This question arose after reading an article about a docudrama titled Dreams of a Life involving a black woman in London by the name of Joyce Carol Vincent, who died in her apartment while wrapping Christmas gifts.
The really tragic part is that her body was not found for three years.
This had me thinking about my not so distant past and some of the gay men I have come across in my life. Why you ask?
Because I know many gay men who move away from their respective home towns and seek the obscure-ness and freedom of the “Big City”. In the big city we are not under the scrutiny of our families wondering when we will get married and have kids. We don’t have to worry about the town folk, who may be in our business with open prying eyes and ears to report back their findings to our friends and family. Or family finding out that you might have fucked around with someone you went to high school with. In cities we can blend in, while still being apart of the gay culture.
In cities we can live with a sense of openness (not necessarily being out) knowing that our private lives can remain somewhat private and relish in the solitude and peace of mind.
I mean when you live by yourself you don’t have to worry about clearing out your internet browsing history. You can walk around naked and you can leave your gay porn out and not care. For many of us masculine men, we value our privacy like the Holy Grail, but we can also become somewhat reclusive.
Being creatures of habit, we can get caught up and set in our “ways” as we get older, remain single and protective of our personal space. Bypassing any real human contact outside of work or the gym. Remaining solo, secretive and reclusive even amongst our friends and acquaintances.
So ask yourself these two questions…
- Could what happened to Joyce Carol Vincent ever happen to you?
- If you died at home, how long would it take for someone to find your body?”
Would it take 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months or as for Joyce, 3 years!?
Having meaningful friendships and a support base are crucial for mental health and stability.
So many of us feel that if we meet another masculine man who is cool and has some good attributes, then for some reason we must hook up sexually with him. After we fuck around then we feel that we can attempt to form some sort of relationship or friendship. We do this sometimes not realizing we could be potentially sabotaging ourselves from having meaningful long lasting friendships.
Just because someone may initially meet your qualifications on your “potential boyfriend checklist” does not mean you instantly get in the bed with them, like I and others I know may have done in the past or still do to this day.
No matter how great you may be (or think you are)…no one can survive in this world on their own. We are social beings and must coexist and live under some sort of social constructs and interactivity. I feel some of us need to find and foster human contact and relationships outside of just general phone calls, the internet, instant messaging, texting and sexual hook ups.
Besides, WHO WANTS TO DIE ALONE?
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