Reigniting Old Flames of the Past

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by Nigerian Prince, Nov 8, 2017.

  1. Nigerian Prince

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    So I remember posting an update about bumping into a man at the club on Saturday night that I went to college with that I did not know was LGBT. When we reconnected and I met his other friends, we all had so much fun and I definitely had fun with him. It reminded me of all the reasons why I had a crush on him while I was in college.

    He was my lab TA while I was a freshman and he would always pick on me and joke with me. I would wonder why he would do some of the things he would do. It made me wonder if he liked me or not because he would poke me or just playfully touch me and insinuate that I was gay (this happened after people were out of the lab session lol). Over time in college I kept getting to know him as freshman year came to a close and then he went off to medical school after some time.

    As the night came to a close after the club let out, I began to have all of these old feelings rushing back to me. I could remember details of conversations we had in college (2009) about life, our childhoods having Nigerian parents and our aspirations for success in the medical field. What I really enjoyed about him was not only his looks but he has an amazing personality and he always makes me laugh. I like those things about him.

    Two nights later, he came over with one of his friends and he hung out at my place with my twin brother and I. We had great conversations about dating, relationships, sex, and overall just caught up with each other. Over the time he has been here during the weekend, we been flirting with each other a lot and I enjoy his company. The only issue is that when we were having conversations about where he sees himself in the future, he said he sees himself married to a woman and having children. He actually confirmed that he sees himself as bisexual and not gay. He said he feels like sexuality is on a spectrum and maybe he may lean more one way or the other as time goes on but he is not 100% sure. I remember his affinity for kids and he seems like he would be an amazing father however, our views where we see ourselves in the future do not line up. I know he said that he has not dated many men like that nor has he had a serious long-term relationship with a man. He has had sexual experiences with men in the past but further back he has had sexual experiences with women as well. I know that he has not seriously dated a woman in the last few years either but I ask myself... what if?

    What if I told him how I felt and how old feelings came rushing back to me when we reconnected? What if I took a chance and MAYBE just maybe we could really have a long-term relationship over time? The chemistry is there but when it comes to marriage with a man he says he doesn't know especially since he can acknowledge that he has not seen many positive representations of same-sex relationships that have lasted with couples that have children or not.

    He leaves ATL tomorrow and at times I feel like I want to tell him how I feel but then I think it would make things awkward. I feel like at the very least that I do enjoy our friendship and our conversations. I know that we will definitely remain in touch when he hits the road back to Florida.

    What are your thoughts?

    @SB3 @Nick Delmacy @OckyDub @ControlledXaos @DreG @takeyourmeds91 @NikR @acessential @Infinite_loop @Champagne_Papi @ColumbusGuy @Sean P @RolandG @Juan-Carlos
     
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  2. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    What a dynamic young man. He's not only Gay, but a lesbian, bisexual and trans all at the same time. LOL Hence this is why I encourage and push for the term 'non-heterosexual'.

    Oh so he's just bi-sexual.

    So have many homosexual men but that doesn't make they any less homosexual.

    I can completely understand this POV.

    Do what you feel but from the outside looking in, I would say keep you thoughts, feelings to yourself and keep it moving. Sometimes it seems like every crush or attraction we have it must be acted upon...why? Because we don't want to feel like we missed some opportunity to find our knight in dashiki armor?

    As others have stated here before....not saying I fully agree -but non-heterosexual men from Africa and the Caribbean with religious families or cultures are just too much. Just imagine America's Black community times 8.

    Regardless of religion, country of origin, culture...if the dude you're into is not on the same page with you as it pertains to sexuality and relationships...keep it moving.
     
    #2 OckyDub, Nov 8, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2017
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  3. ControlledXaos

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    Well there you have it.

    As stated, you don't have to act on every crush. Sometimes it's just that and nothing more.

