OPEN RELATIONSHIPS Yes Or No??

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by TheEdge, Oct 17, 2015.

  1. TheEdge

    Squad Leader The 100 Daps Club

    Age:
    29
    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2015
    Messages:
    111
    Daps Received:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Lusaka
    Dating:
    Single
    So my partner and i have been having problems lately and he recently brought up the idea that we should open the relationship. Now personally i have a problem with this as this equates to playing around. If that's what i wanted i would have been single. So bro's whats your take on this ... open relationship Yes or No?


    [​IMG]
     
  2. ControlledXaos

    Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club

    Age:
    45
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2015
    Messages:
    2,533
    Daps Received:
    7,157
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanna
    What are the problems? Because an open relationship may not be the answer to some "problems.
     
    Cyrus-Brooks dapped this.
  3. Dante

    Dante https://www.gofundme.com/qv7v5dw
    The Great Debater The 1000 Daps Club

    Age:
    40
    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2015
    Messages:
    872
    Daps Received:
    1,242
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Baltimore, MD
    Orientation:
    Homosexual
    Dating:
    Single
    If I am in a long-term, not-just-about-sex relationship, the idea of open relationship would not be on the table. But if I'm in a fuck buddy, it's-only-about-sex type relationship, then an open relationship can be on a table.

    Being in a fuck buddy, it's-only-about-sex type relationship, it would be a Yes, simply because that person and I really aren't in a relationship technically. We simply are just fucking around with no strings attached, so fucking around with other people (with some rules) wouldn't be an issue for me. For instance, as a verse top, if I'm in a fuck buddy, it's-only-about-sex type relationship with another verse top, I wouldn't have an issue with bringing a bottom into our sex life from time to time or on the regular. Or if I'm with a bisexual guy, I wouldn't have issues with him (in this situation only) bringing in a female to get his rocks off (of course I wouldn't be doing anything with her though/I would watch him and her go at it...lol).

    As it pertains to a long-term relationship, the reason why turning the relationship into an open relationship would be a No is because for me, I would be selfish and I don't want to share that special someone with no one else. And in this situation, three can be a crowd and depending on other people brought into the equation, it can either make or break the relationship, especially if feelings changed or someone actually comes into the equation and the relationship goes down that dead end road. I value long-term relationships and the old-school value of it, so I would shut that decision with my boyfriend down immediately.

    I think that it maybe clear that your boyfriend feels that there is something "lacking" in the relationship sexually. And he may have just brought up the idea of an open relationship, because of that being a option to deal with spicing up or adding to his sexual needs that he wants satisfied. You both need to communicate a lot more and be honest about any problems going on that's making him feel some type of way about the relationship as it stands. I would hate for him to cheat on you and then throw it in your face that he did and for why he did, because things weren't addressed with honesty and nipped in the bud at this point.

    Good luck! #Communicate #BeDirectandHonest #FixTheProblems
     
    #3 Dante, Oct 17, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2015
  4. redsai84

    redsai84 For the night is dark and full of terrors.
    The 100 Daps Club

    Age:
    36
    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2015
    Messages:
    677
    Daps Received:
    653
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    baltimore
    Dating:
    Single
    i would say no if it was me not sure what problems you and your partner have but i dont get how a open relationship would fix it that just seems like it would bring more issue cause your relationship is not strong as is. i look at it like having a weakened immune system but instead of trying to build it up and make it stronger you let more harm come in. but like i said this is my point of view i don't know your issues or type of relationship you guys have and hope for the best for both of you guys.
     
    Cyrus-Brooks and TheEdge dapped this.
  5. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
    Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    6,359
    Daps Received:
    14,634
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The planet of Memory Corpses
    Orientation:
    Homosexual
    Dating:
    Married
    Wait what? Personally me and my partner I had a "problem" this past Sunday. How does this now mean "open relationship" time? Work it out and stay together OR work it out and part ways. And what does the zombie bride in the pic have to do with anything? Is he wanting to be with woman?
     
  6. acessential

    Squad Leader Best Thread Creator The 1000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2015
    Messages:
    665
    Daps Received:
    1,858
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Roaming
    Open relationships only work if both partners actually want it. If one partner feels coerced into this kind of setup, it's probably not going to work. Nothing wrong with open relationships in themselves, just make sure it's based on a mutual decision. Personally, I wouldn't do it. I'm too lazy to find someone else to sleep with, casual sex gets boring after a while, and I would get jealous if I knew my dude was out there fucking around.
     
    Cyrus-Brooks, Lancer, Sean and 9 others dapped this.
  7. cypher21

    cypher21 Deactivated Account
    The 1000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2015
    Messages:
    1,079
    Daps Received:
    2,193
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    na
    Dating:
    Not looking
    I don't think that would solve the problem, if it's an issue of you guys not working out I don't understand why not just break up? Adding more people into the mix will complicate things further imo. But I don't know the whole story so only you can answer that for yourself. I would have a problem with that too, I want to be the only one in your life if we're in a LTR lol, but I hope things work out! :)
     
    Cyrus-Brooks, grownman and TheEdge dapped this.
  8. TheEdge

    Squad Leader The 100 Daps Club

    Age:
    29
    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2015
    Messages:
    111
    Daps Received:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Lusaka
    Dating:
    Single
    it's been the sex thing. We just haven't been clicking for maybe 2 months, which can be frustrating.

