Lose Yourself

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by Nigerian Prince, Oct 24, 2015.

  1. Nigerian Prince

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    I remember talking with a group of older white gay men at a seminar I went to and many of them spoke about their past relationships and how they lost themselves. They touched on how they made their life all about satisfying their partner while putting their hopes, dreams and desires to the side.

    Have any of you ever felt like you lost yourself in a relationship? If so, why or why not?

    What other important life lessons did you gather from your past relationship experiences?
     
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  2. BlackguyExecutive

    BlackguyExecutive Je suis diplomate
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    I think this is the BIGGEST issue in relationships in general but gay relationships in particular. Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you lose your ability to be authentically yourself. I see this all the time, couples get together and somehow become one person. WE NEED TO STOP THAT. It is important for people to have individual lives. People should have their own hopes and dreams, aspirations, and interests.

    I learned that you need to be with someone that compliments you. My last relationship before the one I am in now ended because we were basically at two fundamentally different stages in our lives. He was about 5 years younger than me at the time and I was young (age 25). We had fun but I was ready to experience a different step in life both socially and professionally and we broke up because of that.
     
    #2 BlackguyExecutive, Oct 27, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2015
  3. ControlledXaos

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    I did just this.

    I could write a book. But I won't.

    I'll just say it happens to the best of us.

    It's important to learn how to keep everything in balance. Don't try to shape into what you think the person wants, always let your goals and expectations be known, know what's their goals and expectations are, and be your self.

    Being in the same stage of life is very important. If you are both in school... Problem.

    If one of you is settled in a career and the other is about to take off into thiers and a relocation is possible... Problem.

    You make poor financial descions but they seem to be on top of things and have a budget and your are Live For Today.... Problem.

    Just a few things to consider.
     
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  4. Kouncelor

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    It is not just about gay relationships...it is any relationships. long story short, I allowed my light to be dimmned (lost my self) and sacrificed career opportunities, friends,and some family...until I woke up and realized that that dedication was not appreciated nor reciprocated. When you lose who you are, you are no longer the person your spouse started with. It does not matter whether you changes yourself or your spouse changed you...same result.

    That was some time ago. Now, I approach relationships as an partnership...a collaboration where balancing and negotiating is an active "participant."

    It is a struggle...especialy when you fall in love and want to do everything to please..but obviously, by the successful relationships out there, it can work.
     
  5. Kouncelor

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    It is not just about gay relationships...it is any relationships. long story short, I allowed my light to be dimmned (lost my self) and sacrificed career opportunities, friends,and some family...until I woke up and realized that that dedication was not appreciated nor reciprocated. When you lose who you are, you are no longer the person your spouse started with. It does not matter whether you changed yourself or your spouse changed you...same result.

    That was some time ago. Now, I approach relationships as an partnership...a collaboration where balancing and negotiating is an active "participant."

    It is a struggle...especialy when you fall in love and want to do everything to please..but obviously, by the successful relationships out there, it can work.
     
  6. Nigerian Prince

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    Some very insightful replies. From the inside looking in, it is hard to tell but you live and you learn.
     
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