If You Are HIV Negative; Would You Have Sex with an HIV Positive Man?

By OckyDub | Posted May 31 2012 | 21 Comments  

I get it and I hope you do too.  Always assume the person you are sleeping with is HIV positive and protect yourself.

Whether the other person is open, honest and upfront about their HIV status before sex; you would not have anything to worry about because you will always insist on protection, right?  Well, what if you knew for a fact that other person was HIV positive?

If you are HIV negative, would you have protected sex with OR begin a relationship with an HIV positive man?

About the Author

Octavius is a founder and editor of Cypher Avenue. He's here to help speak for us and show the world that masculine gay / bisexual men of color are not a part of the stereotypical gay normal that is seen and fed to the masses. No...we are a distinct breed, filled with character and pride. Cypher Avenue is here to show the world how we are different.

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21 Comments Feel Free To Join The Cypher.

  1. Sherrod | July 7th, 2013

    If the situation was Hi nice to meet you lets hook up I don’t think could have sex someone know they have HIV, the whole encounter I would be worried sick and my mind would be a mess. I guess for me ignorance is bliss, i would just wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it. But on the other side if someone told me that they have HIV and we got to know each other and I developed some type connection that formed into a relationship I think I would be OK with having sex with them although I would still worry Id be at ease with someone I love and trust. Knowing crazy self ill double up on the condoms…..sidebar I really enjoy this site! I stumbled across this site a month ago and I’ve hocked ever since I check daily to see if there’s any new post its become part of my daily retinue. Keep up the good work!

    • jmafia | July 7th, 2013

      wassup Sherrod!…… piggy backing off of what you said….if the person and I got to know each other…and we were having sex BEFORE he told me that he was pos…. i would have trust issues with him…. this is information i should know BEFORE sexing (that has happened to me before)….. give me the option

  2. Sebaspace | July 7th, 2013

    Anyone who is only half-aware must assume that everyone they are having sex with is HIV+. With that in mind, HIV status is not relevant in 2012; it is protection or lack thereof that is.

  3. Jeremy | July 7th, 2013

    OMG Thank you for saying that. There are still so many people who are under the assumption that protective sex with someone who is HIV positive means that you’ll get infected. The truth is that when you have HIV, and even if you don’t…the same constant remains which is that you don’t, or shouldn’t have sex with anyone without a condom. Hell, forget HIV, I think I’m more afraid of Herpes and Hep C.
    As far as the relationship tip goes, I have a very good friend who is positive and whose partner is negative and they’ve been MARRIED for a few years now. So it can happen as long as people stop being booty faces about the situation lol. Thus, I could see myself doing it.

  4. Ray | July 7th, 2013

    When I was negative I had sex and dated guys who were hiv+, and didn’t think twice about it. Condoms don’t only work for people who are STI free…they also work for people who DO have STIs! By being blissfully ignorant, you may also soon be ignorantly infected!

    Those who ASSUME that guys they meet are negative unless they are told otherwise are often also the ones who ASSUME they themselves are negative, and neglect to be tested regularly.

    If you are having protected sex, then it shouldn’t matter whether someone is HIV+ or not…you are protected. If you are only afraid of guys that you KNOW are HIV+, then I think you should re-evaluate your sexual connections, because that implies that you are NOT afraid of guys who you DON’T know are HIV+, and you may be more prone to not using protecting.

    It’s not the HIV you’re afraid of…it’s the knowledge that you are definitely about to engage in sex with someone who is! And I will tell you all this…the CDC has estimated that 40% of gay black men are infected with HIV, and of those men, half don’t know they are infected. Of the half that knows their poz status, 90% will not be truthful about their status. So, by you asking someone their status, only about 10% of infected guys will give you a response that they are poz.

    So all those guys you THINK are negative, about half are lying and the other half don’t know they are infected. Something to think about!

  5. Black Pegasas | July 7th, 2013

    I’m sorry if my comments offends, but I have to say that if I had HIV, I’d be so depressed and mentally disabled that I couldn’t think about sex (or anything else for that matter).

