Best Posts in Thread: To Approach or Not to Approach

  1. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    Well why do you think tons of people approach you? What do you think you are doing that makes them come to you? The way you dress? Your group of friends? Signals you give out? What do you think it is?
     
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  2. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    I never get approached...well, not never...but not as much as I'd expect given that I live in Atlanta and have frequented many gay parties/bars over the years. I can count on one hand the number of times I have been aggressively pursued, let alone approached.

    It's never bummed me out, I've just adjusted and settled into the role of pursuer instead.

    In the beginning I thought I was maybe not attractive or maybe not welcoming enough...I even thought maybe I gave off a non-gay look. I dunno. Could be the whole Top/Bottom gender roles thing. I had one friend tell me that he NEVER approaches anyone, even if he's interested. He said he figures if they were also interested, they would come to him. At the time I thought he just had a big ego but I learned that it was more of a rejection self defense mechanism.

    So over the years I've just said fuck it, I'll do the approaching. I learned that younger guys are often more receptive than men my age and older so that's who I mostly pursue nowadays just outta success averages.
     
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  3. ControlledXaos

    Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club

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    For me I feel similar to @alton

    I'll get approached by guys who don't appeal to me or not at at all . I think I have a cool personality based on feedback from guys off of here but my resting bitch face does me no good . Gym , clubs , down to the Sams club , the lavanderia etc . . . Dudes are not not checking for me in my day to day .

    When I have approached guys I try to keep it to three questions . If you don't ask me anything after I ask you three questions , I take it as you're not interested and keep it moving .
     
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  4. alton

    Squad Leader The Great Debater The 1000 Daps Club

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    Good question, dude. I've been asking myself this same question in regard to my own bad luck with dudes, and still haven't come up with any answer.
    1. I've been told I'm "unapproachable" because I have a serious face, but...I've seen dudes with much meaner faces (and many times a f#$ked up attitude to match) get approached by many guys.

    2. I've been told to smile more. Done it, no change.

    3. I've killed myself at the gym to get {close to} an IG body...nothin'.

    Some other suggestions have been made and employed, all of which ended with the same results.

    I just think that, as much as people don't want to/ like to admit it, the bottom line/ deciding factor is one's overall looks and just flat out having good luck. Especially nowadays, if you're not in that "top percentage" of what the majority consider attractive, then the chances of you getting approached are very, very low. For those of you that don't have any issue, kudos to you. The majority don't normally share your stellar circumstances.

    Me personally, I'm just a regular a$$ lookin' ,Dime a Dozen, black dude so, in a city/country/community where exotic looks and IG Bodies are the most appreciated, I've already accepted my fate. Ain't shit I can do but continue to do me and hope maaaaybe, I'll catch someone's eye that I myself would be attracted to. If not, eh....life goes on, my dude. Bottom line is, we can discuss this and discuss this (as it's been discussed a few times on this site) but the reality is there is no answer to your question. It's far too subjective.
     
    #2 alton, Nov 11, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2016
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  5. alton

    Squad Leader The Great Debater The 1000 Daps Club

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    "...e figures if they were also interested, they would come to him. At the time I thought he just had a big ego but I learned that it was more of a rejection self defense mechanism. "

    It absolutely is a defense mechanism, albeit a recessive one because it f$%ks us out of a LOT of potential opportunities.
     
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  6. SB3

    SB3 is a Featured MemberSB3
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    This! The saddest part, is that some ppl's communication skills are sooo lacking, that they don't even realize why ppl deuce them. Just think of all of the app mssgs you've received in 5 characters or less...'sup' or the extra effort to write 'wasup'. Like, no one is about to sit around here and cater to ur version of convo/convo abt you. The level of self centered'ness' in sooo many gay men is unreal.
     
  7. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    I would guess that it may be his personality. Ive met many guys who weren't super sexy yet they had a very welcoming aura and personality. On the other hand, I've met some guys that look fine as hell but they come off arrogant or unapproachable. So it can really go either way,
     
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