Best Posts in Forum: Dating and Relationships

Well, I guess all three of us our in the same "lonely ship" out on sea. Lol. I can definitely say for myself that sex is a word that isn't even in my vocabulary. I mentioned in the J/O thread that I am tired from school and working overnight. I barely have time to J/O the way I would like to. So, you no I cant be hitting nothing. It will happen when it needs to.

 

Losing a job is a really depressing and stressful situation for anyone.

Primarily, please don't remind him or throw it in his face that he lost his job, even in an argument. Try to make sure that you divert the topic of employment from the majority of communicating. You can also try to come up with things to do leisurely at the spare of the moment to distract him from thinking about looking for a job; the littlest things count. As for the actual job search process, he needs to make sure he applies for unemployment insurance in the state he resides in. While collecting that temporary income, he should be looking for work at least 2 times a week. In addition to that, he can either look into temporarily volunteering either for events/projects or a specific place once or twice a week. This can help to add to his resume and prevent an employment gap. Not saying he is going to be unemployed for a long time; however, it's unpredictable. In doing either, during a job interview, he can answer the "What are you doing at the moment/now?" question without saying "Nothing right now...". That question can determine from the employer either he is proactive while unemployed or just lazy/inactive.

Hope this helps.

 

If I am in a long-term, not-just-about-sex relationship, the idea of open relationship would not be on the table. But if I'm in a fuck buddy, it's-only-about-sex type relationship, then an open relationship can be on a table.

Being in a fuck buddy, it's-only-about-sex type relationship, it would be a Yes, simply because that person and I really aren't in a relationship technically. We simply are just fucking around with no strings attached, so fucking around with other people (with some rules) wouldn't be an issue for me. For instance, as a verse top, if I'm in a fuck buddy, it's-only-about-sex type relationship with another verse top, I wouldn't have an issue with bringing a bottom into our sex life from time to time or on the regular. Or if I'm with a bisexual guy, I wouldn't have issues with him (in this situation only) bringing in a female to get his rocks off (of course I wouldn't be doing anything with her though/I would watch him and her go at it...lol).

As it pertains to a long-term relationship, the reason why turning the relationship into an open relationship would be a No is because for me, I would be selfish and I don't want to share that special someone with no one else. And in this situation, three can be a crowd and depending on other people brought into the equation, it can either make or break the relationship, especially if feelings changed or someone actually comes into the equation and the relationship goes down that dead end road. I value long-term relationships and the old-school value of it, so I would shut that decision with my boyfriend down immediately.

I think that it maybe clear that your boyfriend feels that there is something "lacking" in the relationship sexually. And he may have just brought up the idea of an open relationship, because of that being a option to deal with spicing up or adding to his sexual needs that he wants satisfied. You both need to communicate a lot more and be honest about any problems going on that's making him feel some type of way about the relationship as it stands. I would hate for him to cheat on you and then throw it in your face that he did and for why he did, because things weren't addressed with honesty and nipped in the bud at this point.

Good luck! #Communicate #BeDirectandHonest #FixTheProblems

 

A lot of these things can be worked around....

For example being unemployed doesn't mean you are undateable. I have been laid off and sometimes it takes a while to get back to the job market in your field. But this seems like something that would have come up before the first date.

Too many times people don't compromise on temporary situations.

 

Hell naw I wouldn't. Like the meme reads, people flaunt their relationships when it's good and then want privacy when it crashes. I just believe that posting your relationship in such a direct and exploitative manner invites criticism figuratively and literally. I've witnessed several couples bickering with people who post negative comments under Instagram entries. Yes, we can all live by the mantra of if you can't say anything nice....but the internet is a whole different beast. This goes for straight and gay couples.

It amazes me the amount of adrenaline people get by receiving adulation around nothing but their relationship. They aren't being commended for discovering a COVID-19 vaccine or starting a non-profit to feed the homeless. They're receiving an ego boost about how sexy they are as a couple and this can be a retardant on a relationship.

