The Most Annoying Men in the Gym
For the most part I really enjoy going to the gym. The feeling of euphoria and bliss I get after a good workout for me is priceless. We all know diet and exercise provides countless health benefits and the gym can be great motivation to get you going in the right direction.
The gym also hosts a countless array of individuals who can and do annoy the hell out of me. It seems like twice a year (New Years and Pre-Summer) they gym becomes a holding tank of some of the most asinine folks you will every encounter. That is not to say the gym is not full of irritating folk on any giving day or time. It’s just seems during New Years and Pre-Summer there is more of an abundance of them.
Below I have compiled a list of some of the most annoying men in the gym. I am sure if you haven’t encountered them before, you will soon.
The “Can I Work In” Guy
Hey “Can I Work In” Guy get the fuck away from me…I can’t stand you!
They cause everyone to awkwardly walk around them making a conscious effort not to look down at their private parts that are airing out.
Good Sir…kudos to you for not being ashamed of your body but you make others uncomfortable by having your beans and frank front and center. So others will not hate being around you in the locker room, wear a damn towel.
The secret agents are the men who are pretending to be private investigator while avoiding the scorching solar flares that are raining down on them from the soft florescent lights in the gym. They can be easily spotted due to their baseball caps being pulled down so low over their eyes they need to tilt their heads back when they walk so they can see; these are the 008 secret agents. The 007 secret agents are in a class by themselves. They actually have to wear ultra-dark shades to the gym so they can spy on their potential suspects without being noticed. Hey dark shades guy…you look like stalker weirdo and I hate you!
The Screamers and Grunters sound like the male equivalent of giving birth. They also are known for making sure to drop or slam their weights as hard as possible on the ground so not only do you hear them but they want you to look at them as well. Really dude? Do you have to scream and grunt that loudly in the gym when lifting weights?
You are annoying and distracting and we all hate you!
Hey Peacock…you are a annoying douche bag and you need to sit the fuck down!
The diva can also be spotted wearing excessive jewelry (chains, watches, bracelets, rings, etc.) and will always make sure the entire gym is permeated with the cloud of cologne they need to spray on themselves before working out.
I get it… you are high maintenance and you feel you are constantly on stage performing so you always want to make sure your fans see you in your best light.
Dude, you are choking everyone with your cologne and we all hate you!
Hey Social Butterfly; folk are trying to work out and no I didn’t see the game last night so shut the fuck up!
Instead he is the same psychotic and angry asshole that grits and gives the evil eye to everyone in a 15 foot radius. He is also recognizable because he usually is a screamer while lifting weights and in between sets he walks around with his hands on his waist to give off an inflated sense of self.
Hey Psycho…no one hates you…please don’t kill us .
This bastard gets on my nerves and is not to be confused with “The Secret Agent”. This is the dude that stares at you for extended periods of time. They can be spotted pretending to talk or text on their cell phones while watching other’s reflection in the mirror.
No place in the gym is off limits, including the locker room. Stay clear of the gawker because you could end up as a an object of masturbation via a picture that he will take on his cell phone.
Hey gawker dude…you creep everyone the fuck out and we don’t just hate you; we wish you would go away and your gym membership revoked!
Yes and so can everybody else.
This is the idiot that feels the need to let everyone know their conversation as a way of seeking attention. They can be heard discussion business deals, finances, are their sex-capades, all in order to let others know how important they are.
Whether working out, on the treadmills, or in the locker room, they are not shy with letting you know why you should be paying attention to them and their conversation. Others possibly being distracted by their rudeness are of little concern. It’s your fault that you don’t know your world revolves around them. Hey fuck face…shut the fuck up and get your wack ass off your cell phone.
Hey Team Bromance, you all can’t lift and spot each other at the same time. Break that shit up and give others a chance to use the equipment.
This group usually consist of newly high school graduates whose individual maximum weight is 138 lbs. They are usually skinny but very tough. You know they are tough because they either have on a tank top or a short sleeve shirt with the sleeves rolled up revealing their tattoos that they paid for with either birthday money, graduation money, or summer job money. They can be spotted with back packs full of large headphones, markers, iPads, iPods, Laptops, cell phones and Nintendo DS’s or PSP’s. They usually wonder around the gym aimlessly doing the occasional bench press, pull up, or dumbbell curl.
When they do lift weights, it is usually done with a weight that is far too heavy for them and when the one set is completed, they then will flex in the mirror immediately afterwards to show you how big they have gotten.
This is the guy that is always asking everyone for work out tips and fitness advice. He usually can be spotted during bicep curls on the ab machine
This is the guy that walks with his chest inflated and his arms far out from his sides when he walks like he is a huge body builder but is really a “skinny tough guy”.
Baby Legs is the guy with the huge chest and arms but has skinny legs because he doesn’t work anything below his waist. He typically thinks working legs is for sissies.
This is the nasty, unsanitary bastard who doesn’t wash his hands after his shitty ass takes a dump. He can also be seen walking around the locker room, showers and urinal area completely barefoot.
This is the guy who wears a bandana tied around his head, fanny pack and a pair of multicolored sweatpants as if he just got off a time machine from 80’s Muscle Beach.
I am sure you all have had your own encounters with some of the guys mentioned on the list or with some other annoying “types” I may have left off. Please feel free to share your experiences and feed back.
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