I’m 35, Gay and Terrified I’ll Be Single Forever

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by OckyDub, Sep 28, 2016.

  1. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    As a gay man, the older I get, the more afraid I am nobody will want me.

    Honestly, I can’t believe I’m sharing this with you – let alone typing it on my desktop. There’s no easy way to do this I guess but just blurt it out.

    I’m a 35-year old gay man who is terrified of being single forever.

    That may seem like a silly thing to say. But reading it on my desktop now makes it even more real. Honest to God, with each passing day, it feels like my worst fears are coming true.

    I guess what sparked my anxiety is a recent comment a friend from yester-year made to me when we ran into each other at a bar.

    “I can’t believe you’re still single!”

    Has anyone ever told you that? Did it make you feel like crap? I’m sure there was no malice intended behind those words but they cut like a knife just the same. My mind translates it into: Why haven’t you got your s*hit together yet?

    The older I get, the more alone I feel. Whenever I look around, another one of my friends is getting married. And if they aren’t getting hitched, they are at least involved with someone.

    Some are gay and some are straight but all of them have somebody.

    All of them – except for me.

    Can I be honest with you? What really scares the crap out of me is that I’m not getting any younger. When I was in my 20’s, I could attract guys like a magnet. Now-a-days, when a guy looks my way, it’s a rarity.

    Back then, I used to believe it when people would say, “Don’t rush into anything – one day the right guy will come along.”

    I keep wondering when “someday” will arrive.

    Please don’t think I’m whining. I love my life. I have a strong set of friends, a great dog and a wonderful family. And it’s not like I don’t put myself out there. I totally do!

    I’m on OK Cupid, Match, Hornet and even a few of the hook up apps for good measure. I go to gay related charity events and am no stranger to the bars.

    But it just seems like each time I start seeing a guy, it goes nowhere. Oh sure, we might go out on a few dates and have some laughs. But after a while, things fizzle out.

    A lot of the guys I meet are just flakes – looking for “someone better” I guess. It sucks because I’m one of those gays who truly wants to be in a relationship and build something special, like a family, you know?

    [​IMG]

    I don’t think I’m ugly either. I may not turn everyone’s head when I walk into a room but I’m not hideous. Just an average looking gay man who tries to take care of himself.

    Is it just me or does it seem like once you get into your middle 30’s, the pressure to couple up starts mounting. Kind of like a ticking alarm clock that you know will eventually go off and scream: Times up!

    I’ve had boyfriends in the past. Some relationships went on longer than others. Does 2-years count as “long term?” Because that’s my high point.

    I guess my biggest fear now is that nobody is going to want to date an aging gay who has little history of “being” with someone.

    You want honesty right. I’m giving it to you.

    And it’s not like I’m horrible in bed or anything. The guys I’ve been with certainly haven’t complained. Without being graphic, I’m pretty versatile. I recognize that sex is an important part of most relationships.

    But having sex and making love are two different things. I so badly want someone to top me like that give a s*hit, not like I’m some cheap piece of trade.

    I’m tired of hooking up with men who are sexual robots; men who wouldn’t know real passion if it hit them on the head. I want a man who wants love. A man who can be vulnerable. Someone who wants to love back.

    Maybe it’s me. Perhaps my expectations are just messed up. All I require is authenticity and a desire to let someone in. That’s what I try to do when I’ve met other men.

    But it’s not turning out that way.

    All I keep finding are guys who are looking for “the one”. They have it in their mind that it’s got to be a “match” on the first date – period.

    Doesn’t it take more than just one cup of coffee or one meal to get to know somebody?

    In a few weeks it will be my 36th birthday. In gaydom, that doesn’t make me “ancient” but I am creeping towards “older”. What’s sick about it is that in the straight world, 36 is considered young.

    WTF am I going to do if I’m still single at 40? Will other gay men think I’m toxic because I’m still “available”? Deep inside, I kind bet that’s exactly what they’ll think.

