Gay men need to be wined and dined. Watching movies on your laptop at your apartment with your two or three roommates because you do not have money and/or a car is not what a Gay man considers a great date. Once again, I’m exaggerating but not by much…we’re speaking about a culture of men who place looks and material possessions over personality and intelligence. This is partly understandable as many men want to at least date someone that can pay their bills and be able to afford a trip out of town occasionally. The only advice here is to “get your financial weight up.” If not only to widen your dating options but to also better yourself and your situation in the process.
This one boggles my mind. So many men who WANT relationships have told me that they’re not looking. The old adage, “you’ll find a match once you stop looking for one” is holding you back. Nothing ever gets sold if you don’t advertise that it is for sale. You have to be proactive in your search much like you would in looking for employment. No one ever says, “you’ll find a job once you stop looking for one.” On the flip side to this, some men you meet will say “I’m not looking for a relationship right now” but what they really mean is, “I’m not looking for a relationship WITH YOU.” Accept this and move on to someone who actually has the same goal in mind as you.
As I explained in the 10 Level Guide to Meeting Masculine Men, everyone has their own Level of Gay Comfort. How “comfortable” a man is in doing certain things to meet other guys determines his level of comfort in being a Gay/Bisexual man of color. I’m at a level Eight on the list which means that while I’m still very discreet, I’m comfortable enough to go to a Gay club or a date another masculine discreet man. However there are many men out there who consider me TOO comfortable and would never want to be seen going to the movies or having dinner with a man in public. Some paranoid closeted men only want to “date” other paranoids like them. Alternatively, many men who are “Out” only want to date men more comfortable with their sexuality. Ironically, many “Out” men are turned on by “down low” men even though these guys would never want to be seen dead in their presence. Same in reverse, I once tried to date a dude who was VERY much a homosexual, but he was still in denial, even to himself. If even in private you can’t even feel comfortable being Gay, you’re just wasting both of our time.
This one is tricky. Gay men come in all sizes with many different tastes. There are masculine men who LOVE feminine guys. There are masculine guys who ONLY like other masculine men. There are even masculine men who like a mixture of the two, preferably when making noises in bed. As a naturally masculine man, I’ve been rejected countless times because I was too masculine. It can be intimidating to some men. You can’t control the tastes of other individuals so there is no solution to be offered here except to just keep searching for a proper match.
Let’s face it: Some guys just don’t want a relationship. From the many stories I’ve heard, Gay relationships can be messy, complicated and full of unnecessary drama and aggravation. I’ve spoken to many men that in lieu of a relationship are content with just looking online for an occasional “hookup” to get the need for sex out of their system. Also, I’ve met many men who were IN A RELATIONSHIP that ended up using me to cheat on their partner. Some men can’t do commitment even in the process of trying. It’s as if their brain is monogamous but their dick is the philanderer. To each his own. If you are the type of man who prefers to be single, remain that way.
I’ve met quite a few of these. These clingy relationship types often expect monogamy after your first date. They can be seen sending you “Good Morning” text messages DAILY the night after meeting you for the first time. They start planning for your future together before you even learn each others last names. Look, there’s nothing wrong with getting excited once you’ve FINALLY found a man that meets your laundry list of standards and requirements, but there’s no faster way to run him off than to let him know you’ve already started picking out the drapes for your new home together after only a few dates.
There’s nothing worse than being a Top and finally meeting the perfect guy only to find out that he’s ALSO a Top. Same applies to Total Bottoms meeting other Total Bottoms. Then there are Fully Versatile guys who find it boring to date Non-Versatile men. Then there are the Oral Only men and the Fetish men and the list goes on…Some will say that sexual position doesn’t matter. Speaking from experience, it does. A man in a relationship that is unsatisfied sexually often starts to stray after awhile. Again, you can’t control the sexual tastes of other individuals so there is not much of a solution to be offered here except to just keep searching for a proper match.
This is the main reason that has kept me single for as long as I can remember. I seem to have a knack for meeting great men at the wrong time. From meeting him while I’m dating another guy, meeting him when I’m single but he’s in a relationship, meeting him when he’s just getting out of a relationship and he still hasn’t severed his feelings for his Ex, meeting him just as he’s cutting off all dating to focus on work/school, to meeting the perfect guy RIGHT BEFORE he’s about to move to the other side of the country…My timing sucks. What I’ve learned to do is to just lower my expectations. I’ve tried to meet as many guys as possible (discreetly) and develop quality friendships at the least so that my network can be widened, thus creating more opportunities to meet quality guys in the future.
Well there you have it, the Top 15 Reasons That You’re Still a Single Masculine Gay/Bisexual Man. Did one or more of the reasons apply to you as well? Let us know below what have you been doing to cope or to change your situation.
– Nick D
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Nick Delmacy
Nick is a founder, editor and the pop culture expert at Cypher Avenue. Serving as the designer and webmaster of the site, he is the architect of The Cypher Avenue Matrix.
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You forgot “you’re too short”. A lot of the times if you’re under 5’8, you’re not even considered or delegated to being a bottom. I’ve topped a few taller than me but that’s less common than the other way around. Unfortuantely females are just as shallow.
Damn, as I’ve written before on the site, under 5’8″ is just my type, lol. But yeah I feel you. Same applies to being tall too I guess. I always imagined that it must be really hard for bottoms 6’2 and taller. LOL.
I love guys under 5’9″ as well. PLEASE COME FIND ME!!!
I love shorter guys. I’m 26, 6’2″, 170 & all I look for is shorter men. I just moved to San Francisco and I’m having the hardest time talking to guys around here. It seems they’re all ready in a clique and when I approach a guy I feel like I’m getting judged or “come fuck me eyes” from every bystander. I’m thinking about just wearing a shirt that says “I’m single, Ask me a question”. I have no shame.
Oh you forgot a good one…I dont like LIGHT skin men, I dont date DARK skin men. Really…there are guys out there that limit their pool of potential mates because of skin complexions.
Very true, Ocky; the very STOO-PID skin complexion criteria ALWAYS seemed odd to me! While I’ve never had anyone say to ME that they didn’t like my complexion (probably because I’m more “brown” or “light carmel” colored than I am a “red bone” or “chocolate”) I always found it offensive when members of my own ethnic group, not just a few dumb people from other ethnic groups, made such statements about a man or woman! I recall trying to always squash this thinking during my travels to foreign countries while in the military. What the fuck does SKIN COMPLEXION have to do with a person’s MINDSET, SEXUALITY or SEXUAL PERFORMANCE? Absolutely NOTHING!