    I understand that there are many men whom are living happy and prolonged lives despite being positive, but I still fear the disease and the people who carry it….

    • thatGuy | April 7th, 2015

      I totally agree bro

      • ControlledXaos | April 7th, 2015

        The way many gay males act and behave, you’d never think they were scared of HIV or the people who have it because they either don’t bother to ask or if they do, a simple “I’m clean.” is all someone needs to say. People go on blind faith.

        There’s too many options, some quick, some expensive, to find out before you engage.

        As I have stated before, treat everyone like they have HIV until you confirm they don’t. And even then, give it another 90-100 days to reconfirm it.

  6. Demond | July 7th, 2013

    I would if it entailed and lead up to a slow yet hot developing romance…safe sex insured…

  7. ADuran | July 7th, 2013

    I am negative and started dated a person who was negative when we started dating and then become positive. I am still negative and needles to say if my partner would have just slept with me and not been a hugh cheater I who be negative too. Never assume always protect yourself even in a relationship. I was very lucky like super lucky that I didn’t get HIV or full blown aids, I you should ALWAYS PROTECT yourself alot this guys lie and most like to have sex raw. My Exs Adam for Adam page says that he is HIV negative and I prey for anyone who ends up sleeping with him that they have the good sense to protect themselves.

    To answer the question NO I wouldn’t hook up with someone if I know ahead of time, just because I wouldn’t want to take the risk I was so scared that I was going to be positive. I would really have to trust and be extra careful.

  8. Ray | July 7th, 2013

    So you wouldn’t hook up with a guy who was honest about his status, but you would hook up with someone who WASN’T honest about his status? It doesn’t make sense to me. If you’re hooking up AT ALL, you should assume that EVERYONE YOU MEET is HIV+ and protect yourself.

    Probably half the people on A4A and BGC are HIV+. I know from my experience, I see people at the clinic who are on those sites who also have HIV- on their profiles. A STAGGERING number of guys online are infected with HIV, but will not be honest.

    And quite honestly, I don’t fault them for not being honest. Nobody likes to get rejected. And 9 times out of 10, guys will meet them, get a nut and disappear anyway, so why invest sharing such personal information with a hook-up who doesn’t even care anyway?

    I never will understand the mindset of a person who thinks nondisclosure will somehow protect them from being infected.

    • ADuran | July 7th, 2013

      The point I was making is that I wouldn’t just hookup period, because I don’t trust dudes to tell the truth and people should invest in sharing personal information when they could posible harm other people.

  9. Cameron | July 7th, 2013

    I don’t know if I could have casual sex with an HIV poz dude but I was in a relationship I definitely would, using protection of course

  10. Hassan | July 7th, 2013

    This is an interesting post. I can’t help but to agree with many of the comments that are made. This topic is the most taboo topic in Black Gay America today. What I find to be most interesting is how slanderous many are to those that are HIV+. I feel this leads to many who are positive, never to step up to the plate and admit to it.

    My story is – I dated someone who I asked if they were. It is a starting conversation topic for me, and if we are talking to get to know each other, then that is a question I will ask. The guy told me that he was not… for me, that does not matter, because until I can see proof for myself, and we commit to each other, the thought of condomless sex will not be a consideration for me at all. So, I recall him telling me no, and that he wanted to feel my cum inside of him. That is another sign – someone who is truly negative and cares about their status will not say things like that. To make a story short, he was, how I found out was by looking at loose pills that were in a bad that he carried. I looked at the markings on the pill, the color, shape etc. and went to Walgreens or WEBmd websites and saw what the treatment was for. IT was at that time that I discovered that the person i had been seeing for 6 months was positive. I broke up with him because of the betrayal and dishonesty.

    I feel that at this point in my life, I cannot date someone who is positive. It is too much of a mental strain and I am not strong enough to see someone I love go through that.

    • Ocky | July 7th, 2013

      Wow…one man can fuck it up for the rest of them.


      I completely feel you and understand, but also understand HIV positive or negative; men can lie, cheat and steal. Also understand that I feel the majority of men don’t lie, cheat and steal.

