This started out as a quick random Profile Post on our Social Networking site The Boards, but Cypher Avenue Squad Member @ControlledXaos suggested that it might be better as a full conversation:
One of my sexy young Straight mentees just announced that he’s having a baby with a woman he loves…I looked up who his girl was and, to be real, she’s an ugly chick. Well, she’s actually just slightly below average, but compared to him, she’s gully.
My first thought was he could do WAAAAY better. Then I thought about how often I see Fine Azz straight dudes with women who don’t even hit above a 5 out of 10…many times they even have multiple kids with these chicks.
On another straight-leaning message board I visit, people were going in on Jordan Peele’s (of Key and Peele) recently announced fiance, a fellow comedic actor featured on the FOX show Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
When they were done arguing whether or not a biracial man was allowed to marry a white woman, they then went in on how unattractive she was and how he could do so much better.
To be honest, I’ve seen worse than her….but its true, she’s not traditionally “stunning and beautiful”…but they both look happy and being comedians, I’m sure they make each other laugh non-stop…
The conversation on this subject on Cypher Avenue’s The Boards with @ControlledXaos and @Kouncelor started to get interesting so I promoted it to a full post.
This got me thinking, is there really a difference with gay men?
Personally, I rarely see a fine black gay dude with someone busted or “average.” Those gay men tend to flock together and are so concerned about appearance and status and how they will look in photos together that they wouldn’t dare date an “average” or unattractive dude. Unless he was an older “Daddy” type willing to sponsor him.
What are your thoughts?
Yup
To be honest I do often see fine ass bruthas horrible looking females. I think to myself she must treat him like a king. When I do see gay couples, I rarely see a good looking guy with an ugly dude.
I mean, no shade to Peele because I like him, but she looks about his speed…did they expect a super model or something? I don't like when people criticize and critique others on such a subjective and personal thing as physical attraction! It doesn't matter if you think they're ugly or they could do better, unless you want them or something that's your problem and half the people I actually hear this kind of stuff from are (usually) average or below average themselves in my eyes, lol it's so frustrating!!
To answer your question, I think straight men do seem to care less about attractiveness, as gay men are known for being superficial..which is weird if you think about it because statistically they have much more options then we do and could really be pickier about who they're with but we have such a small dating pool as it is it actually doesn't make sense lol!
Finally!!!! Somebody is saying what I am thinking. I was debating about joining in on this convo because I hate talking about who is unattractive or not. It definitely is in the eye of the beholder. Their are many guys that I know a lot of gay men obsess over and I am looking around wondering who are they talking about? Both celebrities and non celebrities.
I concur. I used to see fly dudes with (imo) busted, fat chicks, or even occasionally gay guys with "busted" dudes and think…"damn, man. wtf am I doin' wrong/ whats wrong with ME?!", but now I've matured and realized… A. Maybe homeboy genuinely is attracted to said girl/boy B. It's really none of my business one way or the other so why am I even thinkin' about it to start with? LOL Everybody has their own flavor, but I do think the average straight man is much less superficial and as hellbent on findin a "Bad A$$ Bytch" than gay men are with wantin' a "Fly A$$ N!kk@"
Maybe with two dudes the feeling is I workout or do whatever is needed to maintain a certain look,so I won't accept someone who doesn't.They need to be on my level.Especially with a guy who's more caught up in his looks and knows people will clamoring for him.He gets that idea that he's a prize and deserves another Adonis.Like,even if a straight dude is attractive,he's not looking for a chick to have abs and biceps,so there's already a different expectation there.A lot of straight guys (ones i know anyway) are often looking for a certain feature like a nice ass or something,so they'll take that and not really care about the rest.
