Is it important or not important for your sexuality to be known at the workplace?

Discussion in 'Career, Work, Finances and Education' started by Dante, Oct 9, 2015.

  1. Dante

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    Just a random question. Interested on any responses.

    FYI: Please respect all opinions.
     
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  2. African King

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    To each his own...

    I just don't think that it is necessary. For all jobs I've had, I keep it professional and then go home. I don't bring my outside life to work with me. One masculine Latino dude just casually let it roll off his tongue that he was gay and I was shocked. I didn't see that coming then one co-worker of ours started going around asking all us other guys if we were gay since she felt like these days you cannot tell who is and who is not anymore.
     
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  3. Dante

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    I agree with you ALL DAY!
     
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  4. ControlledXaos

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    My company is very gay friendly but I don't think my local branch actually is. There's videos talking about it and anti harassment policies and sign offs that are required across the board. However I'm not going to blab it out.

    I don't see any point in me talking about it now. I hope to get married but even after that I probably won't talk about my husband and my vacations much at work.

    It'll be something that casually rolls out of my mouth and I'll keep it moving. I'm not going to be hiding it forever but I don't see talking about it without context or relevance.
     
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  5. Infinite_loop

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    I try to not mix church and state aka sexuality and work. It seems though that the culture in the Pacific Northwest is very open and accepting. I don't think it would be a big deal to even bring it at work. I just don't like to be prejudiced for my sexuality. Being black in tech is already hard enough.
     
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  6. ControlledXaos

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    This.
     
  7. Nick5

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    I feel like its better in the long run for me to be open at work. Plus I work near the "gay" part of town, and I always run into random dudes I know when I go out with my coworkers. Will it hinder me moving up??? I don't know. I don't really wait for promotions at work.
     
  8. Rod Turpin

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    I guess it depends on if it makes your job easier or harder. I don't view the workplace as a place where I generally seek a lot of support, so I'm not going to go out of my way to come out. Having said that, for the most part I really don't care enough to try to hide it, since for my job I don't think it makes that much of a difference either way.
     
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  9. acessential

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    I don't think it really matters. It's personal choice. If you're in a relationship, people are more likely to find out. The more important thing is that somebody shouldn't be discriminated against if their sexual orientation becomes known at their workplace.
     
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  10. keith

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    As someone who has been in workplace situations where my sexuality was known and not known (but highly speculated), it was more enriching to my soul to be out. In that environment, I could clearly ascertain who liked me for me and also be a role model to younger men. In my current environment, I must admit it is a hell of lot of fun to say shit in conversation that makes people scratch their head and say shit like "wait...I thought he was gay". Shits and giggles, I tell ya...
     
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  11. BlackguyExecutive

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    My first job out of college was the Military and I couldn't be known, it was during DADT. When I got out of the service I worked in the legal field and only a few people knew. My current job know as a diplomat, political officer, I am known because I have a husband and that is hard to hide in my kind of work. I came out by putting our picture on my desk and most people noticed it the first few days.

    I honestly don't think its necessary and it only becomes necessary when it starts to interfere with your happiness and life. People don't realize that keeping secrets and holding in shame is harmful to ones health. If if safe for you to be open at work I say do it because then you don't have to walk around with baggage.
     
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  12. Dante

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    Very true. And that's when things get real. Every work environment is different and every person in the work environment is different. I wonder if there are any gay or bisexual people working in the same office Kim Davis works in. I wouldn't be able to do it.
     
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  13. I-Stay-Woke

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    I would keep that info personal, I work around too many nosy black females.
     
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  14. OhSheit

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    It really depends on the job, work environment and the people you work with.

    I work in a after school program with H.S. students. No teacher or colleague knows anything about my personal life because I don't share anything other than family/school. We know each others sexuality, marital status. etc. based on what they choose to share. Plus, I don't see the point when I only work 2 days a week and only actually know a small handful lol. As far as the students I work with, of course that's none of their business either but if they need advice, ask a direct question, or it’s relevant to some course-related subject matter then I have no problem sharing.
     
