“Damn” I thought, when I read the article about a teenager from the “It Gets Better” campaign who recently committed suicide due to being bullied at school because he was gay. The bullies are still here walking amongst us, living their life but this 14 year old kid is dead.
I think the “It Gets Better” campaign is a good idea but only goes so far. As a person who was bullied in middle and high school; I know the effects bullying can have on one’s psyche and self esteem.
For me it led to constantly reminding myself that every time I had a homosexual thought; I was an abomination, a sinner and that I was going to hell. The constant feeling like something was wrong with me, just because of my sexuality. This was a lot to bear and led me to suffer deep depression and often contemplate suicide.
It did get better. Back then I didn’t have the life experience to understand high school was only going to be a small minuscule portion of my life. It was the only life I had known. But let’s be real, high school is not worth you taking your own life.
I know what I am about to say to our young readers may not seem politically correct but I am being drastic because suicide is a drastic measure some of these kids take because they don’t see any other way to cope with their bullying and isolation.
Hey young man, I know it may be hard to understand but high school is so small on the grand stage that is your life. If bulling becomes that bad for you and you feel like you have no where to turn…after you have sought help and advice from counselors, teachers, administration at the school, family, friends, and none seemed to have helped and you have exhausted all other avenues…Why not try different alternative?
Why not drop out of school? No, I don’t mean drop out and become a slacker and do nothing with your life, but drop out and get your GED, take your SAT’s or CAT’s and move on to college or what might be even a better option; after you get your GED, enroll in a technical college and then join the general work force.
I’m being really serious. I know some of you might say, “But what about graduation?” Just think about this…you are thinking about killing yourself; ending your life. It’s not like you will graduate from high school anyway because you will be dead. You will be letting the bullies win by killing yourself so why not take control of your life now versus allowing others to control and dictate your life for you? Listen you are giving these people (bullies and the ones who are doing nothing to stop them) power and control over your destiny.
On a side note…I understand with today’s technology bullying doesn’t just stop at school; it continues at home on Facebook and Twitter. The difference is if you dont get your GED, you have to go to school but you don’t have to log onto Facebook and Twitter. Why get on there and allow your bullies to continue to cyber-bully and torment you? Cut that shit off.
99% of the people on there you will not be friends with after you leave high school anyway. Or if you are going to get on Facebook and Twitter, communicate with like minded individuals or seek out LGBT organizations or clubs that can offer advice and help, specifically for people like your self.
You can not allow outside forces to come in and steal your joy and happiness. It will get better, but you have to take action and responsibility and begin to make it better. No one is going to look out for your best interest but you…BELIEVE THAT!
If you are thinking about committing suicide and need someone to talk to call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You can also log onto suicidepreventionlifeline.org
Marsha Ambrosius’ powerful video “Far Away” which addresses gay bullying and suicide is available for you to watch below.
I used to b a coach right outside of DC and I was always flattered when one of my kids/players found me trusting enough to come to me & share some of their most personal & intimate findings. One of my guys who was at the time, was also 14, about a week from being 15yrs old, had come to me wit a proclamation that he thought he was homosexual.. He did his best to convey to me that he was sure that since he and his mom had such a close relationship she would be over it, but having to look in his dad face and to say that he liked guys was gonna to be like stepping into a furnace.. I asked this young, black, strapping, unclockable, extremely masculine & extremely handsome kid that referred to me as his big brother and his coach, if letting the cat out of the bag was the best thing to do & I pleaded with him to wait a little while because true enough, It could be just that teen experimentation that he could be going through.. He was sure that it wasn’t, as he explained to me that this was something that had been eating at him since he was about age 7 and he had to come clean in order to feel like he had a life of his own and the anticipation(s) of the family wasn’t what he was living for. Since he’d already made up his mind I asked him to go the hard way first and tell dad, that way everything else would be all downhill.. At my next meet the following week, He came in a little on the somber side and after the meeting I asked him what was up and did he talk to his parents / family.. He told me “yes, I sit down and had a great and tearful conversation with my father who was at first disappointed, but at the end of the day told him that you arr my son and my sunshine and I love you no matter what. As long as you love who you bring into this house, I will love them as I love you!” That was beautiful man, hell, I fucked around n started getting emotional.. He then told me that as soon as his mom got in from work he went up to talk to her and thats when all hell broke loose.. ALL HAIL THE BLACK, NEVER MISS A SUNDAY IN CHURCH CHRISTIAN, BIBLE TOTIN, BIBLE THUMPIN FEMALE!