Best Posts in Forum: Dating and Relationships

Stuff by ControlledXaos posted Oct 21, 2015 at 10:36 PM

All of that.

 

Cypher Avenue -

Thank you all for your help with this matter. Your feedback was well thought out and I feel came from a place of sincerity based on experience, trail and error and in some cases emotions. And that too is okay. After careful though and consideration, and based on some of your great feedback, I think the lane this dude belongs in is the friend zone. There is no other way to put it... all of the bonuses he brings to to the table, does not add up to just how I feel and what I want in someone I am going to date. Hopefully he can deal with my decision and be okay with is placement in my life. Thank you all again!

Special shout out to: @ockydub / @DreG / @GaTekno84 / @Nick Delmacy / @grownman / @SB3 / @cypher21 / @Jdudre / @tigerbreaux / @Dante / @Dr. Strange / @acessential

 

Good points raised. That said, I just feel like the whole, 'who knows wtf this man's capabilities and physical limits are, maybe I should ask questions and get answers before bailing/online 101-ing him' is being glossed over. Many dudes in chairs still live independently, get wood, and have come to terms w/ the fact that they can't do everything everyone else can do, and therefore, aren't depending on you to help them make fetch happen.

Also, and obvs, to each his own, and I don't think anyone needs to worry about appearing shallow just because they have a (maybe) shallow-ish outlook on this particular topic. Hell, some ppl won't date ppl w kids, or extra weight, or _____ that has the potential to affect their own lifestyles. Just remember that the next time any of yall wana play dumb abt why everyone doesn't have a chance w everyone (yall remember that thread) and start ringing the shallow alarms...

 

Yea, I didn't watch the whole thing. I feel like this topic is played tf out. How many times are we going film ourselves talking about how hard it is to date. And then to have the gaul to complain about Atl like there aren't hundreds of other cities out there with even less potential.

Obviously not happening anytime soon but -> Honestly, the black community needs a complete paradigm shift as a whole towards supporting our same gender loving brothas and sistas. Only then will the dating pool open up and move away from the extremes of visible gay fems and hidden dl creeps. Although, I will say, the middle ground is slowly opening up...

And Brodney is very unattractive lmao.

 

Careful there, I'm an old skool popcorn sharer up in the back row with lots of butter.

 

Just a thought

One would've had to been in a serious long term relationship before they can say what they will do while in and after the relationship is over. In 10 years with the same dude, there are many things I have done that I previously said I would not do.

 

No Cypher Ave member, big or small, past or present has uploaded more Black Gay Love / Gay Marriage threads and posts than me. I don't know why I must always be attacked for my observations...in addition to attempting to embrace my queerness.

 

Well, okay. I'll be honest. I don't find White Americans attractive. I think quite a few of them are sneaky, and the women are even sneakier, while the non racist gay ones just fetisize Black men.

I live Black men..and not just Black American men. I like dark Blatinos, Blasians of a darker shade as well, Native Indians and much more.

Now I didn't say I found white people ugly or anything (I've seen some good looking ones too) but them MF's are crafty & deserve a close watching..(just like they watch you and your kind in an expensive store.) Not saying their aren't some sneaky blacks either...The white ones just have a documented track record
.

I'm just into chocolate. Seeing a chocolate man makes my mouth water. DeAngelo Jackson, Idris, Omar Epps Taye Diggs of black men..Lawd, give it to me good...I mean..

Yeah, I like my chocolate menz.

I do always wonder why the black athletes are usually attached to white parties.

 

People, gay men rather, have really loose views on what they consider masculine. Some guys are not swishy swishy and think because of that they are not feminine. And now that facial hair is in a lot of guys are looking really masc on ig but the voice and mannerisms reveal a lot.

 

Just do what feels right. It's hard enough finding someone you click with. If he just happens to be white, don't let that stop you.

But, be prepared for all the things that having a white partner entails. They may be cool with you, but have you met their friends and family? Do they do super white things? Do they just not "get" certain things. I personally don't go out of my way to date white men. Never actually dated one. Don't want to be another one of those sad white boy chasers. But, I wouldn't 100% close myself off. More like 98%. lol.

 

It's just a rash.

Make America great again

Mother is home waiting.

 

Well I don't want 26 close friends but I have wanted that typical movie bro set up where its 4-5 guys who are all good friends. A black Broken Hearts Club or Queer As Folk. Obvi you'll be closer to some of them than others but everybody gets along.

 

Yeah we gonna have to just disagree here because Str8 men are notorious for being hoes. That's the reason Mary J Blige even exists in the first place. Some of the biggest hoes I know are str8 men in relationships. Shows like The Sopranos demonstrated that married men with even just a lil bit of money will fuck anything under 25 years old that smiles at them. Str8 men invented the hookup...they invented the sex after just meeting each other in the club...they invented "running a train on chicks"....they invented Freak-Nik...they invented the "I'm in town for a conference" Hotel Bar sexcapades...How soon we forget about Ashley Madison, a site created for married men to find hookups and affairs...