Yes gay men are only into looks, well not all but quite a few are..I remember reading the caption of one guys photo say..I'm a sexy Nikka and I need a bad Nikka too…Why downgrade?" . …Anyways.. Most younger sexy straight guys go after a female with a phat ass and A1 head game. They don't care what she looks like. The others def are looking for wifey..A woman that gon be down for them. I usually see most "phine" dudes single….and most of the time, its for good reason. When I do see them together…. I often wonder if it's a competition instead of a relationship. I don't know really. My H.S. boyfriend was considered "unattractive" to quite a few folks. In fact, when he met me for the first time…he his and watched me cause he thought I would reject him. That goofball.. But you know it kinda depends on the person. I've seen dudes people call phine & when I see them I fall into a coma…but guys who I think are fine, others don't agree..lol Gays are notorious for being superficial. I believe most feel like they deserve to be validated. As someone said earlier…the gay dating pool is pretty scarce
Yes… I think they settle. I know plenty of good looking high school mates that have busted baby mamas, girlfriend, or wives
I concur knowing the straight dudes in Baltimore that bang anything with a pulse. Everytime you turn around, somebody is pregnant. I even seen female crackheads pregnant. (and none of them were attractive at all). So yes, straight dudes have a lower expectation on physical appearance than gay and some bisexual dudes.
Its true, Many handsome guys have ugly women. I don't know why. And they say the beautiful ones they share the ugly ones they marry. On the gay scene, Us handsome guys we are left. They say we are too attractive to be single many don't believe us we are single. Ugly guys get the men this is my opinion.
In my experience, owe striking men tend to have their head in the clouds and have dirt for personality. It makes sense that "ugly" guys would have more people because unable to rely completely on looks other things must be developed, like personality.
Plus good-looking guys have that "sit back and wait" nonchalant kind of behavior that I personally despise.
-I can't w yalls stock photo choices lmao.
-I agree w @cypher21 Peele's lady is abt his speed. Neither of them are bad looking.
-I think these 3 attractive celebs get the most heat:
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There are better pics of all 3 ladies out there, but these are some pics that had ppl rollin in their graves.
I don't necessarily think it's a general str8 thing. The majority of successful, str8, male 'catches' tend to have a bad chick on their arms.
I personally see the discrepancy more among the hood blatinos. If i had a nickel for every time…I think its mostly based on the fact that a more basic chick simply requires less than the 'Dashiki's n other chicks who are leaving the hood at some point.
As for the gays, I think theres a lack of reality sometimes. I dont knock the IG dudes who only wana date each other. If ur a 10 who only wants another 10, thats totally upto u. I think the bigger problem, (I can't remember what post it was in, but u brought this up somewhat recently @Nick Delmacy ) is gay men not being realistic about dating on/at their level. Its like, if u can survive being gay in this world, ima need u to be able to survive accepting that ur a 6, n a 10 MAY VERY WELL not be checking for u.
Thats not to say that it cant happen, but for some ppl, gays very included, physical attraction matters a lot. Some of us appreciate the other things brought to the table.
"Some of us appreciate the other things brought to the table" Very true, Bro
:mjlol:LOL I grabbed all of the "stock" images from that LGBT movie "Rag Tag." The clear imbalance of the attractiveness of the lead actors was one of the main problems I had with that film.
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Thats just not right…
Looks are definitely deceiving. I feel like two attractive people will go after each other even though they may not have anything in common. It's all based on looks. They try to cultivate a relationship based on the fact that they're both physically attracted to each other. That doesn't always work. You have to actually get along with the person and enjoy being around them for it to last. That's based more on personality. Also, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
As for straight and gay men. After talking to my straight male friends, they can be just as insecure as anyone else. Maybe they don't go after the model because they feel like they'll be rejected. Or maybe they just like the average girl. They probably have so much in common that nothing else matters. Or maybe they're just genuinely physically attracted to that person. Attraction isn't universal.
That RagTag comment was wrong though. lol. It would make sense for them to be together. They were best friends in the movie. They grew up together. I feel like those two characteristics are much better indicators of a successful relationship than how attractive other people think they are.
