Brehs, we present to you a new episode of the CYPHER AVENUE PODCAST where you’ll hear us give updates, engage in heated topic debates, interviewing interesting homosexual men of color and us verbally adding on to the articles posted on the website.
The episodes will be available in three ways: You can listen to them on the site, watch on YouTube or download a MP3 version to your computer for listening on you commute to work or while you’re at the gym!
In this podcast, Cypher Avenue founders Ocky Williams & Nick Delmacy discuss Michael Sam, Jason Collins, Interracial Dating, First Dates, Dating Straight Men, Movie Trailers, the return of Heroes and much more!
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You guys ever consider doing like a blogtalk type of podcast where you have people who could actually call in and comment on the subjects you are talking about. It might be interesting to get other people’s opinion on the specific subjects. blogtalkradio.com actually has this function if you want to check into it. The only reason I suggest this is because even though most of your listeners may be masculine; they might have totally different opinions on various subjects. For instance, I’m a masculine black man, who has been married and divorced, but I like only feminine men.
I think thats an amazing suggestion I’d personally like to chime in on alot of these topics. I think it would offer a more well rounded view of the masculine psyche.
They’ve done it before. They’ve had 4 of us on at once to talk and one time they did a live podcast
Yes a great idea that we’ve already done twice in the recent past…Check the podcast archives: http://cypheravenue.com/cypher-ave-podcasts/
@kappaprince, so would you say you are DL since you are gay and you were married to a woman? Or did you discover you were gay after you got a divorce? No judging…just asking.
@rolandgarros28 No, I’m not dl. I’m discreet, but not dl, if you understand the difference. I have always been bi-sexual. I know some people don’t believe in bisexuality but it was true for me. I liked both sexes equally for different reasons. When I was married I didn’t mess around with men. When I commit to someone, I totally commit. A year into our marriage my wife got pregnant with our son. She didn’t want to have sex because she mistakenly thought that intercourse would hurt the baby. This is when my thoughts about being with a dude started coming back. I was horny, frustrated and unhappy with my life. It was diapers and nagging and bottles and doctor’s appointments and fights over money and all type of shit. So I decided to end it. After my wife I have dated only men exclusively; it just is much easier and laid back. Even though I usually like feminine men (definitely no drag queens though) I have never dated any of the messy stereotypical type.
@kappaprince you decided to bail on your wife and child just because the going got tough? What kind of man leaves his wife and infant child just because the sex wasn’t free flowing? The demands of being a husband and father will always require more than you anticipated. I don’t mean to judge you, but help me understand what you were thinking?
Ok @Black Pegasus…I did not recount my entire life story on here. You only get so many characters anyway. I made a long story short. What I didn’t say is that my wife had major problems; anxiety issues, anger issues and trust issues. At some point you get fed up with the same issues. Keep in mind I said we were married for a year before my son was born, we stayed together another year after he was born. But we were together SIX YEARS before we got married but we never lived together. I did not abandon my son and wife. The $4000 I pay every month in alimony and child support tells me definitely not. I see my son every week, me and my former wife are best friends, I went to her wedding to her new husband (that marriage is not going well either).
Sometimes in life you have to make tough decisions. I quickly realized after we were married that we BOTH had made a huge mistake. It was better for me to end the marriage when I did to correct the mistake. I did not want to ruin this girl’s life by staying in a turbulent marriage. I also didn’t want my son growing up in a household where there was cussing and fighting going on all the time.
Question: do you have kids? are you currently married or been married before?
@kappaprince -Thanks for the follow up… I’ve had only two girlfriends in my entire 30something years of life. When I met the first guy I fell in love with during college, I never dated a female again. Morally, I cannot! And sexually I will not! I also do not have kids, but I spoil my nieces and nephews like they were my own. Your story however is the prototypical tale of many self proclaimed bisexuals I’ve met over the years.
1. Marriage
2. Kid(s)
3. Divorced after a few short years.
My maturity has provided me with both the wisdom and compassion not to judge DL men who take unsuspecting women down that road. However, it doesn’t stop me from seeing the narcissistic and borderline sociopathic tendencies they always seem to exhibit.
Thanks for sharing.
I get what you are saying but you are not a TRUE bisexual. And probably never was. I liked BOTH sexes. I was actually into my wife, I enjoyed having sex with her, I enjoyed taking her to dinner, rubbing her feet at night, buying her unsuspecting gifts. I love how you use the words “self-proclaimed bisexuals.” If you knew anything about life and maturity you would know that sexuality is not black or white. There is a spectrum and everybody falls somewhere in the spectrum. Most of us are in the gray areas when it comes to sexuality. I did not lead my wife down any unsuspecting path. Matter of fact, I felt she led ME down the “unsuspecting” path. I was not aware of how difficult she was to live with, she did not intimate to me some of her insecurities or abnormalities. She’s been married three times now and can’t seem to make any of them work.