Isn’t it part of attraction just as much as height, masculinity, eye color, etc? I’m not saying to be horribly vapid and shallow, but why settle for anything other than what you want physically?
I left that out because that’s for a entire post in itself. LOL.
I find that it’s hard for me to relate to anyone. I don’t like pop music or trashy reality television (nor do I partake in a lot of self-aggrandizing), so I never really have anything to say to them that they want to hear. I read books (actual non-Omar-Tyree books), love art, science, politics, history, etc. I am also 21 years old. So it’s hard to find someone who matches my intellect and who is not totally shallow. The superficiality of our community is truly sickening.
Tony, at 21 you need to stop doing things just to be non conformist. Cause from my POV thats what it sounds like. I only say this cause I was the SAME way from the age of 15 – 24. I read books didnt watch too much TV, and worked out. I felt smarter than others my age and i didnt feel like i had anything in common with them. The problem is Older guys only see a 21 yrold and a piece of ass… plain and simple. So get your head out of the books watch some reality TV ( i know its horrible but bear with it) And FIND common ground between you and your age group. Just a some words of Advice from someone who has been in your shoes.
Just so I’m clear, you assume that I like the things I like (and dislike the things that I dislike) because I am making a conscious effort to be different and ostracize myself? And then your advice to me is that I should stop reading and watch reality TV (even though I love reading and hate reality TV) in an effort to assimilate? You are seriously advising me to “fake” who I am in order to be liked?
NO NEVER, im not asking you to be FAKE, im asking you to learn to be like others. Try to find common ground with others in your age group. Its not easy trust me. You dont have to dumb yourself down, but try to take interest in what others do besides what YOU like. Its a good way to make friends and eventually find someone youre on the same page with.
Terry, people like you are the reason we started this website. Octavius and I are pretty much just like you, only older.
Terry I really agree with what you said. I’m 26 years old, smart, laid back and masculine gay man. I’m spiritual and would much rather talk about social issues impacting Black America or the world versus Rhianna’s hair color. I mean don’t get me wrong I think I’m a pretty stylish guy and I like fashion to an extent, but it’s not the center of my world. Like you I often feel uncomfortable around a lot of gay men because I feel like I don’t relate…and I often they feel it too. I’m not superficial or materialistic and I appreciate personality, good character and loyalty. It’s just crazy because I think I’m a great guy and I never thought it would take me so long to find a cool guy that I can call my man but I guess it’s a reality huh? If anyone is interested in just chatting. Making a new like-minded friend hit me up peace n’ love
I really hope he does hit you and does not take that other man’s advice. No one should have to blend in just to get attention. That’s cheap. You are whom you are and you’ve got to be solid in your confidence that you are on your OWN path to greatness. You don’t need commentary from the peanut gallery to achieve satisfaction. I think maybe this would be a great thing to happen to you two.
I really enjoyed reading this, It really is hard to meet a masculine male their seem to be a lot more fem dudes here in Georgia. Just not for me really just wont to meet that cool masc top male,an I’m a fan of my nice thick males love my football type built,but thanks maybe one day.
For the record, I’ve nothing against fem dudes; to each their own; I’ll respect and give respect to anyone that gives and shows it to me in return. I’ve always been that way. But I sure wish I knew of more guys like the one Lincoln is looking for in my area. I too, want, prefer, and am looking for a guy like me who is kool, masculine, intelligent, mature, has a sense of humor, can give good conversation, and gives a damn about himself and about others. I don’t see a reason why I should compromise or lower my standards in that sense and settle for anything less. I’m not saying that I won’t compromise on certain other things (i.e. not being neat, not having a “perfect” body, or not having a job that pays more/less than mine, etc). But the traits I just mentioned are the real major ones for ME and are what I’m looking for in BOTH potential friends AND lovers! Now, if that means it will be that much longer before I find someone like that, then I guess I’ll have to be lonely that much longer (sigh) — but I’m hoping not too long. I know there are guys like me out there in the world. There just has to be! Lincoln’s statement proves that to me!
I liked the article very funny and poignant at the same time. Please keep them coming.
I feel like this article will hurt more gays than make them want to better themselves. I appreciate you Nick D for bringing up a lot of the insecurities that plague our communities but I don’t thinks the solutions look at the root of the problems. A lot of this is what the media tells us we need to be insecure about as men.
If being direct and exposing hypocrisies is not the way, what is a REALISTIC alternative method that you can suggest?
Hey Z…you say you are looking for solutions…try one of our previous post…
http://www.discreetcity.com/1/post/2011/09/looking-for-a-healthy-longterm-relationship.html
I can really appreciate this article and where it’s coming from. I believe the article touched on a lot of issues that men of color suffer from. I’ve been the person who had all these expectation and acted like my ish didn’t stink. I’ve also been on the side with a whole lot of ass holes want to judge u and tell you this is wrong and you ain’t got a car or you need to hit the gym more, I done heard it all. At the end of the day you gotta do you and live life for yourself. Like the author of this article said “look in the mirror and be real with ya’self “. If you want this type and that type then you have to put the work in and make sure you’re on point first.
The ironic thing about it though is no one will ever be “on point” for everyone. I may eventually be completely perfect for one guy but you might look at me and say “Meh, I don’t see what all the fuss is about.” LOL.
I notice that a lot of your reasons point to finding a “masculine” partner. Not everyone is attracted to that whole machismo image of what we define as masculine, or might even imply that anything other than masculine is bad. I happen to be what people would consider masculine, but I happen to like my partner to be softer, more passive/submissive. I don’t see that as being a BAD thing at all. Just like we often put down bottoms as being “bad” and tops as being “good” or the preferred role. That’s totally incorrect. All you masculine, macho, thugged out tops NEED those soft, feminine type bottoms!
You must have skipped reason #11…
This was very insightful and I have been working on some rooted issues I have. I am a fem guy however I am private in he fact I don’t get along to much with the flamboyant crowd. As far as my expectations I realize now that I need to reevaluate to ensure that I am at least meeting them myself. I have always gotten my way, a bit spoiled but I can afford to spoil me! I do like for my partner to also take interest in spoiling me is this wrong? I don’t do DL point blank period! I am open to masculine (naturally) and also fem guys as long as there is a spark. I have been single for almost a year and no sex for going on 9 months! I am really thinking that no one is seriously looking for love anymore! Geesh, I appreciate this you have put together it really has given me some things to think about!
