Here at Discreet City, we have written a couple of posts with subject matter concerning being single, hook ups, searching for the right guy, “Ex’s” and relationships.
They include…
–Relationship Oriented VS Hookups: Fighting the Beast Within
–The Gay Friend Delusion
-(The Infamous) Top 15 Reasons That You’re Still a Single Man
–Why Make Him Wait For Sex?
–The 10 Level Guide to Meeting a Masculine Gay Man
My main objective of this post, future posts and interviews to come, is to celebrate long term homosexual relationships concerning men of color. I touched on this previously in my post “Looking for a Healthy Long Term Relationship” I would like to continue with this theme by sharing my own personal experience on the subject.
I must say, I enjoy and love the man I am in a relationship with. Let me also stress I enjoy and love our relationship. As with any relationship we have our occasional problems (yes we argue about some bullshit weekly) but we fulfill each others needs, wants and requirements.
We both have our character flaws and vices. We both can come off as the “Alpha” male. We are stubborn, opinionated, passionate, and can be jerks at times. But we also share everything, travel together, cook for each other, rub each others back or feet, shower together, laugh and joke on one another, work on each others cars and we are about to add fishing to the equation. I can go on but I think you get my point.
Most importantly we trust each other with every thing. This man always has my back. We are monogamous and committed. We love ourselves first before we love each other. We are happy with ourselves alone and separately but we enhance each others happiness when we are together.
We have learned and are learning to compromise. We try our best to make sure we keep the lines of communication open. We understand that this is a process. We understand that our relationship may have an expiration date.
As people grow, sometimes they grow apart and that’s okay; however for the time that we are together (if it’s 5 or 10 years), why not attempt to make it the best time possible? If it does end, what was learned from the experience that can help me be a better man for my next partner or relationship if one should happen? A lot of times people come into your life for you to learn lessons and help develop yourself for the next chapters. You have to be open and available and try to make sure you receive the lessons.
I am a firm believer in the laws of the universe and attraction. I know this may seem a little “new age” to some but I know where I was as a person years ago and can measure my personal growth and transformations. Believe me…I would not be in this loving relationship if I had not evolved and changed as a person, years before me and this man crossed paths. Because of growth and transformation, I was available to receive this man in my life.
By no means am I attempting to force relationships on anyone because I also feel that everyone is not meant to be in a committed relationship.
There is nothing wrong with being happy and single, but I see and hear so many great men who say “It’s hard to find a masculine man” or “there are no good men out there”.
I feel by having this attitude and this particular outlook when it comes to dating and meeting men…you get what you ask for…you think it so it must be true. You may not realize that you could be self sabotaging yourself by having these negative preconceived ideals.
Logically, why would a “good” person think that they are the only “good” person out there?
Let me be clear…I was the man that thought for a long time that “it’s hard to find a masculine man” or “there are no good men out there”, but now I know I was completely wrong. Once I begin to change my thought perceptions; my actions and my reality changed with it. The caliber and stock of masculine men I began to meet went up and dating became fun and interesting…not a burden.
Yes I did have some experiences that were not that favorable but I did not allow them to outweigh or dominate my over all perception and dating experiences.
We all have stories (for some, horror stories) about how bad dating and relationships can be and yes I have my share. The more we talk about and share our experiences, the more people realize just how alike and similar we are.
Hopefully with this and future posts; we can begin to open some minds and change some perceptions about meeting men, dating and fostering our relationships.
As always, feel free to leave your comments.
-Octavius
OckyDub
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I am just so happy to see this Octavius. I just wanna hug both of you and cry. lol FOR JOY! I really appreciate this site so much. It’s positive and honest and it is helping these men whom feel as if they do not fit in so easily being masculine, actually have a safe place to get educated. It is giving them a much needed sense of community. I appreciate this so much because it is a relief from sites like Jamari Foxx where these men are encouraged to stay in the closet, remain in the stereotypical thug type roles, and sex sex sex sex sex all over the place. Thug does not equal masculinity and it takes men like you and your partner to help these men understand they can find love and live their best life too. I am a firm believer that we as a black gay community need more visibility.
