I have met many Feminine Bottoms who have said that Tops that have been penetrated even just ONCE in their lives are “disgusting” and NOT actually True Tops.I wont get into the self-hate brewing in a Bottom that thinks a man getting penetrated is disgusting…but I did think it would be fun to add on to this deluded criteria for what makes a “True Top” in a new satirical series of REAL definitions to Gay terms.

Disclaimer: The following text is satire and is not meant to encourage division, homophobia or even be taken seriously, for that matter.
“TRUE TOP”  tru täp 1. TRUE TOP is a descriptor given to a Gay man that penetrates the anus and rectum of another man; especially a gay man.

a. The descriptor True Top becomes a misnomer if said man has EVER been topped or penetrated himself with an erect penis, a dildo, a finger or any kind of produce. The mere thought of a True Top being anally skewered is nauseating as this act is reserved for only people with low-self esteem who view masculine men being penetrated as a negative (See “TOTAL BOTTOM”).

b. The TRUE TOP can only be a masculine Gay man. There can not be even a whiff of femininity. Even if said True Top uses the word “whiff” in a sentence of his own, he is NOT a TRUE TOP. Straight men can be True Tops as well just as long as there is a computer or TV playing Heterosexual porn to help him stay at least semi-erect during intercourse (See “GAY FOR PAY”).

c. The TRUE TOP must be from a ghetto or an urban community. He must not be able to speak proper, grammatically correct English. (See “THUG”).

d. The TRUE TOP must constantly carry the aroma of a mix between Marijuana Smoke and 3-day-old after basketball man-sweat.e. The TRUE TOP can ONLY be from New York, New Jersey, Detroit or Baltimore. Exceptions to this rule may apply if the True Top has neck and/or face tattoos.

f. The TRUE TOP must be in shape. True Tops with six-pack abs and a nice bubble butt that will never be used are the norm. The True Top can ONLY afford to be heavy-set if he also has a large penis (See “Bear”).

g. Much like the men featured in heavily edited porn filmed over the course of an entire day, the TRUE TOP always stays hard during sex (and at least an hour afterward). His only purpose for existence is sex.

h. It is not only likely that the TRUE TOP will have multiple partners, it is expected. TOTAL BOTTOMS will be extremely hesitant to disassociate themselves with the True Top if he is caught cheating, especially if the sex is enjoyable. A True Top is seen as virile and “manly” when this happens.

i. The TRUE TOP typically has anger management issues. He is quick to overreact and blow up with little hesitation. He usually takes his rage out on an unsuspecting-yet-willing anonymous booty hole.

j. The TRUE TOP does not concern himself with petty things like HIV transmission facts and statistics. He even encourages the True Bottoms he penetrates to allow him to do so without the use of condoms. A request eager Total Bottoms typically yield to with feigned hesitation and eventual enthusiasm.

k. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES can the TRUE TOP do anything sexually but slide his man-stick into an open anus. Rimming is slightly allowed, but if his mouth goes near a penis, erect or otherwise, he is no longer a True Top.

– Nick D