The Big Bi Elephant in the Room

Discussion in 'LGBT News and Events' started by OckyDub, Aug 26, 2016.

  1. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    [​IMG]Bisexuality is often attacked with a lot of huge misconceptions. Funny thing is, bisexuals are even the black sheep of the LGBTQA community. Part of the reason bisexuality gets such a bad rap and why so many are afraid to identify as such is because it’s associated with many negative connotations:
    1. Bisexuals are confused.
    2. Bisexuals can’t be faithful
    3. Bisexuals are greedy/sluts
    4. Bisexuality is a cop-out/phase
    5. Everybody is bisexual (biggest lie since the tooth fairy)
    6. Bisexuals spread more sexually transmitted diseases
    7. Bisexuals are deviants

    The list goes on and on. But bisexual BLACK men get the worst end of the deal. They suffer the most, as in the Black community your manhood is often determined by how many women you can bed. Being gay in the black community automatically, unfortunately, puts you on the low end of totem pole. I know, it’s shameful. Also, gay men and women often shun, out and proud bisexuals claiming that it’s just a phase and that many are just afraid to admit they’re gay. I must admit that I, too, used to turn my nose up at bisexuality.

    My reason for doing so was because in my childhood, I witnessed my mother go through the trauma of finding out the man she was in love with and pregnant by, turned out to be down low. I’m not sure to this day if he identifies as bisexual or if he stopped hiding the fact that he liked men too. However, I witnessed and was a part of the devastation he left behind.

    During my adult years, I also happened to end up in a relationship with a man who openly dated me and secretly sexed men. He and I got into many knock down-drag out fights about it because I simply wanted him to be honest with me and he couldn’t. He couldn’t even admit it to himself which was why normally after he acted on his lust and had sex with a man, he would come home, lock himself in the bathroom, throw up countless times, and then scrub himself in the shower. I could actually hear the man sobbing in the bathroom, but I couldn’t sympathize with him. Not then. One of the reasons for that was because he reminded me of the man who’d so long ago ruined the family I once had as a child. Another reason was because I was angry.

    I had no idea what kind of demons he was dealing with. Many of us are forced into our sexuality at young ages by predators who force sex upon us before we’re old enough or mature enough to handle the consequences of it. Trust me, I know from experience. But I had no idea why he reacted that way after having sex with men and I was, selfishly, angry because he wouldn’t open up and tell me. In the end, he and I broke up.

    We celebrate the gays and the lesbians, the trans, the queers, and even the non-binary, but when it comes to the B-word, many shun them, even going as far as to brush their sexuality under the rug. Since it’s sometimes easier for women to claim their bisexuality, I’d like to focus on the men, the black bi-sexual men.

    They have the hardest time coming out with their sexuality. Quiet as it’s kept, on some fronts, being a gay black man is more acceptable than being a bisexual black man. In the Black community, people don’t be believe a man can be bisexual. He’s either gay, straight, or living on the down-low (the DL). In the Black community, if a Black man has hinted around to being even remotely attracted to men, all hell will break loose. This is why it’s so important that we be open minded and allow bisexual black men to live in their truths.

    So my aim this year and many more to come will be to allow bisexual black men to tell their stories in a safe space. This is one of many articles I will post on the subject. After all, shouldn’t we all be allowed to live and love openly, and proud?

    The Big Bi Elephant in the Room
     
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  2. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    *crickets*
     
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  3. ColumbusGuy

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    Has Cypher Avenue ever thought about having a sort of 'dedicated bisexual thread' In the LGBT news forum or somewhere else where the thread is stickied and always at the top of the forum as such, or even a subforum strictly for bisexuals?

    Would doing so be a better thing(providing a specific place that is always visible) or not(sort of saying 'you are over here different from the rest of us'?)
     
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  4. cuspofbeauty

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    Its also more accepted for women to bi-sexual.
     
    #4 cuspofbeauty, Aug 28, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2016
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  5. ColumbusGuy

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    I bet a lot of straight guys would be more than 'ok' with that..especially if they got to watch or join in.
     
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  6. Dante

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    I agree with the article. But until the heteronormative world we live in changes its position on homosexuality, bisexuality will remain on the waiting list.
     
  7. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    :dafuq3:
    I disagree with all of this.

    I would argue that bisexuals, especially the "conflicted" ones that try to ride both fences without informing both parties how they get down, are a big part of the problem. A lot of what is described in this essay is the result of self-imposed problems.

    I've slowly come to the conclusion, based on my debates with vocal bisexual men, that Cypher Avenue can't really truly be a site for bisexual men. I have no idea how to speak to them or what they even want. Do we post articles about sexy women? Posts about living double lives? More essays about how hard it is to be able to convincingly date women and men?

    Whateverz.
     
