Raising Kids Mistake Free

Discussion in 'Group Discussions' started by acessential, Aug 18, 2018.

  1. acessential

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    The topic of kids has come up on here before, but I wanted to discuss it from a different angle. My partner and I both want kids. He is literally the only guy I have been with who is genuinely serious about it. And not just in a passive way like, "some day" or "kids might be nice." And I'm the same for him. We're not naive and know it takes time, but we're thinking about all the scenarios. Adoption, surrogacy, foster to adopt. We're both willing to make major sacrifices for kids because we just want them.

    In any case, both of us want to be the best dads to our kids as possible so we often talk about things we experienced as children that we wished were different. Basically correcting past mistakes. Obviously we're not perfect and not everything is going to apply, but I wanted to ask, based on your own childhood experience, what are some of the ways you think your parents could have improved in raising you? What did they do well? And do you think there is anything two dads should keep in mind when raising kids?
     
  2. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    My mom was too authoritarian and dictator like when it came to the household. She would always say, "My House" and "My this" and "My that." Even as a kid I understood that she paid the bills and all that, but when you state that to a child, it made me feel as if I didn't belong there, less of a family member, more like I was just visiting, or a tenant. I remember telling that this bothered me eventually and she stopped it.

    Also, my mother was a very angry woman back then. She would have a hot temper about even the smallest infractions. It wasn't abnormal to have her kicking in a door in the middle of a school night because me or my brother forgot to do a meaningless chore or whatever. She calmed down A LOT in her later years, mainly because (once again) we and others told her about how we perceived her behavior.

    The only other thing was how she handled the Gay issue, which I described in the post about coming out to her.
     
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  3. SB3

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    I always wished my mom had used her words instead of the belt more often. Im not exactly anti straps, but I feel like it's nowhere near as necessary as often as it has been the automatic go to in black households. I was a very sneaky, but very smart, independent kid, who my mom could have leveled with verbally if she wasn't always disciplining out of her anger over a situation.

    I imagine things being different in the world we now live in, but yea, I vote for parents using their words.
     
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