Sexual roles

Discussion in 'Sex and Adult' started by Michael, Nov 16, 2015.

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Would you be able to be in a relationship with someone that is the same role as you sexually?

  1. Yes

    31 vote(s)
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  2. No

    12 vote(s)
    27.9%
  1. Michael

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    [​IMG] [​IMG]

    So I have a question for well I guess everyone. Would you be able to be in a relationship with someone that is the same role sexually as you? Why or why not? For the vers dudes a.k.a. Divergents would you be able to be with someone that is not vers? I could date someone that is the "same role" but I think that's only because I don't need to deal with penetration in order to enjoy sex. Then again I could be damn near asexual. I don't necessarily see the point in placing sex as a top priority when we can get that at any point in time from anyone.
     
    #1 Michael, Nov 16, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2015
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  2. cypher21

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    Divergents? lol!!

    That's a great question, I think I'm in a unique position where I don't exactly know what my sexual role is because I haven't had any yet so sometimes I wonder how much of a problem that might be down the line. If I'm with a guy and he's expecting me to be a certain role I might not enjoy I don't think I'd care as much as he would because he's already used to one thing. I agree with you that sex isn't the most important thing, but I get why others like to know these things early on though.
     
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  3. Dr. Strange

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    No, I personally could not be in a relationship with someone as the same "role" as myself. Probably the type of energy that I desire, would not be present and therefore I wouldn't be interested, aroused, active, etc.

    As for sex, I personally don't agree with the "at any point in time from anyone" part. For me, sex is all about the experience, and giving of pleasure. I don't really have that selfish "get your nut" mindset with sex. If I wanted a quick nut I would have just masturbated. So if someone is about that "get your nut" mentality, I won't be as engaged.
     
  4. Michael

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    Yeah, I agree that it's important, but I think the level of importance varies from person to person. I also understand why people want to know upfront, but then I think just numbers wise if there are more bottoms then tops for example or vice versa...somebody is getting left out or at least sharing people lol. I can relate with you not having sex and not really knowing what you want. It might take quite a bit trial and error to figure that out once you do go down that road.


    I get what you're saying and I do feel the same way about giving pleasure. Now for me, I prefer an emotional connection if I'm engaging in penetration. That's the only way I'll enjoy it, but everyone is different. I guess for me I think who the person is becomes more important than what they do. So when you say they wouldn't have the energy you desire do you mean aggressiveness?
     
  5. Dr. Strange

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    It doesn't have to be a full on emotional connection. As for the energy, it doesn't have to be aggressiveness. Its hard to explain, but something like a mutual sense of intensity or intrigue, a refreshing air of non-inhibition. I suppose something akin to a "spark".
     
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  6. Michael

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    So what would happen if you experienced the "spark" with someone of the same role? Or would it not even get that far knowing what their role is.
     
  7. Dr. Strange

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    I won't say it can't happen, but in my experience it hasn't. Furthermore, in sex there are things like doing and getting done to me that only the opposite can provide and or enthusiastic about providing.
     
  8. Michael

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    Lol I hear you. Respect. I'm not going to ask what it is that you like because that's personal, but do you find that there is a large pool to choose from that are opposite of you? I ask because I live in Atlanta and at first (maybe even second and third) glance it seems that there is an overwhelmingly large amount of bottoms compared to tops and it makes me wonder how that works. Granted I'm aware that this city is a cesspool of three degrees of separation with a good amount of people. I wonder are bottoms sharing these very few tops?Are they trying to convert to vers or tops? I'm curious. It's just something I think about when guys say they can't find someone.
     
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  9. Dr. Strange

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    Well I think its a given that the ratio from bottoms to tops are skewed. Which enables tops to play the "sit back" game. But I think people are looking at it through an all-encompassing view, which then would each small numbers.

    With just sex I think it still stands, because of peoples "preferences", inhibitions, etc. Simply being opposite roles doesn't equal a good time.

    So, personally I don't find a lot. But I'm not as active right now either. Lol, ask what you want, its my right to answer or not.
     
  10. Michael

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    Lol. No need to ask.
     
  11. Dante

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    Being a vers top (Top, but will bottom on a case-by-case basis), I could be with someone who is a top only. If I truly love that person, that wouldn't be a deal breaker, unless he says, "I don't do oral", because that's a MUST DO (#TeamUseYourMouth). I wouldn't have an issue being with a top and having an occassional threesome with a bottom just to make sure he gets an extra present.
     
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  12. Michael

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    That just reminded me of a line from the movie "Chasing Amy". This guy was saying he doesn't believe in lesbians, but he gets gay men because everyone needs dick lol


    Interesting. Team mouth lol. So could you be with someone that is a bottom only and do the same?
     
  13. Dante

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    Yup, because I top mostly, so it's all good. As for the threesome part (if my partner is a bottom only), maybe if it's his birthday or my birthday or anniversary or something like that, SURE!.
     
  14. Kouncelor

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    Not an issue. I've had relationships with individuals where there was not anal penetration. There is SO much you can do sexually besides that that is incredibly pleasurable. I think those situations push you to be more creative in giving and receiving pleasure.

