The year was 1987. LL Cool J and Kool Moe Dee were beefing. I was in middle school on the cusp of puberty. I knew what sex was or at least the general mechanics of it all but I was around 11 years of age; so what did I know? What I did know was that something seemed different. My 11something year old mind was more curious towards boys than girls.
Gym class was awkward. Not because I didn’t enjoy sports or physical activity but because it was a hassle to change into my gym clothes, play, change back into my school clothes and go on with my day. For me there was something weird about having to get dressed twice in one day for school…whatever.
Like most gym classes there were indoor and outdoor activities. Our outdoor activities, like track and field, were conducted in the warmer months and indoor activities, like basketball in the cooler months. It was one of the warmer months and soccer was on the syllabus.
Raymond Charles was an anomaly amongst us boys. He was the biggest (not tallest), fastest, strongest and most athletic. Regardless of the sport, you always wanted to be on his team. There was something else about Raymond that was unique. He would not wear underwear during gym class.
He was somewhat hygienic in the fact that he would not wear underwear during gym class.
For the most part, we were unhygienic. We would take off our school shirt and pants, change into our gym clothes (t-shirt and shorts) and play. We would sometimes get smelly and dirty while in gym; take our gym clothes off, change back into our “school” clothes without showering and changing underwear…Yeah gross. This is what 99% of the boys did in gym class, but not Raymond.
Every gym period in the locker room, Raymond would strip completely naked, put on his t-shirt and gym shorts without any athletic support or underwear. When we hit the field, he would get his “I am the best athlete in the school” on. Believe me, Raymond was a beast on the soccer field, football field, on the track and basketball court. Again he was the biggest, strongest and fastest of all of us. Once gym was over and it was time for us to go in and change, Raymond would of course undress to his bare skin to put his school clothes back on.
In the gym locker room, your personal assigned locker for the semester, could be anywhere on any row. Mine just happened to be next to Raymond Charles. Every gym period I got to experience him naked. Raymond and I had no other classes together except gym. This was the only time we interacted. When the school year began, there was apprehension there because we all didn’t know each other but as time passed we got more comfortable. I wouldn’t dare look at Raymond’s naked body at first but as time passed and we got more comfortable, it happened. I also noticed the other boys looking at Raymond. I would wonder what they were thinking. I know what I was thinking “How does he look like this”?
We all were scrawny compared to Raymond. He had broad shoulders and a broad back. He had a bigger chest and arms than the rest of us. His buttocks, thighs and calves seemed massive. In my 11 year old mind at the time Raymond seemed like a “smaller” full grown man.
As the school year went on and walls went down Raymond and I kinda became friends. We usually always picked each other to be on teams. We would usually pass the ball to one another and I would always make a point to laugh at his corny jokes. After gym class, I always found myself with lingering thoughts of Raymond’s nude body.
I would envision myself caressing Raymond’s naked body, embracing him our penises touching and laying together or on one another. Looking back on my thoughts through my adult lens; it’s strange now that I realize my fantasies were not so much sexual but more so intimate. What I mean is that, because I had not experienced any sexual activity, my fantasies were not polluted with sex; which is understandably so due to my age (Wow to be 11 again. What a beautiful thing). Seeing Raymond nude made me realize I was different. I had never fantasized about any of the girls in my school like this or any woman on television.
Raymond was the son of a military man and his family had to be stationed someplace else (I can’t remember where). After the first semester in sixth grade, I never saw Raymond Charles again.
Looking back, after many years of confusion and second guessings concerning my sexual orientation; coming to terms with my homosexuality may have begun in gym class in 1987 with my intimate fantasies of Raymond Charles. Thank you Raymond, where ever you are.
Side Note: Teachers began to complain about the boys being smelly and musty after gym class. We then had to take showers before we got dressed and went to our next class. During shower time, we realized not only was Raymond more athletic than all of us, his penis was bigger than ours too. Fuck you Raymond!
