Meeting The Parents.

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by Lancer, Jan 12, 2017.

  1. Lancer

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    So a friend of mine meet, started dating, moved in together with his new boyfriend in the period of less than a year. First off, I was very hesitant for him to even move in with him and asked him if he was really sure he wanted to do it? His reply was ''When you know, you know'', so I let him be. Then last month he met the Parents of his boyfriend. This for me was all moving too fast, but I did not say anything because my friend was SO nervous and I did not want to add extra stress to the situation. His boyfriend is very cool though, we get along so well, like the same music, food and get each others jokes much more than my friend does. My friend even jokes that we must be hooking up behind his back cos our chemistry is very good.
    My question is if you were dating a guy what time period would you meet the Parents?
     
    #1 Lancer, Jan 12, 2017
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2017
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  2. Lancer

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    I will go first. Let say in an alternate universe were my parents knew I was Gay, did not disown me, call me a cursed child and tell me I was going to burn in Hell. Then I would say about 2 years, before I would even entertain the thought of bringing him around any of my siblings, let alone my parents. Even if I had to, I will bring him around casually as a guest to a guest at a big random gathering, before I test the waters with my parents. lol
     
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  3. Nigerian Prince

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    My parents know but I know they do not care to meet anyone I will date in the future.
     
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  4. mojoreece

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    I agree I think you should at least know a dude at least for a 1 year or 2 before meeting the parents and family. So true @African King for a lot of us our parents don't totally agree with our "lifestyle" so the "meeting the parents" is not even an option for some.

    For me a bigger thing would be moving in together. I'm a little old school cause we either getting married or choosing a place together cause we both cant financially both have our own separate places. Cause I really enjoy having my own space lol.
     
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  5. Winston Smith

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    First, Spock could do waaaaaaaaaay better than Kirk.

    Second, I tend to look at moving in together through the jaundiced eyes of a legal professional. I know both gays and straights get all googly eyed when the pheromones are raging but living arrangements need to be in writing as well as expenses, etc. What happens when caught feelings get uncaught? Does your now-ex have tenant or resident rights under local or state law in case someone can't / won't immediately leave after the breakup? People get overly romantic and underly logically in these situations. Couples can decide for themselves when the right time to combine is, but I'm a firm believer that no further uglies get bumped until after everything is spelled out in writing.

    Otherwise, I cosign @mojoreece I need my own space. Also he's right about a year; you need to be able to look at someone at their worse and say, yeah I can still hang with this...
     
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  6. ControlledXaos

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    Am I the only one who's stuck here and tryna figure out why this came up and what this part has to do with the question?
     
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  7. Winston Smith

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    Supplemental; I read it as Lancer and his friend go way back, so his friend is glad that Lancer and the move-in boyfriend get along well, sort of like a straight person finding out that an old friend or sibling is cool with one's fiancé, so both your platonic and romantic relationships remain intact.
     
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  8. Je Ne Sais Quoi

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    Some of my best friends that I've had for YEARS still have yet to meet my mother. I am very careful about who I introduce to family. Plus my mom is 20x more boujie and judgmental than I am lol So it will take time for a guy to even be mentioned to my mother. He must be THE ONE if I'm going to sit through that awkward introduction
     
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  9. Champagne Papi

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    Don't understand the time restrictions. What's so special about a nigga after year one or two? Does the nigga start glowing or some shit, is that a sign that it's a green light on the parents?

    To answer the question, I don't think there's a certain time limit. You and your partner will both know when it's time to meet you lots parents; even if one knows quicker than the other. Two weeks or two years, ain't no "right time"...and we should stop looking for one yeh. Just play that shit out.
     
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  10. acessential

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    Co-sign with @Champagne_Papi. When you know, you know. Worst case scenario, y'all don't work out and your parents never see them again. So? I can see this being an issue if your parents grow overly attached to said person, but otherwise, life happens.

    From a personal standpoint, my parents are both pretty introverted, but they're friendly. If I bring anyone home, friend or romantic, they'll be open. My mom in particular will bend over backwards to give a good impression. Making sure they're fed, have a comfortable place to sleep, etc. Then again my parents both know and accept that I'm gay. (moreso my mom. Dad still has some hesitstion) So I'm sure I have an entirely different perspective.
     
  11. ControlledXaos

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    I don't think it's the length of time. I think it's more on the theory that if your relationship is of a certain age that you're likely to stay together after a certain point.

    If your family knows you're non heterosexual, then it may not be as much of a big deal as most people would think. I have a cousin who always had a new boyfriend every Thanksgiving for about 5 years until she got married. We talked about it of course but it wasn't that big of a deal.

    If you're closeted you probably want to deal with that first instead of springing that and your beau on your family at the same time though.

    My mom met one person I was dating and 2 actual boyfriends but I didn't introduce them to her as that since this was before me coming out to my family. So I'm definitely a fan of the "soft" meet up and just introducing them as your friend first but as mentioned, if your relationship doesn't work out then who cares if they have not bonded with your family in any meaningful way?
     
  12. Lancer

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    It was to show I have nothing against the bf.
     
  13. Lancer

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    This was also one of the issues I had with him moving in together so soon. He left his good apartment and they moved into a new one, had it put in both their names. I was worried.
     
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  14. BlackguyExecutive

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    This is an interesting question. I think meeting the parents should occur when the relationship turns serious and not simply a fling or hookup. I am very fortunate that I come from a good family that has always been genuinely interested in my romantic life. I remember the first time I brought my now husband to meet my family was about 4 years ago on Christmas. Prior to that, we had always celebrated family holidays separately. My husband was sorta offended that I never invited him over, so I was like get dressed up and let's go visit the family (which was quite literally everyone in my immediate family). I was nervous because I come from a family that doesn't like when you come over and you are acting shy and quiet. My mom broke the ice and offered him a drink and the rest is history.

    Although my Grandma and Aunt didn't come to our Wedding because "they just couldn't," they treat my husband with respect just like he is a family member. My grandma even made him his own bag of her famed Christmas Cookies this year. Last year we had to share a single bag.

    I think when your lives start merging together or if you are living together, it is important to meet the family (if that is, of course, possible).
     
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  15. Sean

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    So basically, a pre-nup to live together. Lol
     
  16. Winston Smith

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    Yes, my brutha, a pre nup for the pre nap.

    Lol, no. Nup is for Nuptials, meaning marriage. Now I know you've seen Judge Mathis or Judge Milian (People's Court). How many times have seen friends, lovers, family members on there (or in real life) for small amounts or the stupidest of shit? Now take those TV examples and multiple thousands of times in real small claims courts across America.

    Living together long enough is eventually a legal arrangement, whether married or shacking up, due to domicile, tenancy, and other issues. Some Air BnB folk found this out when they let people stay too long under their local laws, i.e. the boarder acquired tenancy rights. Now, If a couple divorce or are unmarried and living together and things go south, then what?

    (Couple breakup fight)
    "Mu'fuggah MY NAME is on the lease! Take your shit and GET OUT!"
    "OH YEAH? I paid HALF THE RENT for the last two years, I ain't going no muhfukkin where!"

    "And so on and so on and scooby dooby dooby..."

    And thus, Judge Mathis et al continue to live large and eat well because other people can't get their shit together. I've seen quite a few gay/broken up couples on Mathis's show!
     
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