Marriage and Monogamy Overrated?

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by mojoreece, Jul 28, 2018.

  1. mojoreece

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    As I get older Im really starting to wonder do I really want marriage and monogamy? :thinkemoji:
    Do y'all agree with ole bro in the vid?
     
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  2. acessential

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    It isn't if it's something you genuinely want. A lot of people do it simply because it's expected of them. And for that reason, they end up regretting it and forming toxic relationships. Just let folks make their own decisions. As long as they're not hurting others, it's all good.
     
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  3. mojoreece

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    Totally agree.

    It surprised me that everyone got sooo quiet when he said "marriage was overrated". like something was wrong with him. I mean both DJ Envy and Charlamagne have admittedly been unfaithful to their spouses. I would have figured they would be the 1st to agree with dude.

    While reading the comment section on instagram and lipstickalley it seems a lot of people had negative things to say about his views. I just would figure ppl would actually be happy with a dude that at least is being honest about how he feels instead of lying and sell his partners hopes/dreams he knowingly will never deliver.
    :yeshrug:

    What Yall think?
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  4. takeyourmeds91

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    Until someone gets hurt lol - I'm not knocking it but I just feel like open relationships and polygamy leave a lot of room for error. Humans are selfish by nature. There's not a person on this planet with an intact cognition that doesn't get even the least bit jealous.

    I don't believe in fairy tales by an stretch of the imagination but I do aspire to have that one person that I can "get money with" (ie. win at life). It won't be perfect but I'd rather deal with the imperfections than open myself up to some I know is going to end up pissing me off.
     
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  5. mojoreece

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    So you wouldn't be ok with an open relationship? Give out a few "hall passes" while away on business? lol

    Not dissing monogamy but as I get older Im starting to understand why ppl are into polyamorous relationships. Im mean ppl get bored, irritating at times and u just want something different.

    i'm actually surprised u @takeyourmeds91 wouldn't be open to it. We could have verses, tops and bottoms all in "one family":weak::p haah lol
    [​IMG]
     
  6. DFW Brutha

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    [​IMG]
     
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  7. acessential

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    I don't think it's necessarily true that open relationships leave more room for error. As I mentioned before, it's all about doing what you want and not being forced into something that will make you unhappy. Plenty of folks have long term happy open relationships simply because both partners actually want it and are okay with it. Folks have to find their match. My partner and I have chosen to be monogamous. Not because we think it's better or healthier, but because it works better for us.
     
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  8. takeyourmeds91

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    I'm down for the cause when I'm single AF but what's mine is mine dammit!

    Yea, man, I'll see it when I see it - I just haven't seen it pan out longterm - I'm still very skeptical haha
     
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  9. takeyourmeds91

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    @mojoreece I'm lowkey surprised that you'd be into it
     
  10. mojoreece

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    :patrice:Well....... [​IMG]lol im low key playing a lil devil's advocate; but not saying i would do it or be full "poly". I'm starting to see how it could work..... for some at least.

    If i find someone amazing that i truly I loved and trusted and they brought it to the table I would at least discuss it.

    Hey I haven't even started dating yet so I have to take baby steps. Im waaay behind haah lol.:weak:
     
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  11. Essenceworldwide

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    Listening to his viewpoint, I completely agree. Marriage and even monogamy is such a sham. Like the idea of forever is crazy, nothing lasts, and to think that this one thing will is silly. Plus idk anyone who has been married that stayed married, or if they are they're misreable and doing it for something else
     
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  12. BlackguyExecutive

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    I don't think marriage is necessarily good or bad. It is troublesome that roughly half of all marriages in divorce and the reasons for those divorces vary widely. I think it is a misnomer to suggest that marriage is synonymous with monogamy. That is simply not the case. With that being said, there are many benefits of being in a marital unit and fosters greater stability in society and communities. People in martial units have greater wealth and it is has been reported that marriage foster a greater sense of happiness and fulfillment.

    With that being said, marriage is awfully patriarchal and is used as a mechanism to control. I guess what I am saying is that, no I don't think marriage is necessary. I don't think marriage is synonymous with monogamy. I do think marriage is a useful institution that can lead to more stable and prosperous communities that could improve the lives and outcomes of us in the black and brown communities.
     