 

I think most black women are terrified of the prospect of being with a bisexual man. In a way I can't blame them because of the whole DL hysteria of the 2000s has many of them spooked along with alarmingly high HIV infection rate among black bisexual and gay men. So I can cut the sisters some slack on not wanting anything to do with bisexual dudes. To be honest I wouldn't date a bisexual dude either. The experiences I've had with them were negative. Most bisexual dudes I've come across are only interested in gay men as human sex toys. They want to fuck gay men on the side while still enjoying straight privilege. Go play with someone else I'm busy.

 

I don't think marriage is necessarily good or bad. It is troublesome that roughly half of all marriages in divorce and the reasons for those divorces vary widely. I think it is a misnomer to suggest that marriage is synonymous with monogamy. That is simply not the case. With that being said, there are many benefits of being in a marital unit and fosters greater stability in society and communities. People in martial units have greater wealth and it is has been reported that marriage foster a greater sense of happiness and fulfillment.

With that being said, marriage is awfully patriarchal and is used as a mechanism to control. I guess what I am saying is that, no I don't think marriage is necessary. I don't think marriage is synonymous with monogamy. I do think marriage is a useful institution that can lead to more stable and prosperous communities that could improve the lives and outcomes of us in the black and brown communities.

 

This is me flirty....I am quite forward and direct but I think it comes off like this....

The gent I am flirting with usually responds like this....


But for real. The best kind of flirty is when you are acting like yourself. Making eye contact, talking confidently, asking probing but nonaggressive questions, keeping it light and fairly clean.

 

This has happened to me over the past 3 years or so. I meet guys who would flat out tell me ''Its Raw, or nothing'' and these guys have ranged from 25-37 years of age. They are either on Prep or recently been tested and are negative. I have asked some of them why, and they told me they want the real feel and also enjoy when their partner expresses himself in them, its a primal connection that men should share. I think many dudes now practice Serosorting, practice of choosing a sexual partner who has the same serostatus as you(HIV+ will have sex with HIV+ and HIV- with HIV-) Usually, serosorting is used as a method of engaging in unprotected sex. It is thought to reduce the risk of contracting or transmitting HIV.
I feel for young people who never experienced the HIV/AIDS crisis and also it not being a death sentence anymore, the fear is gone and they prefer Raw. For the mature men the HIV stigma has been lightened/lifted(?) and they feel they should enjoy sex without barriers. I would lie if I say I was not tempted, such a fine piece to slip from my hands, but I then bring myself to the conclusion that if the dude was really feeling me, he would respect me enough to use a condom, even if he likes it Raw.
I will say and stand by my moto SAFE SEX! SAFE SEX! SAFE SEX!

 

I just think its a business arrangement. Black social media thinks knives and forks are gay and the spoon is suspect.

 

I've been amazed by just how much negativity there is on this app....I see a bunch of angry emoji filled profiles on Jack'd...

Like, I understand that everyone had their preference, but reading these dude's profiles you would think they are being virtually grouped in the pussy just be merely being messaged.

If you have a thirst trappy profile, why are you mad on your profile that ppl are hitting you up? Just ignore them or block them.

When I'm on there, I read these angry profiles, and move on because I don't wanna bother talking to someone so negative, even if we might be compatible.

 

If a guy had met 85% of my requirements depending on wat the other 15% entails I would totally be open to dating. The issue lies in what Nick mentioned. Modern dating is basically getting stuck in a grey area/situationship vortex where you barely get passed the getting to know you stage. So more often than not u barely get to know a dude before he inevitably goes ghost. As such most like myself don't even get to really date to even get to 3 years.

What also feeds into this is the red flags. I'm much like Nick in that I will let a small thing magnify to something larger. But I kinda feel like that's a defense mechanism. I've had a dude eat my food, smoke my weed, have good sex, watch Netflix movies and talk, jus to flip and act like he didnt know who I was after he invited me over. You never really know with men and their fickle ways. So when I do see a flaw, even a small one, I keep it in my back pocket for when dude eventually shows his ass. It's sad but it's a side effect of gay dating.

 

I'm a total _____

 

I definitely don't equate religious beliefs with integrity or quality but I will say that most of the non-Christian black gays I've come across are militantly anti-Christian. There is no "live, and let live" mentality coming from them which is why it's probably so important for many to specify that they need a "God fearing man." Who wants to subject themselves to being with someone who is constantly challenging their religious beliefs every time it comes up? I also think, if you're planning on raising a family, that being of one accord when it comes to religion is important and many black gay men want to have children. Finally, there are cultural aspects to organized religion that can play a role in the way a person acts and behaves. I think that it's a legitimate requirement for some. For me, I'd only really care if we decided to raise children.

