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- Thread: Masculine 4 Masculine
This is why I think we should stop using "top" and "bottom" as nouns instead of verbs. It's not who you are, it's what you do. You bottom, you're not A bottom. You top, you're not A top. By using them as nouns, they become identity markers and that's why people so easily assign character traits. And then you have conversations like this. It's bullshit.
And the thing that gets me about these critiques of masculine dudes who like other masculine dudes is that it often comes from feminine dudes who also prefer masculine dudes. Even dude in the video said, "He can't be more feminine than me." What? I've heard this same logic from a lot of self-identified feminine bottoms. So basically, they would prefer that the gay community align the same way as heterosexuals where masculine gay men exclusively date feminine gay men. That's some heteronormative bullshit.
I was 21 in college, several months before graduation I met this guy that I just developed a platonic friendship with. He was like my at work brother or in class friend but we barely if ever hung out outside of those scenarios. So he low key checked me about how if we are boys why do we only hang out at work or in class. For some reason I felt convicted by that so that day at work I took him to lunch at Ruby Tuesday's which was across the street paid and everything and let him know it wasn't any embarrassed to be seen with him shit or anything, he wasn't noticeably SGL but was very much so out, the next day he took me to lunch and the following I took him etc after a while that just became our routine.
To my ignorance before I knew it we were going out on dates and I never put it together that that's exactly what they were. So we were getting to know one another deeper and deeper and I developed these feelings of attachment and felt the need to protect him and all of that.
Again he took the first step and shot me a text essentially saying he needed me to pick him up from his second job and that he had something for me, I get up get dressed go pick him up and he hands me this 6 page letter and asked that I don't read it til I get home. I'm like uhhh ok nigga....
The letter expressed some deep feelings that resonated with me and concluded with him saying he can't be my platonic friend anymore because he loves me and you know what for the first time I felt OK saying I romantically loved another man as well. I drive back to his crib walking in with a mug and he's looking nervous I guess not knowing what I was going to do and I snap like yo you're going to break up our bond via a letter? He starts to explain and I just went ahead and kissed him.
I told him I don't know how this shit works but if I was ever going to try to find out it would be with him and for the next 2 years we were together everyday he was my inspiration to come out as bisexual to my parents, friends etc and although ultimately that relationship did end I swear I have no regrets because it let me know I can love a man the same way I naturally loved a woman and that was just as natural and just as valuable and essential to who I am.
I think it's important that Black LGBT history is included in our conversation around black history. Intersectionality has long been overlooked within our communities and so here's a post that celebrates those cross-sections of race and sexuality.
Share your favorite historical black LGBT folks!
Here's My TOP 5:
Langston Hughes's name is almost synonymous with the Harlem Renaissance. At a time when African-Americans across the country were struggling to find a foothold on par with the rest of society, Hughes and his contemporaries were flourishing in Harlem, writing, creating, and living lives that were expressive and revolutionary. He discovered the scene uptown while studying at Columbia University in New York, and eventually became one of the first black writers to support himself through writing with his accessible, relatable voice. He was known for stressing the message of "black is beautiful" and racial consciousness without anger, in a pre-Civil Rights world. It was well known that he was engaged in significant relationships both sexually and romantically with both men and women. Making him in today's language, bisexual.
Essayist and poet Audre Lorde not only wrote passionately, but she also gave the gift of words to others as a librarian in New York public schools during the 1960s. In her published work, Lorde eventually fully embraced her lesbianism, even with her marriage to attorney Edward Rollins from 1962-1970. Her first volume of poems was published in 1968 at Tougaloo College, where she met long-term partner Frances Clayton. Her 1976 work The Black Unicorn was a masterful summation of her life, so far, "as a black woman, a mother, a daughter, a lesbian, a feminist, a visionary," as contemporary Adrienne Rich said.
Later in the literary journal Callaloo, Lorde responded to critics, specifically antigay North Carolina Sen. Jesse Helms: "My sexuality is part and parcel of who I am, and my poetry comes from the intersection of me and my worlds... Jesse Helms's objection to my work is not about obscenity... or even about sex. It is about revolution and change... Helms knows that my writing is aimed at his destruction, and the destruction of every single thing he stands for." Lorde later chronicled her journey with cancer after she was diagnosed in The Cancer Journals. In her last year of life, 1991-1992, Lorde was the poet laureate of New York. She died in 1992 of breast cancer, but her legacy lives on in the Audre Lorde Project, an LGBT organization in New York focused on social and economic justice.
