Rant: Can we be more than just our bodies???

Discussion in 'Group Discussions' started by Lancer, Feb 4, 2018.

  1. Lancer

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    So I love this page and its display of sexy black men. Whenever it comes on my feed I am happy and excited to see another handsome, masculine?, chocolate brother they uploaded. However I am getting REALLY pissed off and tired that its JUST guys with great bodies!!!
    I mean I am not acting brand new. I know good looks, classically handsome guys, great bodies, bubble butts and a big dicks are like Bitcoin for same gender loving men and if you are blessed with one or even all off these, then you have ''made it''. However what about intelligence? creativity? passion for the non-physical?. I would like to know these guys views/thoughts on Israel and Palestine, the Cyber war Russia is waging on the world, Religion, the Prison system, Europe's growing tension, bleaching of the Great barrier Reef, Global warming, travelling and experiencing ones blackness in a completely different light, Lord of The Rings, Star Trek, Star Wars heck any star in the galaxy.
    I met this gymnast on the apps and I was 100% sure I would hookup with him. The poses he sent me really got my mind racing. So I tell him we should meet up for lunch then we hookup after, I mean it was sure thing! We sitting talking and I tell him I am African. He says he doesn't know countries in Africa, which is cool with me. So I say I am not South African though, he has a blank stare on his face, I then say Apartheid? nothing...Nelson Mandela? he replies who's that?
    [​IMG]
    I just could NOT hookup with him. Look I am not the sharpest tool in the shed, we all know that, however there are somethings folks and most of all black folks should know. That excuse of 'oh, its just happening or happened over there so it doesn't concern or affect me' is utter bullshit and just lazy. Maybe its just me, but as I grow older a hot body or a bubble just does not do it for me again. The mind and intellect has to be on fire too.
     
  2. acessential

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    I agree. I usually try to gauge a person's level of intellect during the first few conversations. I'll drop a factoid about a current event or something from history and see how they respond. If things go smoothly, we move forward. If not, it's a done deal.

    A hot body fades a lot faster than a strong mind.
     
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  3. NikR

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    I'm not into the whole gheeeey scene but I've found that although people say that this is what they want, in actuality, they don't. Most people want the image and trappings of wealth, the image and trappings of a perfect life, the image and trappings of having 'made it'. And quite frankly, it's easier to work out, put on makeup and post pics on IG than to sit and read The Guardian or Ottawa Citizen or Brookings so that you're intelligent about the world you explore.

    I hear your rant. I feel your rant. Unfortunately, there isn't a fix; all you can do is be open and vulnerable enough that another likeminded dude takes notice.
     
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  4. mojoreece

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    I get what your saying. Its great to have a nice ig/tumblr body. But its also nice to at least be with someone who has the ability to have a intellectual conversation.

    I think most folk in the "gay scene" are just looking for someone pretty to smash.

    Overall, I guess it would depend on what type of relationship ur looking for; shorter/smash buddy or long term/hubby type.
     
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  5. African King

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    @Lancer if you wanted a hookup then why did you care about his views on culture, politics, current events, etc? LOL I'm just askin'

    I do understand where you're coming from. I've had instances where I've actually been bold enough to approach another man that has an athletic body and things go well that night. It could be anything from having a great conversation all the way to a steamy makeout session. But anyway, my personal philosophy when it comes to social media especially is to be mindful of what I expose myself to. If I feel that following all these different IG pages with chiseled bodies makes me feel a certain way that is negative, then I make sure that I don't follow those profiles. Quite a few people I've met then connected with on social media do follow quite a few of those pages. My thing is that if you are (wanting to be) paid to be a (fitness) model, personal trainer, actor, entertainer or some other related profession and you feel that keeping your body in that shape is part of that then by all means please keep your body at less than 7% body fat! If you desire to keep your body in a chiseled state because it comes from an intrinsic motivation, then by all means do it for yourself and not for external approval.

    Another thing is that there are men out here who complain that the cock-diesel dudes don't give them the time of day just because they are not even close to the shape of those cock-diesel dudes they're attracted to. The fact of the matter is that men are more visual when it comes to attraction. We feel with our eyes as opposed to our minds/hearts like women do. If you like a guy out there and he is not giving your the time of day just because of your physical appearance, then charge it to the game and chunk up the deuces like Chris Brown and move on to the next. A man should appreciate you for what you bring to the table.

    I know that was going off on a tangent a bit BUT I still think it is a relevant point. At the end of the day, have a positive self-image and look within self for personal happiness and fulfillment. If you're not happy with what you see in the mirror then take the necessary steps to change it. If you can't change it, then change your attitude about it.
     
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  6. African King

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    Yeah like @NikR said about having a like-minded dude take notice. I agree. But @Lancer if you came across a man who was able to stimulate you mentally through conversation and his physical appearance was pretty much in line with how YOU look, would that be okay for YOU as far as pursuing a long-term relationship, dating or even a hook-up? Answer that question.
     
