I'm a lil suspect about this "mentor" you keep mentioning and what he's filling your head with. So your virgin booty hole is somehow more valuable than a person who's only been with a handful of dudes? That's heteronormative at best and slut-shaming at worse.
But regarding your question, TO ME, being a virgin is not really a commodity.
If you're a Top (or even versatile), the Bottoms I've met prefer dudes with experience. But even as a guy who has primarily Topped in my life, the wackest sex I've had has been with the inexperienced. They just kinda laid there, not knowing what to do or where to put their legs.
The BEST sex I've EVER had though, was with a Bottom....a Bottom who (as I would later find out) had LOTS of experience. Had a nikka sweating from the mutual workout...on top of that the Head game was immaculate! Had me like:
I didn't even tell the dude I let penetrate me that he was my first to until AFTER we did it. Sex has never been this rare gemstone to me, it was something other people were doing that I hadn't yet experienced, so I had to change that ASAP. Once I met the dude who fit the requirements and was willing and able, we did it. He wasn't Mr Right, but he was a Damn fine Mr Right Now. We did it and I moved on (I was the one that dumped him). I discovered that I didn't love it so I didn't do it again for another 5 years.
Again, the squad may disagree but just as not every dating situation has to lead to marriage, not every sexual experience has to be this magical thing.
BOTTOMS HAVE NOTCHES IN THEIR BELTS TOO! I've been used for dick by many a dude so tell your "mentor" to fuck off with trying to make you think men who get penetrated are lesser than.
Do what works for you, though. I'm done, lol.
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- Thread: Self Acceptance
The first step is letting go of viewing yourself and homosexuality through the eyes of straight family, friends and society. That is often the biggest hurdle...we don't want to "disappoint" others. My favorite is when young people neglect living their lives to the fullest to not "disappoint" grandparents who DID live their lives to the fullest. Its wasted time and a wasted life.
And also realizing that EVERYONE dislikes something about themselves at some point or another...even heterosexuals...even people with great bodies...even wealthy people...even people who seem to have "perfect" lives. We all face this struggle, sometimes all our lives. Some people are better at handling it than others...some people learn to let go through therapy. But reaching out to talk about it (like you did here) is a good start.
This is interesting and true in many ways. I think you'll be surprised to find many 40-year-old men who are full of shit too. I say that to say, its all subjective. There are tons of men in their late 20s and 30s who are dope, the problem is actually meeting at the right time. Like I'm considered a "good dude" but at sporadic moments in my life I purposely take myself off the market...or when I am down to meet dudes, I don't make a serious effort or I'm not in a position to meet other guys. Jack'd, Apps, Clubs, Parties, etc many "good guys" are not doing these things or if they are, they're not doing them at the same time as the other "good guys" so they can meet each other.
Its a conundrum but I promise that I hear the same from a lot of straight ppl, they have a (somewhat) hard time meeting compatible ppl too.
I've noticed that a lot of gay men are complete and utter bourgeois snobs. I would never knock someone who could be a potential date or mate if he's making an honest living as long as he's doing the best he can. Also there are a lot of blue collar jobs that pay good money like electricians, plumbers, welders, truck drivers, transit workers etc. I'd rather deal with guys like that than these pretentious queens who like to brag about their degree, but can't change a flat tire.
Hey you! Yes you. Over there in the right lane. Why are you trying to speed up as I'm passing you? Ya ass been driving 62mph in a 70 for a whole entire 2 miles and now that I'm passing your slow ass you wanna speed up? Nawl mane. GTFOH! Sit yo muhfuh ass back and stay ya ass in your original lane where you have been for now 2.5 miles.
- Thread: Is Marriage in your cards?
I recently got married (October 17, 2015) after five years of being together. I was the one that proposed on July 4, 2014 almost 7 months before it became legal in my state of residence, Florida. Because both my husband and I were from Florida, we made a choice not to get married until it was legal in our state. We decided to get married for a range of reasons, first, it seemed to be the natural progression of our relationship, secondly, it was increasing importantly in my line of work to get married so that my spouse of have the same protections as me when traveling abroad (my husband enjoys traveling on a diplomatic passport and all the rights that come with it). Thirdly, I never thought that I would get married before I turned 30 years old and despite all of that doubt, I enjoyed a wedding filled with family friends from all over the country and world. We actually have a travel themed wedding. As far as our name, we had it hyphenated because it was important for us to share the same name and if we decide on children in the future, they should share our name. Right now, neither one of us are particularly interested in kids. But we have talked about what our kids would call us, I think my husband would be dad or daddy and I would be pop or pop-o. I think that for me, marriage has brought us closer as a couple both literally and figuratively and it was something that we took seriously.
It should come as no surprise that @African King has bowled through the competition to be named the first Squad Member of the Month for 2016.