    Do people change? Somewhat. But if he honestly sees marriage with only a woman and not or never with a man you're barking up the wrong tree if you want something more than a fling. Sure he's bisexual but to me it seems like a true bisexual would be actively dating both sexes and not just one or the other. Furthermore, they would also be able to view the future similarly with both sexes. You can be a gay couple with kids with biological or adopted.

    I say let this one be.

    @SB3 got tagged first! Look at that!
     
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  4. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    EXACTLY...gay men have been using this lame excuse since the 70's

    Sometimes I wonder why he's still here. I mean he's just as hated as me, but I have to be here LOL
     
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  5. Nigerian Prince

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    @OckyDub & @ControlledXaos Thank you guys for your insight. I will keep it to myself and let him be. I've had many crushes but I definitely have not acted on all of them.

    @OckyDub as far as the African & Caribbean non-heterosexual men, you're right. It is not all the time but majority of the time. Some of the other guys from that night that I met that are Nigerian like me simply know that they are gay and do not identify as bisexual. HAHA! and yes he is a very dynamic LGBT male!

    @ControlledXaos yeah you're so right. It would be equal when it comes to dating both sexes.

    I will keep my feelings to myself but wow these emotions! I know once he heads back to Florida tomorrow that my feelings will subside over time.
     
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  6. DreG

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    Dude has shown you where his head is at,so you gotta accept that an keep it moving.Y'all can still be cool,but there's nothing more there for you to entertain.
     
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  7. Infinite_loop

    Infinite_loop Is this thing on?
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    Oh brotha...this is a deja vu for me....Just let him go and live your life, trust me you won't regret it. What helped me is that we lived on the two opposite coasts so the distance definitely helped with moving on.
     
  8. DC.

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    I definitely agree you should probably not express your sentiments because while he may be interested in you, itll clearly be for just the moment. And thats something youd have to ask yourself if your okay with?

    Now granted his views on marriage and long term relationships with another man could change, but the last thing youd want to do is go into something with him hoping to change his views. Thus why ive already said youd have to go into it knowing your future with him may not go past whatever initial stages you go into with him, and thus have to ask yourself if your okay with that dynamic? If so then go with it. If not? Then thats one flame youll just have to let burn out
     
  9. Nigerian Prince

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    @Infinite_loop @DC. yeah he stays in FL but more than 12 hours away from ATL thank goodness but yeah there is definitely something there. But yeah I know to just be cool. If I make it to FL to see my mentors (aka my "gay dads") next month, then I will def hit him and his roommate to hit the clubs! "AAOOOOOWWWW!!" (Cardi B voice)

    @DreG yeah for real.

    I am happy that I do know better and I will NEVER be in a room with him solo because that temptation may strike on me hahaha.
     
  10. Juan-Carlos

    Juan-Carlos Opps are dealt with by a savage Thanos snap. HNY
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    Though following your feelings especially when that connection is there could be just as spontaneous and sexy and hot in the moment if it's not encouraged or seemingly mutual it would be disastrous. Reel your thoughts back of it becoming physical....sexual for you guys are on two different life trajectories. It's great that you have a str8 ally who accepts you completely with no judgement and considers you a friend. Friendship especially when it's genuine is treasure. If anything be grateful that you have the capacity to be present and give and most importantly are open to be in a relationship. So, when that moment serendipitously happens you'll be ready to trust the try.
     
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  11. SB3

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    Ima join the choir. No need to say anything to him. Your feelings don't add up to his ideals right now. I don't think there's anything wrong w you guys staying in communication, but let's not try to make fetch happen here. Don't even tease yourself like that bro.
     
  12. Champagne Papi

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    I’m being a hypocrite right now :snoop: but the majority voted to just leave things be yeh and I agree. I mean, still fuck him if it comes to that but no need to pour your heart out to some guy that has no plans on being on your path.

    So yeh, question, what would we say about a guy that is mostly attracted to and mostly dates girls but also dates guys here & there....would he be considered a “true” bisexual?
    [​IMG]
     
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