Schools across America and around the world make sure to commemorate the life and work of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., every year, but King's work could be incomplete without the help of close confidant and organizer, Bayard Rustin. He was the key strategist in many of King's actions, often making him the target of the federal government as he organized demonstrations, rallied activists, and lobbied politicians to help make life better for people of color. Even with such a high-profile position within the Civil Rights movement, during the 1950s and '60s, Rustin was openly gay, and evidence shows that he was embraced by King, whose message of acceptance continues to resonate decades after his active years.
(He was also my Illustrious Bruh as he is/was a member of Omega Psi Phi, one of the first fraternities created for black men.
At a time of segregation and discrimination, author James Baldwin was able to eloquently express the everyday life of African-Americans in the U.S. However, in order to do so, Baldwin, like Baker, fled the country for France to write more freely. Baldwin's semi-autobigraphical Go Tell It On The Mountain was a large success and remains a critical favorite, while his later work Geovanni's Room was controversial, as it was one of the first mainstream novels to tackle homosexuality. He died in 1987 in France and was buried in his birthplace, Harlem, N.Y
Richmond “Jimmie” Barthé was a sculptor and a key figure in the Harlem Renaissance in the 1930s. That he was also a gay man who expressed his orientation in his work is most likely why he fell into obscurity by the 1940s. Much of his art depicted African-American men in sensual poses, often nude. Today, his work seems not that confrontational, but in a basically racist, sexually nervous America of the middle of the last century, it is remarkable that his work received the acclaim that it did. (He was also of Louisiana Creole descent, being half LA Creole that makes me personally proud. Louisiana Creoles are one of the first and most distinctive groups of people of color in this nation.)
Check out more here!
There's probably no Squad Member that is as universally respected on the site as long-time contributor and homie @ControlledXaos.
Not only is he a high volume poster who adds tons of comments and daps to many threads, he's a consistently positive balance to the more polarizing members (such as myself) who like to push buttons for debate.
On top of that, he's a site donation supporter, a rare inductee into the 1,000 Daps Club and he often interacts with Squad Members off of Cypher Avenue...be it at @African King Organized Cypher Avenue Meet-Ups or online gaming battles with the likes of @Ockydub, he takes the brotherhood here seriously.
@ControlledXaos, as Squad Member of the Month, you don't actually win anything...but as a lover of both the culinary arts and sexy beefy men, here are some photos showing the best of both worlds:
Oh, and also a few celebratory dapping gifs:
Many of you may have noticed that some of the Squad Members have a banner on their profiles that say "Squad Leader." For the most part, these badges are given to most of our most vocal and influential commenters on the site who have been rocking with Cypher Avenue ever since it was called Discreet City nearly 5 years ago.
Without their input in the comments section and Activity Stream over the years, there would never have been enough motivation for us to keep blogging, let alone create this message board.
Over the last year, however, we've witnessed a surge in new voices (some of them former lurkers) contributing their opinions not only to the comments section on the main site, but also here on The Boards.
While these dudes are technically new to contributing to the site, they've quickly ascended past many of the old Squad Leaders when it comes to comments and setting the tone of the site.
If Cypher Avenue was a University, the Squad Leaders would be Seniors and Grad Students with legacies on campus...But this new class of men would definitely be the Freshmen Class helping to add diversity of thought.
Some of these new heads are smart, some are funny, some are creative, some are immature, some are weird, some are short-tempered and some are:
But they're all a part of the Squad.
This thread is dedicated to them:
- Thread: Dude is Suspect
Any dude that's over 30 who is handsome, in shape, doesn't have a wife, girlfriend, baby mama, kids, and is very secretive about his personal life. Sends up a red flag. Also dudes who are meticulous about what they wear, are always "fashion forward," and always well groomed are suspect to me.
- Thread: Masculine Bedroom Spaces
I’m a grateful appreciator of architecture and design. I’m also thankful that over the years publications like Interior Design, Home Trends, Architecture Digest in addition to networks television stations like HGTV and DIY; have shown that interior designs, accent decorations and styles can be masculine and at times even aggressive. I came across examples of masculine designed bedrooms and thought some of these rooms look like habitable works of art. The wall hangings, color palettes, lighting, accent pieces, bedding, flooring, furniture, etc., are inspirational. At the same time, I can feel the energy of a couple of these bedrooms may be to contemporary or modern for some. Check out the link Masculine Bedroom Ideas Evoking Style for additional details on the designers of each bedroom presented.