    I did notice that the longer we were together comfort levels and intimacy increased, the discussion of exploring the penetrative option started to come up... but not doing it was NOT a deal breaker.
     
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  15. grownman

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    I am a top but started as a bottom. I hated being penetrated and didn't want a man overpowering me. And, that's what I felt with that particular role. Also, I noticed that the tops that I was dating were "soft" except for one. I liked that and never went back. I have only been in this situation once and it was nice. He was a top and I didn't know that until after the fact. I hated asking a role upfront because I didn't want to seem cold and rude. Well, we were talking on the phone (this was when phone chat was popular). I liked the convo and we met. I came over to his apartment for drinks and chill. Of course, eventually, as the night grew, that question came up. It was a let down but we really liked each other and dated for awhile. Yes, we are no longer together but that was me looking at other guys. So, I don't know maybe we could have lasted. I also ask upfront now.
     
  16. Cyrus-Brooks

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    I think everyone should try it at least once. You never really know until you do. There's a lot of factors in whether or not you can have a successful relationship with someone who plays the same role. The main thing is both parties have to be willing to step out of their comfort zone.
     
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  17. Michael

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    Thanks and I completely agree. There are so many other interesting things you can do. I could be wrong but it seems with most men you need to have penetration in order for them to even take you seriously. I heard of this whole "Frottage" community which I initially thought was simply people that weren't into penetration, but apparently there are deeper reasons for most of them going down that road.
     
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  18. Dr. Strange

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    Question, where are you guys meeting these guys who are open to these "other interesting things"? In my experience, a lot of dudes, especially black men, are EXTREMELY inhibited and aren't even good at the basics.
     
  19. alton

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    As a vers dude, I would of course prefer another vers dude to be in a relationship with but, I can (and have) been in a {long term} relationship with a total bottom. I don't know that could do the same with a total top, tho.
     
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  20. Michael

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    Oh, I haven't met any. I've been doing research online. Dudes I meet are either trying to get fucked or trying to fuck, to put it bluntly.
     
  21. grownman

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    I didn't go anywhere to meet the guy that I dated. It was just a coincidence. I won't go looking for that because I do enjoy intercourse. But, I realize from that situation that it can happen.
     
  22. Dr. Strange

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    So then what's with all this splitting of hairs? Top's want to fuck and bottoms want to get fucked. And I'm sure most people when it comes to a relationship, will not sacrifice sexual satisfaction for just companionship, lets be real. Whether people have done and if it was successful is probably a minority rather than a majority. If one wants simple companionship then a friendship is all that is needed, but if we trying to be in a intimate relationship, nah bro, we fuckin'.
     
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  23. tigerbreaux

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    At this point in my life, I don't think I can truly be with anyone who's a total anything. I truly believe that with your partner you should be open to and try almost anything (within reason). That's not to say you'll like it, but you won't know until you try with that person. I'm a true testament to not liking something with one person, and loving it with another, but I'm all about connection.

    Now, have I been in situations with a total __, of course, but I was never quite fulfilled. Do I have a preference, absolutely, but I need options lol. (Even though I've said all this, I can renege on all of it for the right one LOL)
     
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  24. grownman

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    I HEAR THAT.gif
     
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  25. Michael

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    Lol hold up. So if you're not up in those guts you are just friends? You can be intimate and not be plowing someone. Basically, there are people out there that don't like to do either and probably feel pressured into doing one or both because of the way most people are wired. It's interesting.
     
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  26. Michael

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    Let me go join the monastery now then. I swear I think if most dudes dicks fell off they'd just off themselves because they wouldn't know what to do. lol
     
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  27. Dr. Strange

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    I've had an experience with someone who only liked frottage, but that not sex, that's foreplay. While it was interesting at first, it got old really quick because he was only interested in his own needs. So, I know it exists, but it isn't for me.
     
    #27 Dr. Strange, Nov 16, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2015
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  28. Michael

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    So foreplay isn't sex? How many more Bill Clintons do we have in here?
     
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  29. Dante

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    I agree, to a certain extent. For some gay/bi men, either because of experience or just direct preference, they are either top or bottom and won't entertain trying to do anything opposite of their sexual position. You have to be direct from the jump, even if it's just a hook up/booty call. And you have to be honest about either accepting that person's Will Dos and Will Not Dos and be willing to be upfront about it being a deal breaker or not.
     
  30. Dante

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    LOL! Foreplay is the previews: Kissing, touching, fondling, etc. The movie hasn't started yet.
     
  31. Dr. Strange

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    Of course foreplay isn't sex. Sex is sex, foreplay is before sex. It's sexual contact to initiate sexual intercourse.
     
  32. Michael

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    Well I consider oral a part of foreplay. So is it cheating to you guys if someone just has foreplay with someone but doesn't Jim Henson their dick inside of them?
     
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  33. Michael

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    Sir the previews are sometimes the best part! I refuse to miss them and will be tight if I do!
     
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  34. Dante

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    Kissing and fondling (touching) is the alarm button, so it wouldn't be cheating (for me under the case/situation). Once you are doing oral, you have had sex and the fire department needs to be called.
     
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  35. Dr. Strange

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    Nobody simply comes to see the previews, they come for the main event.
     
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