It’s funny you using the term “self proclaiming bisexual” because this same self righteous, I’m not judging [but really I am] crap are the same terms that heteros use when they tell gay people that it’s a choice and you can “pray the gay away”, or “change if you wanted to.”
@kappaprince, follow up question number 1. So was your wife aware of your bisexuality? A lot of dudes fail to share that part of their sexuality with their women which makes them still DL in my opinion. Follow up question #2…If you could do it all over again, would you forgo the marriage to a woman in lieu of just dating knowing what you know now about being with a woman as a bisexual man? I only ask these questions because there is a client of mine who still classifies himself as bisexual simply because he once dated then married a woman and had a child but he hasn’t been with another woman in over 6 years. I used to think it was a cover up, then I accused him of being greedy and now I just leave him be but I must admit, I think bisexual people are usually more attracted to the same sex than the opposite if that makes sense.
@rolandgarros28 To answer your question, no she did not know about my bi-sexuality. I personally felt she didn’t need to know since I was not sleeping with or interacting with other men [who were gay]. If that makes me DL in your opinion then so be it. I don’t hide anything from anyone. Had she asked me if I liked men I would have told her the truth. The same way I have never told my mother or other family members that I am gay. But they have met some of my former boyfriends [all of who are feminine]. That means they should definitely know but it isn’t something we discuss. My brother has never had to come home and tell my parents “hey mom, I’m straight!” So why should I have to come home and say, “hey mom, I’m gay!” If they ask then we’ll have the conversation. Being gay is a small part of who I am as a man. I am a father, a musician, a sports fanatic, a card player, a amateur cook, a boxer, a traveler, a friend and a lover. I’m a lot of things! I don’t live my life like most gay men who are just waiting around for the hottest gay party, or stand in line for the hottest gay club. I like men, I think they are sexy and attractive but it’s not ALL I like or do.
Question 2: That’s a hard question to answer because I am totally in love with my son. Had I not married my former wife then I wouldn’t have my son. If I could have the son and not the wife [knowing what i know now] then definitely I would not have gotten married. Bisexuality is difficult for people to understand. And mine was different; growing up I always liked women more. I never messed with men for a long time unless they were giving me head. That’s all I wanted from a man. But sex is the easy part. Truly liking a specific gender is whether you have an “emotional connection” to that sex. Meaning, do I want to hold them at night, could I see myself living with this sex, kissing them and being intimate without the sex. As I got older, I started to feel that way about men more. So it changes. I haven’t dated a woman in four years, I only date men now. But I do have a freak buddy who is a woman that I occasionally have sex with.
@Kappaprince Ok. So you just a freak then. LOL. That’s cool.
I would think being in a relationship with anyone would mean opening up to them fully about all aspects of your life, including that you like men as well. That’s what I was getting at. Most straight women would view you as downlow whether you see yourself that way or not. I don’t judge bi-sexual people, as I stated, because I don’t quite “get” it but some people don’t get that I’m gay so I understand from that vantage point. To me, bi-sexuality is like purgatory meaning most people hang in that gray area for a short period before being completely gay. Almost like a phase. The fact that you haven’t dated a woman in a while and you’re finding yourself more attracted to mean leads me to believe this may be you in a couple of years. You disagree?
LOL. I totally agree. I am liking men more and more these days. Women come with sooooo much bullshit and baggage and whining and shit. No doubt, some men do too but I can quickly decipher those guys right away. On the very first date i take them to a fast food joint just to see what their reaction would be. If they don’t even blink or make a comment, then they are a keeper. I want somebody that is there trying to get to know ME for real and not just trying to see what I got or what i can offer them.
And no, in a relationship you don’t have to tell your partner your whole life story. Some things are better left unsaid, no matter how much you “think” you want to know EVERYTHING about a person, you really don’t! You should take a person for the individual they are today and not what they used to be. Case in point: my grandmother used to work as a prostitute in a whorehouse when she was 18-22, she did what she felt necessary at the time. Was I shocked, yes! Do I judge her though, NO. I still love her, she’s still a good person even though she did some bad things….plus, her life turned out great. She married a judge who later became mayor of a small town. Had four wonderful kids including my mother and now lives in the suburbs enjoying her golden years.
@rolandgarros28
By the way, we are ALL men! So by nature, 99.9% of us are all freaks! LOL
@Kappaprince, I’m no freak. At least not in public. LOL And I’m glad I’m not the only one that will take a date to a fast food restaurant. I find I relax more and so does the date when we’re not in expensive surroundings trying to impress. You alright by me. LOL
BTW. Why the hell don’t your comments show up on the Activity Stream? That’s weird.
