Why I’m Open to Dating Bisexual Men

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by Infinite_loop, Jan 23, 2018.

  1. Infinite_loop

    Infinite_loop Is this thing on?
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    Angelica Alzona/GMG

    It’s 2018, in the year of our lord and savior Robyn Rihanna Fenty, and people are still 7-year-olds when it comes to sexual fluidity.

    A while back, while we were dining over fine cuisine at the Waffle House, a friend of mine asked if I had ever considered the fact that my ex-boyfriend was … I stopped her right there, because I knew exactly what she was going to say, and I confirmed her sentiment. She then became incredulous as to how I could be so nonchalant about the fact that my ex-boyfriend probably slept with other men.

    I simply responded that if a woman has had sex with more than 10 men, there’s a good chance at least one of them has had sex with another man. She immediately countered that that couldn’t be true because she knew the sex lives of all the men with whom she’d had sex.

    All of ’em? … C’mon, son, you’ve been screwing-and-doing for about 15 years now; there’s no way you can know all of their sexual histories. … This was the response in my head, which was verbalized with:

    “You didn’t know Ronnie was married, though!”

    Now, this wasn’t to shame my friend, but to say that we really don’t know all the sexual histories of our partners. If a man can hide a wife, he can hide a boyfriend (or husband). If a man can hide something that doesn’t want to be hidden, he will surely hide something that may want to remain behind locked doors.


    Sexuality and masculinity are invariably intertwined in our culture, and we put so much emphasis on how manly a man needs to be. When a man has sex with another man, his masculinity becomes tarnished. Women—to a certain extent—are allowed freedom from this double standard.

    Women are allowed to retain their femininity no matter how many people of the same sex they have sex with. We equate manliness with exclusive heterosexuality, when that simply isn’t true. Men who are “manly” can have sex with men, whether they form genuine relationships or simply engage in acts of pleasure.

    Sexual fluidity is a real thing, and men have sex with other men all the time.

    As black women, we contribute to the tired trope that a man who has sex with other men is somehow sullied and his masculinity ruined, and we will throw the whole man of our dreams away because he had sex with another man and has been honest about it.


    Women will put up with no jobs, multiple ugly kids, multiple baby mamas, multiple other women—shit, wives even; but let him be bisexual, or sexually fluid, and it’s a complete wrap. Shit, there are women right now reading this, with Bryn-Alan-esque family photos as their profile pictures, turning their noses up, while their husbands are in the inbox of some girl who looks just like me ... or some guy’s.

    We often want people to be honest with us but then respond negatively to the truths they dare share. You can’t be mad at people for telling you the truth and then be mad at people for lying to you. You have to choose—no pun intended.

    As women, we attach so much of our self-worth to what men are attracted to. Just because a man likes men doesn’t make him gay. According to Alfred Kinsey, the famous sexologist (cool job title, by the way), sexuality exists on a spectrum and most people fall somewhere in between.


    People, especially black people, have a “one-drop rule” approach to men and sexual fluidity.

    If a man has sex with one man and 100 women, we will still erroneously view him as gay and not bisexual, or sexually fluid, or even just a heterosexual man who experimented with a man and came to the conclusion that he didn’t like men. Women, on the other hand can have a whole bachelor’s, master’s and doctorate phase of having had sex with women and then turn around and reclaim their heterosexuality.

    There are also so many misconceptions about women who date men who have had sex with men. They think these women somehow have low self-esteem or don’t care about themselves. Choosing to date someone who is comfortable enough to reveal their truths to you, and being an adult about it, sounds like textbook self-esteem to me!


    Well, what about diseases? What about them? Women who are in relationships with men who claim to be strictly heterosexual get diseases every day. If we are so worried about catching something, why don’t we get tested more often? Why don’t we insist on condom usage?

    Honestly, the staggering number of sexually transmitted infections contracted by black women can be attributed to vaginal intercourse with men, the same men who say they don’t have sex with other men. Research shows, though, that men who contract HIV from vaginal sex only account for a mere 4.87 percent of new HIV cases. There’s a good chance that a man who claims to be heterosexual and contracts the virus is not getting it from a woman.

