respectfully, if you experience others as reluctant to meet, might they simultaneously experience you as impulsive or rushing to meet? humans that we are, we tend to interpret obstacles by how they inconvenience us, but that also means we're inclined to see the other person as the issue rather than taking a more objective stance. in other words, maybe it's just two ppl who, having had two different life experiences, have different needs or norms for mtg up. not a negative or positive, just different.
i've learned everyone is navigating their unique combo of variables that determine how they interact, including fear of disappointment, insecurity, optimism, desired level of discretion, thirst, loneliness, etc. this means none of us wants exactly the same thing at the same time. i don't expect that just b/c i want to meet that the other person has to want the same. what i will expect, should there be interest, is that the person is willing to negotiate, as am i, to find a middle ground btwn what each of us wants. but in this age of microwave experiences, that can be very difficult for a lot of ppl.
Best Posts in Thread: What's w the Time Quotas Before Meeting??
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My question is, what is it w the amount of time so many guys seem to need before meeting someone from an app/site in person, non-sexually? Like, I don't get the extreme apprehension many have when it comes to meeting someone for a drink or some wings, yet the same 2 ppl would be down to arrange a hookup in under 10 mins.
So, @Nick Delmacy did a thread asking if it's ok to ask if someone is masc or fem on the apps, and @Cyrus-Brooks said something about the fact that because so many guys lie online, you're gonna have to do extra detective work and investigating before deciding to meet up w the dude. I know a lot of guys think this way, but I don't understand it.
Don't get me wrong, I've been duped, bamboozled, hoodwinked, and catfished a time or two. However, as someone who never spent a significant amt of time on the apps, I can't say I've ever had any crazy stalker type situations. The part I don't understand is what ppl feel like they have to lose if the person IS faking the funk. If they purposely mislead you, that's a sign of the person they are, so you're well within your rights to say deuces and leave. 9/10 he's not 'the killer' who's gonna do you in, in the middle of the public space you meet in. Why is there a need to find out this dude's FB, IG, and SS# before simply meeting up? Where is the danger? People get hired faster than it can take 2 dudes to meet up.
What say yous? What do you guys think keeps the feeding this apprehension?
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I suspect the real reason for the time quota before a first meeting is simple- people think that the time used is a sunk cost, an investment, and once the other party is invested, that person is less likely to stand them up, be cruel, or simply walk away. After all, they've already put sooooo much effort in, are you really gonna just walk away?
In general, it's a good strategy. Unfortunately, it doesn't take into consideration people like me, who are not sentimental and really value their time. Sunk costs? I don't believe in them, since I don't believe they allow for growth and evolution of relationships. I'm always amazed when people stay in contact with exes, former friends, or malignant parents because of some strange idea of "history". Fuck history. Embrace health.
So, if you wanna meet, just meet dammit. Rip the bandaid off. Be explicit about what you need. Mean what you say. Don't beat around the damn bush. Uggh I hate the inefficiency of it all.acessential, mojoreece, itsumoconfused and 1 other person dapped this.