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  15. mysticalsoul

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    I wouldnt expose it due to it not being a distraction. If you want to wear it on your sleeve for attention or to live in your truth, thats cool but its not needed. Its a cruel world out here and you gotta play with the hand your given. Its not hiding, its capitalizing
     
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  16. Discordant

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    My dating life doesn't really come up at work so it's never been an issue. But when I've befriended coworkers I usually let them know at some point, so long as it comes organically in conversation. There've been a couple of awkward moments when I ran into one of my students (I was a registrar) at a local club or bar, but it was less about them knowing my sexuality and more about maintaining the proper boundaries for my job. They respected that and I took them on as mentees.
     
  17. DreG

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    I don't like people from work too much in my business about anything,whether that's dating ,social media,finances,or anything.So I 've never outright told anyone I work with.If they find out,that's cool.I think one of two may have put it together already anyway.
     
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  18. DreG

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    Yeah,working with a lot of women can get messry real fast if you don't distance yourself from them.
     
  19. redsai84

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    no to me thats personal not business and i don't like to mix the both. i also hate co-workers that love to get into your business at work. so some topics like sexuality , religion and who I'm dating i stay clear from.
     
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  20. Dante

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    Who you telling? They engage easily in the workplace. And depending on the individual personalities, gossip is bound to happen. #BeingNoseyMatters
     
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  21. G Ron

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    Everyone at my job knows I'm gay. It took me a looooong time to come out, but eventually I felt comfortable telling some of my coworkers. I came out when it felt right, and didn't let anyone push me. As far as I know, it's been a positive experience. I say that because, for all I know, being out could be holding me back from promotions or opportunities. Even so, it's a relief. I got so tired of lying and changing pronouns. The funny thing is, now that I'm out, my sexuality hardly ever comes up. Sometimes my coworkers joke with me, but it's always respectful; the homophobes know I'm gay and leave me alone. I will say, I work for a fairly progressive company in a fairly progressive city, and I realize I'm luckier than most in that respect.

    I believe it's important to be out, when it's safe to do so. So many people say, 'I don't know anyone who's gay,' but I bet they do, they just don't know it. True, we go to work to work, not play, but why is it that straight people are allowed to let every part of their lives bleed into the work place, but we can't? From wearing wedding rings, to displaying pictures of their spouses, inviting coworkers to their weddings, putting their kids' drawings on their desks, baby showers- they leave clues all over the place trumpeting their opposite-sex pairings and the children (illegitimate or otherwise) those pairings create. Why are our subtle cues (a single, small picture of our spouse or the occasional vacation story- we rarely make a big deal about our outside lives) seen as rubbing our sexuality in everyone's faces?
     
    #21 G Ron, Oct 19, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2015
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  22. Cyrus-Brooks

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    No it's not important for my sexuality to be known at work. I don't try to hide it. It just doesn't come up.
     
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  23. Kouncelor

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    It just really depends on your workplace, the kind of job you have, and how you live your life. It it is a situaton where there are a lot of work related events/activities where families/spouses are included, there may be cause to let the nature of your relationship be known. Either way, I'm more of a casual, matter-of-fact, kind of guy, so if/when that time comes just put it out there and keep it moving. No need for a conversation...lol.
     
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  24. JodyBell87

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    I barely get into details about what I do over the weekends, so I really don't see the need to disclose my sexuality. People gossip a lot and I don't care too much about anyone here to spill my beans. I see other coworkers go into great detail abut their lives and I'm just sitting there listening. Do NOT expect reciprocation because it won't happen. IMO, It's no one's business. I do NOT trust coworkers.
     
  25. Dante

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    Well said!
     
  26. LeMignon

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    Is there a need?

    No. People shouldn't need to disclose their sexuality for a job.

    Is there a want?