 

I think one of the factors that go into gay men, especially black gay men not being able to find anyone is that they are caught up on who does or doesn't do what in the bedroom too early on.

While yeah you might not want to give up the booty but most men will eventually want you to bend over at some point. Most of us want to penetrate. We are male after all. There's no need to be Ridgid about it because if you do develop feelings for someone you should be able to give yourself to them as they do you, be that penis or anus.

Out of the guys I have had relationships with, sexually, each one was a different Dynamic. More or less penetration, more or less play, frequency,etc. It was all different.

I usually don't worry about or have penetration with some one I really want to have a relationship with for months anyway. Just some arbitrary reasoning I have where it's likely that if they are holding out and we can get along with just suck and jo, we should be good.

hook-ups.... I'm little more liberal with because it's 'just' sex. I'm a Scorpio after all. And if the chemistry is right it's all good.

However you can get a good relationship from a hookup.

 

The two guys in the middle where masculine enough for me. I think the host best explained his POV.

Macavity is up there acting like he's not looking for masculine men himself. You can not get mad at someone for having preferences. If it's Masc4Masc, find someone who is Masc4Fem. People will not want to date you for having a less than 8 inch dong, if your waist is 36 inches or more, if you have tats, if you smoke if you don't eat vegan, if you don't drive a BMW, if you don't have a bachelor's degree.... people have the right to have their preferences. And just because a man wants a masculint man, doesn't mean that's a fem trait. However that kind of thinking, IMO, goes to show how people negatively view fem men.

Also, these dudes are also not fat. So I would like to know when was the last time they dated/had sex with a thicker or 'fat' dude? If some Rick Ross?Zac Galifinakis sized dude stepped to any of them they would pay him no mind.

 

Take me to Wawa and suck my dick in the driveway.

 

U might have to put him on! Most guys will get into their dude's hobbies once they're let in on them.

 

LMAO!! This is the best post ever. I'm 6'2 and I'm a sucker for dudes that are taller and bigger than me. Unfortunately that cuts out a huge chunk of the dating pool. The shortest I ever dated was 5'9. That might be the shortest I'll ever go for.

 

Eh...roll the dice.

If there's a mutual attraction, things could either fall into place...


...or fall apart.

 

I was actually in a very similar situation. I was talking to this HIV+ dude for a while. It took a little bit to adjust, but after a while I was cool with it. The problem was, he never was. He was so wrapped up in it that he could never fully accept himself. It's understandable. That's a major event. But I couldn't be there to constantly pick up the pieces every single time. I would never leave someone I truly cared for because they were suffering from a mental health issue, but I felt like he wasn't even trying to better himself. He would just wallow in it and then expect me to fix it. It was exhausting and I couldn't deal with it, so it ended. That's where the problem layed.

In terms of baggage generally, everyone has it. I don't think you're going to find someone who is 100% okay no matter who they are or what they look like. It comes down to whether or not they have a personal commitment to self-growth. It's okay to be there to support your dude and help him out in difficult situations, but it should never get to the point where it feels like you're carrying the entire burden or they rely on you to fix everything. That's a recipe for an unhealthy codependent relationship.

 

See...

 

BTW, I guess i definitely need to get my ass out more at least with all the content online, because I NEVER even heard of these dudes. Juan and Gee. And in doing background after I seen this vid, they have been doing it for over 3 years. HA. I appreciate the candid talk and ability to back up there opinions with the receipts of being certified relationship/life coach. Thats wassup. Glad for them.

That part. I agree absolutely SB3. I often feel there is a sense of disconnect on this site at times with what it feels like it represents. And by that I mean a slight secret DL climate thats the undertone when it comes to Nick and Ock and Cypher Ave. I know the guys are not closeted as they have stated in podcast, but when you see videos like this you can't help but to wonder after all these years of doing this, Nick and Ock have never held a group discussion or panel and it be taped and visually seen as oppose to just hearing voices?

Something about that just seems a bit disingenuous. I understand they may be unwilling to become "gay celebs" but some, even a little visual content of them actually talking and being seen could possibly give their site more credibility and help younger masculine guys in being comfortable with themselves. But I'm sure they heard all of that before. Carry on fellas.

 

I disagree. Not a better question but an secondary one m

I think gay men need to learn how to form platonic bonds with each other, learning how to separate friends from potential romantic partners. There needs to be a brotherly/family type of friendship with one set of men and another set that's only romantic or sexual. I think people get this twisted up too often when we a lot of us don't accept our sexuality until after our teens, some well into their 30s and beyond. It's one thing just being DL or a loan gay ranger with tons of straight friends and active gay dating life, closeted or not, but they are never going to fully understand and relate to what it's like to be a gay man.

 

Well I would be all for it. But we not gonna be spending all night in the Church's after we are done eating. Fast food joints don't really provide good spaces for conversation so we'd have to go to the park or a coffee spot afterwards.