The Salt Eaters by Toni Cade Bambara
The first time I had peach yogurt, I was visiting a friend in a mental institution. Chris was young, black, charming and struggling with his sexuality. He was having trouble with life and ended up here. Within these walls, decisions were made for him and everything seemed quiet and orderly. Chris was vocal, passionate and funny.
In this environment, none of this was allowed nor encouraged. I want to call attention to the need for constant and serious examination of the mental health industry and the need for men to seriously win the battle for mental health.
In the incredible, life changing book, The Salt Eaters; there is much discussion around the need for healthy minds and the responsibility that goes along with it.
Recently, I read a post on my face book page that talked about gay male mental health. There was some back and forth discussion as to whether this was a black problem, a male problem or a gay phenomenon.
Mental health is a problem that doesn’t discriminate.
It is expected that we will be nasty, bitchy, cut throat and addicted to something. If you are not strung out and instead address people and problems directly with compassion and a sincere interest in solving the problem and not cutting down the other person, you are viewed with much suspicion. Often times, I have been mistaken for being too quiet or passive when I am looking at a situation and contemplating a particular response.
However, when I am passionate about something, fierce in my devotion and take decisive action I am perceived as angry. I often find this funny and disturbing. Having a clear, well developed mind should not be looked at as an anomaly. Spending time
maintaining and growing a wonderful mind and the incredible gifts this brings should be celebrated.
Instead, all the parts of me when combined with the commitment to stay healthy are often viewed as magical, unprecedented and just plain scary.
thinking. When I tell people that at one time in my life, I read 4-5 books a
week, they are visibly shocked. If I said that I spent six hours a day in front
of the TV, nobody would be taken aback.
While I have been somewhat lucky in that I found out ways to stay healthy early and often, it is not been an easy road to travel.
We live in a world that supports and relies on us being victims.
The media trots out reality show after reality show with folks who seriously need a good therapist or support group not face time on a national TV show. Along with the reality craze, there is constant and pointless coverage of celebrities.
My mind always goes to: you have all of this money, celebrity, notoriety and yet
you can’t stop drinking, drugging, shopping or maintain a healthy relationship?
This is the cost of a lack of attention to what adults require to be mentally
healthy.
The fantasy that if we focus on everything else we’ll be happy and
things will just naturally fall into place, has to be looked at for the sham
that it is.
Was I going to let the culture decide how I thought or felt about myself, only to have it changed in a week because that was no longer “hot”?
Hell No!
I knew if I was gonna make it in the world, entertainment, my family, that I better get myself some tools and make holding on to and developing and nurturing my mind the first priority. To the gay men who have not made this connection and are still walking around looking for the perfect mate, the acquisition of the perfect six pack, mojito, apartment whatever, my heart goes out to you.
We can start a movement.
It is clear that so many of us are completely crazed about our bodies and keeping them healthy, why not transfer that obsession to getting and staying mentally fit and adept?
people reading or talking about dealing with their crap and growing
up?
We advertise medications that can ensure you have sex all night long but no
attention is placed on what we are doing other than each
other.
Where are the ads for commitment to growth via discussions and mutual sharing ? Where are all the webcams whose focus is on two men saying I want to talk, I feel like I’m losing it and a cocktail and a new sex partner won’t improve/help the situation.
If we all made this issue our issue and demanded that everyone we involve ourselves with do the same, there would be a serious decline in depression, isolation and the number of new HIV cases.
We would have loads of energy to attack the next series of challenges with joy and understanding of our capacity to be self governing and the knowledge that an incredible mind and loving heart can change the world.
and entertains.
After surviving eighteen months of unemployment, he created a book, Strong Stuff, that is funny, engaging and hopeful. He is the author of “Unfettered Mind: The Importance of Black Male Mental Health” which can be purchased at his website http://www.anthony-carter.com
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Where are the ads for commitment to growth via discussions and mutual sharing ? Where are all the webcams whose focus is on two men saying I want to talk, I feel like I’m losing it and a cocktail and a new sex partner won’t improve/help the situation.
If we all made this issue our issue and demanded that everyone we involve ourselves with do the same, there would be a serious decline in depression, isolation and the number of new HIV cases.”
GREAT POST
last year I contemplated suicide.I was really struggling with my thoughts/feelings on men. I had no one to talk to I went to a Christian private school…so no help from a counselor. My parents,friends ect were and still are staunchly religious I was also very religious. I pray and pray that God removes these feelings but nothing seems to change. I’m starting to come to terms with my obvious attraction to men,but at the same time in conflicted.
