CA Podcast #71 – The “Shade Me At Hello” Episode

By Cypher Avenue | Posted Jun 4 2018 | 21 Comments  

Brehs, we present to you a new episode of the CYPHER AVENUE PODCAST where you’ll hear us give updates, engage in heated topic debates, interviewing interesting homosexual men of color and us verbally adding on to the articles posted on the website. The episodes will be available in four ways: You can listen to them on the site, watch on YouTube, download a MP3 version or subscribe to us on iTunes or YouTube for automatic updates!

In this episode, Ocky Williams and Nick Delmacy discuss Gay Day Parties, Getting Shaded by Gay Men (8:44), Guys in the Gym (17:35), If Nick’s Nephew is Gay (29:30), Being over 40 in the Gay Community (48:10), Social Media & Body Image Issues (58:15), Dating Out Of Your League (1:10:00), Masculine Privilege (1:20:30), and a lot of random shit (1:45:00)!








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Cypher Avenue

Cypher Avenue is a direct response to the lack of a single website on the Internet catering to gay/bisexual men that love hip hop, pop culture, video games, sci-fi and mature, open minded conversations. Topics ranging from sex, sports, movies, new tech, science, fashion, comic books, politics, working out, hip hop, booze, television, cars, the outdoors, geek stuff, dating, and relationships; you name it, we have it.

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21 Comments Feel Free To Join The Cypher.

  1. ControlledXaos
    ControlledXaos | June 4th, 2018

    Damn…this podcast long. Lol glad I got speed mods

  2. Nick Delmacy
    Nick Delmacy | June 4th, 2018

    Might be another 3 months before the next podcast so we gave you guys enough to eat on for awhile :mjlol:

  3. DreG
    DreG | June 4th, 2018

    My younger cousin is gay.I've been sure since he was around 7. Me and him have always been close. I wanna ask him about it,and let him know he can be open with me about that,but at the same time,I don't wanna pressure him. There's even a guy I think he likes and who might possibly like him back( they wore matching blazers to their graduation and looked like two grooms),but still,I'm trying to not be invasive.

    When he was little,he was always up under me and following me around and trying to stay at my house.He was basically in love with me,kinda like how some girls are in love with their dads. I always feared that if my extended family knew back then,they'd say it was my fault if they ever find out about him. And even now,I don't wanna outright ask him so that if he hasn't come to terms with it, in his confusion ,he won't be able to make the excuse that if I influenced him.

    We still have a pretty good relationship though. He just graduated from high school,and turns 18 this month,so I hope that'll be something he embraces and we can bond over soon. I wanna talk to him about dudes and whatever,but I also wanna give him sexual health advice and safety tips ( like don't meet guys for hookups anonymously) that he won't really get otherwise.

  4. DreG
    DreG | June 4th, 2018

    When we recorded the roundtable,I was kinda dozing off. I'd been up for a long time. So when it was my turn to talk I was lil bit like " Huh…what?" lol. I probably got a little too caught up with listening to everyone too.

  5. JodyBell87
    JodyBell87 | June 5th, 2018

    Finally back 🙂 I don’t know why, but my account wouldn’t login for months! I’m so behind.

    I’ll listen to this all the way through when I get a chance.

  6. hannibal
    hannibal | June 5th, 2018

    I just envision Nick pulling a Melania trump and swatting dudes hand away from his top.

  7. SB3
    SB3 | June 5th, 2018


    Yall hos muthafukin tried it, BIIIIITCH!!!

    Last time I checked, I thought I was a well spoken and received guest on the podcastS!! Yes, with an S! Plural ho!!! But aight…yall can just dub over my parts w a new song…

    Nah, for real tho, I type in a very conversational way on here, because I think of it that way. I'm not in class, or at work in my cubicle, and with how socially awkward sooo many gay men are (particularly those who feel kinda 'out of the loop' of what IG suggests they should be) I think of CA as an environment where guys should feel comfortable, laid back, and off the clock, and not in need of sending their representative. Idk if you guys realize just how many members for whom CA IS their main, non sexual, interaction w other gay men. As the member who has most likely met the most members, I can attest to this. Point is, I spent sooo many years w others looking at and thinking of me a certain way because of the way I looked, all while I was naive and insecure as fuk because I was gay and so worried abt being outed, that now that Im comfortable and happy with the guy I am, I stopped carrying around any extra fuks for what others think, or feel inclined to judge me on. That said, don't sleep, cus in addition to being an english major for abt a semester and a half/being an english tutor for both my junior and senior years of college as my work study job, AND in the 25 damn years that I been on this damn site, everyone got my damn points, both written and vervalized. Not that yall implied all that, lol, that's just a general dislaimer for anyone who got it twisted…ho!

