Looking for the Come Up

I'm confused... what exactly makes you think he is trying to be on the "come up" or ride "coat tails"?

Besides that, I don't see anything wrong with the situation personally. Many older (not old) men like younger men, don't mind paying their way or taking care of them. Gay men with no family can have a sense of being a bread winner and taking care of home but keeping, lusting after and sponsoring a younger man. Would I do it, Hell No...but let it be. I don't see the harm.

 

Yeah I'm unclear on exactly how this dude is taking advantage of your friend. Is he paying for the dude's college books or tuition? Clothes? Car?

Or is he actually just making your friend happy yet you (maybe selfishly) think he can do better?

One man's trash is another man's treasure...and one man's "quality dude" is another man's boring ex-boyfriend.

 

I guess my answer is "not enough information given."

The bf is new, you only met him once, and we don't know much about what his current career and accomplishments and goals are.


But for all we know your boy probably just wanna get some and that's working for him. =) Lest you forget, it is Cuffing Season after all.

 

I usually can tell when I'm compatible with living without someone if it ever came to it after staying overnight with them a few times every often or so across a few months. However actually doing it is a big step. I couldn't see myself doing that until after least two years passed. I really believe you have to know someone across seasonal changes but it could work for him.

You know lesbians have a tendency to move in with each other in a matter of minutes. Lol

But if he's being treated right, with respect, and they are compatible then talking about world event's doesn't mean he isn't a good match. He was probably intimidated by Y'all tho.

 

Yeah dude, I'm pretty big on first impressions too. If you fuck up that first impression, I'm going to think back to that every time I see you. Maybe give him another chance though. He could have been having an off day or maybe feeling under the weather.

 

As a rule, I stay out of other peoples relationships, PERIOD.

In the initial post It seems to focus on judging the boyfriend by someone elses personal standards. The 1st pqrt of the post was pedigree and accomplishments. There is so much more to life than that.

Shouldn't we judge in that situation or try getting know who the guy is and what he is about. I like to think I am intelligent, but if you start talking about the South China Sea, I would get quiet too.

 

Does your friend normally date people that can keep with current events and intellectual discussions? Maybe he's drawn to him because his personality contrasts with his own. He might not be as informed or outwardly intelligent, but he could have other positive qualities that aren't so apparent. He could just be fun to be around, a breath of fresh air compared to your friend's more scholarly crew.

And yeah, I'd say I'm somewhat intelligent and kinda keep up with current events (though I hadn't heard about the South China Sea until I googled it after your mention), but I might remain a fairly quiet observer when first meeting my partner's older, smart friends too. Maybe he can't hold his own in these types of conversations, but he and your friend vibe in a variety of other situations. I think you should be the diplomat, at least until you have more concrete evidence that this relationship is problematic. Even if the guy is an opportunistic dullard, you may not be able to change your boy's mind if he's enjoying himself. He may like the "smart and established older guy, young and dumb but well meaning guy" dynamic.