Last, there are celebrities that go out of their way not to publicize their relationships/marriages in such an exploitative way. I think back to how Jennifer Lopez used to flaunt all over her relationships until they flamed out. She learned for a while. Hell, most people don't even know Dolly Parton has been married for decades cause you never see her husband. LOL But I guarantee no one is in her business or getting involved in her marriage as a result.

I've always been a private person. I haven't had social media up until now and don't think I will. I would be too protective of a relationship to invite public comments. Besides, when you brag about something and flaunt it too much, somebody else bound to try and come and get it. Ever heard of sliding in DMs?

 

This is beautiful. Life is full of surprises.

 

This lame ass holiday causing so much unnecessary drama and anxiety.

I hold firm in my belief that this is a holiday for females. Just like weddings are "her day".

I rebuke this deplorable holiday in the name of Jebus.

 

Your point could be made for almost anything. You get that new phone and swear you're gonna take care of it then 3 months later you end up throwing it around. You get a new car and you hand-wash it yourself, keep junk out of the cabin, etc and 3 months later you keep skipping over getting a carwash and an oil change. Monogamy isn't the issue. It's been said many times before but we're so used to instant gratification that we don't know how to appreciate the shit we have.

As it relates to a relationship, there has to be something that attracts you to your partner outside of looks and what they do for a living. Realistically, the way our society is set up, those are the first few things you have access. But in the first few dates, we overlook character, hide our personal esoterics, and present a person that's not true to who we are on a regular basis. We're all out to make a great first impression but in that, there's the potential to attract the wrong people for us.

That's why shit fails because after the "honeymoon" period, you look up and you realize, though you have love for that person, you don't like that mothrfckr and yall barely even share similar interests....

Edit: And another thing, stop getting into relationships if you know damn-well you don't want to be in one or don't have the bandwidth for it...be honest and just tell folks you tryna kick it

 

You sound new to the scene?!?!

He's married now. In my opinion, I'd move on. That was the past and that's where it should stay. I think the opportunity to meet someone even more mesmerizing is in your future if you let go of your past that is creating that mental block to focus on others.

You two can catch up if you like but remember, he's married. Don't fall for any shenanigans and hook up with him if you know he's married. So be on the lookout if that comes up. Deny him promptly out of respect for his wife because if you were in her shoes, you wouldn't want someone to do it to you.

I think most of the squad has a pretty strong "stay away from straight men" stance. Your post comes off as you thinking about trying "something". If so, I wouldn't recommend it personally.

Go out to a bar or other events where gay/bi frequent to get Dave of your mind.. Take it as a learning lesson, break free and move on to someone who is also "free". If that makes sense.

Good luck and don't be afraid to find other dudes to connect with. There are so many men (gay and bi) on this planet, we can't possibly waste anymore time hoping for just a past crush to magically fall back into our lives forever. Don't block your blessings.

 

I actually respected his opinion on just because you're gay, doesn't mean you have have to wear a purse. I just wish he didn't say it on Vlod. They love interviewing homophobic niggas. Lord Jamal. With his bitch ass.

 

My thoughts are this. You're unlikely to score with the groups you're attracted to. Jewish people tend to partner up with other Jewish people. Even the ones that aren't particularly religious or orthodox still tend to stick to their group.

Eastern Europeans tend to be very racist especially against black people. I've read multiple articles warning black people not travel to eastern Europe. So you're unlikely to get any play there either. Same goes for Arabs. There's a long history of anti-black racism in Arab culture that goes back many centuries.

They might fuck you if they have a Mandingo fetish but that's probably as far as it will go. Which brings me to the dark skin thing most of the time when you see gay white guys who claim to be into black guys its more fetishism than actual attraction, appreciation, or romance. Dark skin black men plays into their fantasy of being ravaged by a "savage darkie" or Antebellum southern slave master, whipping his plantation n****rs.

I read the article you posted it was definitely an anti-gay attack. Orthodox Jews hate gays. The old testament of the bible does say that gay men should be executed so you do the math.

 

This happens to me because I really don't date a lot...so with fewer dudes in my history, some of them pop up in my head from time to time...Sucks that most of them became past tense due to their actions, not mine, yet I still keep thinking about the positives they offered. Crazy how the memory can be so selective.

