The latest controversy to ruffle the feather boas and draw the ire of the gay mainstream does not come from an anti-homosexual evangelical pastor; nope. It comes from openly gay actor Russell Tovey who stars on HBO’s Looking. Regardless if some gays just read his quotes without context — which has now been duplicated throughout the queer-o-sphere – or if they actually took the time to read his interview in The Guardian, their conclusions are still the same. Tovey is an anti-fem, homophobic homosexual who must be shamed into understanding the errors of his opinions and thoughts. Queue his forced PR apology to the media and those he may have offended.
After wondering what all the fuss was about on social media, I clicked various gay blogs and websites and saw the same “Tovey is Fem shaming” narrative. I then read the actual interview and completely understood everything Tovey stated and why he said it. Maybe my interpretation is skewed from a misogynistic masculine privileged point of view OR maybe I’m just more understanding of homosexuality from a masculine homosexual man’s perspective.
From the interview the Essex, England native says;
Tovey came away from the ketchup gig (TV commercial) with a Sega Megadrive (video game console), bought with his £900 fee, and a sense of acting being his vocation. He missed chunks of school at his Essex secondary to make a kids’ TV show, Mud, and as a result of the absence didn’t always have a lot of friends. “I was so envious of everyone who went to Sylvia Young Theatre School. I wanted to go but my dad flat-out refused. He thought I’d become some tapdancing freak without qualifications. And he was right in a way. I’m glad I didn’t go. That might have changed…”
Tovey thinks carefully about what he’s going to say next. If I had to guess, watching him fidget, I’d say he’s weighing up whether to be honest at the risk of causing offence, or whether to divert and say something bland. He chooses to risk offence. “I feel like I could have been really effeminate, if I hadn’t gone to the school I went to. Where I felt like I had to toughen up. If I’d have been able to relax, prance around, sing in the street, I might be a different person now. I thank my dad for that, for not allowing me to go down that path. Because it’s probably given me the unique quality that people think I have.”
The quality he means is a rare kind of pigeonhole-resistance. “I get told, a lot, that I’m kind of carving my own path. That there are not many actors who are out and are able to play straight, and gay, and everyone’s OK with it.”
There is a lot of story that comes before this section in the interview and after. You can read it for yourself but I can summarize:
- Tovey was a skinny kid.
- He came out at 18 years old.
- At 18 years old he was attacked and stabbed in the head on the train for no reason.
- Years later to gain confidence he hit the gym.
- His masculinity, bulkier physique and confidence have helped his acting career.
Unempathic Fem Gays
Going back to the interview, his father’s attitudes are key here. Even though his outlooks concerning male femininity and homosexuality should be questioned, his concerns are still very valid. Years ago I touched on young boys being influenced by femininity. My own attitudes have somewhat shifted since 2011; nonetheless kids attitudes, characteristics, mannerisms can be altered and shaped. Note that I’m not referencing sexuality.
Plenty of effeminate straight and gay men have stated at points in their lives they have tried to “man up” or “butch it up” in hopes of having a more masculine identity or outward appearance. This was due to external influences negatively reshaping their true effeminate self. For some reason many gays can understand this dilemma but have trouble understanding and being empathic in reverse as it pertains to more masculine gay males being inauthentically influenced by more effeminate males and gay culture.
To digress for a bit, over the years we have received numerous emails from many homo/bi-sexual men who have felt like they didn’t fit into gay culture due to the abundance of femininity. These were mostly from young adult men…but what about more impressionable young homo/bi-sexual adolescent males?
At the age of 12, Tovey did a commercial that earned enough to buy a video games console…with his own money. I know that would have been a huge deal for me at the age of 12. This made him want to become a better actor and he wanted to go to a particular theatre school. He father objected. Regardless if Tovey’s father stated it or if it was Tovey’s own interpretations of what his father was implying…they felt the school would have negatively influenced him to be effeminate. This is not saying being effeminate is wrong; however isn’t being influenced into something you may not be…negative?
Think back to the example above of the effeminate men were negatively influence and felt like they had to impersonate something they were not. Where or should I say, why isn’t there more outrage from gays when this happens in reverse? It seems like when gay effeminacy is not front and center as authentic, one must be suffering from internalized homophobia and self-hatred.
The Masculine Problem In Gay Media
The perception of Tovey’s masculinity in addition to his more muscular physique is helping his acting career as an out gay man. As he states, “I get told, a lot, that I’m kind of carving my own path. That there are not many actors who are out and are able to play straight, and gay, and everyone’s OK with it.” After reading many websites’ commentary and their subsequent feedback sections, this seems like the part that really went over the outraged gay heads.
For centuries homosexual men have praised, worshiped and put male masculine physiques on pedestals. Fem gay content creators have continuous marginalized masculine men in their projects to represent the prize that is to be obtained by the end of their tales without giving them any substance other than “penis.” So now we have a young actor who recognizes how gay culture along with gay media propagates masculine and feminine stereotypes. He is stating that because he is masculine leaning and has a more masculine appearance, he is grateful that he is not more effeminate (as it relates to acting) because it would have limited his potential roles and his career.
