He's sticking to me like Clingwrap and I'm over it

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by takeyourmeds91, Jan 29, 2018.

  1. takeyourmeds91

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    Like bro, I got shit to do throughout the day so I can't sit up here and talk/text all day. Sorry

    Just met dude like 3 weeks ago and he basically wants to see me everyday. He's a really cool dude and I'm digging him but I need some spaaacccceee. I can't even be in a boyfriend's face all day everyday let alone somebody I'm just kicking it with. And then he calls all the time - He knows I'm in professional school but it seems like he just doesn't get it. My homebody told me it's probably because he didn't go to undergrad himself (which is fine) so he just doesn't know what that type of grind looks like.

    He's moving waayy too fast and we just discussed the other day how this isn't something that either of us wants to rush. Like nigga, go read a book or go to the gym or SOMETHING....cpnoway

    How do yall deal with dudes who are needy af?

    And if you are that dude, this is how you miss out on good guys, just saying lmao...

    *rant over* :dead1:
     
  2. acessential

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    If you like the dude, I think you need to be straight up with him. There's nothing wrong with setting up expectations. It's okay telling him straight up that you have things to do during the day, so at most, he can probably get a 30 minute phone call at the end of the day. And if not that, maybe every other day. If he's mature enough, he'll understand and roll with it. But if he doesn't like the setup, then you're probably better off without him.

    Now, if you're really not feeling the clinginess and don't want to be with dude, you gotta be honest about that too. Dude has all the butterflies right now and he'll think everything's perfect unless you tell him otherwise.
     
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  3. mojoreece

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    How old is he? What does it do if he's not in school? Does he not have hobbies? Maturity might have something to do with it.

    I mean for most adults besides doing early morning church, gym or brunch, Sunday is usually ur prep day for rest of the week.
     
  4. takeyourmeds91

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    Yea, I'm going to talk to him tomorrow - I don't have the energy today lol. And you're very right - if he's not down with it then fkc it, i'm not looking for a man anyway

    He's 26 and does have a job but not necessarily a career. Your guess is as good as mine at this point about hobbies haha. I think he just needs to find him some business - something to keep him busy. While we're on the subject, a man that has too much time on his hands is very unattractive. It's cool to chill sometimes but you need to be continuously working on yourself.
     
  5. Nick Delmacy

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    I'm a needy dude but not that I "need" a dude, just one in that if we're supposed to be dating, why should I "hang out" with you like we're just friends. Maybe I'm old school and have a fantasy view of modern dating. I don't want no nikka that isn't excited to see, call or text me. That nikka needs to fux w me so much that he afraid I will jump on one of these other ATL dudes if he doesn't keep me interested.

    Send that dude my way since he's coming on too strong for you :tears:
     
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  6. Sean P

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    I don't think it's a question of being old school in the world of modern dating. Some of us appreciate a level of independence and breathing room while others don't mind being attached at the hip. When two people with different needs meet and get to know each other, they will need to compromise if things are to move forward successfully. I'm like @takeyourmeds91. I occasionally need some breathing room so that I have a little time to appreciate you (and sometimes to simply live inside my head).
     
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  7. African King

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    What I've learned about myself over the past month since meeting more guys and going out on a few dates is that I value my space and I like when the guy I am seeing has his own life just like I do. Then after we do our thing solo, we can come together.

    Like @acessential said just be straight up and see how he takes it and if he is not understanding of your grind then chunk up the deuces like Chris Brown, Tyga & Kevin McCall!!!
     
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  8. Nick Delmacy

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    Just seems like to me that the other guy is showing what type of person he is and what his needs are from the start. Especially his level of excitement. It appears that the feelings and personality types aren't mutual.

    Being self employed, I literally work everyday, but if I met a dude who I was really digging and was digging me so much that he wanted hang out every evening or call/text me...That would be cool with me. The key thing is, if I were digging him too.

    If I was busy one evening, I would say that. If I wanted a night to chill to myself, I would say that. Not really sure what the problem here is unless the other guy is stalking him or showing up at his door unannounced on a daily basis.

    Maybe I've dated so many guys who were on the far opposite end of clingy (getting them to meet up in person or return a text is like pulling teeth) that now I welcome a person showing extreme interest, LOL.
     