Yeah I get it, it makes sense…but its a movie…Its expected to have attractive lead actors in a movie, especially one that is solely a romantic drama love story. Personally, the lopsidedness of their looks was a distraction to me.
YEAH most don't realize but from what I see, most of the most attractive gay men I know are single. A lot of the IG MODELS that people lust over are single and just hook up. They may pose with another guy and call him bae but that lasts about 2 weeks or so because they are so caught up in how the other person looks.
The group I joined on FB called BLACC does have couples that are pretty much equal decent looking guys. Or if one is very attractive then the partner is not too far off as far as looks go. But yeah my gay mentors (63 & 64 yrs old, been together for 24 years now) told me that it is important to go off of personality more than only looks. I know that there was a Nigerian guy I went on 3 dates with in Houston before moving to Florida. He was not the most attractive guy but he was decent looking. The most important thing I got from that interaction was our CHEMISTRY. We really VIBED well and that's what I enjoyed the most. So I will take that with me. BLACC has some handsome guys but if we don't VIBE well then it won't work.
This may come across as me being insecure, but I tend to do better when dating average or below average guys. Whenever I'm dating the model types I'm usually on edge and constantly wondering if I'm about to get voted off the island at some point like a reality show. In reality though, this is usually not the case, they aren't sizing me up or comparing me to the IG models. Most times them pretty boys are happy to be dating a masculine dude with a working penis.
LOL you ain't neva lied
I think that def speaks to some sense of insecurity if ur basically just secretly waiting for a good looking dude to diss u, but u dont have those feelings if a guy is only ok looking. What abt everything else being brought to the table?
I think we sometimes oversimplify our community as a whole. Not that its not warranted sometimes, but..
I feel you, but it was also a low budge independent film. I'm sure the director would have difficulty finding good actors, who were gay or willing to play gay, were willing to get paid very little for it, and who were insanely attractive.
She could've hired one of the Freefall actors, but them Nikkas can't act.
Nah its more so about them being (or appearing to be) "High Maintenance." Feeling as if I'm keeping them entertained. With the average looking guys they seem to be less hesitant to show they're having a good time.
Well I'll say the same thing to you that I said to the Freefall creators: That's not my problem. The behind the scenes difficulties and budget constraints shouldn't be factored into the opinion of the completed work. Otherwise everyone gets a gold star just for trying. Participation Trophies all around.
I'm not completely following. I will agree that Freefall is mostly garbage. In comparison, RagTag was more well put together. Your main issue seems to be that you found one of the main actors unattractive. Budget constraints are a realistic hindrance. She found two actors that could act fairly well and were willing to play the roles. I think that's the most important part. Whereas Freefall just sucks based on the content.
Hmm, I think your disconnect in this side discussion comes from making a lot of assumptions. You assume that she had budget issues, you assume that she didn't get the actors she actually wanted based on her budget, you assume that I liked the movie as much as you despite the actor's appearance. I actually don't think that actor was right for the part, even outside of his looks.
I think this is yet another case of gay men giving a pass for gay content creators. If this were a "straight" film with the same budget, same production level and same lopsided actors, we wouldn't even be having this disconnect.
Alright. I'm not giving this movie a pass because it's gay. That's an assumption. If that were the case, I would be praising all of these black gay YouTube series, which I don't. Independent films in general tend to have a smaller budget. That's an objective fact. That's why I considered it as a possible factor.
We disagree on her casting. Let's just leave it at that.
Also, the use of "you" in a listed sentence like that conveys an accusatory tone. We're just chopping it up.
I think I see many visually equally yoked gay couples. Very rarely do I see it where the guy is straight up not attractive to me and the other a banger. I may find one more attractive than the other but I usually see close pairings here in Atlanta.
The exception being when it's an interracial couple. They usually are skewed.
