I feel bullied by undetectable (untransmittable) gays
Cypher Ave’s has always encouraged our social media better-half The Boards to be a place that Black non-heterosexual men could have an outlet to say the things they can’t say and express feelings they can’t on their mainstream feeds. From politics, culture, sex; we say what we feel. Mainstay fixture, member RolandG always initiates and participates in controversial discussions, which is why I gained permission before I posted his new thread from The Boards below.
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So I’m setting the scene here.
I was with a group of guys yesterday eating and drinking. Well they were drinking mostly and I was eating. The group consisted of two black guys, including myself, and i believe four white guys. During a conversation about dating apps and the most annoying things we encounter on them from other gay men, one of the guys mentioned he gets tired of reading the ignorance of other gay guys who don’t understand that U=U(Undetectable=Untransmittable and that more needs to be done to prevent the stigma of gay men living with HIV and AIDS. Now, I’m 40 years old and have never had an STI and my sexual count is pretty low for a gay man my age but there is one thing I do know and that is I do not want to engage in sexual activity with someone who has any kind of STI. I mentioned this after being asked why I was so quiet and all hell broke loose. I believe I was called, ignorant, not well read and I think I might have been called a closet homophobe too. All this because, despite the medical science and studies, I still chose not to engage in sex with someone who is known to have tested positive for HIV. I mentioned the racial component of the group earlier only because it appeared that it was the white guys who seemed most offended by this viewpoint. The entire evening turned into one of the most frustrating conversations I’ve ever tried to have with other gay folk.
Listen, there is a stigma surrounding HIV and AIDS and I won’t dispute it but lately, I feel like the gay community is working overtime trying to normalize the disease to a fault. These are still diseases that are killing people everyday and causing health problems for others. No matter how it’s spun in the gay press, HIV/AIDS is not the common cold or a little indigestion. These are infections that require medication that can also wreak havoc on the body. But now, I’m part of the problem simply because I say I don’t care to engage in sex with a positive person? How is that spreading or perpetuating a stigma? I’ve seen online profiles that say things like, “If you don’t know that U=U then girl bye” and “if you’re too ignorant to know that you can’t catch HIV from an undetectable person, you’re too dumb to even meet me.” For example, check out this article from Queerty a few months back.
I mean now you can’t even object to filming raw porn with a positive person without being fired and accused of HIV shaming. Just read the comments. This porn actor is accused of not being smart, being from a conservative town, mouthing off his ignorance, etc. and this for only saying he didn’t want to work with someone who is HIV positive. His line of work entails fucking so he has a point and a right to refuse who he wants. He didn’t say he didn’t want to work with a positive person side-by-side at the Wal-Mart.
I’m always cautious with my health which is why I refuse to engage in raw sex period. I’ve even added PreP as an additional precaution. Even though PreP has been discussed as a barrier to HIV transmission, I have read reports of transmissions between people who were taking it. I guess I’m ignorant because I choose not to have raw sex while on Prep too huh? Even site co-founder OckyDub posted about this a couple of years back before we got to this hysteria.
This is one of my main complaints with the gay community as a whole and again, I have to stress the non-minority portion of the community controls the narrative and sets the moral compass. The rules stipulate that every gay person should be accepted for who they are no matter how flamboyant and ill-mannered they are. We must not have an ethnic preference for who we want to date or sleep with. Masculine men who only want masculine men are effeminophobic and now anyone who doesn’t want to engage in sexual intercourse with persons carrying STI are ignorant and perpetuate the stigma.
I left the gathering with the feeling that I wasn’t their type of guy and I’m sure I’ll never get another invitation to hang which is fine with me. I’m going to stand my ground when it comes to this foolishness. People living with STI aren’t bad people at all nor should they be discriminated against for jobs, housing, insurance and so forth but there is no way in hell that i’m going to be made to feel guilty for choosing not to have sex with them.
The PC police be damned.
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