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  9. takeyourmeds91

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    This is all I'm saying! It's hard bc I don't get a lot of time to myself so I'd rather not have ALL of it consumed with having to entertain. I really do like the guy - just give me a chance to miss you hahaha

    Update: Discussed my feelings with him and he understood so we'll see what his actions show
     
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  10. Sean

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    ...stay tuned...
     
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  11. Mrmack8913

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    I need this etched in stone! The second paragraph especially. I truly believe people make time for who and what they want if they desire. Also with the millennial generation the word "clingy" is often thrown at those who show interest but we're just not that into.
     
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  12. itsumoconfused

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    I think people also need to say how often they want to communicate with people. I can often be that "clingy" annoying type, because I get excited about liking people, but then it always ends with me being single and whatnot so. Sometimes I feel like people need to just let me know their communication style so that I can communicate with them in a manner that allows for us to oth show our interests.
     
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  13. takeyourmeds91

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    This is going to come off coarse and I mean it in the nicest way possible: Why do you continue to be that way if it mostly turns out to be a bust?

    I think most people should always err on the side of caution. Show interest but also listen to what they say. If they tell you they don't want to be in anything serious, keep it cute and don't be giving that nigga your all.

    Less is more in my opinion - if they want more from you, they'll let you know.
     
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  14. takeyourmeds91

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    Update: I pretty much ended it yesterday. It was starting to be waay too much. It ended with him asking what can he do to make it work in a way that I need. Honestly, I just need complete space. Great guy and would be amazing if I was in that head space but I have way too much going on in my life at the moment.
     
  15. Nick Delmacy

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    Yeah this was apparent from your initial post and not surprising. I'm all for not wasting my time or anyone else's so this was def the admirable thing to do.
     
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  16. itsumoconfused

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    That's the thing, more recent people have said that they want to be in relationships, so these are not the "let's f*ck and keep it there," type of people. Which is why I usually ask about communication style so that I can be more mindful of my impact on their space. But with this last dude he got on my nerves just a bit because we went on a date 3 months ago and then was like "I'm not interested," and when I asked about being friends because they seemed cool, they said it wouldn't have made sense. Now we went on multiple dates and then he is like, "I don't think I'm want a relationship let's be friends," so I'm kind of just confused because those are the same reasons he dubbed me three months ago. Aka waste of time.
     
  17. takeyourmeds91

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    Yea, I essentially told him that I didn't want to waste his time.

    Yea, that dude is all over the place and not worth your time at all actually.
     
  18. SB3

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    I'm gonna go w you probably weren't as into him as you wanted to be.

    I have come to admit and accept that kind of thing, myself. I LOVE my private time and space. I'm not a cheater, im just the complete antithesis of clingy. However, I do know that we make time for who/what we want to make time.

    I do agree w the point of your original post. Go get some business, because if you're expecting me to be readily available to pass time w you ALL THE DAMN TIME, we're doomed. I feel like a solid, steady dating phase is often so elusive w gay men, that it can almost breed the cling. We can prob credit the too common inability to communicate outside of the realm of 'looking for right now' for that.
     
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  19. DC.

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    Me personally I love when someone is enthralled with me. However I respect and understand that you are in professional school and I can only imagine how busy it makes you. However you may have to ask yourself if you have the time to set aside for a relationship or for something to bloom? Because what you feed will grow and what you starve will die. And a relationship will need some feeding. And truth be told, I wonder if he didn't show that type of interest if you guys would have even been talking for that long? Because if both people are whatever about it (not saying you were) then it wont have room to grow or develop really.
     
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  20. Caliblk

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    I personally never understood dating when you’re not in the right frame of mind to date and being a unit, especially if u have to spend money on them. You guys can just go on outings and go Dutch.
     
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  21. JodyBell87

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    Clingy is never good. Especially after only 3 weeks. It's a red flag.
    Guys who are clingy so soon are trying to run from something or cover something up.
    And what I've noticed is, once they figure it out, they're interest shifts. This guy has some growing to do.



     
  22. SB3

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    Not 3 weeks?!?! Connor Wellington
     
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