Homewrecker. There is no term in global society more confusing to me than this. For those not in the know, a homewrecker is the person who creates temptation for his/her target to cheat on their lover. This person supposedly breaks up a “happy home.” Seems to be a pretty clear idea to most people but I could never logically grasp this concept growing up, even now into adulthood. How can a third party be responsible for breaking up a relationship? Especially through mere temptation?
This universal disdain for “homewreckers” is (at the very least) the definition of misplaced anger and (at the most) it is outright denial of logical thinking. The Homewrecker is a myth, a red herring, a scapegoat. Let’s Examine.
Gay men seem to be increasingly lacking self-responsibility. The “blame game” is a consistent trait. Verbally stressing why anything bad that happens to them is no fault of their own is worn like a badge of honor. So the “homewrecker” term makes a lot of sense for gay men.
Imagine if gay men’s lack of self-responsibility were a force field covering their entire bodies. This shield becomes extended once the person gets into a relationship. Their lovers are now “protected and infallible.” This is how they think: “It’s not my man’s fault that he cheated on me, it was that sexy homewrecker!” Let’s be real for a second. If you were in fact had a “happy home” your man would have never cheated on you in the first place.
A relationship is like a binding contract. Watch any of those daytime courtroom shows for proof of this. If two people enter a contract and one person breaks the contract by involving a third party, that third party is NEVER the one that gets sued.
As many of you already know, I’m a big believer in the numbers game. There are over 7 billion people in the world and at least 350-500 million of them are gay/bisexual. With the modern capabilities of meeting individuals outside of your immediate area through the Internet, limitations in gay dating have reduced dramatically. So a single person has plenty of options outside of that “married guy” and could/should deal with fellow single people. Having said that, they’re single. By definition they can hookup/date whoever they want.
BUT HE’S THE SINGLE ONE
I’m not advocating that people knowingly chase after committed people…but let’s think logically about it for the duration of this article. Single people ARE NOT responsible for the strength of your relationship. If you broke the contract of trust with your lover, that Single, non-attached man that came on to you in the club wasn’t to blame…the culprit is your own will power. All human beings are constantly bombarded with temptation on a daily basis. The individual that can remain faithful in a sea of temptation truly demonstrates his level of commitment.
NOT MARRIED = TECHNICALLY SINGLE
This shouldn’t be that bold of a statement but I’ll defiantly say it anyway: People who are in non-married relationships are still technically single. By my reckoning (and most other people), marriage is the proclamation that the two people involved are now officially OFF THE MARKET. If that is not the case, why even get married in the first place? It can’t be just for the tax benefits.
So if the previous assertion is true, what weight does the “monogamy talk” have within non-married relationships worldwide? For the sake of this discussion, let’s call these monogamous non-married relationships: Marriage Light. To further enforce my point, I reluctantly bring up the lyrics to a Beyonce song, “If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.” To me this meant, “if you wanted to truly commit to me, you should have married me.” So marriage seems to be the TRUE symbol for commitment, not a “monogamy talk.” If that is the case then all people in Marriage Light relationships are still technically single.
If that is the case, are all bets off? Are these people still technically “On the Market” for potentially dating and/or sexual relationships? Is a man who knowingly tries to seduce a married woman worse than a man who seduces a woman just monogamously dating? My opinion, if said man is single himself: ALL BETS ARE OFF.
Men in committed relationships, however, are 100% responsible for giving in to temptation and breaking their contract of trust/monogamy with their lover. The man actually in the relationship who cheats is the only “homewrecker” there can ever possibly be.
– Nick D
Nick Delmacy
Related posts
17 Comments
Leave a Reply to NickDCancel reply
Log In
Latest Cyphers
Subscribe Now
* You will receive the latest news and updates on your favorite celebrities!
I must say I agree with this 100%. It its the responsibility of the person in the committed relationship our marriage to resist the third party. They are the ones who owe their partners an explanation. With that being said, if someone is making a move on someone who is aware that the other person is involved and have been instructed to back off but they continue to pursue, they’re in the wrong and I’d label that a homewrecker (under the assumption their attempt has failed).
I can understand you’d view on the “technically” single part, but I don’t agree with it all the way. I don’t think marriage should be the only instance where a person is supposed to be monogamous. How can you and why should you trust a person who thinks its okay to have the freedom to sleep with whomever because they aren’t married? Most times what a person does pre-marriage, it will continue afterwards….it will just no longer be in the open.
A man who sleeps with someone already in a relationship and knows it…is a cheater too.
I never understood blaming the 3rd party, but I think the 3rd party is just as pitiful.
Why should the single dude be responsible for maintaining someone else’s relationship?
I dont think Buster is saying the single dude is responsible for the relationship…he is just saying the single guy is just as pitiful for basically not finding another single guy to have sex with.
