Relationship advice from Cypher Avenue relationship specialist Octavius

Wow…We have very interesting email from Anthony out of Dallas, Texas seeking relationship advice.  As always the names have been altered for protection.

Okay here is the summary of the situation.  Anthony and Eugene have been together for about a year and a half.  Anthony says he is gay but his partner Eugene is bisexual (you see where this is going).  Anthony states early on this was discussed and Eugene made his bisexuality known and also stated he doesn’t “flip – flop” or go back and fourth between men and women.  He only dates one sex exclusively at a time.

Fast forward to October 2011…Eugene in “conversation” tells Anthony that he misses being with a woman.  Coincidentally one of Eugene’s ex-girlfriends will be in town to visit family the week of Thanksgiving and he wants to know would it be okay for them to hook up and potentially have sex.

Eugene told Anthony that he and his ex-girlfriend have always had contact with each other (text, email, phone, facebook) on a associate / friendship basis, but their last conversation she expressed interest in hooking up sexually while she is in town.

Anthony states he has some apprehensions about this.  His reasons are…

-As noted above, in the beginning of the relationship Eugene stated he doesn’t “flip – flop” or go back and fourth between men and women, but now he wants to hook up with his ex-girlfriend who is coming to town.-When Anthony expressed his feelings that he can’t and would not hook up with any of his ex-male friends while in a relationship with Eugene; Eugene stated it’s different and Anthony can’t understand because he is not bisexual.

-Eugene stated him meeting up with his ex-girlfriend while she is in town will not automatically equal them having sex, but he feels it will happen if she pushes the issue.

And in Anthony’s words…”I feel like we go through the normal stuff that any other relationships go through and I really care for this guy, but the closer Thanksgiving gets here the more pissed off I feel.”

PictureHere is my advice for Anthony…

First I feel like there is absolutely nothing wrong with being bisexual; however committed monogamous relationships are committed monogamous relationships, period.  Who wants to hear, “Hey I care for you but I want to cheat on you with my ex”?

There is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling because you want someone to treat you like you treat them and in this situation that is not the case.

Let’s get real here.  Sexual preferences and orientations have nothing to do with commitments.  Eugene has basically informed you that he most likely is going to cheat on you.  Why should you be okay with this?  You should think more highly of yourself to not allow someone else to treat you this way?  Why would you allow someone to come in and make you live outside of your own truth?  You respect and honor commitment in your relationship and that is part of your truth.

I think this situation has presented itself in your life to make you examine who you are and make an assessment of your self worth.  Your reaction and you sending me the email seeking advice should let you know that Eugene’s attitude and behavior is not okay for a committed relationship and does not personally sit well for you.

Get your shit together (and if you choose to) make yourself available for someone that values himself and commitment and will in turn value you and being in a relationship with you.

Eugene has been for the most part honest about his feelings and sexuality, so don’t be surprised if in another 3 to 6 months he wants to get some pussy from the same or another ex-girlfriend who may be in town.  I don’t see how this could possibly end on a good note for your relationship.  Now…if you choose to stay with Eugene and do nothing, you have to be at peace with your decision.  If you decide to end the relationship and move on… be at peace with your decision.

I just want to reiterate that my response is in no way a knock against bisexuality.  As long as you are not hurting any body or anything…sleep with whomever you want to sleep with.  But I feel this issue has less to do with bisexuality but has more to do with commitment and monogamy.  Regardless if you find out before hand or after the fact its still infidelity and disloyalty.

Well folks…what is your opinion or thoughts for Anthony?  Or what is your thoughts on the advice I gave.  Feel free to drop us a line or leave a comment below.  And if you have any relationship questions you like for me to answer, holla at me at or you can use the “contact” function on our website. 

– Octavius