Read the whole post here.
Fuck all this heteronormative bullshit. "Bottom" and "top" are sexual positions. Not gender or personality roles. People need to stop equating them as such.
I'm a lil suspect about this "mentor" you keep mentioning and what he's filling your head with. So your virgin booty hole is somehow more valuable than a person who's only been with a handful of dudes? That's heteronormative at best and slut-shaming at worse.
But regarding your question, TO ME, being a virgin is not really a commodity.
If you're a Top (or even versatile), the Bottoms I've met prefer dudes with experience. But even as a guy who has primarily Topped in my life, the wackest sex I've had has been with the inexperienced. They just kinda laid there, not knowing what to do or where to put their legs.
The BEST sex I've EVER had though, was with a Bottom....a Bottom who (as I would later find out) had LOTS of experience. Had a nikka sweating from the mutual workout...on top of that the Head game was immaculate! Had me like:
I didn't even tell the dude I let penetrate me that he was my first to until AFTER we did it. Sex has never been this rare gemstone to me, it was something other people were doing that I hadn't yet experienced, so I had to change that ASAP. Once I met the dude who fit the requirements and was willing and able, we did it. He wasn't Mr Right, but he was a Damn fine Mr Right Now. We did it and I moved on (I was the one that dumped him). I discovered that I didn't love it so I didn't do it again for another 5 years.
Again, the squad may disagree but just as not every dating situation has to lead to marriage, not every sexual experience has to be this magical thing.
BOTTOMS HAVE NOTCHES IN THEIR BELTS TOO! I've been used for dick by many a dude so tell your "mentor" to fuck off with trying to make you think men who get penetrated are lesser than.
Do what works for you, though. I'm done, lol.
- Thread: Self Acceptance
The first step is letting go of viewing yourself and homosexuality through the eyes of straight family, friends and society. That is often the biggest hurdle...we don't want to "disappoint" others. My favorite is when young people neglect living their lives to the fullest to not "disappoint" grandparents who DID live their lives to the fullest. Its wasted time and a wasted life.
And also realizing that EVERYONE dislikes something about themselves at some point or another...even heterosexuals...even people with great bodies...even wealthy people...even people who seem to have "perfect" lives. We all face this struggle, sometimes all our lives. Some people are better at handling it than others...some people learn to let go through therapy. But reaching out to talk about it (like you did here) is a good start.
- Thread: Is Marriage in your cards?
I recently got married (October 17, 2015) after five years of being together. I was the one that proposed on July 4, 2014 almost 7 months before it became legal in my state of residence, Florida. Because both my husband and I were from Florida, we made a choice not to get married until it was legal in our state. We decided to get married for a range of reasons, first, it seemed to be the natural progression of our relationship, secondly, it was increasing importantly in my line of work to get married so that my spouse of have the same protections as me when traveling abroad (my husband enjoys traveling on a diplomatic passport and all the rights that come with it). Thirdly, I never thought that I would get married before I turned 30 years old and despite all of that doubt, I enjoyed a wedding filled with family friends from all over the country and world. We actually have a travel themed wedding. As far as our name, we had it hyphenated because it was important for us to share the same name and if we decide on children in the future, they should share our name. Right now, neither one of us are particularly interested in kids. But we have talked about what our kids would call us, I think my husband would be dad or daddy and I would be pop or pop-o. I think that for me, marriage has brought us closer as a couple both literally and figuratively and it was something that we took seriously.
It should come as no surprise that @African King has bowled through the competition to be named the first Squad Member of the Month for 2016.
Not only has he been an active Squad Leader on the The Boards, creating over 60 new topics and threads for discussion, he's been active offline as well. @African King has helped bring Cypher Avenue members together offline through Google Hangouts and collective meetups in person.
He's come a long way in his personal journey as well. Here's an except from one of the very first (of what would turn out to be very many) emails from him back in early 2013:
@African King, as Squad Member of the Month, you don't actually win anything except some photos of a few Sexy Nigerian Men:
Oh, and also a few celebratory dapping gifs:
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