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  13. Winston Smith

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    I think I mentioned this a while back, but I’m not stuck on traditional notions of monogamy, especially for gay men. My whole thing is honesty and fidelity. If two people want an open marriage, fine, long as both of them agree and concede from the start of the relationship. If two people agree to a monogamous relationship then no one should be creeping. I’m currently in a monogamous, non-married relationship for the first time in my life (which still shocks the hell outta me) and I knew going in what the terms were. It’s about what people agree to. Just don’t say “I do” and then you don’t.
     
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  14. Dean

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    I concur all the way; marriage and monogamy were never meant to be synonymous. most people need to work on what marriage means for/to them and if they can find another person to agree then to each is own
     
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  15. ControlledXaos

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    This is where I am with this.

    We're not suddenly unattracted to people the instant we get into a relationship. However we do control what we do with that attraction We're not compelled to act on it.

    New booty doesn't give a fluck about you. But that boodee that has been custom molded to your wang after so many years does. That's something to consider. On the other hand, sex can be just sex with no commitment or feelings of attachment involved. It really depends on the people in the relationship.
     
  16. DreG

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    Depends on the people in the relationship. Be honest with yourself about what you want,and then be honest with your partner about the same. It's all fine,just don't set up false expectations,and don't try to stick it out when you know the situation isn't working for you.
     
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  17. DreG

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    When I say what works for you,also consider that from the viewpoint of what's going to help you become better .Some people need to be on their own to advance.Others need a partner to help them learn and grow,but have decided to be single because they are afraid of the work and challenge involved with that. Are you single because it's pragmatic,or because you don't know how not to be selfish? Some people are partnered and committed out of fear ,or other illusory ideals.

    So my amendment here is,what situation will help you the most,and are you willing to commit to whatever that may be?
     
  18. thane

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    I completely agree with this quote for the majority of gay marriages.

    But, in the case of a "classic" hetero marriage, I think the the two marriage/monogamy were explicitly intended, even if for a temporary period or that is rarely completely achieved. For a reproductive male, strict monogamy (or a locked harem under polygamy) was for all previous human history the only way he could be reasonably assured that the offspring he was raising was actually his. The women already has that certainty, she knows its her child no matter who she slept with. That's why women don't "understand" why when they confront a one night stand guy with "I'm pregnant" the guy is often less than enthusiastic. Unlike her, he can't be sure it is his kid (genetic testing is a new and confounding phenomena). This is the reason for what is often considered to be a double standard, where women are held to a higher sexual standard.

    I am of the mind that the main purpose of the classic hetero-normative marriage is to provide a safe, resource rich, nesting environment for offspring and enhance their potential success in a complex society. The male stands in public and declares his support as a future father (the only possible biological one in a truly monogamous relationship). The females "support" is biologically pre-defined so it is really necessary to get the males public declaration prior to the females consent to reproduce.

    Modern times, personalities, taxes, legal support, inheritances, political/social causes...etc can make a strong case for gay male couples in a serious long-term relationship to marry, but as far as I can see the greatest concerns in the case of gay marriage, are mostly trust issues, potential disease vectors, political/social statement.. etc....monogamy may or may not be important to one or either of them.

    Note: I have no issue and completely support gay marriage even to the point of the couple drinking the hetero kool-aid. Hell, wear pearls and pumps to clean house and cook for your man 1950's style if it rocks your dingy.....Its not a scenario in my wheel house but whatever floats your boat.
     
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  19. sydney

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    It's complicated
    People are entitle to do whats works for them. But for me, monogamy is the only way to go. I want my partner to know that I am his and only his. Not only is my heart totally his but my body is his and noone else can have it other than him. If other people can have my body or his, then what makes our partnership so damn special?? What makes it special is that fact we can be attracted to other people but we still remain faithful to each other body and soul. Anything worth having, is worth working for and being in a loving monogamy relationship takes work. But when you do it and beat the odds, it makes your relationship that much special. I don't want to be with any man who can easily share my body with other men. I want the man I am with to say baby your body is for me and only me and noone else can have it. It is mines and I want share it with anyone. Now that's the man for me.
     
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  20. jusrawb

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    I started to think about this lately, not the monogamy part though just marriage. I'm all for monogamy but I don't feel obligated to get married anymore. After being together for so long must people already consider us married anyway. We are not in a rush to do it but so far there hasn't been a situation where we would have benefited from if we were married. As far as monogamy goes all I will say there is nothing like experience life joyest and worse moments with the one you love unconditionally.
     
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