  7. Omega Level

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    Dudes say they want a man with intellect, but does that intellect make your dick hard? If it does, than thats good. But my point is yes, you dont want a dude dumb as a bag a rocks but looks gorgeous. Not if you are pursuing anything more than a hookup.

    However @Lancer when you say,

    If its just a hookup off an app why do you really care about his intellect?

    I think many gay men are not honest with themselves because that intellect can often come with a person they are not attracted to and they don't give that dude the time of day.
     
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  8. Sean

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    I'm actually a sapiosexual, keaning that im atrracted to intelligence. Honestly, nothing gets me more aroused than developing chemistry through intelligent conversation about anythung. If I can tell ur "smart," Im gonna wanna holla. A hot body is icing on the cake.
     
  9. machoBLKnerd

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    you took the words right out of my mouth. it's difficult for non-sapiosexuals to understand. but it's hard to get aroused to the point of wanting sex if i'm not intellectually stimulated.

    i also dont enjoy interactions that feel overly efficient to the point of feeling scripted or automated, and ultimately non-human. it's like niggas on apps will make you feel like you're being ordered off the dollar menu lol i use apps often but that piece continues to be a challenge.

     
    #9 machoBLKnerd, Feb 5, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2018
  10. Cyrus-Brooks

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    I think this is bigger than gay culture or black gay men. I'd go as far as to say that black boys and men a deliberately taught not to develop their minds and intellect from an early age. If a black boy shows any interest in anything that isn't sports he's mocked as either being a "sissy" or trying to be white. Even adults in the community will engage in this behaviour. As a culture we've got to do better at developing our minds. There needs to be a better balance between body and mind.
     
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  11. Lancer

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    With MY hookups I like to lead with a little conversation first, face to face. To see where the persons head is at.
     
  12. Lancer

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    I find looks and intellect a HUGE turn on. I am also very much attracted and have hooked up with guys who are not classically handsome but are crazy intelligent. One Mechanical Engineering guy, top of his class at Uni, average looks and build use to get me SO riled up when he discussed the lectures with his group mates, while I hung out at his place. I did not understand Advanced Physics, still don't, but the way he explained it, the way he made his colleagues come to understand it, the passion in his voice drove me crazy. I ALWAYS ended up staying the night after times like these.
     
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  13. African King

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    Nothing wrong with having a conversation but shouldn't that consist of mostly topics surrounding what you're both seeking? Not necessarily apartheid, European history or East Asian religions.
     
  14. African King

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    Wow. So in a relationship like this, would you consider it like friends w/ benefits?
     
  15. Cyrus-Brooks

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    I thought about this post as I left gym yesterday I held the door for this dark skin brutha I see in there all the time. He has a chiseled hardbody, definitely fits the description of a "gym rat." He said thank you as he exited the door. I was taken aback for a moment. Not because of his courtesy but because his voice didn't match his appearance. He had the softest most effeminate voice it was not what I would expect from his look. It occurred to me that as it relates to gay men having a certain body image is social currency. Men regardless of sexual orientation get the idea pounded into our brains from the time we are little boys that a man is supposed to behave a certain way and look a certain way. I think we as gay men take that idea to the extreme because 1: we are attracted to men and manliness. 2: we constantly have our manhood questioned. 3: Because of points 1 & 2 there is pressure to measure up to a masculine ideal that often times becomes distorted or exaggerated. We see that in its most extreme form in leather, bear, fitness/muscle worship, jock/sports, uniform fetish, BDSM subcultures in the gay world. Investing time and effort in our bodies comes with other benefits besides the obvious health benefits. It becomes a defense mechanism and it becomes a way to facilitate our sexual appetite by attracting what we find attractive. It's social capital because it allows one to find fellow travelers that's why people in different gay subcultures tend to hang together.
     
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  16. African King

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    A good point made here.
     
  17. SB3

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    I get it, but like a lot of others have said, do you/ppl REALLY care about his thoughts on these things? Everything is not for everyone. Now, Ima need anyone who's not deaf, blind and mute, and wants to sit at my table to know about apartheid, but do I rly give a fuk about their thoughts on the Great Barrier Reef and Star Trek?!

    Ppls own personal insecurities can cause them to in/validate certain things. Just like every guy doesn't have a 6 pack, every guy doesn't have to feign interest in world affairs. Mike might be a socialite who is known for promoting the hottest vip parties in the city, and David might be really popular on some Marvel vs DC message board, and neither holds any weight in the other's world.

    One thing I see too often is average gay joes feeling the need to try to invalidate the IG types, on whose radars, they aren't even. The same men who aren't exactly Men's Health mag cover ready, can be quick to judge and invalidate a gym buff ig model, but will be the first ones posting him on the 'IG Thirst Traps' thread.
     
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