Nowadays, when I meet someone that I’m interested in, I’m pretty straight up with my intentions from the start. If I’m interested in them and I want to go out for drinks/food to get to know them better, I tell them that it’s a Date. I tell them that while making new friends is always desirable, in this case I’m interested in more.

What that does is set the stage for how we both interact with each other from there. I treat friends differently than I treat potential lovers. Unlike many Gays, I don’t throw out constant sexual innuendos to someone that is supposedly just a friend.

If by chance we go out on a couple dates and determine that we would make better platonic friends than boyfriends, at least that was ascertained sooner rather than later.

This method does scare off some guys. You should be okay with that because it weeds out the people that would otherwise string you along until THEY are ready to settle for you. Most guys know pretty quickly if they are attracted to someone and think they are a person they would want to get to know further. In this day and age, Dating and “Hanging Out” can be expensive. So if they balk at the idea of going out on a Date, you can think of this method as a way to save yourself a lot of time and money on someone that doesn’t have the same end goal that you have.

In my experience, I’ve only had a 5% drop off rate after I’m straight up with the guys that I meet. I make it clear that I’m not talking instant committed relationship, just a mutual understanding of the situation. Confidence goes a long way. Not only must you go after what you want, you have to make your intentions clear.



If another man ambiguously asks to get together with you and “Hang Out,” act like you’re just two friends doing just that: Hanging Out. When this happens to me, I check out other guys in plain view and verbally compliment them to the guy I’m with.

“Yo, that’s my type of dude right there, he’s sexy isn’t he?” I’ll say to him.

Or I’ll say:

“It’s good to have another homeboy, maybe you have an attractive friend you can hook me up with for a date.”

This usually both creates confusion and clarity. The guy quickly realizes that he has to make his intentions extremely clear extremely fast or else I’m moving on to another potential suitor.


Always have a Backup Plan. Don’t get too attached to any guy who you want to Date but says only wants to “Hang Out and See Where It Goes.” [Editor: See Friends First] Remember, even if you are really interested in the guy and feel that he may actually be interested in you as well (and not being clear about it), you are not expected to be monogamously Dating him until you both have the conversation on Exclusivity.


Some of you will say, “I don’t like to Date multiple people at one time.”

NEWS FLASH: According to him, you’re NOT dating! Find someone that actually has the same Dating goals as you. When you have a backup plan, you become less likely to get stressed out about how confusing your nights of “Hanging Out” are between you and Mr. We’ll-See-Where-It-Goes-From-There.

– Nick D