Thanks Constantine for your comment. Believe me there are plenty of men out there looking for relationships…meaningful relationships…just look at some of the comments above. Keep working on evaluating yourself so you will have your shyt together when potential Mr. Right/s come along. And no there is nothing wrong with being spoiled and also nothing wrong with spoiling that special someone also. Me and my partner engage in this all the time. Also check out one of our previous post about relationships.
http://www.discreetcity.com/1/post/2011/09/looking-for-a-healthy-longterm-relationship.html
Dude I’m 47 and still hot and still get hit on by younger guys. I am partnered to a dude who is 54 and looks good too.
So that stuff about being over the hill at 40 is bullshit.
The rest of the stuff on the list. Yep, you were right!
My generation, born 1950 – 1960 was hit hard by HIV, when we were 30 – something in the 1980’s before any treatments were available. Those who survived found many who are positive for HIV reject those who stayed negative and conscious of health. While those who are yet negative do not like dishonest poz men; or men who claim not to know their status.
I’m very late to finding this website and article, but there is a lot of truth in many of the items on the list. I fall into a few of the categories myself. In actuallity, the list (and the factors not listed) can be broken down into categories of the things that can be changed and the things that can’t be changed. Age, looks, height and sexual role are things that either can’t be changed or aren’t easily changed for some and you have to work with the hand you’re given. However, many of us will fair better if we worked on the things that can be changed. For instance, I’m a homebody so it’s not a surprise that I don’t know many gay males and that I don’t date often. It’s because I don’t put myself in the postion to meet like-minded individuals. That is something that I and people like me can change. Our mindset and the way we view things like age can change. At 32, some may consider me over the hill. However, if people in their 30s, 40s and above stop looking at people in their 20s for relationships and start finding things that they like about other people who are 30, 40, 50, etc. then there will be no such thing as “too old.” I don’t think other 30 somethings are too old. So, if you’re 48, people who are in their 20s and 30s who may think that you’re “too old” are not your only dating options. That is a mindset that can be changed.
Anyway, I note all that to emphasize the point of focusing on the things that can be changed if we’re really looking to connect with other men for relationships and discontinue our membership in the singles club.
16 could be that it’s hard finding someone with your same level of education; and I guess that could be a part of not making enough money; but less than 20% of us have a bachelor’s degree, so if you have a degree, it may be hard to meet others with degrees.
Hey Paul…while I applaud anyone furthering their education, I also applaud those entrepreneurs with little to no college education that still educate themselves concerning business and finance. Education can and does come in many packages and it is not mandatory to have a college education or degree to be intelligent or successful.
While your comment is true in some respects, non-college educated people experience higher levels of unemployment and poverty which does not lend itself to stability. Stable people tend to have better opportunities when it comes to dating and relationships.
Based on his comments, I think Paul is basically concerned about the other person not making enough money…Which is already covered on the list (Reason #8). If it were just about education, we all know that a person with a certain degree does not automatically equal “Intelligent.”
This posting is very true. i tend to think i am single because its because i tend to be clingy but at the same time, guys just don’t know what they want. I feel like i am not trying to marry they person just because i give them attention and show them obviously i like them. I am like so okay so if i am supposedly too clingy for you, then we aren’t a match. i have also considered going to Ohio for a year to find the perfect guy and to get my masters. I think LA isn’t the place for love.
I think #1 and #7 are the culprits behind my single life.
add that to the fact that I’m not out with my sexuality, and I only use the internet to meet new people.
Interesting article and comments..
First of all,i would like to say a special thank you to you Nick D for this article but also for this website. i am in South Africa and out of curiosity and my own research, i accidentally stumbled on this website. i very much appreciate the advice and articles posted which brings me to this one to which i can relate. although homosexuality is a tough pill to swallow, no it is a pill that will not be swallowed by the community, i am very happy that some of the question that i have asked myself are answered and help me break out of the shell.
Tips on #7, #8 & #9 for a 20 year old workin part time in Milwaukee anybody?
P.S. I’m Level 3 & still soooomewhat discreet..lol
Hmmm…easy simple answer…get the hell out of Milwaukee. LOL
No for real. If you envision yourself in a better or different place, at 20 yrs old what are you willing to do to attempt to get to the better place?
Don’t just look at where / who you are right now at 20, think about where you want to be at 22, 28, 32. If it is in a place where there are more / better options, dating and financially, what are you willing to do to get there?
I did it when I was 24 and many other young men have also. Many from much more sexual repressive places than Milwaukee.
Oooooo…I definitely see what u mean…my future “gettin the hell outta here” plans are in the works! 😀
Regarding #6 — being way too muscular — that may be the author’s preference not to have too many muscles on a guy, but quite a number of men are into that look. I have never, EVER encountered a muscular man in the gay/bi/DL life who had a hard time getting a date simply because of their muscles. I observe that most woman are not into bodybuilders, but there are quite a few men who are really turned on by them. That being said, I will agree that the majority of people are into them, but to suggest it’s a hindrance in dating between two men is a little of a stretch.
My article isn’t titled “Top 15 Reasons Why You Can’t Get A Date”…its about why many gay men are SINGLE. While muscular men may be desirable for hookups or the occasional date, MANY of them are still single like the rest of us. You gotta read the title and text, bro.
Hey BLAthlete…I am one of those dudes who loves muscles and thickness in a man; however keep in mind everything is not for everybody. Plenty of man don’t like men bigger then themselves and plenty also like thin or skinny dudes.
Believe me, Nick and I have had our disagreements about this topic.
Whether it’s just dates or a full-blown relationship, I just have to disagree with the notion that muscles is a detriment when it comes to male-male. I know plenty of guys into bodybuilding. Every bodybuilder I know has no problem getting either dates or ending up in a relationship with another man. If they do have issues, it has nothing to do with the muscles — it’s usually a personality defect or quirk. Now, straight male bodybuilders in relationships with women? That’s another story. Women in general aren’t into guys with big muscles.
Blathlete, that may be the case from your experiences but we obviously represent an alternative experience. As I’ve said, the person they are dating sometimes feels insecure if their own appearance doesn’t match the gym rat…Or the muscular guy may have underlying insecurities that drove him to the gym in the first place which affects potential relationships….There are many variables…We’ll just agree to disagree on this one. Thanks for commenting.
