Put You Up on Game

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by African King, Oct 5, 2015.

  1. African King

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    Since I've been slowly coming out of my shell out here in South Florida, I've come across numerous masculine black gay couples through one of my gay mentors. All of them pretty much in their late 40s and beyond. I asked so many questions about how they met, what drew them to each other, how was it dating back in the day (80s, 90s, 00s), what they would tell themselves at 25 years old, their coming out stories, etc. They are all knowledgeable about life and relationship. I know for me having all of these resources will help me to not make as many mistakes in dating and relationships.

    Do any of you guys have any gay mentors that provide you with guidance, mentorship, advice, etc regarding "the gay lifestyle" so to speak? If so, what have you learned from them about sex, dating, relationships, friendships with other gays, etc?
     
  2. Sean

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    Experience has been my biggest mentor, especially considering that I am not an "out" and open bisexual man. Nevertheless, unbeknownst to him, I credit the one guy I was ever in a relationship with for teaching me most of what experience has confirmed. I met him very early in the discovery of my attraction toward men and, although in my late twenties, was more naive than what I thought. He taught me a lot of lessons that didn't make sense to me then, but do now. Fortunately, I have always been very discerning and insightful when it comes to dealing with people, in general, and my professional career revolves around building and maintaining relationships, so that has come in handy when it came/comes to dealing with my own personal relationships.
     
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  3. JodyBell87

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    I WISH I had a gay mentor as a young gay black man. But, I have plenty of older gay coworkers who are married (white men) who do give me sound advice. I like to listen to married men because that's my goal.
     
  4. African King

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    At least the white gay men offer you advice. As someone who is not "out" and decided to make a HUGE step to attend a black gay men's meeting at Pride Center Florida, that really changed things. Many gays that I've spoken to tend to explore by dibbling and dabbling by going to the clubs, bars and things of that nature but I wanted to step outside of the box and try something different. No judgment on them but I am so blessed to have mentors. So many older black gay married couples I've come across and it is so cool to hear their words of advice.
     
  5. JodyBell87

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    Good for you! That's is a big step.......and a positive one at that! My entrance into the gay world was cliche. I was made comfortable with who I am by being befriended by members in the ballroom scene. After 3 months of MESSINESS, I really saw it was not for me. I had an older bf at the time who exposed me to successful black gay men which really helped change my perspectives.

     
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  6. African King

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    Thanks! I am glad you did have the exposure to successful black gay men though! But yeah black gay male mentors are out there, of course the ones that are closeted you cannot find but if you find a gay center where they have events/meetings catered towards black/Latino men then you can really benefit from it.
     
  7. Rod Turpin

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    This is one thing that I wish we had more of. There's so much guidance that we're missing in our early years form not having the insight of someone who is an adult in the community. I feel like I could've learned a lot of life lessons without as much difficulty along the way if I had good mentorship.

    Funny enough, I'm pretty sure one of my mentors in my PhD program is gay, although we're so personally detached it's not really relevant at all.
     
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  8. African King

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    I know you told me in the past that you've volunteered at gay centers. That's where I met my mentors. They are awesome!
     
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  9. @yahoo.com

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    When i was younger - my mentors were the older guys i dated.
     
  10. African King

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    So do youthink it benefitted you to date someone that was mentoring you? Were they more of a mentor or more of a boyfriend/partner/cuddy buddy?
     
  11. OhSheit

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    I have no mentors in general lol.
     
  12. Kouncelor

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    In my early twenties, in Boston, I had a group of like minded Black men who are gay. Varying in ages, we supported each other and maintained bonds that have lasted decades. A couple have passed on and many of us have moved on to various professional and personal endeavors around the country, but we still keep in touch. What is so wonderful is that we all practiced the art of "Each one, teach one" and continue, today, in establishing nurturing relationships with other black males.

    I will cherish those years for all of my days.
     
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  13. @yahoo.com

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    It was not an intentional mentorship. We dated. But, I learned so much in the process.
     
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  14. African King

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    Got you!
     
  15. Kouncelor

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    Be careful about how you receive mentoring. Are you trying to lead a Gay life? A black life? Or just Your life? There are many subcultures that many subscribe to, that include do's and dont's, certain common behaviors or manner of dress, or etc .

    This is to say that I have seen men come out the closet and become nellie Queens...mostly because that is the way they felt "a Gay" was supposed to behave. I call these the "cookie cutter" folks. No unique identity aside from the color they wear or if they are carrying Gucci or Prada

    Take the lessons and the stories and your observations and own experiences into your decision making process....and in the end, just be you,not a clone
     
  16. African King

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    Absolutely. I want to live my life but the most important thing I am learning from them is about how to go about establishing relationships with other black gay men. I've met my mentors and their other married friends and I am learning a lot. I will NEVER be a cookie cutter gay
     
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