    The black community needs to acknowledge the fact that bisexual men aren’t on the down low, they aren’t living in secrets and lies; they are out and embracing their truth, and that is something to be honored, not shamed.


    Inversely, there are men who have sex with other men, all the time, and will tell you that they are straight, and honestly, there is no way you will ever know. Often, there is so much shame attached, that *cough* down-low *cough* men won’t even admit it to themselves that they are having sex with other men, therefore forgoing proper avenues of protecting themselves and their partners.

    We have become so wrapped up in protecting toxic masculinity that we forget to protect ourselves.

    Will I be perusing gay bars, looking for Mr. Right? At the end of the day, I am comfortable with a man being comfortable with himself, and whether he be straight, bi or sexually fluid, those things have nothing to do with me.


    If he likes me, he likes me, and it would be foolish to think that I would be completely aware of every sexual tryst that my partner has had. I would simply hope that they protected themselves because at the end of the day, the only difference between me knowingly dating a man who has had sex with another man and not knowingly doing so is that I would actually know for sure.

    https://www.theroot.com/why-i-m-open-to-dating-bisexual-men-1821761005

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    upload_2018-1-23_23-44-50.gif
     
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  2. African King

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    The weekend before last I went to two house parties... one dude I met was gay and the other one was bisexual. The conversations I had with both men were great and both men were attractive. My only thing with the bisexual men that I've come across is that they seem to usually be solidified in old-fashioned gender roles. They are "the man" in a heterosexual relationship and they seem to carry that mindset in homosexual relationships as well. Again, I am speaking from my own personal experience.

    For example, the bisexual guy I was vibing with would shake his @$$ on the few women at the house party but he was very uncomfortable if I or any of the other men would try to approach him from behind. I was like NAH B I don't roll like that. He pretty much hinted here and there that he assumed a "top" role in relationships with men. I don't do "strict tops" or "oral tops".... #versatileguyshavemorefun #thatmaybeTMIbutIDGAF
     
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  3. African King

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    I don't mind dating bisexual men so far as long as he is open to being versatile in the bedroom then I'm with it!
     
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  4. NikR

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    Women actually aren't open to dating bi-dudes. I'm not sure why she's pretending like she or the vast majority of women are.

    Biphobia exists because homophobia exists, and the only thing worse than a gay black dude is the bi black dude who is actually gay but denies it up until the time when he finally, belatedly, relents and yells, "fine, I'm gay! Happy?!". So to women, bi dudes are liars at baseline. I don't feel that way; I just feel like I meet a lot of confused, scared bi dudes who wanna get dicked down...but then really really really want a life that looks conventionally perfect- with 2.5 kids, a wife and a dog. That's the reason why I'm much less open to considering bi dudes for a romantic relationship--quite frankly, I'm not really here to have kids (I'll tolerate them as the rich uncle lol) but if you're bi and want kids, you'll probably end up with a woman. Which I am not. Boobs are awesome though.

    Morning y'all!

    tumblr_inline_nwlj8kaBmj1qlorls_500 hiiii (1).gif


    TL;DR Dating bi dudes may increase the chance that you'll be the side chick. Boobs are awesome
     
    #4 NikR, Jan 24, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2018
  5. Infinite_loop

    Infinite_loop Is this thing on?
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    This dude also added a TLDR I can’t:johnwall::franko1::franko1: You are on point as always, Doctor. Tell these kids!
     
  6. takeyourmeds91

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    This is a very interesting piece even though it's been discussed ad nauseam.

    I think I would actually be bisexual if our society normalized it. In a similar vein, I've always thought that many gay dudes are actually not even gay foreal - I think because of society's "one-drop" rule, some men subconsciously feel confined to homosexuality.