I’m average build and had a casual sexual relationship with a muscle bound dude….I can honestly say out of all the guys I’ve dated he was the MOST insecure…he always thought he was fat and would need me to validate his looks constantly. It was just a sexual thing for me but I found him wanting to get serious but honestly he lacked a lot of depth…we would try to have meaningful, philosphical conversations and I would lose him everytime. When I started seriously dating another guy-regular dates, dinner, trips together, etc. He started to become sooooo jealous and I was sooooo shocked! I thought he just wanted a sexual relationship and was hooking up with all these guys and then I found out that he was soooo lonely at the end of the day. He has a beautiful soul and I hope that he realizes that he’s amazing without the muscles just as much as he is with them. My story was not to down play gym heads but that’s not my thing. I am looking for depth and someone I can build with. Oh yeah and thick brothas RULe! 🙂
I just stumbled upon this website. WOW! I’ve been looking for something like this for awhile. I’m 32 y/o professional blk male and I’ve never had a relationship with a guy. I’m very career oriented and I can’t really say what my level of comfort with the whole gay thing is. I have some gay friends, but still find myself not being completely comfortable. This article gave me so much clarity. Thanks NickD!
I totally agree with alot of the insight of the writer I myself am a mid thirties black masculine gay man and at this time in my life feel I’m ready to settle down with a compatiable partner I’m not a club person or some one that is in the bar seen or has alot gay friends or know alot of gays socially so I’m limited to online and most on their are looking for quick hook ups or they do not know how to get off line once they find some one that should be a article people who are addicted to online always searching I always get approached by youngsters 18-25 which is big my preference I look younger for my age and I’m in good shape but I prefer guys 27 to 34 most it seems like there’s no effort now a days put forth every one wants instant and if its not instant on to the next I’m in Southern California near LA and its definetly the case out here so I’m open to the possibility of the one but its harder for a gay man for sure to find.
I was doing a search, and found this site. I thought that was a rather interesting list of the 15 reasons. I feel that it is so true, and I feel that most of us are guilty of doing these things, than we would admit. All in all, it just appears hard to meet a good man, and you both are on the same page. I look forward to good converstaion and frienship first.
The “Standards are too high” is definitely number one but under it should have the following sub-criteria in order of priority:
– Be under 30 (or 28 in some areas)
– Have “the perfect” Adonis body
– Bank accounts must be flush with cash; credit cards with near-unlimited spending limits
– Trot around with the latest Apple product
I think a lot of internal issues with the “community” can be resolved if we simply acknowledge and admit that all we are a shallow, judgmental, sanctimonious, selfish, fickle, obnoxious, and delusional bunch and we deserve to be alone/single and will die alone bitter, broken, jaded people because we spent our lives chasing illusions that never came true.
I was enlightened by this article. I have been through many of these phases and places as I have journeyed and matured. I do find that we tend to want someone who is not just like us, but somewhat similar. Working on my Ph.D in Atlanta, I prefer someone who can think and has some control of the English language- I did teach English for seven years. The same goes for the physical.. I do not have 2% body fat, but I dont want the dude with 42% body fat either. My preference is a dude I can workout and be physical with, but not have to LIVE in the gym. Reasons 13 & 15 got me. I so find myself being clingy, but part of it is history says we have a few days, weeks, or months, so I want to create as many memories as possible. Plus, it is really nice to have someone who understands my spiritual foundation and daily influence, instead of having disdain for it. The same goes for my being an entrepreneur. I get turned off by having no priority in a dude’s life- you know, the “we talk when I can or when I have nothing else better to do”. That’s not how I express interest and get to know someone, which is where #15 comes in. This dude I’ve known for over 8 yrs and I have finally decided to really see what we can do, but the timing is horrible. I like to talk on the phone, though in person is better, so I MAKE time for that. When plans are made, especially for someone I’m interested in getting to know, I MAKE TIME for that and won’t let anything else take that time, unless its a bonafide emergency. I really just want to feel like a priority, not THE priority.
Absolutely! Very well stated. It’s amazing how people say you want someone “perfect” because you would just like someone who understands how a phone works, and isn’t satisfied with (or feels lucky to have achieved) mediocrity! I hear ya…
Wow love the article, I’m 40yrs Single man & love it… Odd thing is I connect (freak) with dudes who have a long laundry list… No dark skin. No one ova 25, no uncut., no total top…on & on but 3-4-5 I’m like Trey Songs.. LOL. I know theses sexy. Beautiful men have mates & want a quickie…Not saying everryone cheat, but majority do
I swear, I’ll be single forever haha. I’m only 21 & I’ve hooked up at least….3 times & held a relationship for 2 1/2 years. On top of that, I’m not attracted to black guys (I’m black). Secondly, I prefer older guys (between 25-35). My problem? Where I live at, almost all the guys want a military guy or a gym head. The guys are into black guys, I’m too young (I had a 23 year old tell me I was too young for him, wtf?). I can’t win xD So, it’s like I don’t have no choice but to look outside of my city for options. Fuck me…lol haha.
Very realistic look at something that I feel needs to be more publicly addressed. I’ve seen myself move through many of these points along in my life and I can relate and see that these things are fictitious, sadly.
These itemized lists are indeed fictitious which is why gays cling to them vehemently. Gays live in a fantasy world where the unicorns speak and the men are exquisitely perfect physically.
Gays live in fantasy worlds and prefer to stay there. To publicly address these issues in a fair, constructive manner is a futile attempt at bringing gays into a more more realistic mindset.
I think this article helped me from giving up just yet on finding the straight “acting” man I need. I’m so tired of seeing articles that taunt gays who act straight as being insecure about being gay or acting rather then being more truly feminine. Why can’t people understand that not every gay or bisexual guy acts bouncy, to put it in nicer words. I just am not in touch with feminine things and guys who action girly just make me uncomfortable. I guess I’m just trying to say that not all gays have to be “fabulous”. I can’t even go to a gay bar without getting bad looks for “acting” straight and not being a queen complex with a girly tone and lisp. I just don’t no where to find the ones more like me that don’t fit in the larger population of gays being that I’m masculine and well.. I’m bisexual too. Anyways sorry if my rant hits soft spot’s. If any one can offer constructive advice or whatnot,please feel free. I’m just lost at this point.
i think i have a combination of right guy bad timing. i meet a perfect guy and he is a top like myself or in a relationship. i also prefer a masculine guy and a nice guy. i have to say there are not a lot of masculine guys who are good kissers out there. jeeze! good thing there are women out there who can. jeeze i would never get a chance to kiss. ha ha ha
Re: #6
Now this I’m not too sure I can agree with. Yeah it’s somewhat true to find gay men who workout alot, but this is more an issue than something to be complacent with. More gay men need to start working out. At the average party, I am not impressed with guys with their shirts off.