OckyDub
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I so love this site. It reminds me of so many things that make me who I am. I had the same experience with a guy in a similar grade and he was good looking, built nicely, and well endowed. Now that I think about it, there were two guys I knew that i peeped at every chance I got. Wow. lol. The interesting thing about it all is that they were from the same hood as I was and I’m sure that they are probably still there. I think I need to check facebook now. hmmmmm thanks for the memory Ocky. Good looking bruh.
Yesterday something triggered this memory. I hadn’t thought about this in decades. When I sat for a few and begin to think about it all, I had to write about it. I also attempted to find Raymond on Facebook…FAIL…LOL
Thanks for reading man.
MAN!!!!! I think everyone has this, but do we call this a “bromance”. I mean when I think back to my friends back in the day like that I felt the same way. I wanted to kick it and play sports preferably skins vs skins. I never really had any sexual feeling besides looking at them. It is kind of funny looking back at it. If i could have a relationship like that now life would be Perfect….(ok sex now and then).
Wow thanks for posting this – brings me back 20 years; my Raymond Charles was named Ben Willard.
“because I had not experienced any sexual activity, my fantasies were not polluted with sex; which is understandably so due to my age”
Yeah! I always sought emotional intimacy with a dude – even before I knew what sex was. It’s like I was emotionally attracted to dudes from the beginning; sex wasn’t even a thought until I was 19! I just wanted to connect with a man.
I really like that aspect of being gay: the deep connection we can form, that straight guys might not (since gays have the romantic feelings towards men). I wouldn’t ever want to lose that.
I think a lot of guys have had this issue. I can remember a similar “locker room crush” named Tony. He was the new kid in school. Sexy as hell. Was a friend of mine at least for the first couple months, then he transferred away again. Causally undressed right next to me while having conversations. It was torture.
Wow! You brought back a flood of memories with this one, Ocky!
My Raymond was a dude named “Paul Brooks.” He had been left back a couple of times, so he was more mature than the rest of us 7th graders. The thing that struck me about him was, not only was he more physically developed than the rest of us–muscular w/d*ck for days–but he was the one of them “blue-black” Ninjas. I was fascinated by his body, but he had a 100-watt smile of the prettiest, blinding-white teeth you ever saw! The contrast made him look both exotic and beautiful to my 13-year old eyes.
Having been brought up by folks from the “deep South”, this was somewhat revelatory to me! Because of my family’s conditioning, I thought dark black people were never pretty, and most times they were ugly–that is, until I saw Paul Brooks. Dude not only awakened those budding feelings of SGL thoughts in me. But he also opened my mind up to the depth and breadth of beauty amongst black people of all hues. To this day, I still gotta thang for dem dark-skinned Brothas!
Alas, Paul Brooks dropped out of school. Kids kept clowning him because he was so far behind the rest of his classmates. But I’ll always remember him. And, like you Ocky, if I had had the tools to process my thoughts and feelings for Paul back then; I would have known I was SGL.
Sh*t woulda saved me a lot of time, stress and heartache, too!
haha yeah Ocky, most of us can drum up that one guy on campus who seemed to be physically matured beyond his years. My campus guy was also on the football and basketball teams. He was hairy and could grow a full beard if he wanted to while in highschool lol. Rumors of his massive dick were common place among the entire student body. You could see his bulge when he wore jeans. In fact, this dude was so gorgeous one of our Algebra teachers was fucking him at her house on saturdays. I tried finding this dude on facebook and other places with zero luck! I can still bust a nut thinking about him to this day lol…
Thanks for the memories Ocky 🙂
Wow yep I can relate to this article. The gym locker room where all the guys would look at the dude that was growing faster than everyone with so much curiousity. I remember when was on the football team. You would notice guys looking at each other and in my mind I would be like… what is everyone else thinking? I’m having fantasies but is everyone else having the same thoughts???
“in my mind I would be like… what is everyone else thinking? I’m having fantasies but is everyone else having the same thoughts”
Thanks for saying this, because this was a real journey for me: in middle school, I knew what being gay was in physical terms, but I was experiencing romantic feelings and totally confused as to whether other dudes were feeling anything like this!