    It's aight tho, yall can just have ' @hannibal / @ControlledXaos day' every day! They fux w me at mused.

    @Nick Delmacy if u don't stop playin and ask your damn nephew!!! You know what it's like to wrestle with that shyt, so why don't you think he'd want that support if he IS gay? Hell, even if he's not ready to say it, he can just lie and keep on fakin it like the rest of us did. At least that way he'll know he has an ally. Wouldve made a world of difference to me if I had that, instead of only having a bunch of uncles and older str8 cuzzins who each had 10 kids w 12 baby mamas. Yes, my numbers are intentional and accurate!

    Again, for the millionth time, while knowing it's irrelevant, I still think yall should do this more often, and on a larger platform. Ppl in general, take exposure (or lack thereof) and it's impact, for granted. These are the kinds of conversations that ppl could really learn from.

    When I start my youtube series, don't come tryin to join forces w me and split a piece of my check!



    Yall done fukd up my high…

    And Im tagging @OckyDub to make sure that ho reads this! Eventho I don't fuk w u no more, and you dont understand nuthin I say, in a world where many single gays like to trivialize the value of relationships based on their own stuggles and difficulties in finding or maintaining them, it's nice to hear you speaking of your relationship in a way that makes it seem like something valuable, and not just something that happens to exist…or whatever..

  8. Rico
    Rico | June 5th, 2018

    Ummm..I’ll have what he’s having…

  9. SB3
    SB3 | June 5th, 2018


  10. OckyDub
    OckyDub | June 6th, 2018

    I agree and it should feel / be that way. FYI…CA is also my "main, non sexual, interaction w other gay men."

    Tell'em why you mad son? Most times I read your messages like…


  11. Jai
    Jai | June 6th, 2018

    I personally think the nephee is gay cause I'd say the same thing. Most 21 year olds really aren't worried about hIV to say it like that. They don't want to get no girl preggo.

    I'm pretty introverted and did the same thing he did. I never had sex with anything though. I keep to myself but who knows these days who gay or not.

  12. SB3
    SB3 | June 7th, 2018

    True, but the difference is that you've had an active dating and social life as a gay man. My point was just that many others have not.

  13. Rico
    Rico | June 7th, 2018

    Finally got through the latest. Thoughts:

    – Couldn’t imagine someone that I didn’t know pulling my shirt like what happened to Nick. I must still be too “cisgender” at this point, as I would have punched the shit out of that nigga

    – Gym etiquette: Yeah I notice folk but I pretty much have a “don’t shit where you eat” mentality so I’m just there to work out not socialize, I don’t want anything to fuck up my routine and likewise for others. I only speak up when folk don’t remember their “sweatiquette” (wipe shit down after use), that’s my only gym drama.

    – Nick’s Nephew: He may or may not be gay, but you have to remember introverts don’t process like extroverts (you Nick). Minus the weed, he sounds like me at that age. He’s probably checking out girls or dudes (whatever his pref) but introverts tend to be a lot slicker when catching a sexual glimpse and not so obvious. A lot of folk thought I was asexual, but I had the slick introvert quick glimpse down to a T lol. Just let him know you’re there for him and let the convo unfold naturally. But DO have the STD/HIV talk with him regardless of his unknown orientation. He needs to get that info from a trusted, unjudging source like Uncle Nick. Trailer park, hetero, White Trump mofos in my neck of the woods have lots of HIV because they live in that “it’s not a disease that affects me mentality”, as well as working class black folk who think “only fags get that shit.” The irony is that pos dudes who are open about their status, know whether or not they are undetectable, and regularly take their meds are usually a safer, sexual bet for negative partners than those who “think” they’re neg and never get tested.

    – Mid-life: Welcome to the Jungle, Ock! Lol, knees are the early warning signal (speaking from experience); In addition, you need to be getting those prostrate checks (the MEDICAL kind) once a year, along with a good, initial colonoscopy. That being said, it’s all about attitude and you’re right, when you are older you (hopefully) have more resources and you get more done. I’m more productive after 40 than I was before. Death as a next door neighbor makes you take stock in what you’re doing, unlike when you are 20.

    – Like the idea of a call-in podcast, as well as prerecorded questions/responses (that would probably be easier for y’all, editing wise).

  14. Omega Level
    Omega Level | June 9th, 2018

    About the nephew. I believe he is gay, but it seems a bit strange to me that he wouldn't want to confind that with his gay uncle. You could offer him understanding and advice as a gay man. Man I wish I had a gay uncle when I was growing up. I would have asked him all kind of stuff.