I rarely ever meet a guy who is on my level of fitness, and I’m not even ALL that muscular. I don’t even play any sports. But, it’s so hard to find a guy with some definition in his arms/abs when I go out. If someone is not athletic atleast a little bit, on some level…then how am I supposed to be happy with that versus who I see at the gym everyday?
For the ones who are ‘intimidated’ to be intimate and take their shirt off….that’s some bullshit. If they choose to be in-active and just sit around smoking cigarettes, doing drugs and drinking and not hitting to the gym, they can change that. But they don’t want to.
Shouldn’t you be at the gym? You’re looking kind of bloated and fat…just like your ego, attitude, and expectations.
I think that many men gay/bi are inclined to stay in the closet because it is still hard to be yourself in America today. I know plenty of vgl men who do not come out because it is still not accepted in many places. I think finding quality partners would not be as hard if the culture in America was more open minded than it is today. If we all continue to work towards creating more open-minded environments, towns, cities, states, countries, etc., then people will have more opportunity down the road I think.
Queers don’t want relationships other than one-nighters and quick, instant hookups. By getting into a relationship, they have “surrendered” and “settled” for what they can get.
Why do that when there’s always, always someone younger, prettier, richer, and overall better around the corner? It’s social suicide.
Never settle. Never surrender. Never give up the freedom of having the hottest guy every time you turn a corner.
I’m a 16 year old femboy, I’m gay I am only attracted to masculine guys,but I seem to have trouble not finding them just keeping them, because eventually they get a little ”Uncomfortable” with my feminism. I know I still have my whole life ahead, but it just be great to find a masc man or guy that’s likes femboys, and just be with them for a little while.. Boys my age attend to be more masculine and want their partner to also be masculine. I’ve had masc boyfriends, but they found I guess I’d say less femmy guys than me, because I’m not total girl femmy, but I’m very femmy though.
It’s probably tie for you to examine why you are so attracted to the kinds of men that are not interested in you. It kills me when I hear feminine guys say how they want a masculine man, and are frustrated when they continuously do not end up with one. yes, the overwhelming majority of masculine gay men are not romantically or sexually interested in fem guys. So, as a fem guy, you’re probably going to be waiting a LONNNNNG time for a masculine partner. So why can’t you just date another fem dude, especially if that is what is available to you?
I dont think fem dudes can just go date another fem dude successfully just because it’s hard to get a masculine dude. Reason being, the other fem dudes that you are suggesting that they date DO NOT want other fem dudes and instead want a masculine guy themselves, so it’s from one problem to another.
Great Article Guys! Thanks for sharing… And, Don’t mind some of the simple-minded haters who had nothing but criticism about your article. IF they had all the right answers, then they’d be off with their boyfriend, lover, partner, or husband instead of reading your article.
Kudos Guys…
I am tall 6’6 , 34 years old and versatile, masculine, rugby like and everyone assumes I am a top when I am versatile, and really like to be bottom with older men, but 99% I am approached by bottoms only
Sounds good to me! I’m a top and I would I’d go after you!
Wow! Not sure what to say. Should I feel good that I’ve decided to work on my future and not give time to what seems, a sea of complications? If this is what it means to be gay. Some of us will die single. Oh! well. Tough luck … huh?
I can honestly go down this list and comfortably check off each issue as not pertaining to me!
Maybe reason #16 is my problem…
I guess it’s me and myvidster for the long haul, lol
Why the heck did I have to be born gay to follow all of these ridiculous rules just to appease someone else?? Give me a break!
I dont know if number 6 exist. Never heard of “can’t date you because you’re too masculine “
It says too muscular not masculine.
My bad I meant 11*, My mind was too focus on the guy on 6.
I’ve mainly dated masculine bottoms and they all have told me they’ve been rejected by masculine men for being too masculine. Believe it or not, there are masculine guys out there that prefer softer, effeminate men.
True.some guys like a man/woman dynamic ( i know,whole other topic) and others are turned off by masculine energy and like someone who offers something they aren’t already bringing to the relationship
I wouldn’t say its a male/female dynamic. Moreso a dominant/submissive dynamic. Although your theory could be a big part of it given male/female parings are the societal norm. But its upsetting to me when ppl assume ALL gay men want a masculine man. This is not true. There are MANY gay men that love effeminate, even flamboyant, men. I’ve been rejected by gay men in the past for being masculine…I’ve even been rejected by gay men for being a man (turns out the sexy dude I was pursuing was only into transgender men who identified as women).
I’ve sorta been there.Im kinda on the short and slim side,so guys have often assumed I was a bottom,or submissive and stuff like that and then are put off when they get to know me
I kind of understand. I’m a “in betweener” and I’ve been dumped because i was too agressive as a bottom, and then I’ve tried being more submissive, and that too was a problem with some.
Just in my opinion…a masculine bottom being turned down…something has to be wrong with that bottom LMAO. Just joking dude. I know kats that would be all over you…OMG
I get turned down too cause I’m Jamaican and aggressive.
I get turned down too cause I’m Jamaican and too aggressive for a bottom. I’ve been told I should be a top. Then again I’m 6’4 so I guess there is height limit for bottoms.
You know an effeminate guy when you see one. Maybe they weren’t so masculine , but not as submissive as the stereotype suggest a bottom should be.
That’s a masculine man thing between him and another masculine man. I mean genuine masculine mannered men, not straight “acting” queens.
I do agree with the writer. There are three things that I would like to add. One’s HIV status might also be an issue. Some gay men who are HIV negative do not want to date someone who is HIV positive.
Race might also be an issue. Some gay men only want to date someone of a particular ethnicity.
Having a small penis might also be another issue. Down to the bottom, physical attributes and attractiveness, status, money, personalities, common interests and values all matter.
That’s why I believe in fate and destiny. Love is not something that you can find. It seems that there is someone up there who is in control. There are special forces that pull two people together. And the force might be temporary, ended in breakups, divorce and death. As we all know, nothing is eternal and no relationship will last forever.
If I were you, just relax and go with the flow. If there is someone meant to be in your life, you cannot run away from him. If NOT, just hope to be reborn and try it again in your next life!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That’s Americans for ya. They would have a over opinionated view of paint drying. Don’t let head-wreckers posting crap like this into your heads.