Not only has he been an active Squad Leader on the The Boards, creating over 60 new topics and threads for discussion, he's been active offline as well. @African King has helped bring Cypher Avenue members together offline through Google Hangouts and collective meetups in person.
He's come a long way in his personal journey as well. Here's an except from one of the very first (of what would turn out to be very many) emails from him back in early 2013:
@African King, as Squad Member of the Month, you don't actually win anything except some photos of a few Sexy Nigerian Men:
Oh, and also a few celebratory dapping gifs:
I'm a longtime lurker and this is my first post! The podcasts and the site have been invaluable to me since the old Discreet City days. Thank you to @ockydub and @Nick Delmacy for creating this space for us.
Anyway, I accepted my myself as a black gay man much later than expected and only had my first real boyfriend at 42 (6 months ago). He was the sales guy at a men's clothing store who helped my while I was shopping and then slipped me his card with his number. We dated for almost 6 months and a lot of it was great. Finally being in a relationship with a man (I was in an opposite sex marriage for more than a decade) was eye opening. Being with a man felt right and it was what I had been missing all those years. But our age difference (he's 26 and I'm 42) and being in such different places in our lives (career, financially, etc) proved to be a huge challenge.
This first relationship really helped confirm what I want in a relationship: a fellow masculine black man, intellectual, 30+, financially independent with an established career.
- Thread: Older Dudes
- Thread: Kinsey Scale Test
- Thread: Sharing Nudes
- Thread: OPEN RELATIONSHIPS Yes Or No??
Open relationships only work if both partners actually want it. If one partner feels coerced into this kind of setup, it's probably not going to work. Nothing wrong with open relationships in themselves, just make sure it's based on a mutual decision. Personally, I wouldn't do it. I'm too lazy to find someone else to sleep with, casual sex gets boring after a while, and I would get jealous if I knew my dude was out there fucking around.
- Thread: Out at Work
I’m a freelancer so every 3-6 months I’m working with new people or in a new office. I have no desire to have that conversation with every new client and their staff. Especially the Black ones...
What’s really annoying is when there are Black women and/or fem Gay men working with me, it becomes a constant game of them trying to find out if I’m straight or gay by asking poorly veiled questions.
- Thread: Are "Tops" going extinct?
When you and a guy are casual,it's totally understandable to stick to the lane you're most comfortable with.Outside of that ,when you're with another man you have to adjust to the reality that he has a penis too,and wants to be pleasured. . If the connection is anything serious,then I think compromise has to be achieved.
A lot of guys who are posting about a lack of tops are often turned off for some reason when hey find out their desired top(s) bottomed for another guy at some point in their history.Really as long as the person you're wtith (for just tonite or long-term) is compatible with your sexual needs or willing to conform with them,then worrying about their label as some type of defining trait is pointless.
- Thread: Dude is Suspect
Lol Sailor Moon is the biggest red flag XD! (Joking I liked SM growing up too!) That's a great question, honestly like you I'd say mainly my interests or lack of certain interests. Not into sports and if you were to ask me my favorite artists I'd mention MC or Sade vs a rapper or some band although I enjoy all kinds of music. Really the one thing that has always made me stick out like a sore thumb is when guys (or females) talk about girls or ask me what I think of someone!!
Now I do find women attractive, I can tell when one is obviously but I'm just not good at being thirsty for one lol!
Straight Guy: "MAN she got a FAT A$$ don't she brah?!?"
"OOh Yeaaah I-I suuure would hit that...mmhhmm"
- Thread: Checkout FAIL!
So last week I was coming back after a long day and decided to pick up some items at the store, nothing much as I had already done the monthly stock up a week before. I stand at the checkout line waiting my turn, then I notice one of the male attendants that had his back to me. He looked very good from behind, his work pants were the right fit. In my mind I was thinking, should I?
I was unsure cos my summer was fucking dry #kalahari, none of the guys I hit on were interested, even dudes that took my number never hit me up so I was not going to get rejected at a supermarket and walk out into the blistering cold.
( even if its not that cold yet, after a rejection it will sure feel like it lol)
So, I said if he turns around and he is cute, I will holla, no excuses! Unknown to me, the Devil was out that day to steal what was left of my self esteem, because homeboy was fine. His line clears and he signals me to come up;
Me: Hi, just these please.
Me: How is your day going? (nervously, but hiding it)
Him: It's going good.
Me: What's your name?
Him:*leans in so I can read his name Tag*
I don't know if it was cos I was so nervous, but I couldn't read his name. The words did not just make sense to me, and I was wearing my glasses. lmao
Me: I can't read it sorry...
Him: *while bagging my stuff* Ok, I will come closer.
Me: Oh, now I can see it. Nice name.
While he is trying to run my card, I get a piece of paper out my wallet. Tear it in half, then write my name and number on it. Then put the other half back in my wallet. He hands me back my card and as I am leaving, I slip him the paper. He smiles, and I say goodbye.