I don't get into the "(more attractive dude) should be with me because I look better than his busted bf" because that goes into that territory where the more attractive dude wouldn't be checking for me anyway even if he wasn't with someone I think is busted or with a female or with a benefactor white guy. Nothing to get mad about.
As far as that goes, I know I'm not a 10 but I'm at least a solid 7 and probably a mid 8 minus some body fat, I just hate to get rejection by guys I know who's on my level and I'm usually into just round the way looking guys anyway.
Thank you I was just thinking about Omari's Wife when reading this post and how mean some were to a person none of them even know. Why do people get upset when a good looking person likes an average person? That gives me hope lol, if he's okay with them then maybe I could have a chance!! You're soooo right about people being unrealistic though, cause I know some people that think they're a 10 but uhh…
carl2:kermit:
And then they go after other people and get rejected because they don't realize that this number rating system is all in our heads and just because you see yourself as a catch that doesn't mean everyone else will. So they get mad and start calling other people ugly to make themselves feel better. Smh I'm all for self confidence, but realism prevents heartache as well. I just assume with everyone I meet that I'm an average person unless I can tell they're interested lol.
The word "you" is offensive now? Sorry bruh, don't know what other pronoun I was supposed to use
Question/Food for Thought… Do homosexual men just instinctively find men more attractive over women? What may be a traditionally unattractive woman for gay dudes may be just an average woman for str8 dudes.
I feel I can put aside my my gay glasses to recognize attractive people regardless of their gender.
I see women all the time where I think she could have done better and vice versa. Hell that's a quarter of the fun when I watch House Hunters, Property Brothers etc, is looking at how people are coupled up and making judgements . Lol
Maybe in general, but I think Im pretty equally aware of both genders lol
I used to religiously watch The Maury Show and there would be MANY fine young dudes on there admitting to going raw repeatedly up in a lot of those busted hood rat mothers accusing them of parenthood. Straight men seem to just need a phat azz and a warm hole.
media
Agreed… but on a certain level I think a large majority of gay dudes will bypass an ugly or ok face for a large penis.
Another I failed to mention is attractive straight men and attractive straight women tend to want to be catered too. They seem to think because they look good. People should kowtow to their demands. With that in mind it makes sense that an attractive straight dude can get a homely chick to do his bidding and not complain and be happy about it. The same is true for and attractive woman who is in a relationship with an unattractive man.
Me too!!!
This is triple true for the better part of "Above/Way Above Average Attractive" Gay Men. Most of these muhf@#az have gotten by their entire lives to date off their looks alone, so not only do they not likely know how to function any other way, most of them probably couldn't even if they tried. smh I know quite a few… ES-SPEC-IALL-LY {{insert certain Ethnic Group that USED to be the "In-Thing" ER'BODY wanted to get with in the Late 90's Early 2000's here in NYC 'til the Dominicans took over that I will not spell out"}}s. I know nuffa dem lookin' like Don Omar and Miguel sh!t but with the personality of a slug. But… EEEEVERYBODYs their f@#kin "stan". LOL Smdh
Yeah I think many gay guys will get dickmatized and that would be the only thing they care about. Same for phat asses.
There's a few porn models who need to be thankful they have a large wang and for protein shakes because they are… Strong in the face.
{Cough!Cough!CUTLERXCough!!COUGH!!}
I could not have said it any better. I am trying to be nice about it.
Not the word in itself, the way it was used. The style of writing conveys a certain tone especially through text when you can't easily decipher someone's emotion. Its repetitive nature in that sentence didn't feel necessary and felt like it was designed to convey a stronger hostile point. Example (bolded for emphasis):
"You assume that she had budget issues, you assume that she didn't get the actors she actually wanted based on her budget, you assume that I liked the movie as much as you despite the actor's appearance."
Vs
"You assume that she had budget issues, that she didn't get the actors she actually wanted based on her budget, and that I liked the movie as much as you despite the actor's appearance."