(The Sanctified one, if you will), How dare you be in my house in wanna mess with somebody of your own sex, how dare you pretend to be a boy, how dare you fool me, You going to hell on the express, & of course all of the other things any 14yr old young man who has come to you wit this wouldnt want to hear from his mom, that up till now has been able to talk to you about everything in his life.. You are no longer allowed to stay with your siblings unless there is somebody else in the house, no more visits from your friends & I am no longer washing any of your clothes with the rest of the family’s. “Bringing them gay diseases in the house”. As time went on his performance started going down, he started losing his place and not paying attention and above all, he detested going home because by this time of course, mom had gotten on the horn and called everybody from the preacher to the fucking trash-man to let them know that her son of 14, now 15, was a sexual deviant. I thought I’d talk to her and I did. She told me that I didn’t understand, I had hopes for grandchildren and this is my first born and how do you deal with this kind of nastiness! After about 3months my boy had lost weight, his performance was down and he was crying and depressed all of the time. I continued to talk both to him & to his mom to absolutely no avail.. The following week lil ‘J’ didn’t show up for practice.. I called his home about 9pm and nobody answered. Called again the next morning only to get an answering machine that had the message” Thank you for all of your support during this time of our loss & suffering, please understand that we are in no way shutting anybody out but we need only to be surrounded by family at this time..” I immediately called and cancelled all practices for the day and went to the house, and as you probably guessed by know, my boy, in going through all of that, finally broke down took some prescription pills and killed himself via hanging in the basement closet…FIF’FUCKIN’TEEN!!! Now I’m sure I don’t have to tell you who was showing out, screaming and crying and trying to crawl in the casket at the funeral.. Bottom line, we don’t know what makes us what or who we are but we are all different, both inside and out and if you get a chance to help one kid growing up, by all means intervene.. Because of certain state and local rules and regulations and because this child’s mother told me that I was wrong for telling him that it was alright and not to coddle him or council him about this “family matter”, I Failed My Child! Please make every effort not to do the same…
Thank you for sharing this revealing, sad, but true story.
WOW, What a story. I don’t know if I would go as far as to encourage dropping out of school, but I would try my best to be there for the guy, as I understand all too well what a difficult time this could be. I wouldn’t want to end up in a situation like in the post either…it gets tricky, but the important thing is that we support our young men during these times because they can make or break them
What a heart wrenching story. My sympathies go out to teens struggling with their sexuality and all that that wroughts. We have to get off of our asses and provide support for these teens. It’s time for a healing.
The only way these children can be saved is to provide “teen gay safe houses.” It is up the gay community to protect these children. These are our children going through a deep struggle at one of the most critical times in their lives. I would never call gay sex “experimentation” in the extreme sense of the word. By the time I was 14 I was having full core hard on sex with some of my peers. The difference was is that I didn’t give a fuck. I never told anybody that I was “gay” and I didn’t act gay. Neither did any of my male partners. But based on the things that I have seen in this life and the pressures that can be put upon a child – a teenage child – they need to get away from the likes of “disturbed” mama – as in this particular case, and a “disturbed” dad if that also be the case. What is needed is more discussion and support groups for these young gay teens. Their hormones are raging and really flowing at this time in their lives. Hell I could j.o. five times/day at that age and think nothing of it. The critical support networks that these teens need were killed off with the AIDS virus. Those elder gays who could mentor these youngins about the truth of being gay and the struggle of being gay in this society were killed with AIDS. AIDS devastated the Black Gay Community. Literally tore us apart, and left gaping holes in our support networks. I can tell you, in the end I never would have made it without some of those who came before me.