    I’m not giving up. Hopefully, I’ll meet someone soon. But the clock is ticking.

    I’m 35, Gay and Terrified I’ll Be Single Forever - Gay Pop Buzz
     
    #1 OckyDub, Sep 28, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2016
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  2. alton

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    "All I keep finding are guys who are looking for “the one”. They have it in their mind that it’s got to be a “match” on the first date – period."
    That's how it is nowadays bruh, if you don't match the image on that "laundry list", then you not worth the effort...unless it's just a f%$k.

    "Doesn’t it take more than just one cup of coffee or one meal to get to know somebody?"
    Nope...Not with Social Media, and not if it's just to f$%k LOL


    "In a few weeks it will be my 36th birthday. In gaydom, that doesn’t make me “ancient”... "
    Yes it does...sorry LMAO

    [​IMG]

    "WTF am I going to do if I’m still single at 40?"
    Same sh!t you doin' now, at 35....beat that d!ck, continue hookin' up {carefully} wit rando's, live ya life and do you until someone compatible and deserving of you comes along. Might happen, might not...you ain't gon' die if it doesn't. LOL
     
    #2 alton, Sep 28, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 28, 2016
  3. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    :dead1::bronbad::babylawd::sabu:
     
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  4. Lancer

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    In my opinion people have to come to the realization that they will never find someone to share their life with, if that is what they are searching for. They will hope all their life to find that someone, however they will die searching.
    [​IMG]
    When one stops hoping for that special one and just lives life to the fullest, I do think it opens other ways of self awareness and realizations. It is a hard process of acceptance, easily said than done, however I feel it will relieve unnecessary burdens we have placed on ourselves. Also we are not promised long term love, and I am always reminded of that by this video;
     
  5. ControlledXaos

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    You stoopid! OMG! Lolololol
     
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  6. BlackExcellence

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    #dead
     
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  7. ColumbusGuy

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    I wanted to comment but every thing I kept writing I kept deleting because it was too depressing so I won't comment except to say why I am not commenting.

    * I always buy that day old bread and manager's special shit-that stuff is usually still good fuck what people think I like a bargain.
     
  8. BlackguyExecutive

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    All the more reason to diversify. There are literally 3 to 4 billion men on this planet 15% of them are nonheterosexual. If you looking for someone that fits you they are out there. Diversify the portfolio. Adjust/Modify those standards. Give people a chance to make a meaningful impression. Life is not always about instant gratification.
     
    #8 BlackguyExecutive, Sep 29, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2016
  9. alton

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    Diversify...diversify....diversify...

    I always say there are TOO many beautiful a$$ dudes of ALL different Race/Nationality/Ethnicities wandering this earth to be pigeon holed to only one or two. smh
     
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  10. African King

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    I like this. It is true though. I'm learning this.
     
  11. SB3

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    :dead1::dead::deadmanny:
     
  12. BlackExcellence

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    Well on a serious tip I've had those thoughts before but I've reached a point of being happy no matter what happens.
     
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  13. LeMignon

    LeMignon Sith Lord
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    upload_2016-10-1_6-17-47.jpeg
     
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  14. NikR

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    tumblr_nc0d63x8PE1r2pp2to1_250.gif

    lmao what a frigging mess.

    Ok, but how often are we the authors of our own misfortune? Really people - y'all are still searching for "the one?" Seriously?! Please. There's no f*cking such thing! There are great, good, adequate and bad matches- that's it! That 27.5 yr-old, independently wealthy, nonelitist, cool AF, Kaytranada-listening, 5' 10.5", multilingual, world-travelling, gourmet-cooking, hilariously gregarious, generous and thoughtful attending neurosurgeon who has weekends off and juuust so happens to be the power bottom that you've always dreamed of? He's doesn't exist! Or he's vers. Surpriiissse mofo! Which means he's a no go. And I'm sure there have been a plethora of other opportunities overlooked. I'm pretty new at this but... when you have a good match, why not take it? But hey, we live in a world where we know the cost of everything and the value of nothing. And we certainly don't value each other.