Slight differences, but an entirely different tone. Then again, that might just be your style of writing, so it's gucci.
rocks Whoa, yeah that def seems like an example of reading too much into it…But then again I don't know all of the Message Board etiquette besides not using ALL CAPS…
Could be. I might just be trippin, but that was my initial thought.
Okay, I thought it was just me. I was starting to feel bad.
#JesusBeAFenceAllAroundMe. Here is MY take, keyword "MY." Most Black males date less pretty females for a few reasons at times: 1. They get to still do what they want to do. 2. She is less combative as she feels undeserving of him. 3. He was a hoe in his past and truly changed and knows the ugly ones are usually the most LOYAL. 4. The p*ssy is AMAZINGGGGGGGGGGG. 5. FINE Looks is ALL he has so a Pretty girl will pass. When it comes to gay males, I agree with your statement of they do it based on how it will look in the picture. Furthermore, I feel that in the LGBT lifestyle most minorities are very critical of looks as they hold themselves to a higher caliber so they do the same towards their mate. Furthermore, I feel with Gays especially black gays, you attract what you give off. All in all I don't think there is a true trend per say. I think we just pay more attention to what stands out to us the most.
I'm not going to lie, looks are pretty important…all that personality shyt is well and good but looks are what attracts someone to another person initially…you can't just look at a guy or girl and say "gosh I bet they have a wonderful personality" it just can't work like that so physical appearance is what sets it in motion…if I'm not physically attracted to someone then it won't work…I don't really agree that most gay men are looking for the IG models and all that…I feel like man or woman, straight or gay, everyone has certain traits that they look for when it comes to finding someone and I think everyone is different…I can only speak from my own experiences though
I used to be like this but then I met dudes with dope personalities who made me laugh, smile and feel more comfortable with them than any "handsome" dude ever did. It def takes more time for those guys to get my attention than the dudes with good looks.
Yeah for sure..not to say attraction can't develop over time…I just hate when people say looks aren't important
Looks are definitely important but that's where the "average Joe" but awesome personality types end up scoring points because I don't care how find you are or how hot your body is if you can't carry conversation, make me feel comfortable and easy with you, then we pretty much will fizzle out because I'll just only enjoy the physical times with you and since I can tell that early on now, I probably won't entertain anything other than sex anyway. I thin this just comes with experience.
Yeah in the beginning I was so caught up on looks and them fitting a masculine box I had established as my "type" that in hindsight I missed out on a lot of good brothers…some maybe not so good too, but dating them could have still been valuable life lessons. I still do have certain men who I would not date but I've def more open to more personality variety than I used to be.
Same here, dude. In hindsight I passed on a LOT of potentially good dudes because I was into a certain "look" at the time that they didnt fit. smh. Eh, you live and you learn, I suppose.
lol i actually liked the film regardless of how they looked their acting was good and their both fine in their own right 😉
to be honest i see this a lot of with gay men especially black gay men they tend to only date "attractive" or what they deem attractive looking men and to be honest it is a part of an inferiority complex that needs to be fix asap. I feel that black gay men are super insecure, there are many reasons why however, the inferiority complex needs to end lest we continue down a destruction path that leaves many heart broken and lonely
Many times when you see this, it's about who's willing to hold them down in spite of their glaring flaws and f**k ups. There are a lot of "obedient" men/ women who go into the relationship with a fine ass dude/ chick knowing they are going to have to put up with a lot of shyt. That's kind of the unspoken contract. I've witnessed it more times than I care to have. I remember folks talking mad shyt about Jesse Williams' wife Aryn. Everyone on social media was amazed at how "average" she was compared to him. But to be honest, their relationship goes back a long way. She was with him when he was a teacher and a struggling actor. Waaaaay before Grey's Anatomy. Sometimes it's about folks having a good compass in choosing the right partner. Because to be honest, a lot of these 10s would average in as 5s or below if their looks were taken out of the equation.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder .I can only determine what’s desirable to me.