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  8. ColumbusGuy

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    Well I was thinking more of a space for them to post what they wanted since you do claim to be a space for them too. You could moderate the area/thread/forum but let it be more 'by them for them' and others could chime in or ask questions(since we don't know how to speak to them or what they want). Give them a place to let us know how to speak to them and what they want. Again it could be just a thread or a separate small forum. You could let bisexuals post the articles? Set the narrative they want that aligns with the site?

    Hey if it works it works, if not and if it dies on the vine, at least you gave it a shot, huh?

    But again if you have had talks and feel that it would not work, then you would know best.

    *that part about 'living double lives' really does show to me you really might not know how to speak about them or for them IMO. I think that might even apply more to closeted black gay men than bisexuals? How many black gay men on here have been married, dated women, have kids, etc?

    I think they maybe just want to be understood? But yeah...whatever. It is your site. And that makes you an authority figure and authority figures always rub me the wrong way, and in fact just chafe my ass sometimes. One of my issues.

    :yeshrug:

    I defer to your blackness, tallness, masculinity, gregariousness, top-ness, financial stability, big-dik-ness, and ability to be close friends with Ocky-ness. I salute you!
    :salute:

    *yeah I admit Nick that you get on my nerves at times. But I like you( you seem like a likeable guy to me) but maybe I am just a bit envious(I corrected it from 'jealous' thanks to you lol that was you with the jealous vs envious thing right?)-you seem to have it made except for having Mr. Right.
     
    #8 ColumbusGuy, Aug 30, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2016
  9. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    You would be surprised by how many bisexual (and gay) men that have zero desire to be Out and Open like we endorse. We lost many loyal Discreet City members once they realized the name of the site wasn't literal.
     
  10. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    On a side, yet related note...

    Jezus, who is this guy?! :whew:

     
  11. Dante

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    Cypher Avenue has embraced SGL men (which includes bisexual men (even the 60/40 bisexual men) as well as gay men. Bisexual men really are not alienated on this site. Bisexual CA lurkers and members should be free and comfortable to embrace topics, articles, discussions and etc. that cater, help, address and deal with same-gender stuff, because they sexually attracted to the same gender, too, indeed. This includes the neutral things like movies, music, television, sports, etc. that is placed on the entire site.

    I don't think Nick and Ocky should do things to make the site into the Gays vs. Bis Avenue. I personally believe that indeed would create an unneccesary divide. Point blank, all of us gays and bis like dick and man ass, so we are fraternal brothers. We all are mattered on the site.
     
    #11 Dante, Aug 30, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2016
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  12. Winston Smith

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    Agreed. I don't see how they could make the site anymore "inviting," as they pretty much encourage people to join in and post new threads. Even if I post some esoteric shit about post-war Hungarian existential anime they pretty much let you roll on and do your thing (lol). Bottom line (no pun) is if a dude is not comfortable in his own skin, no matter the label, no amount of encouragement or outreach is going to change that.
     
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  13. ControlledXaos

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    Look, the site makes it easy to create content. If there are no vocal bisexual men here who feel comfortable to post things that interest them, that's on them if they are complaining.

    Maybe they need prodding? (gigidy) Could a "Bisexual" board be created so that those topics can have a space? It's either going to take off or not. Not trying to segregate things but maybe that's why bi guys are just on Lurk Mode?

    Here we have a topic and hardly any of the known bisexual members even commented. You can't force people to talk/reply discuss but people can't say that there's nothing here for bisexual guys and if the majority of us are not bisexual, specific bisexual topics just are not going to come up.
     
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  14. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    My bisexual outreach has been strong. Self identified bisexual men have published content on Cypher Ave and on The Boards. I even solicited some bi-dudes for interviews to no avail.

    The space is here for what ever they want or need and we have extensively discussed this on The Boards with Bi-sexual members.
     
  15. ColumbusGuy

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    Well see this is where I don't have the information and you do. And I guess if there was going to be a bisexual space, you and the others commenting are right-they would have just jumped in and created it. They would have just jumped in and said to hell with whatever this is a good site I can relate to some of these things and I am going to be a part of this-you know, kind of like I did.

    *there was Titos involved in my previous post smh.
     
    #15 ColumbusGuy, Aug 30, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2016
  16. SwagJack

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    I've slowly come to the conclusion, based on my debates with vocal bisexual men, that Cypher Avenue can't really truly be a site for bisexual men. I have no idea how to speak to them or what they even want. Do we post articles about sexy women? Posts about living double lives? More essays about how hard it is to be able to convincingly date women and men?

    Whateverz.[/QUOTE]

    You could solicit a bisexual writer for the site.
     
  17. SwagJack

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    I don't even talk about it anymore. People get all in their feelings when I tell them how I define myself sexually. So it's kind of pointless to discuss unless I can gage that someone genuinely wants to listen and learn instead of projecting shit on me. I had one straight dude recently that was pretty intrigued. But it was based on his assumption that I had the "best of both worlds because I could smash whoever I wanted." The misconceptions are vast.
     
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