    @ocky I totally agree with you. It's either you in or not. Def need to communicate as I have heard from the other brothers in the thread.

    Oh And the goth pic is there for the open door.. Ignore "zombie bride" (any lee from evanescence)
     
    Dante dapped this.
  9. Nigerian Prince

    Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club Supporter

    Age:
    31
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2015
    Messages:
    1,551
    Daps Received:
    3,474
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta, Georgia
    Orientation:
    Homosexual
    Dating:
    Single
    Work it out my African bro! Good luck!
     
    Dante and TheEdge dapped this.
  10. SB3

    SB3 is a Featured MemberSB3
    Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club Supporter

    Age:
    38
    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2015
    Messages:
    3,535
    Daps Received:
    8,238
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    BK, NY
    No.
     
    JNH412 dapped this.
  11. OhSheit

    Bae Material The 1000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2015
    Messages:
    1,136
    Daps Received:
    1,595
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York
    Orientation:
    Bicurious
    Dating:
    In a Relationship
    I've said in a previous topic that I'm in a open-long distance relationship. The long distance is the only thing preventing us from fulfilling our sexual desires and since we're so open with each other we planned the whole open-relationship thing out together and think of it as temporary. We want to be romantic and emotionally invested in each other but have fuck buddies (well, he can) until we link up again. It works and it's convenient at the moment but we'll see where it takes us when/if things get more long-term and no longer distant. I can only go by his word from what he tells or shows me and so far he's been upfront about what he does. But of course everything is always "to my knowledge" and that's probably the hardest part.

    Don't do it unless you're both in agreement to it. If you were compatible before I don't see why people can't rekindle or end the relationship.
     
    BlackExcellence, JNH412 and ctforbes dapped this.
  12. @yahoo.com

    @yahoo.com When the lights get low, I Burn Brighter.
    The 100 Daps Club

    Age:
    43
    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2015
    Messages:
    299
    Daps Received:
    348
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta, Ga
    Orientation:
    Gay
    Dating:
    Single
     
  13. BlackguyExecutive

    BlackguyExecutive Je suis diplomate
    Squad Leader Best Site Comments The 1000 Daps Club Supporter

    Age:
    35
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2015
    Messages:
    1,032
    Daps Received:
    2,475
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    World Traveller
    Orientation:
    Gay
    Dating:
    Married
    Is it me or is the rush to an open relationship the catch all solution? Now don't get me wrong, I think if that what you and your partner agree to and it works for you so be it. But I think for the vast majority of people it not a plausible solution. I think at least for the gay men, there isn't a long history of being able to live openly in a relationship so with the first sign of trouble we resort to quick fixes. Relationships are hard work, hard continuous work. Plain and simple. Also, there is a such thing as the fizzle out. People grow apart, that is part of life and it happens...sometimes the best thing you can do is embrace it and move forward.
     
  14. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
    Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    6,359
    Daps Received:
    14,634
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The planet of Memory Corpses
    Orientation:
    Homosexual
    Dating:
    Married
    100:camby:
     
    ControlledXaos dapped this.
  15. Infinite_loop

    Infinite_loop Is this thing on?
    Bae Material The 1000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2015
    Messages:
    779
    Daps Received:
    2,734
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    BK
    Orientation:
    SGL
    Dating:
    Single
    are you drunk? lol if so, too early
     
    SB3 dapped this.
  16. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
    Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    6,359
    Daps Received:
    14,634
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The planet of Memory Corpses
    Orientation:
    Homosexual
    Dating:
    Married
    In Little Richard's voice, Shut up LOL
    [​IMG]
     
    grownman dapped this.
  17. JodyBell87

    Squad Leader The 100 Daps Club

    Age:
    33
    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2015
    Messages:
    115
    Daps Received:
    122
    Location:
    NYC
    Dating:
    Single
    Personally, I don't think opening a committed relationship is a good idea for ANYONE, ESPECIALLY if there are problems. However, it does work for some ppl (ie. swingers). For me, no. I'm not that open sexually or emotionally to give it to more than one person.
     
    bpaisle dapped this.
  18. Kouncelor

    The 100 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2015
    Messages:
    270
    Daps Received:
    329
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Boston, MA
    In the early dating stages of a relationship...sure. And if thatbis how you choosebto define your relationship...sure. I have seen it work, HOWEVER, as a solution to a broken or breaking relationship, absolutely not. If you realy want to save or improve your relationship, keep other people out of your relationship, because every relationship is unique AND get professional help...real talk!
     
  19. bpaisle

    The 100 Daps Club Supporter

    Age:
    29
    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2015
    Messages:
    433
    Daps Received:
    864
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Houston
    Yeah dude that's me too. I would not be able to be open to multiple people at a time like that. It's hard enough with one person.
     
