Nice Guys

Discussion in 'Group Discussions' started by cypher21, Jan 11, 2016.

  1. cypher21

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    Lets have a discussion about Nice Guys. We all have some idea of what a nice guy is, for me it's someone that's kind-hearted, considerate of others, approachable, and trust worthy. Now it was mentioned in a previous thread that being a "nice guy" can be a tell for being gay and we've all heard the phrase "Nice Guys Finish Last", and women are known to be attracted to bad boys and celebrities are usually praised for their Ahole tendencies...but does all of this still apply in "gay world"? Catty behavior is a common thing I heard (and observed) in the gay community but I guess my real question is..why.... are people so attracted to individuals with bad attitudes and ignore those that treat people with decency? This goes for both romantic and platonic relationships as well.
    [​IMG]
    What do think?
     
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  2. Dr. Strange

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    Think it goes along the lines of "wants what you can't have" type of thing. Bad boys are like hook-ups, they're instantly gratifying but short lived while nice guys are like good dates, the satisfaction is little by little and builds to something that potentially could explode into passion.
     
  3. cypher21

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    Ok, so do you think because most people are looking for hook ups, they automatically gravitate towards those kind of people? Also does this need of instant gratification apply to non romantic relationships as well?
     
  4. DreG

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    I think some people get off on the challenge.The resistance makes them feel like any small show of appreciation was earned because they are special,and not cause they are dealing with people who have the security of knowing acting like a sociopath will go unrewarded.
     
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  5. Dr. Strange

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    Lol, it was a metaphor. What I'm saying that the attention of a bad boy could be like a hook-up. In the beginning it feels good, but it dwindles quickly. Nice guys gives you that sensation of a good date, they get to know you little by little, appreciate you, inquire about you, laugh with you, have fun with you etc. They give you what you need AND want instead of the prior which only give you what you want.

    And yes this can apply to non romantic relationships. For example people wanting to be friends with the "in crowd" versus people who are considered "lame".

    However, honestly I would prefer a good guy to a nice guy.
     
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  6. cypher21

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    Even as grown adults (most) people still follow high school mentality it's painfully annoying at times.

    But what I meant earlier was do to think this prevalent way of thinking is the reason why people are more interested in hook ups vs dating if that makes sense?

    OMG basically...I understand wanting to feel special but having someone be rude and nasty to only to casually pay me a half hearted or backhanded compliment is baffling to me. Maybe it's just all for appearances and status like Strange said I guess..
     
  7. OckyDub

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    That says it all...:sass2:
    Because a good guy is still gonna have the nice guy qualities.
     
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  8. cypher21

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    Define the difference.
     
  9. Dr. Strange

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    Instant gratification? Yes, our society is very entrenched in that thought pattern and its challenging to break out of.
     
  10. Dr. Strange

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    A nice guy is just that, he will be nice to you. If you're sad he will say things to make you "feel better" even if its a lie. They won't step on your toes, etc.

    A good guy cares about your well-being and want to see you progress. They'll tell you what you need to hear rather than what you want to hear. Two main examples of good guys on here are the hosts themselves @Nick Delmacy and @ockydub
     
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  11. DreG

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    But you got it in the first part of that statement.Some folks feel special when someone is marginally nicer to them than they are to the rest.It's just like how some sidechicks (or dudes) feel like they have some special quality the person's s/o didn't have
     
  12. cypher21

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    Ok I agree with that but good guys, nice guys they both are put on the back burner of society look how hard these two work to create a different perspective on Black gay men and to create a place like this and who do we see on plastered all over the internet and tv all time?:

    LOL I'm not disagreeing with you I just wonder where or how things went wrong in that aspect of society sometimes..
     
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  13. Nick Delmacy

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    I've been called a nice guy before...It was by a dude I was crushing heavily on after we kicked it and messed around a few times...Little did I know that him calling me that (while describing me to a friend of his) it was the Kiss of Death, I got friend-with-benefits-zoned. And the benefits only came when he wanted it, not the other way around.

    Ever since then, I've tried to treat my dudes a little shitty. No dude I actually like gets 100% "Nice Nick"...

    When I did that, I got more attention and more thirst. Being too nice and too available kills you.
     
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  14. Dr. Strange

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    I would say it stems from a Darwinistic type of mentally. Survival of the fittest. You align yourself with the in-crowd to survive.
     
  15. Dr. Strange

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    "Punch you in the chest and say 'Man up'" Best Nick quote ever.
     
    #15 Dr. Strange, Jan 11, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2016
  16. cypher21

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    Right I think it just sends the wrong message to that other person and then they think
    "Oh I can be an asshole to everyone else now, cause this person loves it!"
    But oooo Baybay...you picked the wrong one to play that type of game on.. :sucka:lol I'm somewhat prideful to a fault..