    Also, when the father made reference to the "working on him" and "is he getting up on girls" would his father have a problem with him being gay? It wouldn't seem like your family is homophobic or would make rude remarks about gay people knowing that you are gay.

    When my niece and nephew grew older and realized which was later confirmed between myself and my sister that I was gay they were ecstatic. They got excited and said "I knew it, because you know about all the dope stuff and got style''. LOL. They feel like gay people have super powers or some shit. Like all gay people are cool or interesting in some way. Its funny.

  15. Nick Delmacy
    Nick Delmacy | June 9th, 2018

    I think everyone in the family would be cool about it except him. He's one of those urban hood dudes that drinks beer and smokes a blunt for breakfast. He wouldn't say anything to my face but I def think a lot of offensive words would shared with his family or even his sons (my oldest nephews). My own brother, no so much. He has a wife and two young boys but even as religious as he is, I don't think he would even think twice about it because he knows me and my character more than the brother-in-law.

  16. SB3
    SB3 | June 9th, 2018

    Im glad you mentioned this, because I meant to ask @Nick Delmacy about it. Nick, I remember you saying you told your mom and sibs, but I was wondering if you ever confirmed any possible suspicions w the rest of the fam? Basically, I meant to ask if your nephew knows for sure you're gay?

  17. jpo
    jpo | June 13th, 2018

    Another great pod – keep them coming. I appreciated the decision to take notes – i.e. not interrupt so much and then do follow up discussion. Led to a better flow. As for Nick’s nephew, I remain agnostic, he could be, but who knows. We will know when you know I am sure. One thing I think I am sure about – he doesn’t follow Cypher Avenue. Overall though I liked the focus on unclehood – Nick’s and Cypher Avenue’s in general. Whether it’s a question of blood relations or not, I bet most of us benefit (benefitted) from a gay uncle, an older guy who showed us around the gayborhood. For those of us who are older, there’s a benefit to our relationship with younger guys who regard us as uncles. We create our own families.
    As for mid-life crises and sports cars, what’s the point of working to get to a point where you can afford to live your dream, or part of it, and not taking advantage of it? There needs to be some compensation for the pain in the knee that Ocky felt.

  18. Nick Delmacy
    Nick Delmacy | June 13th, 2018

    My mom told me that "everyone already knows" and that I "wasn't fooling anyone" when we talked. So after retorting that I wasn't trying to "fool anyone," I took her at her word.

  19. Comment Imported From Main Site | June 19th, 2018

    Lots of shallow talk on Nick Delmacy's end. That continues unfortunately (Octavious is a lot more realistic when discussing black sgl dating). Nick is overly "gay critical lol" when assessing himself as a suitor. Useless and unhealthy learned value is problematic and is very often shown in dating patterns and behaviors from many of our sgl males. You are a whole, I repeat whole, person brother. All of you will never be what you may feel is perfect. Highlight and actually use your great qualities and see who happens to genuinely appreciate. That's it.

    What's preventing them from connecting with one another is Common Sense. The usage of common sense. If most of these sgl men have foolishly and culturally learned to simply focus on looks, a phat azz, a big d or money, the unhappy lonely cycle is self-created and will continue for life. Get you some real quality. Selecting a dude who has most of what you like or great potential without the typical silly useless things mentioned will get you a bf, fiance or perhaps a great husband and LONGEVITY.

    Lastly, we recently lost an asset to the black sgl community from the CDC. And ppl wonder why being superficial and shallow gets us collectively NOWHERE. Love one another. Even the most educated or attractive black sgl men are far too often, like I already picked up on, ARE unhappy and seriously internally struggling. TRY LOVING YOU. LOVING HIM. LOVING THEM…OR JUST KEEP TO YOURSELF. Real love is seriously needed within this community of men instead of the typical substandard way(s) of interacting w/ your fellow brothas. Keep your assessments and just attempt to uplift, mix with good ppl regardless and just vibe for a change. Leave that typical sizing up men stuff in the trash and meet good ppl. They may be worth exploring more, being cool with or may even have a more suitable friend. REFRESH already. Good luck bro.

  20. ControlledXaos
    ControlledXaos | June 20th, 2018

    Who? Are you speaking about Dr Cunningham?

    I don't think he would be considered an asset if he was allegedly wrestling with his own sexuality. To be an asset you'd have to first have some solid self acceptance.

  21. Nicholan
    Nicholan | July 15th, 2018

    I listened to this a couple days ago so all the topics aren’t fresh in my mind. Anyway, I have a question for Nick. Does your family (meaning your nephew and his dad) know that you are gay?

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