loved a woman and that was just as natural and just as valuable and essential to who I am.

 

Hey guys,

I'm a longtime lurker and this is my first post! The podcasts and the site have been invaluable to me since the old Discreet City days. Thank you to @ockydub and @Nick Delmacy for creating this space for us.

Anyway, I accepted my myself as a black gay man much later than expected and only had my first real boyfriend at 42 (6 months ago). He was the sales guy at a men's clothing store who helped my while I was shopping and then slipped me his card with his number. We dated for almost 6 months and a lot of it was great. Finally being in a relationship with a man (I was in an opposite sex marriage for more than a decade) was eye opening. Being with a man felt right and it was what I had been missing all those years. But our age difference (he's 26 and I'm 42) and being in such different places in our lives (career, financially, etc) proved to be a huge challenge.
This first relationship really helped confirm what I want in a relationship: a fellow masculine black man, intellectual, 30+, financially independent with an established career.

 

I was 15. He was 17. High School. Being in a relationship as a teenager is one of the whackiest, craziest, hormonal feelings ever. When we first became intimate, I realized how inaccurate and unrealistic porn really was. I remember after the first time, I felt like I did something wrong and just sat there without saying anything. That had more to do with internalized homophobia than anything else.

I learned that gossip spreads fast in high school. People can be messy. I was outed soon after. But I also learned that most people didn't really care.

I learned that I would never have the same feelings for a girl as I did with a guy. When I dated girls, everything felt robotic. I didn't know when I was supposed to kiss her or what I should do to her. With a guy, there was still a learning curve, but everything felt more natural.

I also learned that it's normal to really reflect what's going on. I found myself thinking things like, "Wow, I'm actually kissing a dude. He has a mustache." lol.

Basically, it's a unique and interesting learning experience.

 

24. And he's still here for some reason lol. We even got a damn dog.

 

...………that was such a sweet story...every part of it, I don't even need to know how it ends...w-what? Shuddup I'm not crying...my eyes are just leaking...

 

I've actually never had a long term boyfriend. I'm 33. Pray for me.

 

I was 19 and was hooking up/hanging out with a dude I didn't know was a crackhead at the time.
We ran into an old friend of his who invited us over and as we entered into the dark apartment, my eyes locked with a half dressed dude coming out of a bathroom and I felt the arrow strike me.
The four of us started to all hang together for about a month or three and while the dude I was talking to and his friend were getting higher, the friends dude and I were talking and getting to know each better.

One day he was leaving the foursome to head off to work early and I left about 20 minutes later. To my surprise he was still at the train station, waiting in anticipation because he knew that I also had to leave soon.

We started to get closer, hanging out on our own and one day when the other two were at their highest, we walked out and off together and spent the next 10 years together until situations separated us as a couple.

 

I'm 30 and haven't had one. Never seriously looked because I need to work on myself first.

 

I was 21. He was my friend and confidant. We did everything together. Partied, drank, traveled. We had a lot of fun. He got me a diamond ring on our 1 year anniversary. Thought he was the man I was going to marry.......but you can't marry a man who is not out to his family when you are. It doesn't make sense. He's the first & only man I've ever been IN LOVE with. Luckily, we are still cool today.

 

I was 27 he was 21. The big lessons I learned were:

1) Age is more than just a number; the emotional maturity and psychological developmental levels actually do make a difference. The same goes with where you are professionally.

2) I have a stronger emotional and physiological reaction to bottoming than topping.

3) Just because you love each other, doesn't mean you're right for each other.

4) I have a slight hero complex.

5) If a person's ENTIRE circle of gay friends are people they've had some type of sexual encounter with, run fast!

6) Never date anyone who makes you feel like you have to parent them.

 

Hmmm...my first REAL boyfriend...I was 36. That relationship taught me that when I look for someone who is independent (one of the boxes that I try to have checked on my list of things I look for in a dude), I really mean that doesn't mean someone who has his own car or even home (even though that helps), but that they have their own money. I don't mind picking my dude up and even bringing him back to my home, but I shouldn't have to pay for dinner, movie, and the drinks too.

 

This actually didn't happen until after college. When I was free to do whatever I wanted.