I met my girlfriend’s parents – and realised I once slept with her father.

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by Lancer, Mar 15, 2019.

  1. Lancer

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    Five years ago, I went through a bi phase and used to sleep around with pretty much everyone that came along, including other men. This changed when I fell in love with my new partner, who is everything to me. I recently met her parents and halfway through lunch realised that I had slept with her father. I was going to propose, but when my partner and her mother were away, he told me to end it with his daughter. I’m obviously in love – shall I just ignore him, or tell my partner?

    Answer ( via The Guardians Pamela Stephenson Connolly, a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders):
    I am not sure you could ever have a comfortable future with your new partner. To tell the truth would be to court disaster: a probable break-up, plus the risk of a permanent rift between father and daughter and father and wife. Hiding the truth would lead to toxic secret-keeping that could be equally destructive in the long run. If this whole family was as open-minded and sexually open as you, it might be possible for you to become part of it. However, the father – your former lover – has made it clear that you will not be welcome. Walk away now, and avoid the massive pain that would otherwise be inflicted on your partner, her family and yourself.
     
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  2. Krimsonic_

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    That’s a tough situation. I wouldn’t even know what to do lol. No matter what you do in this situation it’s a lose-lose. Maybe walking away would do the least damage. It would suck on your part, but I doubt you’d be able to coexist happily if you stayed around.
     
  3. Lancer

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    If this was the case with a dude I was with I would have to let him go. That's because dating dudes can be/is very ''messy''. Then you add to the fact that I had once hooked up with his dad!?! NAH, IT HAS TO END!
    Even if his dad didn't say a word to me and I got the gentleman's signal that we should never talk about it, knowing me, it would eat me up. If we were having sex, my mind will be like 'Does he sound like his dad did?' 'Is his dick/ass bigger than his dad?', 'Who gives head better?'
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    NO! SORRY IT HAS TO END!
    It would hurt me though, cos finding a dude one is compatible with, and loves you enough to introduce you to his parents is extremely difficult. However, in the long run I would know my decision was for the best.
     
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  4. Sean P

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    See... There’s a reason I don’t write an advice column. I would have told the dude to respond to the soon to be father-in-law as follows: “I wasn’t dating your daughter or anyone else when I dicked you down. You, on the other hand, were married with a child. If you say something, you damage three relationships. We don’t have to be friends, but we are ‘bout to be in-laws. You better learn to grin and bear it.”
     
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  5. ControlledXaos

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    Exactly. This dude got a whole wife at home. He was the one stepping out. I am all for bisexuality but I'm doubtful Daddy in Law to be was open about it.

    Throwing away a relationship you've personally invested years in over a 45 min hookup just doesn't seem worth it to me. If you end it there is no way to break it off without looking like a complete ass.
     
  6. Lancer

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    @ControlledXaos @Sean P see, I feel that is something the dad should be left to deal with by himself. One getting into it, is just creates mess in my opinion. If things eventually come out, you will be viewed as one who came to destroy the family.
     
  7. ControlledXaos

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    IDK. I mean I have played it cool around people who I have had sex with and kept it moving. It's only as weird as you make it. Clearly Daddy is paranoid. That's his problem. If anything he should have just told him to "be cool " I mean what would he gain by telling his fiancé he messed with her dad?
     
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  8. Lancer

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    Nothing, but I think way down the line it will somehow come up(these type of things always do). I mean do folks go into marriages with such weighty secrets?
    Maybe its just my paranoia getting the best of me lol
     
  9. Lancer

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    Question, If I was serious with a dude and I realized that I used to hookup with his good friend i.e his friend was one of my regulars.
    Do I tell him or just shut up?
     
  10. ControlledXaos

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    He probably already knows in that situation?

    I mean if Daddy and dude freaked on the reg that is one thing but if he was a Rando? I'd not be worried.that's just me tho.
     
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  11. Mrmack8913

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    He should end it immediately. What's done in the dark always comes to light. Granted the father messy because clearly he's married. That said when shit hits the fan (and it will) dude will get the boot because he new to this and they been family. Like someone already said he'll get the blame for ruining the family. Yall crazy if you think he can keep his mouth shut and it be ok. That never ends well.
     
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  12. itsumoconfused

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    Yeah from the sound of the story it sounded like a long term investment kind of thing, right?

    I say stfu and keep it moving personally lol
     
  13. ControlledXaos

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    I just think it's too easy say you're going to break it off with someone you allegedly care about like a light switch. Your emotions won't let you do that without consequences. If that's the case this guy should definitely get some counseling before getting involved with someone else because he will need to work through a grief processing session.
     
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  14. Mrmack8913

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    It wouldn't be easy and it's a tough situation for overall. I'm just making the case that keeping it secret does no one any favors. Its shady actually. And not a good foundation for the relationship. It's also selfish on both the father and the guys part. Like I said something like that would eventually come out in the wash which is worse in the long run.
     
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  15. Lancer

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    Folks need to go watch the movie '45 Years' by Gay director Andrew Haigh.
     
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