So the ruling majority of fem gays are angry because Russell Tovey is capitalizing on the imagery that they are attracted to…the proud masculine out gay man. I think in this revealing interview, he has shined a much needed light on their pile of pompous hypocritical bullshit by basically saying, “if I was fem, you (fems) would not view me as a sexual prize.” Keeping it 100, if he was more effeminate, chances are, he would not be as popular and obtaining his numerous roles.
Understand that not praising homosexual femininity doesn’t mean one is attacking it.
I read about this controversy earlier and I have determined that at least for the mainstream (white Gay Male Elite) gay media honestly has nothing to scream and shout about since the historic victories of the lgbt community. What else is there to do…except for hyperbolic criticism and out of context conjecture.
I remember him as the werewolf on Being Human and had no idea he was gay. But reading the article, I don’t see why there’s outrage from what he’s said. He simply stated that if had he gone to that particular theater school, he might not have been able to play as many diverse roles as he does now. His delivery could’ve been better (as most people who tend to get ridiculed for speaking on their masculinity’s could probably be) but he’s an actor, not an orator.
I was so confused and ready to call you wrong until I realized there was a UK version of Being HUman lol.
Yeah, it was the original version of the show and pretty good. I didn’t bother watching the American version; how was it?
It was okay, but forgettable after one watched it. The UK version was better. The UK tends to include more ethnic minorities than the good Ole’ US of A. In America, on a lot of television series and movies it seems that minorities don’t even exist.
My fried told me that they are both good which means that it depends on which one you watched first. I saw the US version first and tried to watch the UK one…and it was so similar yet so different I couldn’t take it seriously.
I’ve got to say the UK tends to do TV better in general. No one is safe (even the star of the show,) they applaud diversity (ethnic, sexual, etc.) and don’t make it feel like they’re filling a quota, their storylines tend to be edgier, and they have shorter seasons so they don’t have as much filler.
I’ve been a Russell Tovey fan since seeing him as Rudge in “The History Boys” then as George on the original “Being Human”, feminine gay men got their panties all up in a bunch because Russell appriciated the fact his dad raised him to be tough, well boo hoo because their little feelings were hurt. In most gay communities masculine gay men are only good for being a fantasy out of a porno movie, a thug on the street corner right of of jail, a country farm boy working out in the field pitching hay, the soldier on leave from the military, or the alltime favorite man in uniform (cop/firman), in real life the gay community has no place for the masculine gay male other than to serve the purpose of fulfilling a sexual desire. Just goes to show how fast the white gay media will turn on you if you don’t represent being gay the way they think you should. Tovey has a valid point, what other out gay actor has the look and ability to play both straight & gay believably. It’s bad enough that every masculine gay character on tv and in movies is always played by a straight actor, now they have to attack someone for speaking their truth. If what he said wasn’t true gay media wouldn’t be as upset with Tovey as they are, had he said his dad did let him prance around they wouldn’t have a problem…..
Of course the fem mafia is overreacting. That’s what they do best. They’re angry because he won’t go along with conventional gay gospel that feminine = good, masculine = bad and gay men are just women with a penis. To them Mr. Tovey is a heretic and as punishment for his crime of not going along with accepted dogma they’re trying to tear down his public image for speaking his truth as a masculine gay man.
I can see how some people would interpret this as a put down. In his example, he said he was thankful his dad didn’t let him go down “that” path, that being the path to effeminacy. IMO, he should just be honest and explain why that path was less desirable to his father or himself because obviously he feels that it is less desirable or else he wouldn’t be thanking god for him not going that route. This is an example of a masculine man appearing to be uncomfortable with his own masculinity which should have been his main point instead of him focusing on the negatives of effeminacy within the gay community. Two separate issues in my opinion that muddies his message.
Do you feel he wasn’t clear and people misunderstood him? It seems kinda clear to me.
…but why you got a thumbs down though? I don’t know why I found it so funny after I read your comment.
I have no idea why I got a thumbs down. That’s the masculine equivalent of shade I guess. LOL
No i don’t think he was misunderstood. People are taking it exactly for what it is and he’s semi-apologizing via his twitter. He should’ve just said I prefer myself as I am because i’m masculine and that has afforded me opportunities that I wouldn’t have being effeminate. You know the whole masculine privilege thing. That’s essentially what he’s saying and if he truly feels that way, he should own it instead of backtracking. People thank god when they escape a car accident or bullet or other undesirable things. He thanked god that his father didn’t let him go to a drama school because he would’ve become effeminate.
But how is that a problem but if he had said basically the same thing but in reverse it wouldn’t have been a problem…like the example I used in the post? This is hypocrisy to me.
Your thumbs down got me cracking up over here…LMAO. I don’t know why I find it so damn funny???