One of the biggest oversites this article makes is not discussing the fact that most gay men (particularly African-Americans) have serious, deep down psychological issues that they don’t address. How can you possibly enter into a productive relationship with another person with such baggage. Hetero and Homo both. Many Black men grew up in homes that were not only unsupportive of their sexuality, but also may not have had strong examples of loving, coupled relationships. Not that a person can’t overcome this to become a well adjusted, sexually centered adult; but its the rare occasion where this is true. We now have an entire new generation of young men aging into their 30’s who come from difficult, unusual and often unstable backgrounds. Many have no real social skills and are lame when it comes to intermingling and being publically sociable. Thus, everyone likes to hide behind the computer and various dating websites, instead of being out and about, learning who is who and just what is available. So much time and heartache could be avoided by actually having some idea about the people in your dating pool, rather than relying on some made up, usually phony online profile!
Excellent comment…very well stated and cleanly expressed.
ohh wao I’ve been rejected by other gays cause my appearance. and I think how come you are rejected by straight people and you have to deal with this here too. it’s like you are looking to fit with your people the ones that have to accept you and love you cause you’re like them. and it’s funny how we want to feel we are not wrong in front of straights with all these shits we have in our community and we prefer ignore them.
What exactly do you look like? If it’s a weight issue, that can change. And maybe you’re hanging around the wrong gays.
Biggest load of rubbish iv ever read. Thinking to much leads to thinking like this poster. Pointing out points for the sake of pointing out things. Take with a pinch of salt and disconnect your modem. Get out into the real world.
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When we are young, we have a stringent list. Age relaxes those requirements and make people more realistic.
There has to be a “spark” on my side. That is a requirement. You can have everything but if there isn’t, it just won’t last.
Mo fo’s be takin’ these lists to HEART, my dude. LOL! The disclaimer says “potential” reasons you could still be single, blah blah blah. Not, “Nikka you ugly, you broke, you breath heavy when you eat and when you sleep, yo’ clothes is last season…and one of ya feet is bigga than the other one! THAT’S why you single” Lighten up, almost all of us fall into one of these categories, from one side of the fence or the other. If the shoe fits, don’t get mad, just put that shit on and rock it hard body (do dudes still say “hard body? LOL).
It’s just like the topic of that other article,some guys can’t deal with critiques or perceived “hating”.
Ninjas be mad when they see themselves that’s all. Hell the truth can be hard to swallow but it’s still the truth.
It’s just crazy because none of these are anything to get pissy about even if they do pertain to a person. Well, maybe #’s 3,4, and 5. These could strike a nerve for some people, I guess. For me, I came to accept #3 long ago, despite what friends/associates say (can’t trust their judgement, they’re friends and associates). I can’t do a DAMN thing about #4 for myself, it’s just gonna progress year after year, and I don’t fuck with anyone under 30 anyhow. #6 I’m ALWAYS gonna have a psychological issue with my weight, perceived and/or actual, due to self esteem reasons. But me seein’ the shit “on paper” don’t make me feel some kinda way, LOL. Muh’fukaz need to stop drive-by trollin’.
What do you mean you won’t date anyone under 30?! How dare you have your own opinion! Because I’m under 30 i take offense at your audacity to reject my age even though we live in separate regions and will most likely never meet.
See,that’s how the irrational madness starts haha.
LOL Well I take offense at you taking offense at my opinion. See, that’s you taking an oppressive stance, pushing the “Masculine Agenda” and perpetuating the demeaning and controlling ideals of the “Hetero-normative Doctrine” in order to Cyber-Shame those of us with strong minds and keep us submissive and pushed into the background. LMAO
I just wanted to use the terms “Hetero-Normative” and “Masculine Agenda” LOL!!
Nick D.
Some of your sentiments apply very well. Other’s make HUGE assumptions and stereotypes about us as gay men.
The shopping-list scenario. We all have one. Even if we think we don’t, we do. However, it is my belief that some of us have greater expectations than others. Personally, I have noticed more and more and more that gays want that “perfect” man. Who look’s something akin to the ‘model’, that is the abs, the arms, tanned, dark, the knight-in-shining-armour kind of bloke.
Then there are some of us on the outer-fringes of the gay world who don’t seek all those things. We actually just seek an ‘average’ man. For example, I seek a fuller-figured man, who doesn’t like the X-factor and going to the local gay bar every saturday night, but instead likes things such as camping, biking, skiing and so on. He doesn’t have to have a 6 pack (in fact I would prefer he didn’t because I find 6 packs most ugly!!). I’d prefer him to be fuller figured, with a bit of a belly is fine. He should also be masculine.
But finding that is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Every man you speak to goes to the gym! When asked if I go to the gym and i politely inform them that I don’t, I get bombarded with questions such as “what do you do for exercise?” and “why don’t you go to the gym?” as if I am breaking some religion.
So I would say that I think some of your commentary is wrong. We masculine gay men are out there and we aren’t seeking a massive great big long shopping list which would mould us the perfect man. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. When you look at it, we are not seeking anything ‘perfect’ at all. We are just seeking a man. Only one. Not two nor three. One. It is something I have no doubt is taken for granted in the heterosexual world where choice is plentiful and abundant! I just want a man. I don’t want a man who prances around in make-up. Or who speaks like Alan Carr. Nor one who lives on the scene. These aren’t high standards on a shopping list, they’re just the basics.
“The old adage, “you’ll find a match once you stop looking for one” is holding you back. Nothing ever gets sold if you don’t advertise that it is for sale”. I couldn’t agree more. I’ve tried looking and I’ve tried NOT looking. Both achieve the same result with a little more success in the looking department. (FYI I am a gay 28 year old and never had a boyfriend).
“Many gay men will agree: Chatlines are for Hookups. Dating…
* You typed ‘bloke’ and referenced “Alan Carr” who I then looked up on The Google and then deduced you are British. Then, I reread your comment in a fancy British accent. 😀 *
On Will and Grace, one episode had Jack referencing the gym as “Gay Church” and I think that to be pretty accurate. Especially now that I’m in a major city than when I was in a smaller one.
Many people equate masculinity with muscles so, if in pictures or across the club, you have chest, arms, and abs you’ll look awesome and masculine. However, once that mouth opens up, the speech and mannerisms will be the tell that the muscles are just there to attract. There’s also the thinking that “I have HIV but if I have muscles, I’ll look healthy.”* that’s carried over from the 80s.