However, I wouldn't call them "the ones that got away" since they were wack ultimately. I'd only put that title on quality dudes that I messed up with by being too picky or juggling too many other guys at the same time, not the other way around.

 

If you like the dude, I think you need to be straight up with him. There's nothing wrong with setting up expectations. It's okay telling him straight up that you have things to do during the day, so at most, he can probably get a 30 minute phone call at the end of the day. And if not that, maybe every other day. If he's mature enough, he'll understand and roll with it. But if he doesn't like the setup, then you're probably better off without him.

Now, if you're really not feeling the clinginess and don't want to be with dude, you gotta be honest about that too. Dude has all the butterflies right now and he'll think everything's perfect unless you tell him otherwise.

 

Maybe its masculinity bumping up against the Gay "heteronormative" fairy tale?

Men mentally want to keep their options open thinking they may find something better - coupled with biology allowing us to bust multiple nutts in conjunction with heteronormative society and Gay Culture telling us we need to settle down, get gay married, have gay babies and gay dogs.

Either way...I using this smiley

 

To be honest, I think some will go for white guys who would be below the black guys they reject... Some-not all.

 

He ain't say all that. Punctuation is just missing.

"Fem only, but I'm open if we vibin"

"

So shoot your shot my brutha.

 

I think a lot of gays copy the heteronormative version of a wedding cause that's all they knew. The wonderful thing about having same sex marriage is that there are no rules. We don't have to deal w/ the traditional customs and can make it what ever we want to do.

If I ever got married I would like a low key luxe wedding. Probably an elopement w/ a photographer; still would like it to be a lil fancy and some place far away exoctic. maybe like Spain or Puerto Rico(only caribbean country that allow gay marriage lol)

Even Though non of these of are actually couples excpetkerrynBraylon lol I see me an my future bea posing like this for our wedding.

 

I'm a 1 and have always been a 1 for as long as I've had sexual feelings.

 

Found this funny with some helpful truths, mostly the 'Stop Dating the Same Kind of Person'. I really need to stop that.
Also Amelie, is some of the best films of French cinema.

 

I honestly don't have the energy to go into a full diatribe about this but I was definitely, highly annoyed.

"I personally do not know one successful long-term gay couple who are sexually monogamous, although I am sure they are out there somewhere, toiling away with quiet conservatism at a heteronormative ideal that may work beautifully for them but does not work so well for many others — myself included."

Why does monogamy have to be a heteronormative ideal? Why can't it be that I just want to be with one other person? Some LGBT people need to be sooo different that they'll pull the heteronormative card at the drop of a dime.

"I’m a slut who wants freedoms as well as flowers. I want to have anonymous sex with guys in changing rooms and dark alleys, but I also want to share dishwashing duty with a man I care about and cuddle with him at night. I want certain sex acts and certain experiences to be special and exclusive to us, and I generally want to know who he is fucking — if only because I love watching."

Why do you need to have your fckin cake and eat it too? That's called being selfish and greedy. It's a disparaging concept at best and infantile at worst. I'm not here for you to take what you need from me.

 

Back in my teens I always said I'd only go taller .My short @$$ is 5'7 so everyone is taller than me usually.But now now I think I'd only prefer a a few inches taller like 5'9-10 or maybe a few horter like 5'5.I don't think an extreme of either direction would be a deal breaker.If dude in the pic above showed up I'd at least give him a chance to see if he can make me laugh,have good convo,and stuff like that.

 

In my 20s yes but as a mature, responsible, loyal, honest dude with integrity who knows better, No.

 

This was a cool read given the fact that I'm trying to reenter into the dating world after a long hiatus.
I've been guilty of ignoring the red flags of dates because I'n usually trying to reign in my own overbearing red flags.

If I've gone on say 400 dates, there's been maybe 5 where I've felt that there was that geuine communicative feedback where I didn't feel like I was the only interested in what the other had to to contribute.

This is the biggest red flag I've encountered in my dating world.
The things I'm into and like have always been more a source of amusement to dates or at best a false excitement because it was seen as a means to a naked end.

This flag I've always had to ignore. If I ever needed my hand held, even in a relationship, it was always left swinging in the wind.