So yeah I think people need to make mental health a visible thing that all people struggle with, some more than other and create a space where people feel comfortable and not judged. Sometimes we need a little more than just prayer.
Yeah John, a counselor or therapist can definitely help. But sounds like your issues might all be resolved if you could find a friend in your area to be able to talk to and hang out with.
Coming to this site can be beneficial in some ways because its a place with guys who are currently going through what you are or have already been there and gotten through it. However, there’s nothing like a real live “PLATONIC friend” that you can chill with and not even talk about “being gay” with. I stress the word Monogamous. Just chilling with another masculine guy who knows about you and you know about him can do wonders.
As in the other thread, I’d recommend you try to meet a cool guy or two in your area. Most importantly, PLATONIC. You don’t need to have sexual activity with men just to be their friends, no matter how strong the urge is…Involving sex often complicates things and reveals that the so-called friend had ulterior motives.
Until then, you’re always welcome here and the upcoming new website as well.
John…First I am glad that you are here with us.
As a person who has struggled with many “issues”… dude I have been there. As a recipient I can tell you; yes therapy works wonders.
I have an exercise for you. Either visualize or right down where you would like to see yourself emotionally in the next 5 years. If that vision you have of your emotional self is a person who is happy, rounded, comfortable and secure with emotions and sexuality; begin today to figure out how you can obtain that vision of happiness. It Starts With YOU and you can make it happen!
You have already taken a big step by providing your comments above. Let nothing stop you in your pursuit of emotional stability and happiness. Family, church, religion, school…let nothing stop you in your quest for mental stability.
You are the best person and you are the most responsible person to look out for your own best interest!
Coming from a man that has a similar background to you… use therapy! It helps! I’ve been there twice and it has helped. I think that I may go back again because sometimes when negative thoughts creep in about what I’m dealing with, it takes my attention and focus away from my studies and that will NOT help me become a medical professional and entrepreneur.
Hang in there man!
This is indeed a great post. But unfortunately it only scratches the surface. Family plays a big role in the initial mental instability and many times in its ongoing perpetuation. A lot of mental issues come right out of the households we were reared in. Unconsciously, we take this household mental baggage – this “dirty laundry” – right out in the world with us. Many are unaware of the fact they have accumulated this baggage throughout their childhood and adolescent years of growth and “development.” After being fed lies, rumors, falsehoods, half-truths, and twice baked potatoes we expect them to be “o.k.?” The bible really does a job on a child. It should be banned from childhood. Is there any wander why A.D.D. and A.D.H.D. is rampant?
This is the most pressing topic of the day and time we live in. It is only getting worse. I will give you one scenario, thus example. The prison rate for Black males is sky high – through the roof. These same males are locked up behind bars – in cages – treated like animals and subjected to all types of inhumane treatment. For the most part, they have taken formal education out of prisons. One day, and its already happening, will exit prison. These same males when they exit prison will not have the mental skills – education – to cope with an already crazier society. It’s akin to adding gasoline on the fire – more crazy on top of already crazy. It’s like giving a schizophrenic person crack to smoke. Yes, I do know this person (more than one).
My question is, “We know we need to talk, but we are not talking, so when do we sit down and talk about the talk we need to have?” The deadline is fast approaching.
I really appreciate this post because our mental health is something that some Black people have issues addressing. I, like some of the other posters, have been to therapy and had pretty good results. What I learned is that you have to open to the process, be completely honest, and have the willingness to do the work and exercises that come up as you share your story.
One point that I want to highlight is that you do not have to be in crisis to see a therapist. If you are starting out on a new venture, it’s ok to go see someone that can help you navigate the changes that will occur in your life. I believe that being proactive will provide you with many tools so when a crisis happens you can navigate a little easier.
The other point that I would like to make is that a lot of the crap we put in our bodies hurt us. The chemicals in our food, drugs and alcohol, and reality tv can really dull our senses and cause us to lose our mental acumen. Stress is another killer for a lot of people.
I make discussions about mental health my business on my blog. I’ve been suffering from Clinical Depression for many years, and it wasn’t until late 2009 when I sought out therapy. From there, I began treatment with the antidepressant Wellbutrin, and I’ve also used my blog as a form of outreach and and outlet to tell of my experiences.
We do need more spaces where gay men of color feel comfortable to discuss such issues without fear of ridicule or victim blaming. Our mental health is important, especially if you’re a gay black male trying to make it into today’s world.
If anything, I’m always here to chat with anyone going through some things. I’ve been there, and my fight isn’t over. However, you can make it, my dudes.
http://www.bamaboiblues.com