At 11, I couldn’t recognize these feelings as romantic, but I knew that platonic intimacy with a dude felt so good – so satisfying and right, somehow.
Maybe this is similar to @hannibal‘s story: building a close platonic relationship with a dude, where you get so close that the line between platonic/romantic grows fuzzy – perhaps to both people – in a real natural way. I remember that could be confusing because I didn’t even know how to ask myself: “do I feel platonic or romantic for this dude?,” let alone discern an answer, if I did ask.
Still, the platonic/romantic closeness gay dudes can have has to be one of my favorite aspects of being gay.
I also had a Raymond. He was one of my frat brothers and came in after me. This was before I knew what was up with me. I just knew I really liked his company, really enjoyed being around him and really cared about him. We used to do sleepovers, have movie nights(just the two of us) and at one point I was spending every night at his place and he would drive me back and forth from work and class etc. It was like the gayest non-gay relationship ever lol. Of course now I realize I had a big gay crush on him. He still has no known girlfriend but we don’t talk anymore. The tragedies of young closeted life.
Senior year in high school, I was the team captain and starting tailback. I had this sexy backup tail back , who was 2 years younger than me, that would follow behind me like a lost puppy. He would always want to catch a ride with me to and from practice, try to out do me in drills and during workouts, which I thought he was trying to take my starting position. He would also always find a way for us to be in awkward moments alone in the locker room. Before practice, He would do things like steal my gloves, socks, and sometimes underwear,clean ones, out my locker put them on and and say things like ” I’m filling these draws out a lil better than you man, I think im gone keep em”. I would laugh it off and be like ” Man, stop playing and lets get ready for practice”. At end of our state championship game, he told me that I was someone that he really looked up to on filed and in the class room, I had pretty good grades as well, and that he would miss me. The thing is I had had a crush on this lil dude, but Looking back on his actions, I always wonder if he was trying to give me a hint that he was interested in me too or did he just admire me as a person and athlete. If so I’m pretty sure we both were way too scared to try the other one…this took me back lol!!
Yeah when I was in middle school in 2002 (1987 …. Damn @Ocky you OLD) no one got fully undressed and we didn’t even have showers so I didn’t have an opportunity to have a Raymond.
Wait are you old enough to be on this site? How did you get past the parental controls?
I just got off Similac, but I’m legal … all my sexual reproductive organs are functional, are urs @Ocky?
Lord please tell me you at least are not still wearing Spongebob underwear…lol
I never wore Spongebob underwear, they all Simpsons thememed
Middle school….2002….SECURITY!!! We have an intruder!!!
PS: Can we do something about this message being too short thing? Sometimes a short comment is all we need.
We hate when people just reply with “LOL” or a damn smiley face…We also hate when people reply with college thesis papers. So we have to have minimum and maximum character counts.
I mean…I guess. But sometimes one sentence is all you need to get your point across. What are you supposed to say when you’ve said all you had to say and it still wasn’t good enough?
That was 11 years ago, since then my balls have dropped, lost my virginity, got my edujamacation and stop wearing pampers, the elderly need to stop hating on this fine young specimen 🙂
Reading this article makes me think back to when I would fantasize about some guys in middle school and high school lol. Looking back now, I don’t think I realized at the time how much of a crush I had on these guys, wow. I just thought then that my feelings weren’t that deep and that it wasn’t that serious. So funny how the mind works when you are young lol.
Thanks for sharing this story. It brought back a memories of a huge crush I had on a boy I was in summer camp with. I won’t use his real name I’ll just call him “Albert”. It was 1990, we were both 13 years old. Albert and I became really good friends. Everyone said we looked alike and asked if we were brothers. I didn’t see the resemblance other than we were both skinny black boys. Eventually we started telling everyone we were brothers. As far as I could tell Albert just saw me as a good buddy but I knew what I felt for him was more than friendship. I was in love. He was all I thought about. I was so sad when the summer was over and I didn’t see him after that.