Would you take his last name if you got married?

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by Nigerian Prince, Dec 22, 2015.

  1. Nigerian Prince

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    Hey guys,

    I am sure that it has crossed all of our minds at some point. I have not been in a long-term relationship YET but I have thought about the idea of marriage. I think that since LGBT individuals have the right to be legally married and it can be recognized on a federal level that it is good we can have financial protections within our unions. So my thoughts are like this:

    1) I would take a Nigerian last name if I really loved him and it meant a lot to him. I could compromise on that especially if we are from the same tribe in Nigeria.

    2) I might take the last name of an African outside of Nigeria I think. I think I would at least hyphenate because hyphenated last names are actually common with some Nigerians, Ghanians and other Africans I've come across.

    Honestly for me I would not really prefer to take another man's last name BUT I would take a man's last name if he is a Nigerian. It just would not look right for my first name to be next to an American, Hispanic, Asian or whatever other last name. That's just my opinion lol.

    Would you take another man's last name if you got married? Would you hyphenate? Would you be upset if another man did not take your last name?
     
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  2. Cyrus-Brooks

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    My partner and I have discussed this. I wouldn't change my last name for a couple of reasons. It would be a huge pain in the ass to have to change my drivers license and countless other legal and employment documents. Also I wouldn't change my last name because that is a heteronormative concept. Women change their names because women were once considered property. Before a woman or girl was married she is the property of her father. After she gets married she becomes the property of her husband. Since we're both men this type of arrangement doesn't apply to us.
     
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  3. TheEdge

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    Sharing a name for me is like putting on a ring. Its sort of emphasises your committment to each other. i would take his name as an add on to the names i already have... i wont completely toss the last name i currently have out of the window
     
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  4. acessential

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    I'd consider hyphenating, but I probably wouldn't change my last name. Not really down with the heteronormative stuff. The only issue would come if we were to have kids. I have this semi-convulted idea for that. If my husband and I were to have kids through surrogacy, we'd ideally have two. I would be the biological father of one kid and he'd be the biological father of the other. Both kids would have the same surrogate mother/egg donor so they'd be related biologically. I would then give my last name to my husband's biological child and he would give his last name to my biological child. That way even if we didn't have biological connection to the child, the last name signifies that we're still the parent. That's hella complicated though, so I don't know if I'd actually do it. lol.
     
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  5. ControlledXaos

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  6. Nigerian Prince

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    LOL you really thought this through! wow!
     
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  7. ControlledXaos

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    I'm on the same page as @acessential

    I would love to have any kids with my partner with the same birth mom so that they can be true siblings.
     
  8. Nigerian Prince

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    lol yeah that would be a cool thing.
     
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  9. Infinite_loop

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    that sounds super elaborate and well thought-out, like the US highway system lol
     
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  10. Infinite_loop

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    I'd consider hyphenating. I find hyphenated names elegant and aligns with the ideal of a more equal marriage. To hell with heteronormative last names lol. My country actually doesn't practice the paternal name thing, which I found super odd since we are deep in them African guts :franko1: . Contrary to @African King , I find African name- American name hyphenation super cool. It is just something different haha. I was blessed with a short last name so if I happen marry a washington, lewis, wood, beckham(lol) then the hyphenated name will sound so much better than with one from my country
     
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  11. Tyroc

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    If I still had tear ducts that might've brought one out.
    A long, long time ago in a relationship ver far away
    My ex and I came up with that same idea about both of us conceiving
    with the same surrogate/egg donor.
     
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  12. acessential

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    Hey, the American highway system is an example of great American ingenuity. Especially at the time. So I'll take that as a compliment. lol.
     
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  13. Rah Brown

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    I never thought about that but that seems to be a great idea.
     
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  14. cypher21

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    I've thought about doing what acessential said...I don't know it would depend on his last name..I'm rather fond of my own so I probably would go hyphenation.
     
