As regulars already know, I believe that “Real Men Don’t Cry” nor do they show vulnerable emotions in public. However, I do know that we live in the year 2014, or what’s better known as the Drake Era, so men openly displaying and voicing their emotions and all that shit is the norm nowadays.
I’m a robot. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve cried as an adult. And 100% of those instances have been either at a funeral or privately mourning the death of a loved one or friend.
However, while sitting in a coffee shop today I suddenly tried to imagine what would happen if I my hypothetical manly, masculine boyfriend started “ugly crying” right in the middle of the store.
What would I do?
Imagine this. What if the guy you were dating, either new or long-term, started crying out loud in public. Maybe it was a reaction to something you said to him…or maybe it was a response to a phone call about a loved one…Snot tears and all that.
And he just balled out in front of a crowd of people like this:
What would you do?
Would you be comfortable enough to sit right next to him, throw my consoling arm around his shoulders in front of all those strangers and say, “It’s alright, baby, let it out…”
In front of all those people?!
Or would you act like he was a crying baby in a movie theater and carry him outside where no one could see or hear him?
How embarrassing would it be for you?
Or would it be no big deal?
Does all that new-age “men can be sensitive” shit go out the window if your strong masculine man breaks down like a baby in public?
How would you handle his open PUBLIC display of his emotions?
Honest answers only…no political correctness necessary…
Nick Delmacy
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Well for me its that whole thing when someone falls in public; I will help you up at first but then laugh at you later.
I would console my dude but attempt to hurry his big crying ass off somewhere in private. I would hope someone would do that for me.
Da fuck did this question come from LOL
I agree with your opinion pretty much. Well said.
Yikes. This would be hard for me. This is going to sound sexist, but a man crying is the ugliest shit in the world to me. I would feel weird trying to console a man in public. I would probably pretend there were no tears at all and continue drinking my coffee.
For me…a man is about being there for someone when they in need and not caring about appearances and worried about who’s around looking.
Dang man! Put yourself in his shoes! What if you received a life-changing call about a family member and you were overcome with emotion?
I need a man that will lift me up. He gotta be there at my lowest points and at my highest points. I would do the same for him as long as I love him.
As, whew, unsettling as it might be, I would definately try to console my guy. Yes, even if he has this loud, hi-pitched, winey, cry. I don’t mind tears at all, but that loud stuff.. man he must’ve been holding a lot in.
HOLD UP…hold up, hold up…flag on the play! I call shenanigans. @Nick already admitted during a podcast his cry baby ass cried on 12 Years A Slave.
Shit I damn near cried too…shit…
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That scene had me like:
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Lmao would I be uncomfortable, yes. Let’s go somewhere and talk about this please. I wouldn’t think any less of them as a man because they cried. I don’t really think your robot ass @Nick is like that because you’re a man. Many people just don’t really get emotional.
I feel like if your partner isn’t there to comfort you in your time of need, then he’s not being much of a partner at all. If I get a call that my mom died or something and I start bawling in a Starbucks, I would hope that my man wouldn’t be callous about it (though admittedly, if I did have that kind of reaction I’d probably run to a bathroom or something). Also, this idea that men can’t be visibly emotional can lead to a whole lot of unnecessary confusion and misunderstandings (especially in the context of a romantic relationship), so I’ve always taken issue with it.
U hold ur dude down! Fuck all those strangers! I mean, if he’s just hyper emotional and cryin in general, he won’t be my man. But if my dude breaks down, it’s obvs for a reason, so fuck everyone else!
“Uh uh, nigga, fuck that” – Kendrick Lamar (A.D.H.D)
See, that’s why we can’t rise as a people..
Sometimes people are overcome with emotion. You never know until you are in those shoes. It takes a real man to show his emotions.
When I read this header in my email I immediately starting laughing then I began to reflect on the instances as an adult that I have had a public cry? Granted I generally don’t do full on ugly crying in public but I have from time to time mostly in moments of extreme sadness like at a funeral but I have had a few moments of crying with extreme joy as well. For instance, I regularly volunteer at with a boy mentorship group and the students that I had worked with over their high school career were all about to graduate and all of them had been accepted to college in a ceremony at the end of the year each of the young men got up in front of their peers and gave a speech about their journeys. Those speeches and their kind words made me publicly emotional. I cried.
With that being said, I certainly think its all about context and I do think that its appropriate for men to cry and publicly display emotion but their is a fine line between crying – shedding a few tears and having a meltdown. Either way if my guy was having a moment, I would stay there and offer my support. If they were having a meltdown I would try and convince to get a handle on the situation and go somewhere a little more privately.