    Most definitely. I think I would be happier being out at my job. Currently, I am and I love it! A coworker and I can discuss guys or other stuff typical straight guys probably wouldn't discuss. I'm just an open person and my sexuality has been hidden so long. I'd rather be out and enjoy it, which so many others are not able to do. That obviously comes with its challenges, depending on the job and such. Am I still respected? Am I being discriminated against? Am I being passed over for a promotion simply because of my sexuality? If I retain my respect and job, then being out is my preference. Not to mention I can be looked at by other gay guys who aren't out and help them just by being seen and out.

    I think another important aspect of this question is--Can you hide your sexuality?
    That plays into this question as well.
     
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  27. mogulmister

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    Same here man. I keep ALL business to myself. I mean, it's not like you go out telling people your whole entire bio. Like who goes and tells their SSN to everybody they meet? LoL. NO ONE! That's who! I personal shid just that way-- PERSONAL! lol
     
  28. mogulmister

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    Interesting reply, especially when you think of other people and how you can help them by you being you. People usually tend to overlook that aspect for fear and anxiety of how ppl will receive THEM. Great point!
     
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  29. Shon

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    My own personal view on this is simple...it's nobody's damn business. I say that because I just naturally prefer to keep my distance from people, especially co-workers. I have experienced where people find out and think that you are now their "go to gay"...kind like being black working with a lot of wypipo and over time you notice them change around you and get a little too comfortable. To eliminate all that, I just don't say anything. It's just work. I mind my business and stay out of other people's lives, and I expect the same thing. I also feel the same way about adding co-workers on FB or any other social media platforms...NO! lol
     
    #29 Shon, Nov 7, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2016
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  30. Jdudre

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    I don't think it matters most people if their interested will find out one way or the other. When I was in the army I didn't tell anybody but people found out for different reason. I've always found this question kinda very normative in thinking
     
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  31. NikR

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    No.

    Most of the time. I'll explain.

    I have been private about my sexuality since I started residency in 2014, but I've been open with my classmates. And they are discreet. I never intended to tell any of my faculty members (aka attendings/'bosses'/faculty).

    But then 2.5 yrs ago, one attending asked me point blank- and I answered. And he looked like he stepped in a mound of donkey doodoo lol.

    Then around August of this year, I really started aggressively trying to roll out a program to implement a preexposure prophylaxis protocol and education program at my clinic. It's a big clinic- about 35 residents + 20 faculty + 65 more staff. Almost 20K patients. And I'm one of three people who prescribes Truvada. It's kind of a problem.

    Some patients seem to want to know- and I tell some. And it's very perfunctory when I do. My line is, "I don't prescribe PrEP because I'm gay, I do it because it's important. Now, let's talk about your kidney function." Some people want a champion. Some are relieved that they can talk to their doctor about their relationships, both the emotional and sexual aspects, without any awkwardness. It's a "oh shit, I can be myself" kind of thing. If I think it's therapeutic for a patient, fine I'll crack that door open. But when little old ladies (and old men for that matter) ask about girlfriends, I laugh. And that's it. It's not necessary for them to know.

    If me being strategically open gives people permission to ask hard questions about their health, then fine. Other than that, naahhh. Not important.
     
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  32. NikR

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    As an aside, this interview season has been weird. People ask me about my PrEP project (faculty from other programs, applicants to my program) and assume that I'm gay. And I go with it. At this point, I have few f*cks left to give. For future and current employers, my thought process is- I'm a demographic unicorn and a pretty adequate doctor- and you done KNOW that you want all this chaaaaclate goodness on your team :salute:
     
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  33. mogulmister

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    right! i like your stance on how ppl view you! that last line was hilarious btw! lol
     
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  34. Nicholan

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    I don't think it needs to be known at all. At the same time, I don't think that you need to go above and beyond to hide it either. At my job people may have suspicions, but I never actually have that conversation with anyone because I don't work with anyone who I'm close with like that. I go to work, mind my business, and then go home. My work persona is pretty private and my interactions are very surfaced anyway.
     
  35. DFW Brutha

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