Well now it looks like I got 3 thumbs down so I know yo ass probably rolling on the fucking floor. LOL
But real talk, this happens in reverse ALL THE TIME and CA calls people on it. It just so happens that the CA point of view is in the minority within the gay community. The same way you would feel if this was stated in reverse is the same way effeminate gay men feel hearing Tovey say this. It’s just that effeminate gay men have more outlets with which to express their outrage.
The last paragraph of your post makes a lot of sense but again, it goes to disrespect. A person can speak on their masculinity and how they are being true to themselves and are proud of that without giving a jab below the belt to effeminate men talking about going to drama school and then prancing in the street. LOL @ocky, you mean to tell me you don’t think he could’ve left that part out and still made his overall point? He threw a backhanded jab and they are jabbing back.
Now if I get a thumbs down on this comment, I know something is up. I wouldn’t be surprised if it were you or nick. LOL
I feel ya…but the thumbs down is not me. I felt/thought your points or concerns were valid.
Ain’t nobody but Nick startin’ shit wit that ‘thumbs down” LOL!
Believe it or not, we get a lot of angry passerbys who hit thumbs up or down without leaving comments. I used to have it set up that only logged in users can vote.
I could have been that his dad didn’t let him go down ‘that path’ but it could have just been how he naturally was. To me, I see it similar to how if you are the kid in Moonshine Corners, MS and you feel you are gay but only see feminine men on TV, you could think “That’s what *I’m* supposed to do.”
Take Magic Johnson’s son. All that machismo had little affect on him it seems however, we don’t know how that man raised his son. But people, straight people especially, thinking that a strong father is the cure for fem gay men is wrong and misguided.
People are going to be who they are naturally and while environment does play a role, a lot of who we are come from the inside.
I also don’t see why you got the Thumbs Down but it bes like that sometimes.
It may be unpleasant for some to hear but it is what is. Why should Mr. Tovey sugarcoat the truth about his upbringing to satisfy the insecurities of the femocracy that is mainstream gay culture? Every boy both homosexual and heterosexual learns what is and isn’t acceptable for men from their father, uncles, cousins, and peers. I don’t see what the problem is? It seems to me there is a double standard. The feminine gay men want their truth respected but want masculine gay men to “shut up and color”. I applaud Mr. Tovey for not bowing to political correctness or thought police and just laying his cards on the table.
I’m picturing garish “Club Kids”, outlandish Drag Queens, and throngs of shirtless, effeminate white twinks in metallic speedos, all in a room with filled glitter, disco balls, feather boas, and rainbow flags watchin dude’s commentary on TV….
“OH…my…F#$KING…GOD! NO, he…F#$KING…DIDN’T, just say that he didn’t want to be a prancing little queen! Welllll….Mr….TOH-vee….YOUR career…is, OVER! {{as they all type away FURIOUSLY on their smartphones to Twitter/FB/and whatever Social Media accnts they have (the older queens actually pick up the {vintage} rotary phones and call) , alerting all branches of the Gay Gate Keepers Society of the rebel}}
Sounds like this is another example of Effeminate Gays saying, “Live in your Truth…except if it goes against our narrative.”
But on the other hand, if this were a Feminine Gay Actor saying in an interview that he’s glad he DIDN’T listen to his father and go down the path of “acting straight” or performing masculinity, @Ocky and others would be just as outraged and defensive as the gays who attacked Russell Tovey.
But isn’t that human nature anyhow? “Do you, unless it doesn’t fit into my world view.” Unfortunately, he managed to offend one of the louder segments of society. I’m just disappointed that he backtracked a bit, though playing in a gay series means he has to keep the fan base happy, I suppose.
LOL know one would be outraged.
When don’t fem gays say things like this now? About living in their fem truth etc. I’m not outraged. Begone with your attempts of Devil’s Advocacy.
He’s entitled to his opinion. Moreover, it’s interesting how those often touting themselves as the defenders of diversity and tolerance are the same ones lambasting someone whose opinion sharply differs from their own.
It’s funny how the emphasis on “masculinity” never seems to reach anybody’s wallet. Hell, it barely reaches some “masculine” men’s bedrooms! News flash: The dick in your mouth makes you look really gay. The dick in your ass is REALLY flamboyant. I mean it’s really out there. It really throws it in people’s faces. True masculinity stands on its own. It doesn’t need to declare itself or other someone or something else in order to exist. IT JUST IS. If your masculinity needs “help”, I’m sorry….it ain’t masculinity.
It’s funny how the emphasis on “femininity” never seems to reach anybody’s wallet. Hell, it barely reaches some “feminine” men’s bedrooms! News flash: The dick in your mouth makes you look really queer. The dick in your ass is REALLY faggy. I mean it’s really out there. It really throws it in people’s faces. True femininity stands on its own. It doesn’t need to declare itself or other someone or something else in order to exist. IT JUST IS. If your femininity needs “help”, I’m sorry….it ain’t femininity.
Thanks for missing the point.