*There’s plenty of musclebound gay men who don’t have HIV.
I think muscles have turned into something that causes gay men to want to achieve basically to stand out from the average guys and fit in with the above average ones.
OTOH, there’s more to going to the gym than building muscle and having abs. Now, I can’t lie, abs and arms are nice. But not everything. I do like an athletic look and that doesn’t, for me, mean a guy has to have 8% body fat because you can deliver a Prince Fielder to me and I’d be quite happy, because he, like I, is considered thick but he’s got the musculature that I find sexy.
I’m active. I’m healthy. I workout to maintain my blood pressure without medicine and also for function because I like mud runs and color 5Ks. Many people just go after aesthetics. Any aesthetic benefit I get from working out is great and all but it’s secondary. I’m not going to starve myself because I like pizza, deep fried goodies, and cookies.
I will admit that I’d want someone to be active with me because I’d want my partner to run the races with me and I know second hand that as we age, being in shape is an advantage for longevity and recovery if surgery, like hip or knee, is ever needed. People who are in shape, going into their 70s+, recover a lot better than those who are not in shape, or at least not larger than average.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to be fit as long as you are
A. Not obsessive with it and
B. Only getting in shape (and staying in shape) to be attractive to attract a mate.
I think one of the main reasons gay men are single is that we are just smaller in numbers and really the only place to go is online and clubs for most of us, even in larger cities.
However, you’d think the dating sites that do exist would be full of men looking for love and relationships. I’ve talked to many super nice guys that I have a lot in common with, then right before deciding to go out on a date they ask me if I’m top/bottom and how big my penis is! This is frustrating beyond belief. As a smaller-endowed guy who also *prefers* to top (and yes, it works just fine), I’ve had many guys run away if I’m not big enough or the wrong sexual position. I’ve gotten to the point where I simply dismiss guys if they ask those questions before meeting, but then I’m left with nothing.
So in the end, we are mostly stuck with the guys that only want sex and the “nice” guys that only care about sexual positions and body image. What the heck?? It’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack, and that’s before we even get to common interests, wanting monogamy, and personalities that click. It’s nearly impossible.
I agree with you, we share similar sentiment on this issue. Who are you and where can I find you? (-: I’m 28 still a virgin and also just looking for one man for the rest of my life. I’m not into hook ups that a lot of gay guys idolize. I would rather stay single for the rest of my life than hooking up with these guys who thinks with their hormones and not their brains.
Personally my problems have been because I’m a top who likes bottoms but all the bottoms want to be women. If they didn’t want to dress like women but enjoyed being men then I would definitely have a long term relationship. I don’t mind a little bit of feminine but I definitely want a man. Find me this person and I will have a partner for life.
I am one gay man who doesn’t wish to be a woman nor dress like one! Perhaps me and you should meet up for a drink !
The type of bottom you are looking for only exists in major metros.
It’s like so many masculine bottom guys in Atlanta that I’ve found.
Or you could go for the muscle bottom. I mean, they clearly don’t want to look like women folk. They may not be masculine, but they have nice masculine bods.
LMAO “Muscle Bottom” We call them “Chelsea Queens” here. Complete mind fucks for guys looking for masculine men, bottom or otherwise. lol
The ones I’ve seen IRL and stumbled upon on Instagram all have the same traits: poofy lips, spending all their time on the elliptical, doing every exercise to make their asses big, string bikini shirts etc.
But, hey, somebody must like it because they surely wouldn’t be doing it otherwise.
You’re right about that. And obviously they’re in “high demand” because apparently they stay getting beat out. LOL
Back be all kinds of broke.
LMFAO!!!!
Pretty much! lol
Many times the reason why some gay guys behave effeminate has to do with the fact that we grow up seeing heterosexual relationships in which the masculine-feminine dynamic is a key trait. We don’t see homosexual couples as we grow up so we grow up assuming that “all” men are attracted to women and femininity so the only way a man can attract other man is by behaving in a feminine way.
It is basically imitation of female behaviour and heterosexual dynamics.
No one teaches homosexual kids/teens that there are tons of guys who are attracted to guys so behaving in an effeminate way seems to be the only way in which a gay guy can attract other guy.
thanks Nick, you just confirmed what I knew and now I feel worse
Well, if your life revolves around the gay scene you will probably find it hard to find the right partner for you because most of the things described in this article such as the obsession with muscularity are more a subcultural thing that characterises the gay scene and it’s not so much something that occurs in real life where most gay guys live.
The gay scene/culture is not descriptive nor representative of the whole spectruum of gay guys. It only represents a fraction of gay guys who hold on to certain ideals embraced by gay culture.
If you are a gothic you probably want to find a partner with your same taste in music and clothing, right? Same logic applies to people in the gay scene/culture.
In real life most gay couples come in all shapes and sizes.
The reason why a lot of gay men are single, I’ve had 3 pretty long relationships before 30 and though I’m single at the moment but I know that damn ring is coming, is yourselves. Yes, it is literally all your fault you are single. When you find a dude that you have chemistry with, makes you laugh, and have some common ground with, you will find some stupid reason to shoot it to shit rather than explore and nurture it. So reality check there will never ever be your “perfect” person that will come along. I’m not saying to settle, by all means please don’t, standards are important, but you all need to get very real when it comes to humans including yourself. If you honestly want that perfect mate you dream of the only one you have control over is yourself; so work on that person becoming the man of your dreams. For a life partner you might need to take a different route than using your damn egos…..I’m even guilty from time to time. Honestly though my best relationship came when I was focusing on being the man I expected out of my other half and god gave me exactly what I was not expecting at all and loved the hell out of them. Mr. Nazi, straight laced, jock got paired up with a nerdy, sassy, academic….and damn it was fun when I look back at it. So yeah, god/the universe might be trying to get you a great partner but your probably just cock blocking it. That’s cool though you have fun at 60 and all alone. I think that’s a hefty price for your mindset.
I just want to talk to an jamacan mature 29-35year old man that may need a voice of reason or help me with mine. To just talk to me once, you will see i am difference, smart, caring and of my word no games. wise and you wont regret speaking to me…… please call
I found the article sophomoric and full of holes. I think that people who have been shunned by their belief system get a little haughty when pointing fingers at people who don’t believe in or the opposite of. Their hurt for not being the one of their only one often makes the categorize the mentalities that have made a mockery of their own wants and needs of their feelings……so they write a list. {whateva}
This is a huge self-esteem killer… Really? “standards too high” you should keep your standards the way they are and never settle for anything less… And “do you really look attractive?” Really? What the hell? This whole article is a load of crap!
