Best Posts in Thread: Going Limp

My Two Cents.....

Plenty of men are not into anal sex. If its not what you're into I think it goes with out saying no one is forcing you to do it. To help with alleviating the frustration, maybe stop getting sexually involved with dudes who want it (or want it on the regular) and link up sexually with guys who are into "frottage" or "sides"; we've shared this before on Cypher Ave Guys on the ‘Side’: Looking Beyond Gay Tops and Bottoms

Frot (slang for frottage; ult. from the French verb frotter, "to rub") is a non-penetrative form of male-male sexual activity that usually involves direct penis-to-penis contact.[1][2] The term was popularized by gay male activists who disparaged the practice of anal sex,[1][2][3] but has since evolved to encompass a variety of preferences for the act, which may or may not imply particular attitudes towards other sexual activities.
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Also...(don't know if this is your issue) but some dudes have watched so much porn through out their lives and have become so accustomed to masterbating while watching, that they are not able to perform sexually due to the difference in stimulation and sensation.

 

Ditto!

And since this is a medical question...

Paging Dr @NikR ...


And as Ock said, don't feel pressured to engage in a particular sex practice if it's not your thing. There is no right or normal among consenting adults, you don't have to answer to anyone gay or straight, just be sane, careful and health-conscious.

 

So apparently @Rico can conjure me out of thin air lol.

Sex is fucking complicated- plumbing AND a mental component? And then you add at least one other person? I'm surprised anyone gets born.

I'd say initially, don't panic. Erectile dysfunction is pretty common. I have young men, one who's 21, who come and ask about this. And it ends up being a long discussion.

There are soooo many reasons why dudes can't stay hard, from structural to biochemical to poisons to mental stuff and everything in between. For most people, there are multiple factors at play, one of which is psychological. It doesn't even have to be about desire for your partner, it's just...something else. And that 'something else', performance anxiety and other feelings, can be as debilitating as physical problems.

I'm sorry that you're having a rough time with this. Honestly, I'd be anxious too. But (and it's a big but) we know you can get hard. We know you can get a nut. Now all we need to do is optimize.

You should talk to your doctor about this. Yes, even if she's a woman- they understand too! You'll need to review medical history, medications, drug and smoking history, have a physical exam (including a digital rectal exam-it's procedure), some limited bloodwork (ugggh 'low T' isn't really a thing), and some psychological screening tests (GAD7 and PHYQ9). And then you might need to talk to a sex therapist. They're phenomenal.

Medicine is a team sport and people are around to help. But you gotta speak up.

I'm glad you've taken the first step. Keep us updated

 

I would recommend talking to a medical provider. If you have a doctor, tell them about what you're expericing. Erectile dysfunction is growing more common in younger men it could be something more serious that you may want to have checked out.

With that being said, I cosign with the other commenters here.

 

I agree with @Ockydub. I think the whole idea of "top and bottom" has grown to be a standard with sex between two men, BUT it shouldn't be. There are things outside of anal penetration that can be just as stimulating based on the individual. Frottage is a good option.

I think it's important to figure out what you like sexually, and then like @Ockydub said, find someone who you are sexually compatible with--probably easier said than done.

This may be a silly question, but are you sexually attracted to the guys who you're going limp for? You don't have to answer that on here if you don't want, but answer it for yourself and that may be a good starting point.

 

One good thing resulting from the AIDS crisis back in the day(you know, back when if you got HIV you just died-that was t)was that guys were more willing to explore all kinds of other forms of sex and sexual expression than just fucking or sucking. Something that seems to have faded somewhat since HIV is not a death sentence anymore. It does not help that nearly all porn is focused on fucking and sucking, and almost everyone is defined by how they have penetrative anal sex(especially when at least a third of gay men do not even like anal any way.)