    JodyBell87 dapped this.
  20. ControlledXaos

    Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club

    Age:
    45
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2015
    Messages:
    2,533
    Daps Received:
    7,157
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanna
    It's all about communication. If you are not getting what you need out of sex you have to let your partner know. Usually these are things people are able to work out.... When they communicate. Want more? Want less? Want to do things with toys? All of that is better communicated when you are not in the course of having intercourse. So have the conversation after dinner or in the car back from the grocery store.

    Squeaky wheels get the grease.
     
    TheEdge dapped this.
  21. Michael

    The 100 Daps Club

    Age:
    34
    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2015
    Messages:
    249
    Daps Received:
    430
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Derek Zulanders Center For Kids Who Cant Read Good
    Depending on the problem I can see it working. I, myself am a jealous person ,but if my dude needs something that I am not willing to do or whatever then perhaps that's something that needs to be worked out if it's going to cause problems. Now there would be rules. Fuck and go. That's it. No hanging out. No staying over for pillow talk. Get your nut and leave them be. The problem is most won't do that because it makes them feel dirty.
     
  22. Sean

    The 100 Daps Club

    Age:
    41
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2015
    Messages:
    493
    Daps Received:
    756
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    DFW
    Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Dating:
    Single
    Open relationships always leave the door open for someone to walk out and not come back.

    Regardless of the rules that are set, we are human and there is always the likelihood that you could meet someone else who may make you want to shut it down, so to speak. Interestingly enough, my first and only relationship with a man evolved into an open one. I had never heard of such of thing, so one can imagine how much I wasn't going for it when it was proposed. Being foolish and naive, I caved in, and after a couple months of him nagging me about trying to find a "friend" (since he'd obviously had someone), I finally met someone that he quickly became jealous of--for good reason.

    Dude I met was in the military and was being shipped away. Had he stayed, my relationship would have likely ended several weeks sooner than what it eventually did. lol
     
    #22 Sean, Nov 25, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2015
    Coltrane and TheEdge dapped this.
  23. Lancer

    Best Thread Creator The 1000 Daps Club

    Age:
    37
    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2015
    Messages:
    1,263
    Daps Received:
    1,869
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Minas Morgul
    Do you not think if you are willing to bring in a ''stranger'' to save your relationship, isn't it already dead?
    Personally I am a NO! when it comes to open relationships. I will only open one thing, for a guy who wants an open relationship, THE DOOR!!!
     
    grownman dapped this.
  24. grownman

    The 100 Daps Club Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2015
    Messages:
    935
    Daps Received:
    1,201
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    fl
    Orientation:
    Gay
    Dating:
    Not looking
    Damn-hahahahah. Love it.
     
  25. tigerbreaux

    tigerbreaux Polymath In-training
    The 100 Daps Club

    Age:
    32
    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2015
    Messages:
    231
    Daps Received:
    312
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    ATL
    Dating:
    Single
    Open relationships can be great and can work, but only in healthy relationships. You started off this post by saying y'all are having problems, opening up your relationship will not help, it will only make things worse. I guarantee it. Moreover, it will only work if y'all communicate it (almost exhaustively) and are on the same page. If one of you isn't all the way here for it, it won't work. Having an open relationship can honestly be more work than a traditional relationship, but I have seen it work and it can be fun.

    Honestly, I think he suggested this so he can look for someone or something else while still having you as a fallback, but I could be wrong. If you do decide to open your relationship up you have to work out your issues first.
     
  26. Cyrus-Brooks

    Cyrus-Brooks is a Featured MemberCyrus-Brooks The Black Vulcan
    Squad Leader Best Site Comments The 1000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2015
    Messages:
    1,257
    Daps Received:
    2,420
    Gender:
    Male
    Dating:
    In a Relationship
    I'm going to say NO in capital letters because if you and your partner are having problems introducing new people into the mix will only make things wors, especially if you're not keen on the idea. If you're having problems you guys need to focus on the source of the problems. I'd recommend a couples therapy. If that doesn't work perhaps you should consider separating. But an open relationship will not help the situation. That's just my take.
     
    grownman dapped this.
  27. OhSheit

    Bae Material The 1000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2015
    Messages:
    1,136
    Daps Received:
    1,595
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York
    Orientation:
    Bicurious
    Dating:
    In a Relationship
    Since you guys bumped this thread I'm gonna have to retract from my previous comment and just say: DON'T DO IT. I won't get into detail until it's put to rest but things haven gotten really messy for me these past 2 weeks. I knew what I was signing up for so don't shame me but the potential drama did creep on me sooner than I thought.
     
Loading...
Similar Threads - OPEN RELATIONSHIPS Forum Date
Open Relationships in 2017 Dating and Relationships Aug 29, 2017
Popular Black food truck owner in LA has grand opening of new store Career, Work, Finances and Education Jun 20, 2020
Openly Gay Former NBA Player, Jason Collins, Tests Positive for COVID-19 Sports and Athletes Mar 24, 2020
Phor Opens Up About His Depression | Black Ink Crew: Chicago Mental, Medical and Sexual Health Jan 15, 2020
Black, Gay, And Dating Outside Our Race FT. Darren Young 1st Openly Gay WWE Superstar Race, Religion, Science and Politics Nov 13, 2019

Share This Page

Loading...