This post just inspired me and made me smile. You aren’t bashing fems all over the place. You are just honestly sharing your account and giving encouragement. A+
I am just so happy to see this Octavius. I just wanna hug both of you and cry. lol FOR JOY! I really appreciate this site so much. It’s positive and honest and it is helping these men whom feel as if they do not fit in so easily being masculine, actually have a safe place to get educated. It is giving them a much needed sense of community. I appreciate this so much because it is a relief from sites like Jamari Foxx where these men are encouraged to stay in the closet, remain in the stereotypical thug type roles, and sex sex sex sex sex all over the place. Thug does not equal masculinity and it takes men like you and your partner to help these men understand they can find love and live their best life too. I am a firm believer that we as a black gay community need more visibility.
This post just inspired me and made me smile. You aren’t bashing fems all over the place. You are just honestly sharing your account and giving encouragement. A+
You betcha! I sure will. I am proud to be a member of this site. I do hope one of your upcoming posts will be about our duty as older or more experienced members of this black lbgt community to drop a line or two to the young or inexperienced. We’ve got to save ourselves grass roots wise. Our people have been good at doing that when it counts. A real “FUBU” movement. The youth are bombarded with so many negative hurdles and they need a place to come and get honest information and brotherhood.
Keep doing what you doing and get rid of the stigma that it has to be a lonely life with a whole lot of empty nights at the club, one night affairs and sadness. (of course also realize that relationships and commitments are started by choice and that they can be work. just don’t let the work outweigh the fun!! ) Let go of that anger and frustration that you and the last brotha caused each other. Keep blaming him and your doors will forever be closed to the next somebody that could possibly walk into your life.. Thanks for your help, thanks for your growth, your love, your companionship and your respect. I am extremely proud of you kid.. Another great job O…. Oh, and by the way, I picked up the bait!
I’m glad that you’ve found that one you can be true with and build a future with. I do still believe that good (masculine) guys are a lil challenging to find.
A large percentage of gay guys are very superficial….only lookin for the next best thing until the next best thing comes along. its difficult weening through that.
I just found this site, and I cannot express in words how comforting it feels to have finally found a place that feels like home. I am a single masculine man who feels like a second thumb at times simply because I am masculine and do not fit into the typical stereotypical norms. I believe in LTR and I’m confident that I’ll find one again..
Thanks for reminding us of it’s possibilities!
I’m not much of a writer so I’ll keep it short. Been with my babis for three years and counting and it does my hear wonders to know that gay black men can go the distance with each other. This passage reminded me so much of us.”We both have our character flaws and vices. We both can come off as the “Alpha” male. We are stubborn, opinionated, passionate, and can be jerks at times. But we also share everything, travel together, cook for each other, rub each others back or feet, shower together, laugh and joke” And for me that’s whats it’s all about Like my granny has always told us as long as you both have an good understanding things will be just fine.Its so much I want to say but it will be mostly of how happy I am with this man I love,lol. But to the single men out there just wait it will happen just make sure you are ready as well.Octavius man I wish you the best and I will most def spread the word about this site.
I actually just ran across this site after looking for sites talking about “black gay relationships”. My baby and I have been together for 7 years (8 years in February 2013). We are also a “multigenerational” couple, he is 29 and I am 51. Many thought that this was going to last but we proved that true love really conquers a lot. Yes, we have our share of problems but we resolve them and move on. We also don’t dwell on our age differnce, but also on the other hand, we don’t deny it either. We posted this to let people know that, YES, there are positive black gay male relationship and YES, they can work.
I first want to say as a masculine man I love your site!! I am so glad I stumbled on it. I found it three days ago and have not stopped reading it ever since.
The above article was awesome and described me and my partner almost to a tee. We are going on 3 years and I used this article as a conversation piece for us to look at where we are as a couple and where we want to go.
I would love to see an article about dating men with big age differences. I am 39 and he is 25. Never thought I would be in relationship with a younger man but here I am almost 3 years strong. This has been the best relationship I have ever been in man or woman. Anyway keep up the great work and thanks for the representation.
I stumbled on your sight a few days ago and I am hooked. I am single and raising my 2 year old son. I would love to be in a relationship but it is not yet the time or the moment. I sincerely believe at the right time HE will send a good brother into my life. Keep up the good work.