    Thank you that's my point. I almost (again prideful) feel compelled to start being an ass and change parts of my personality just to get some respect or attention just because I'm not received as "strong" or "edgy"
     
  17. Nick Delmacy

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    Not sure if it matters but sexual role may play a part in it. The dude I was referring to was a Versatile Bottom...Based on his description of his past dudes, he was into the more "I'm the man of this shit" types.
     
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  18. DreG

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    :shaq2:...everything in me wishes I could disagree with this
     
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  19. OckyDub

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    Thanks for the compliment but I disagree. Cypher Ave and the founders are not more popular to the gays for a number of reasons:
    * @Nick Delmacy and I are not visible.
    *We are deemed divisive amongst the Black and White gay blogosphere.
    *Masculine gay perspectives are not valued and viewed as boring by the gay community.
    *Our pro-masculine perspective is viewed as "not nice" and anti-fem.

    Even though some may view us as "nice" or "good hearted" guys, excluding the last point, we still wouldn't be more popular.
     
  20. cypher21

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    Yeah I guess it may be a factor in certain situations, but still i think it's a little unfair, but...venting aside I guess if that's what you like it what you like...I help that (but I don't have to like it :p)
    Well get ready guys...new year new me!
    [​IMG]
     
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  21. Dr. Strange

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    I can say I don't completely agree. I think this is subjective and varies from person to person. If someone offers me their time, I feel I must treat it with respect.
     
  22. OckyDub

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    Everything inside of me wants to reject this comment so bad...but OMG you soooo right...smh
     
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  23. DreG

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    I feel like even when people don't mean to,they take your prescence and openess for granted.
     
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  24. cypher21

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    I know, i said that was just to reinforce my point lol
    ha yes! This is seen and in media all the time but it's soo true!
     
  25. OckyDub

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    Ok ok, I knew once I got my emotion (yep only one) in check, I knew I would have an honest rebuttal to this. If, IF you find a dude that is just as much of a good or nice guy as you and they reciprocate OR they out nice/good guy you, then ignore Nick's comment. LMAO.
     
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  26. DreG

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    You were all in your feeling for a moment,it's ok
     
  27. Dr. Strange

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    Exactly, it depends on the person.
     
  28. Jai

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    People like a thrill and a challenge. Ego soars when one triumphs over another.

    Bad boys, men with tats have that look that screams I might be trouble but it will be lots of fun along the way. I'll keep you on your toes while that nice guy over there will keep your eyes closed. He's boring I'm fun..

    Also, nice men tend to be seen as pushovers and weak most of the time.

    Nice guys finish last because they are polite enough to let everyone else step ahead of them.

    But in all honesty, I like guys that look bad but are 'nice'.. I don't like catty men.

    Being too available can kill you but I think it depends on the person too.

    It is true that nice guys finish last but even more true that you don't appreciate a good thing until it's gone.

    I tend to like men with a little aggression, so I'll test you for fun to see if you slippin.
     
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  29. cypher21

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    [​IMG]
     
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  30. Nick Delmacy

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    I would disagree a little with this. Only a little.

    * While the site and the Founders may not be Social Media popular, the numbers still don't lie. Only BGClive out ranks us for non-porn related black gay websites on Alexa.com and Similarweb.com (2 of the main sites for ranking traffic and popularity of websites). An even then, BGCLive could be considered porn by some since member nudes and pornography adverts can be seen there.

    * While they might not talk about us or the site, many of them know we exist. They have to. There are only a handful of black gay sites out there. There's no way that most Out black gay men between the ages of 21 and 39 who are active on social media have never visited the site in the last 4 years. Especially if they are "masculine" since there are NO other sites like this out there.

    * Being non-visible only means we're not YouTube or Instagram gay famous. We have more traffic than many of the websites for the dudes are ARE visible.
     
  31. cypher21

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    I guess it depends on the person but I hate the misconception that nice = weak just like being gay is weak or being nice = gay and the whole thing just goes on and on lol anyway I like how you put things.
     
  32. cypher21

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    Yeah and guys I didn't say that to mean you're not known or doing well I just meant that folks like you are downplayed in the community for the reasons you and Ocky stated...just wanted to say that....
    Er...But my new asshole self doesn't caaaare! [​IMG]
    F this site maaan!
    [​IMG]
     
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  33. madmoral

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    I'm a nice guy.................who plots :wtb:
     
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  34. LeMignon

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    I'm taking your advice, @Nick Delmacy!
     
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