To me I just find it impossible to find a decent, genuine man because all I seek to run into is men who just want sex… to me there’s more to a relationship than the sex… Those who like the one night stands… Good for you, if that’s all you like doing… You go do that, to me, it’s boring, and kinda demeaning (this is only on my personal level, not judging anyone here)… I would much rather wait now for the right guy whom I can trust to do any of that kind of stuff…
This article was probably written by the biggest drama pompous self absorbed queen there is ….”is your phone ringing?”. ….please….Is not because I don’t handout my number to whoever sais I’m “hot” or “cute”…. This is a worthless article that does not provide tactics to approach someone who you think is out of your league to at least make a connection and give your self a chance …. Again WORTHLESS!!!
This article is despicable….you should be embarrassed to have even put it out there for people to read. Want to know why dating as a single gay man is so hard? BECAUSE OF FUCKS LIKE YOU perpetuating bullshit like this.
I made so much progress with my self image.Things I hated about myself for years,that keep me from dating, That kept me down I learned weren’t bad at all. And that all came crashing down after I read this. I got so depressed and started hating myself again and even thought of suicide. I’m better now. And I know I’m
going to do whatever it takes to never feel that way again. Because I conquer my doubts and my troubles and I know I going to find the man I love one day. But you and people that think like you are EVERYTHING that’s wrong with gay community. We have enough to deal with from the outside world to have some superficial monster crush us from within. Get some help.Thank you .
@Nick Delmacy wrote this back in 2012. This has been one of our highest viewed posts. I find huge portions of this still relevant. So I took it upon myself to post it here in these boards where many may not know of it's existence. Check it out and share your thoughts.
:sass1::sass2::whew:
He wrote this 4 years ago….and he is still single. The lesson here is not to listen to @Nick Delmacy if you want to get into a relationship lol
:troll::sass2:
. Where is your input @Ockydub -you have been in relationship for what, 7 or 8 years…you should post the portions you find relevant. And help Nick get a man! lol.
*just joking Nick*
A major reason not listed: Too many gay men are f**ked up and caught up in the 'Gay Lifestyle' bullshyt and don't have a(functioning)brain-they just have one collective borg-brain and you never know which one of these gheys has it at any given time. You have to either join the ghey borg or cut it off altogether which = lower chances of meeting anyone.
100dap
*don't know what is up with all these attractive and successful gay men on here who are single and want to be hooked up with someone. You or Nick need to solve that mystery.
*and yeah, some of the ones listed are exactly. on. target. I admit that.
:franko1:
I'll be the one to ruff some feathers but I think status also plays a role. I've come across a number of guys who I would entertain seriously but then to come to find out, they're positive. Now, I have little issue with a positive partner in the short term and even recently dated a guy as such for a few months.
The problem is when you start to see a future with that person and now you have to consider your situation in the long-term and what that really means mentally and emotionally. It can be very taxing and restrictive at times for the relationship.
I know other guys who won't deal with it at all.
Oh sheit :deadmanny:
He wrote this 4 years ago….and he is still single. The lesson here is not to listen to @Nick Delmacy if you want to get into a relationship lol
:troll::sass2:
Wai' minute….Did Nick see dis yet????
@Nick Delmacy has like 8 jobs right now. He is working more than Kevin Hart.
:khart2:
Nick knows(when or if he sees this) that I was just joking. He knows half the guys here want him.
LOL
wow i'm still crying.
Oh wow.
1. I've dated a crackhead and went on a date once with a drag queen,
I'd say high standards aren't what's stood in my way.
2. I've actually found a date in all ways, in the street, on the train, blind date, chat line, admittedly more through electronic means but I've found good and bad quality in all mediums.
3. You lie!!!
4. To MOST gay dudes around my age, I'm AARP eligible even when I look ½ their age and I still have my original hairline.
5. I'm working harder and will be back to my best soon.
6. At my best I've never been overly muscular except in one area and I accept dudes exactly how I meet them physically.
7. NY is big on the gay, so that's not it.
8. Been a yes and been a no. When I was young and kinda hot, I dated up financially and later on I dated mostly on the same level but now that I have dependents, my play money ain't as fully stacked.
9. That's been a bingo but negotiable.
10. I am comfortable enough to be in the company of another discreet dude. If the right dude came along I'd strongly consider coming clean with my straight buddies. My family already knows so the only problem would be the family hazing, which everybody gets.
11. Never had that problem.
12. I can do that standing on my head. Great thing about dating a crazy Gemini is we're easily committed…I thought it was funny.
13. Even if I am in my head, he'd never know it until he's walking away because he finds me too distant.
14. Had this problem several times and as much as I loved getting it in, sex is the least of my requirements for a relationship to work.
15. None of my life clocks are set to the same time and the same with my compatibility clock.
I have to disagree that masculine e muscular guys are rare, at least not were I live in Toronto. There’s a lot you just have to be discreet, don’t ask don’t tell sort of thing until you get to know each other. I guys we like what we like.
Cool…an article starting with high expectations as number one on the list and the rest is completely contradicting the issue with all the other garbage, too muscular, not muscled enough, not attractive enough, too masculine etc. As a bisexual bottom that is very toned and fit with lean muscle and mostly masculine but with a softer side, I guess it’s no wonder I can’t find a real man that wants a sub with a good amount of masculinity and physical condition but still have a bit of a soft touchy side behind it all. It’s an article basically telling me how screwed I am. I can’t change my expectations and no one should change what they are looking for if that what they really want. Trying to be with something you don’t want is disaster recipe. I just want a good tall man with a good build and leadership skills who is lookng for a bottom to lead and have desire to be in control of. Maybe I’m old fashioned idk. I’m 5’9″, 155lbs. Very toned and have one shoulder tattoo of my favorite Gothic rock band. Is it too much for me to want a total manly and older Dom that’s at least 28 years old, being that I’m 26 and prefer older? I like giving control and I’m a soft personality behind a Gothic taste. I NEED that in charge man. God only knows I’m just not the in charge type.
Well im 15 and gay
Im not sure how i can meet other gay guys
No1 else in my school has come out
If anyone knows somewhere i could find someone else please reply
Im slim black tall and a top
If your under 18 add me on kik LD_123456.