I am with Nick on this one. If you are in a relationship, it is up to you to set your own limits and bounderies. The single third party has no ties, and no oblagation to help you uphold your own values. They also do not have to share your values. You are a grown man, and you can make your own choices. While I do not believe in this numbers game stuff because we are never going to really meet all 500,000,000 gay people, and if we did, would we really have a chance is dating a person from Chad, in this case, it does not matter. Blaming the third party means that you are trying to super impose your values on another as if your values were the default setting for all. In most cases, the third party did not get you into the relationship in the first place. Remember, only you can prevent forest fires.
The numbers game is real. Especially now with the Internet. If you feel like you’re limited to the handful of Out gay people in your 5-10 mile area then you’re not taking advantage of modern technologies to the fullest. Check out our 10 Level Guide for Meeting Gay/Bisexual Men for tips on how to meet some of the over 350,000 gay men in the United States alone.
I understand the spirit of what you are saying, and I use the internet as one of the ways to meet people, but if you are talking about finding a relationship, sex partners, or even friends, you do not have access to all the gay/bi people in the US. As you have said before, having friends that you can hang out with on the regular requires that the people in question live close. Long distant relationships can be very challenging as well. For practical purposes, the average person is limited to a particular area. While it is great to have friends in places far from you, saying that a person has access to all these thousands of people is not the most accurate picture of a person’s sex/relationship landscape. Having said that, I do understand the spirit of what you are saying, and the internet has given us a wider range, and more spontaneity.
I agree with this 100% also. I love the site, keep doing what you doing man!
I agree. You are technically still single until you’re married, but if you expect that you and your ‘married light’ partner will be monogamous, then you have to agree to take yourselves off the market, even without marriage. But you have to AGREE. So many people have taken themselves off the market when their partner hasn’t. There can be no assumptions, you have to make the commitment (if that’s what you wanna do).
I do think that the person who holla’s at a married person is more wrong than a person hollering at a married light person. And when I say more wrong, I say it for lack of a less judgmental word. I’m not judging, but can’t think of a fitting word. IMO, once someone’s taken, you should respect their relationship and place your efforts somewhere else. There truly are other fish in the sea. Sometimes I think people like people even more when they’re the forbidden fruit, so their idea of this dream man/woman is even better just because they’re off limits.
Problem is, I don’t think we’ll ever live in a world where people leave other people’s spouses and significant others’ alone just based on the fact that they’re ‘taken’.
All that said, I do think that a third party is not entirely to blame for ruining a relationship/agreement between two people. If you’ve decided to commit, then you have to do just that, no matter what temptation comes your way. INCREDIBLY difficult, but not at all impossible.
It doesn’t matter if the 3rd party is single. You’re sleeping with a man, who..”belongs” to someone else. The word cheat is defined as being dishonest or deceitful. It’s one thing if you don’t know. It’s a whole other level if you know.
First I am guilty, I was married and she was pass away but in her last days I fell in love with a good friend who was always by myside to hell me get through her passing and now we have been together for 19 yrs with the opposite of the first, ( who knew ).
I myself have been have been cheated on and as well been the 3rd party cheated with.
In the situation in which I was cheated on it did not occur to me to even think about the 3rd party what so ever. My bone was with my lover at the time and as to why he did it. I did not care with whom? I just wanted to know why because I needed to know who was to blame for him to choose to go outside our relationship…
In the situation in which I was the 3rd party cheated with, I was not even aware that I was the 3rd party… I will admit in the beginning there were some slight signs that he was in a relationship but I chose not to ask and just enjoy the ride. Once my curiosity was peaked I asked if he was involved with someone and he admitted to it. I ended it and never looked back. It would have been my choice as the 3rd party to continue with cheating with him or to cut my losses. He was with his lover for over 3 years and they were living together… there was nothing for either of us discuss further at that point…
So after my rant I would say that I agree with point given that it is not the fault of the 3rd party involved… I mean if I chose to continue to cheat with the guy after finding out that he was involved then whatever drama would have come my way would have been my fault because of karma as well as it should have.
LOL Can’t believe no one commented on this.
You know if you don’t respond to something that was written 7 minutes ago, it’s not worth replying to. lol
To the homewreckers: If they cheated to be with you, they will cheat on you.
I agree with this posting. If you are with someone in a committed relationship, no one can tempt you to stray or ‘cross the line.’
This reminds me of how on Divorce Court, someone, usually the man, will say “We were on a break/separated.” and that’s an excuse to go find someone else to have sex with. To me, I thought that was the time to take a step back and away from the person but still remain a committed couple and try to work on the marriage to see if it is actually worth saving or if you need to go on and proceed with a divorce.
LOL…this is one of our older posts from Discreet City. There were comments but we decided against migrating comments from some of our older posts.
I’m looking at the old comments now, they were interesting…not sure why I didn’t copy them over…I must have gotten tired or thought no one would read this old article, lol