    But then again, I got niggas texting me up talmbout they were thinking about catching my peen while they were having sex with a chick...maybe @NikR is right lmao
     
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  7. ColumbusGuy

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    LOL..dude...how do you even really know..you are still a virgin, right? Have you been practicing with...erm..."devices" and slit open pillows/couch cushions/fleshjacks and stuff?

    :evilkermit::mjlol::troll:

    I don't know why I want to mess with you on here lately like this...I blame @OckyDub and @Nick Delmacy fawning over you in the last podcast lol.

    :kermit: Plus I am envious that I don't have a twin now lol.
    I think the opposite in that I think many guys are bisexual because society is so homophobic and many would come out as gay rather than bisexual if it were not that way. Look at how many guys start as straight, then they are bi, then gay, and then (unfortunately lol)...super-duper-extra!!!!-gay.

    *this is not denying bisexuality at all as I believe that some guys truly are attracted to both sexes to varying degrees. Bisexuality is real, but it is often just used as a cover when straight out homo is just too much if you know what I mean. No attack here at the bisexuals/pansexuals/etc.

    JMHO
     
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  8. Dante

    Dante https://www.gofundme.com/qv7v5dw
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    I won't cancel a bisexual man out. I would just have to be honest about my personal rules as a gay man, which would include not inviting a woman into the situation (AT ALL) and him understanding that I can't deal with bullshit.

    And FYI: Bisexual men are more likely to identify as straight than gay. The heteronormative is just that homophobic that gay men as well as bisexual men are quickly to force themselves to go in the closet and put on Straight.
     
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  9. Sean

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    I'm only speaking for myself as a bisexual individual.

    I appreciated this article. I dont agree that this has been discussed ad nauseum, especially when you consider the comment section. The comments aren't surprising. But the seemingly lack of progression in thought, to some degree, is.

    I think some of your perspectives on bi men are spot on. I have met plenty, since we often attract each other. But guys like me, who can find themselves comfortably fully committed to a man or a woman, exist. My eyes are always gonna wander at good looking eye candy, but that doesn't mean I can't be faithful to one or the other. Since I'm a top, I'm not even a match for a lot of guys even if I was gay, so being bi in that regard doesnt matter.

    When you consider kids, that may get complicated, but it shouldn't be. Both parties should just be upfront with what they ultimately want.
     
    #9 Sean, Jan 24, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2018
  10. African King

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    What did you think about my comments?
     
  11. Sean

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    I don't see anything wrong with your comments. (I accidentally hit send before i was finished.) I mentioned that even if I were gay, I wouldnt be some guy's type.

    Regarding the encounter you have described, I have met plenty of "dont play with my ass," homophobic and out gay men who wanted to assert their "masculinity" as a "strict top." (These are the tops that act like they dont wanna put a dick in their mouth.) Imo, that has all to do with insecurity, regardless of sexuality. The straight version of this is just plain ole homophobia, rooted in insecurity.
     
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  12. African King

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    Very good point! I just want to have the opportunity to explore all aspects of sex when the time comes. I'm interested in trying all things so far as long as we're safe. Just don't tell me I can't f*ck you or that you won't s*ck my d*ck --- excuse the blunt language lol.
     
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  13. Cyrus-Brooks

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    I think most black women are terrified of the prospect of being with a bisexual man. In a way I can't blame them because of the whole DL hysteria of the 2000s has many of them spooked along with alarmingly high HIV infection rate among black bisexual and gay men. So I can cut the sisters some slack on not wanting anything to do with bisexual dudes. To be honest I wouldn't date a bisexual dude either. The experiences I've had with them were negative. Most bisexual dudes I've come across are only interested in gay men as human sex toys. They want to fuck gay men on the side while still enjoying straight privilege. Go play with someone else I'm busy.
     
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  14. Mrmack8913

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    I agree with you 100%. And I'm sure there are plenty well adjusted bisexual men out there but the ones I've met have been as you described looking at me as just a play thing and quick to mention how they still mess with women as if to put you in your place. Its a complete turn off.
     
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