@kappaprince – I wanted to go off topic and ask about something you just said. You said u only got head from guys. Ive asked guys, and never got a clear answer, as to why they deal w men if all theyre gonna get is head. My common sense says tells me it’s men who hide behind that rule in order to protect their own sense of manhood, but w the number of guys who argue that that’s not the case, I wana ask for your reasoning/opinion.
Of course a man ‘guarding his manhood ‘ would not admit to ‘guarding his manhood. But there is a case of some of us not wanting a ‘woman’ to do what we consider dirty things.. And many are acting out some type of abuse they were part of. You have to know their real story.
It could be just getting physical attention from men but not necessarily turned on by returning the favor. It’s another level to have an equally masc man sucking your dick and vice versa. That’s taking things to an emotional realm for some. And they don’t want to go there.
If you think this is odd or can’t be explained, check out transgender porn. You would shocked what the transgenders get hard heads to do. But they would never claim gay,ie Mr. Cee.
After listening to the podcast it reminded me of a conversation with one of my friends about how when the black celebs come out they date white guy Jason,Sam,darron young I would love to see someone with a black boyfriend it’s bad enough we don’t see that many black gay couples at all
@willbme – Be careful son. The last time I brought of the exact same point I was chased down the Avenue with pitchforks by @ocky and @rolandgarros28 LOL….And I find that so puzzling after listening to this podcast because @ocky pretty much expressed how I feel about the interracial dating topic. I (like many Black gay men) just want to see Black love being represented on a scale that says “Hey, Black Love is Good, and it can WORK”. I don’t care who you date, but if you are a White man who ONLY craves Black Men, then you have a fetish. If you’re a Black man who ONLY chooses to be with white men, then you are a SNOW HOE..plain and simple
*drops mic*
@blackpegasus, you lucky I like you or I would tear yo ass up. LOL And…I didn’t chase you down the Avenue with a pitchfork. Just had to get a few things off my chest.
*pics up mic*
@rolandgarros28 – yousa Lie! This is what you and Ocky did to me.
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You threw some elbows yaself now. Quit Playing. You disappeared for a while after that. I thought I might have been a bit too rough but then I remembered @blackpegasus is tough as a muthafucka. We really should blame @nick. He was the one putting those gifs in instigating everything. LOL
You damn right @rolandgarros28. I am one tough muthafukah!
chased down the avenue with pitchforks? LMAO
@Ocky, Right. That budding friendship from yesterday gone out the window already. This some dysfunctional shit right here. LMAO
@rolandgarros28 – @blackpegasus is outspoken and has passion. Aint nothing wrong with that. Dont be mad PB.
@Will: Agreed! It’s kinda funny how the GBM community gets so excited over gay black celebs when they “come out” when all those guys do is shoot straight over to the gay white community to help make things better over there. I’ve also been feeling a certain way about black entertainment ONLY showing black/white gay couples. Like Ashanti’s music video, The Have and Have Nots, Being Mary Jane, etc, these should be times where gay black couples get some run time, but instead black media feeds into the same agenda white media promotes. It’s kinda setting a standard for what gay black men should be striving to attain: white men. LOL/SMH
Thought I was one of the only ones that noticed that (lack of black/black couples in media), very interesting to say the least. Makes me glad to have some blk gay couples I know (or have known) personally.
-I agree w @nick 1000% about Michael Sam. Dont ask me why, cus I dont kno the man from a canof paint, but I automatically got the vibe that he’s prob not gonna be at the black gay club or house party. Nuthin wrong w that, jus sayin..
-I think alot of the reasoning behind why we dont see blk/blk gay male relationships displayed in media is because of the perceived possible backlash from viewers. I think it might be more digestible for ignorant and closed-minded blk ppl to avoid seeing 2 blk men (off the market/doin that gay shit/fill in the blank). I remember a few yrs ago when the show ‘The Game’ had a storyline about a blk gay baller on the team, the casting was very clear. They took a big linebacker type dude (see:tough) who wasnt exactly leading man material, and paired him w a very attractive white man. It was no coincidence that the gay couple didnt look like Tyson Beckford and Boris Kodjoe.
-While I say, do u, I do understand the ‘disappointment’ (for lack of a better/more pc term) of seeing high profile blk gay men come out n only have time for white men. But, Im sure it’s what blk women have been feeling for years every time a perceived eligible bachelor comes out on the red carpet w only white women on their arms.
-Maybe we should start by making it a reality in our own lives instead of waiting for celebs to do it. If we could go on actual dates more than jackd hookups, maybe blk gay love wouldnt seem so mythical and unattainable….
Great points!
I agree with everything you said!!!