    • Coshamo | July 7th, 2013

      This post makes me never want to have sex again. I am so reluctant to have sex ever again after reading this post. I am not having too much sex now days anyhow, but reading this makes me want to be totally celibate forever. We are just so fucked up that we can’t be truthful with each other and be upfront without being selfish, conniving and deceitful and self-centered. I don’t think I will trust anybody after reading these comments on here. Because I’d be mistrusting of anybody I meet. I’d have to pull my partners pants down every time he came home and smell his dick and ass! I swear to god. These posts have made me so paranoid that it is no way in hell that I would have sex with a positive person. Hell, I don’t even want sex with a “negative” person after reading this. We don’t have any decency, morals, or sense of ethics – no sense of right or wrong. It’s actually very depressing when you think about it. This post has changed my perspective on things to an unprecedented level. I am forever changed from reading all of this. Promiscuity is disgusting and I’m ashamed that this is all we live for – sexual indiscretions.

      • Tj | January 3rd, 2014


        My counters with the homosexual lifestyle everyone that I’ve met On a chat line is interested in sex! And most of them are interested in having unprotected sex! So that turn me off and I was refuse to continue to entertain sites. So I decided to focus on myself and love myself , along the way I meet a guy that I had been aware of for a couple of years from home town, we began talking hanging out and spending some time together because he just seemed Familiar being from my home city and I really liked him. I enjoyed his conversation his drive for life a success and his zeal for God. So after about a month & ahalf we decided to hang out at my house and things got Intimate and it became really passionate Because we connected on so many different levels , although It was absolutely to soon to have intercourse
        I felt it was nothing wrong with a little hanky-panky & four play although If I had decided to be sexual I would have definitely use protection! However I just went with the flow of things in our acts of four play ,durning I just happened to ask Right in the heat of things what’s your status? And replied “what I’m single” ! I’m like no Are u Positive or negative He said POSITIVE!

        I was the most angry that he was not honest with me in the beginning And I was angry that he destroyed the possibility of something that could’ve been a great thing Because of his fear ! I personally…

        • thatGuy | April 7th, 2015

          I have been here. I am not the hoe I could be and its’ because of the very things both you are are talking about. I get pissed off when people aren’t up front. For me it’s a matter of respect and a regard for life. At least tell me you have a gun that’s not on safety. I don’t do selfish mf’s and to be positive and not say anything about your status is and epic failure.

  11. Sebaspace | July 7th, 2013

    Hassan … the lies/betrayal tipped the scales for you. But I suspect if this man had been honest, you would have moved with your heart rather than your head.

    40% of Washington DC black men are, according to the CDC positive. The numbers are about the same in NYC and Atlanta.

    Yet only 13% admit to it. So, there are a lot of lies being propagated out there. If someone you fall in love with is honest, methinks you will take the commonsense view; use condoms and love him nonetheless.

  12. Tee | July 7th, 2013

    I have dated someone HIV+ before and he did tell me before we were intimate and told me all of he dos and don’ts of sexual encounters with him. At the end of our relationship, I was tested and still HIV-. I must say that I was very paranoid throughout the relationship; but I respected him dearly for being honest with me from day one and to this day we are still cordial.

    I think it is very shallow of someone to know they’re positive and for fear of being rejected, allow someone to be sexual with them with no protection….but it does speak volumes of the other person’s character that they’d be willing to. If I ever had sex with someone and they didn’t ask my status or the topic never came up, that set off bells and whistles in my head….and even after the conversation, strap the fuck up.

  13. raymond | January 3rd, 2014

    This is 2014….and I honestly think that it is just ingorance….to pull ourselves from hiv+ people. Am hiv+ and I have lived with it for seven years now…not yet on med! Because my t-cell is at 856. I have always been open about my status, and the guy am seing for 3yrs is hiv-. At first he freaked out and did not want me….later after a week he actually brought a heavy lunch at my workplace and he said am his man….being in africa, he is my cousin. We enjoy sex and its always good(protected always). He loves me and he does go for regular checkups. Inconclusion…..it is enterly up to the individual and the knowledge he has about hIV.

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