Last example, I was the best man in a friends wedding (a straigt friends) and he completely lost it before the wedding when he saw his bride for the first time. Like we had to delay the start of the wedding so he could get it together. It was a very beautiful moment but it was also a little ridiculous too given this man was a former army ranger and police officer.
For me, I am only crying if it is something that has clearly moved me to that point (which isn’t often)…so If you are that concerned with what people think that you can’t show me some level of comfort or concern, you aren’t the one for me. A guy I was dating actually did cry once at a restaurant (not an ugly loud cry, but emotional/happy tears as we had been through a lot)…I offered encouraging words before and after he got up from the table to get himself together…my responsibility was/is to him, not to strangers around me. I do think crying and making an obnoxious scene (except if someone died or something) are two completely different things though.
I agree with all the opinions that have come before mine. I don’t think I’m a HUGE crier (publicly anyway) and only cry maybe twice a year. Usually privately. But I’m not opposed to my guy being moved to emotion in public. I’d try my best to console him and help him get it together and if he’s really struggling with that, clearly there must be a reason. I’d just have to get him somewhere private and help him as best I could really. Wouldn’t be embarrassed at all.
Only have had two full out public ugly cries in my adult years. Once back in 07 the day my grandfather passed & back in 09 when my ex’s mother passed. Both those times I was pretty much inconsolable for a SMOOTH 10-15minutes. Haven’t cried like that in AWHILE…
But if the shoe was on the other foot I’d def be there. Period. Not embarrassed at all.
I would cut my eye at that muthafuka and tell him like the ol’ ass “Aunties” use to do in church, through my teeth, without movin’ ER’ lip….”If you don’t sit yo’ ass up str8 and STOP, showin’, yo, ass in front all these people, I’ma F yo ass up. Yo’ ass out her’ in front these people crrr’in an’ shit, like a bitch” LOL!
Nah, real talk, I’ve had someone pull that shit before, it’s really awkward. I just remember bein’ stuck on stupid until the moment passed. But I was madd young and I wasn’t the cause of the crying, nor was it really a major issue (in my mind). Personally, aside from copious amounts of Anger and Agitation, I’m an emotional Anorexic. I “feel” shit all the time, but I rarely if ever express it, unless it’s anger (or appreciation), either way my facial expression/ body language rarely changes. If I do happen to cry, it’s really on some Denzel shit, str8 face, one solitary tear, and I’m done. But, like Ocky said, this is the “Drake Day & Age”, Millennial Nikkaz got ta’ let that shit out. LOL
I’m here to rep the Denzel One Tear Club. Well, 3 max. I have had the red eyes from forcing them back. I’m not about to be boo hooing all up in the baristas’ faces. To me, a tear or two =/= full on crying. I’ll be quiet. I’ll let my two droplets leak. My eyes will look like I smoked 5 trees but I refuse to Ugly Cry.
However, my insane sell thinks that when a guy can express himself, like crying, it can be a little sexy, I have to admit. The being vulnerable. But do not turn into Weeping Wanda, crynin’ at the drop of a hat. I can’t deal with that.
If we are at the coffee shop, I’d have to offer a hug and “It will be okay, man.” but I’d have to suggest we leave the place and go to the car or a park bench until they can gain composure.
I don’t have a problem with a guy crying when it’s reasonable (mama died, grandmma died etc), and we are at the house or alone. Let it out. Get all boo hoos and snots going if that flips your skrit. But DO NOT be crying for 15+ minutes. Get your 5 minutes. Collect yourself. Breathe. And deal with it. Again, I don’t consider myself the benchmark for manliness but bruh,…. we can’t be doing this.
Im not fond of other peoples’ bodily fluids on me, so that being said, get the tears and “ugly cry” out a.s.a.p. because I’m not huggin you with that shit all over your face (snot, sweat, tears).
he wouldn’t be my boyfriend LMAO!
Let the man cry! haha. I just yell out loud “Damn Onion Factory!”
I’m not a very emotional person either but it depends on why he was crying. I’d probably be more taken aback then embarrassed and of course I would comfort him. Contrary, to the norm it is OK for men to show other emotions besides anger. I would also not think less of my man if he did have a sobbing fit in a public place.
It depends on what he’s crying about. If it’s something serious it wouldn’t matter who’s around or where we are I’d comfort him. If he’s crying over something frivolous then we have a problem. I’m not an emotional person and I was raised old school in that a man should have control over his emotional reactions. Grown ass men who are cry babies really irk me. It’s such a turn off.
Ugly cry made even more dramatic by Elliot Goldenthal’s musical score for Alien3
This shit is HILARIOUS!