Small Talk

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by BlackExcellence, Nov 4, 2015.

  1. BlackExcellence

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    I guess I'm semi venting but I just feel like I am horrible at 1 on 1 small talk. I just have no idea what to talk about. I was at an event tonight and told myself I need to network/talk to people and when it came time to talk after the event I didn't really make any connections. I feel much more comfortable talking about specific topics or in like group settings. Anyone else ever feel this way?
     
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  2. ControlledXaos

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  3. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    I've never had this problem. I can literally talk to anyone at anytime...the key thing is to just talk! Say anything! I remember I was in Las Vegas for work and was sitting alone at a crowded restaurant bar, old white man sat next to me and we easily struck up a conversation. Sports helps, its universal.

    Discussing Food and Alcohol is easy too. I did that last night with a black girl around my age, she spoke to me first and I was like:

    "I'm just trying to decide if I want a drink or not."

    "Easy answer, yes," she said. "You only live once."

    "What's that you're drinking?" I said.

    "Pinot Noir. Trying something different. As long as its red."

    "Oh you like your liquor dark, huh. You know what they say about dark, gonna have you dancing on tables in a minute."

    Anyway, I just went off her vibe and kept it light and casual...nothing serious like religion or politics.

    One thing that always works is to open with a compliment about something about the other person and then elaborate with more questions based on that, being sure to include your personal info as well.

    "Man, I wish I could get my beard to grow like yours."

    He responds. Continue talking about the importance of grooming and looking clean or how beards give off a certain appearance or how itchy they can be or whatever...just talk and ASK the other person questions, people love to talk about themselves...lol.
     
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  4. Infinite_loop

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    You most be of the introvert persuasion like me. I, too, used to hate small talk. I would literally go at a networking event and end up just standing there like :nopekid: if I couldn't find anyone to talk to about existential and philosophical stuff(which was probably like 0.0001% of attendees). But, I ended up being forced to way too many of them that I decided to put my introvert cap away and start talking about all things and plus some. @Nick Delmacy gave great advice.

    It looks like that's what's different between introversion and extraversion. Extraversion is all about "thinking out loud" and introversion about "thinking in loud". I guess you have to find that happy medium that won't close doors at networking events, but won't change who you really are, within.
     
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  5. Jaa

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    Do you think she was just enjoying socializing or did you get a vibe that she was open to taking this conversation outside of the bar? Just curious. I know that every social interaction should be interpreted as flirting. People should feel free to engage and be engaged by others without making things complicated. How did she respond to, "Oh you like your liquor dark...?"
     
  6. Dante

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    I get it. I've gotten better over the years with small talk. For me, you have to be comfortable in the environment you are in or else, you will shut down even saying "Hi" to someone. If you are comfortable, it's a lot easier. If I am comfortable in the environment I'm in, I will try to find the most basic thing to talk about like "Damn it sure is raining out here!" or "This elevator is sooo slow" or if someone says something like those I will just chime in saying "Yeah, I hate the rain!" or "I know. It was like this yesterday...".

    1. Make sure you are comfortable in the environment you are in.
    2. Find the most basic thing to talk about/say something about.
    3. Make eye contact or give some gestures to help with moving into the conversation.
     
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  7. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    It was def a flirty exchange...It was a laid back reception full of black people with free alcohol. So she took my comments in jest and came back with her own...We finally introduced ourselves at the end of the exchange and she said "Well you have a good night." No pressure. No fear of a marriage proposal. Just two human beings being friendly with one another with small talk.
     
  8. bpaisle

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    Yeah, I used to be horrible with small talk. I used to be so bad that I couldn't even do basic shit like go to the mall or the store by myself. I sort of broke the habit when I got to college because there are a lot of instances where you can't take your friends or take someone with you to events or meetings. Now I can go somewhere and talk to anyone about the most random of things. I actually prefer to go to the mall and all that alone.
     
  9. SB3

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    U know u n ol girl are 'goin steady' now, right? An unclockable man cant just be making small talk w the womens w/o repercussions lol
     
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  10. BlackExcellence

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    Yes I am. Like I see people I know and once we get past "how you been....how's work..." I blank. And "what you been up to" man idk life? This is all been good advice though thanks everybody. I do enjoy listening far more then talking so I'll try to ask more questions. Once the convo gets on a topic I can converse about I'm fine it's just getting there.
     
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  11. Infinite_loop

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    The good thing though is you'll find people will highly appreciate that you are a good listener and you'll get rewarded for it in true strong friendships and professional connections. At least I did.
     
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  12. Aejae

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    I am the saaaame exact way! I just find it mentally exhausting to try and think if his to have conversations with people! This is the main reason why I don't go out because I don't know how to be social. I can't even chat over social media for a long time. A conversation after 30 minutes tend to be tiring for me and I know that's a shame to most of y'all, but I've been to myself the majority of my life.
     
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  13. DreG

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    Bringing up something situational helps.A funny observation or whatever.If there's something going on like music,or anything that can be a conversation piece,give your opinion on it or ask fo theirs as a starting point.
     
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  14. DreG

    DreG is a Featured MemberDreG Art Heaux
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    :dwill:Now we know why he's not really trying to date men right now.
     
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  15. Dr. Strange

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    Yeah I've had similar problems with small talk as well. particularly with gay dudes as a lot of their interests I don't share. But generally I just go by the "be yourself" rule. Like if someone talks about an artist I don't particularly care for I just acknowledged their artist and bring up one I like. Or if I'm asked my interests I tell the truth, things like that.

    But I'm a naturally inquisitive person so thinking of questions isn't too hard for me because I like getting into someones brain. no pun intended. So if says something I think sounds strange, off, or different, I'll ask for an elaboration which could lead to more questions, etc.
     
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