 

NO... Be friends and keep it moving. Stop being thirsty just for a date or for a relationship.

I so disagree with most of the commentary here. Friendship IS a real relationship. This seems like something is attempting to be forced when it doesn't need to be. I do agree penetration isn't everything; however when one of the two or both is craving someone "authentic" to penetrate them...if it has to be forced just to please, its not real.

 

I think "romantic attraction/ connection" may be the reason a lot of us aren't in relationships. Sexual attraction is cool and definitely can be fun, but I feel that it rarely leads to anything "meaningful" or long lasting. Not every case, but a lot of cases. For those dudes that need something more than sexual attraction, it can be difficult, because it tends to be a lot harder for us to connect with someone on that romantic level. Its (relatively) easy to give in to someone that you find sexually attractive, but to try and connect with someone on a romantic/mental/"spiritual" level is (imo) a lil different. But even that is subjective to the individual(s) because some dudes fall "romantically" in love every other week. LOL

 

Very good read. I don't ever seek out straight men. I don't have that fantasy. My thing is just be "man enough" so to speak. At the end of the day, no matter what all men in general have masculine and feminine qualities and characteristics to varying degrees.

 

I feel u. My main thing is to just keep showing up. I done kissed a few frogs myself, but I wont let them keep me from thinkin a few good guys who'd be into me are out there.

 

I think that's a great way to start off! I think in 2016 I'll try to find more ways to meet guys outside of apps or online. It's really not the best way to get a good or accurate first impression of someone so I think meeting people in person would definitely motivate me more...only thing is I feel like I need to do a lot work on myself to have enough confidence to do that so I understand what you mean when you said wait until you're ready..

 

The Gay Kappa Divorce | inside jamari fox

The Gay Kappa Wedding Guys Are Headed To Divorce Court

(LOL I couldn't resist, good idea for a thread though)

 

All that for a 3am hookup...the thirst is toooo real

 

I think it would be weird to always split the check. After a couple of dates it should just be A gets dinner. B gets entertainment. Rules like this over complicates things.


Many women wanna be catered to but don't want to do any catering especially since all the good ones are in jail, not educated enough, have too many baby mamas, or on our team.

It's kind of hard far me to take women who want to be feminists only when it's convenient seriously.

 

Great song! This is going to be a good thread I can tell.
One of my favorite breakup songs is Breakdown by Mariah Carey feat. Bone Thugs N Harmony .


I love it for its classic 90's RnB sound and intricate, hard hitting lyrics. My favorite part is the chours

Well I guess I'm trying to be
Nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes
To prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath a guise of a smile
Gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel
And I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that I'm suffering

Whenever I am feeling down or in a similar situation those words get me every time...


lol

 

If you or anyone else figures this answer out, and shares it w the rest of us (esp those of us NOT in atlanta where apparently theres 17 house parties and events every night) I promise I will make your/their wildest dreams come true.

 

So I have been away from dating apps for 3 years and Instagram for 2 years now and I have to admit the rewiring was not easy, still isn't.
I meet guys and after a chat, they ask for my insta, and when I say I deleted it...

I think insta is now used to do a background check like;
Who are his friends?
Is he of high 'ghey' ranking?
Is he good looking?
Bruh! I am standing and speaking right in front of you. Isn't that better?
Has he hooked up with one of my friends? or someone I want to hook up with?
Does he have a handsome friend that I could eventually get with, if I keep him around as a friend? etc
My friends have told me to get back on Insta, that it would build up my dating profile but I just can't do it. I am too fragile mentally, for it.

I must say though my discreet senses have been heightened though, not Gaydar cos its still fucked up and I don't think it would ever work lol. I have meet many guys who do not label themselves, however they hookup with guys. They range from the married with kids to having girlfriends but enjoy the male body. They are not self hating or DL, will never speak bad or consider themselves a part of the lgbtqia ''community'', they just like what they like.


All in all, I have to keep in mind that just because I am off the socials that doesn't mean most dudes are. It also does not grantee me finding a cool dude, its just a whole different game in these parts and trust me its still full of Dementors.