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  15. bpaisle

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    I wouldn't change mine...hyphenation would be an option but I think my last name is pretty dope so I would probably want to keep it by itself...and plus I'm the last guy on my dad's side so if I don't have kids then my last name will pretty much die out soooo it's not looking too good for changing my last name lol
     
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  16. Champagne Papi

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    ....if it meant that much to him, sure I would. But it would only be hyphenated. And that would be something both him and I do. We'd just take our surnames, put them in alphabetical order, and hyphenate them....that's only if me taking his surname truly meant something to him. Either than that yeh, I would just keep my surname.

    When it comes to our children, whether we ourselves chose to hyphenate our surnames or not, our children would definitely have our hyphenated surname.
     
  17. Champagne Papi

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    ....I don't know, that thought of sharing a birth parent being the only way to make you "true siblings" always seemed highly problematic to me.

    In a way, it belittles and diminishes the sibling relationship siblings that don't share any biological parent have....as if, for me to truly call you my sibling, you have to share a parent with me.

    I don't know, to me, blood is not that thick....at all.
     
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  18. Champagne Papi

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    ....this kind of reminds me of the talks I had with this Kurdish dude I was once dating. Him and I used to always talk about stuff like this, yeh. Although we weren't from the same country, both of our cultures were very similar and that was probably do to us believing in the same faith.

    But yeh, this topic reminded me of when him and I were talking about marriage and how the whole proposal ordeal would play out and sh*t. I remember telling him that if it were to happen, I'd probably propose to him first....and the alpha male in him went ballistic and wouldn't allow me to do that.

    He said that if I ever got on my knee and was about to propose to him that he'd immediately come down on his knee and join me by proposing to me too........in the beginning, I was like, "you f*cking dumb-knuckled Neanderthal, let me just propose to you."


    But in the end, I couldn't help but to realize how cute that sh*t was........Although I don't talk to that a**hole anymore, I've come to adopt his practice to join by dude on my knee if I was to ever be proposed to.
     
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  19. mojoreece

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    I think the whole name thing is hero-normative. Since I dont plan on having kids there's really no need to. I might do it if my partner had a really cool or exotic sounding name.
     
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  20. Nigerian Prince

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    Which country?
     
  21. ControlledXaos

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    How is it belittling to people who I don't know? I didn't say anything that took away from people who are non blood blood relatives. I'm talking about me in a hypothetical situation. I have relatives who are adopted in my family and they are treated exactly the same as the rest of us. Nothing wrong with wanting people to share some genetic code.

    I didn't in anyway imply that would make these hypothetical sibs better than two children who could be adopted with neither I or my intended's DNA.
     
  22. cypher21

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    Ha I think it's cute too, proposals are another thing that I haven't thought about...*sigh*
     
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  23. Champagne Papi

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    ....oh my days, I'm so sorry yeh, I think I came off in a way that I didn't intend to. I truly didn't mean you personally or was trying to insinuate that you personally were belittling the relationship of siblings who don't share any biological parent. What I said was in no regards to your hypothetical situation.

    You're absolutely correct, there is nothing wrong with wanting to share some genetic code........What I meant was that there are all different sorts of sibling relationships....and the mindset of sharing a biological parent being the only way of being "true" siblings is indeed belittling to the rest of sibling relationship types (SRT). Not only is it belittling, it diminishes the importance or "trueness" of the other SRT because they don't share a biological parent....in a sense, it knocks all the other SRT out of the way of being considered "true" siblings; it's a destructive mindset.

    Whether it was implied it or not, I don't think it's hard to argue that "true" siblings is seen in a way that its superior to other SRT....being treated the same way doesn't necessarily equate to you also being "seen" the same way.

    But listen yeh, once again, I'm sorry....I wasn't coming at you or trying to attack you in any way.
     
  24. ControlledXaos

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  25. Champagne Papi

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  26. keith

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    I'd prefer hyphenation but if it were majorly important to him, I'd consider taking his last name.
     
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  27. SB3

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    Absolutely not! I alrdy think sooo many str8 norms are ridiculous, so Im not gonna turn around n pull the same stunts. Our lives wont change any way if we keep our own last names. Where is @ockydub the resident married homo so he can cosign?!
     
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  28. OckyDub

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    Imma keep my last name but maybe hyphenate it.
     
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