Phew! That wasn't so bad, I think to myself, nice job. I get home, put my stuff down, then I open my wallet to throw away the other piece of paper. I pull it out and it had my name and number on it.
In all my nervousness, I had given homeboy the blank paper, DAMN!!!
I am SO done, no more hitting on guys in 2018, I am off my game and need to hibernate.
- Thread: Gay Like Me
- Thread: Old Black Ranger Thirst
Darnell Ferguson, 29, has had one heck of a journey to becoming the man he is today. He's gone from being homeless and incarcerated, to owning 3 restaurants. He knows exactly what his purpose is and has persevered through it all to make his dreams come true.
His journey started his junior year of high school when he transferred from his high school to a local vocational school in Columbus, Ohio that offered culinary arts courses: “I was failing out of high school, then I ended up switching high schools to a vocational school. So I went to vocational school for culinary arts and thought that if I don’t like it, at least I’ll be able to eat good… That was also at the time when Emeril [TV celebrity chef] was huge and I liked what he was doing, so that was one thing that really caught my eye… I liked the uniforms, the professionalism, I liked everything that wasn’t like what I was used to.”
Photo Source:Insider Louisville
After graduating, he studied at Sullivan University in Louisville, Kentucky. Ferguson arrived at school eager to start, but learned that he could only get partial aid. As a result, he was only able to enroll in a few evening courses and considered dropping out. However, he decided to push forward and excelled. He did so well that he was one of 22 chefs (only two of which were black) chosen out of thousands to be a part of the 2008 Olympic Team in Beijing, China.
Although things were going well for Ferguson, he still needed money to survive and turned to selling drugs to support himself. Upon graduation, he instead chose to continue selling drugs rather than pursue a career in culinary arts. He wound up being arrested eight times in three months. As a result, he lost all of his possessions and was evicted from his home.
“The last time getting locked up, I remembered being in class and them talking about being a statistic and how once you get in the system you can’t get out… I started thinking that now I’m the guy that I didn’t want to be… That’s when I told myself that I was going to get serious about something I know that I can do, which is cooking…”
Photo Source: Southeast Outlook
Darnell abandoned selling drugs and started taking jobs at local restaurants around Louisville. This experience led him to learn something new about himself – he had a bad temper. Things became so bad at his job that he and his boss had one argument that almost became physical. That's when he knew something had to give.
“I had anger issues… The big issue was that I was controlled by it… You could say one little thing to me and I would snap because I didn’t have control over myself… So therefore we would get into it all the time… I became so tired that I asked someone if there was a church around here that I could go to. I went to Southeast Christian and ever since then everything changed for me. I started going to church, starting reading about God because for me, I didn’t know God was real… So that for me was a shock… I wish I would have known this a long time ago but I wouldn’t have listened then, even if you told me… That’s just the truth about it.”
Darnell lost his job, but he found God. Unemployed for a year, he focused on church and opening his own restaurants. He eventually found two investors, but one canceled before he could secure his investment capital, causing him to lose hope. A few months later he ran into a friend who owned a restaurant that only served lunch and dinner. He offered Ferguson to lease the space for breakfast – a practice called “Pop-Up”. For his skill throughout his cooking career and during the Beijing Olympics, Ferguson was titled a “Super-Chef,” which became the inspiration for the name of the “Pop-Up” - SuperChefs.
He quickly became known for his work and within months, other restaurant owners were were reaching out to him about opening “Pop-Ups” in their restaurants – one being the same boss that fired him.
In 2015, Darnell decided to expand and open his own full-service restaurant. After partnering with a friend from college and securing an investor, his dream became a reality on July 9, 2015. Since then, Ferguson has added two more restaurants and four “Pop-Up” locations.
Image Credit: http://www.breakfastwithnick.c...
Ferguson prides himself in serving “high-end” food for an affordable price. The menu items are also centered around comic book themes to make things casual and fun.
Image Credit: http://www.yelp.com/biz_photos...
Image Credit: http://www.columbusunderground...
Darnell has been through a lot in his young life and is proud of the man he is, but he never forgets where he came from. He always gives honor to God and gives back to his community, giving motivational speeches in his spare time and bringing kids from the West End of Louisville to SuperChefs to tour the restaurant.
“The journey is the success. Most people think the destination is the success. Don’t let today be taken for granted… Enjoy the journey… Everyone is so focused on the destination… You have to enjoy what’s happening because the growth is the best part.”
- Thread: What Does Your Username Mean?
I have been wondering what or why some people chose what they did for their names. Some of them are pretty self explanatory.
ControlledXaos = controlled chaos =
Rollercoasters. Rollercoasters are controlled chaos. They give you different feels, scared, excitement, fun etc and can release endorphins. However it's totally controlled even though it feels like it isn't when you experience them.
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