    This is the reason why I'm becoming more and more open about my sexuality to my straight friends. Now instead of 2 eyes and one brain, I've got many. They know me, they know my character, they know I'm open to trying and who might be a good match. I trust them. And all this happens while I keep working on making myself the guy I wanna meet. And having fun. And if all that fails, I'll be 35 in 7 years. I'll get a dog or something.
     
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  15. DFW Brutha

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    eh...being booed up is overrated

    [​IMG]
     
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  16. SB3

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    This is EXACTLY why i hate u and we don't invite u to the get togethers!
     
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  17. SB3

    SB3 is a Featured MemberSB3
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    This guy sounds tragic. I will NEVER complain again...
     
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  18. DC.

    DC.
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    I have so much respect for Ocky after expressing this side of himself because I'm sure he's not the only one on here feeling such a way. It definitely pulled on my heartstrings reading this. And I honestly wish I had some great advice to bestow upon ocky as to what could be a resolution for him.

    And while I do understand it's important to be independent and have an identity outside of our relationships, friendships, family and even career, I believe there's that sense of community and belonging that is within all of us one way or another and I don't care what anyone says. And truth be told it's quite healthy .

    Now while I realize some people on here may not be too keen on relationships I think It's important to realize though that it is important to the the one who posted and started this thread "Ocky" so it's important to take that into consideration. Because for some people maybe they feel their career and other aspects of their life is where they want it to be and are now ready to focus on romantic relationships or vice versa. But diversifying our options is also important although I don't know if ocky has or hasn't done that already. But I know for me I'm always open to dating other races etc. because at the end of the day I don't have to be with a black man just a man where we're good for each other and also balance out each other as well.
     
  19. SB3

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    Hope ur well man, but this isn't @Ockydub story. He has been atypically gay baed up for several years.
     
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  20. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    This shit be funny as hell when folks think I wrote the articles because I started the thread.
     
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  21. Shon

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    SAY THAT!!!!!
     
  22. ColumbusGuy

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    It used to bother the sh#t out of me when you would start threads and it would be kind of hard to tell at first if it was you writing it or it was from somewhere else(sometimes no links or hard to see, etc). Now it is just amusing to me as well.

    Anyway...

    Some people have the 'more fish in the sea' idea when in reality given what they want, there is no sea, no gulf, no bight or bay, but just a small(and rather shallow) pond. If you have much going for you, are in your prime, and have been at it for a while, and especially if you live in NYC or Atlanta where there are tons of gay men(not pointing fingers at anyone lol), and you are not having luck, you probably will continue to not have luck unless you change things up. You will likely(like most gay men!) end up ultimately single. There are worse things in the world. Single does not have to mean alone, lonely, sad, unfulfilled, dejected, without a sex life, with nobody to be intimate with, etc.* Make the best of YOU and put yourself out there and continue to see what happens. Much of it is luck. You may get lucky, maybe not. Ultimately nobody is entitled to 'have' another person-nobody is entitled to 'love' or 'partnership' and if you get that, enjoy it and make the most of it, because if you get it, there is not guarantee that is will last forever...because it won't-even the 'happy ever after' is a lie-somebody is going to die first and someone will be left in sorrow.



    My parents have been married nearly 61 years...they are 84 and 89. It is not going to end well. It cannot-unless they die together at the same time. That is life. enjoy what you have while you have it.
    When I talk to them I try to focus on the good lives they have had and stress how lucky they are to have had the lives together that they have had. I am getting ready for how it will be not to far off from now...

    *lol...I am most of those things-but that does not mean you have to follow my sorry example!!!
     
  23. DC.

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    I honestly thought the article was about Ocky. I guess for future references it would help for him to specify whether it's about him or not lol
     
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