Do Women Date/Marry Openly Bi Men?

Discussion in 'Group Discussions' started by NickAuzenneNOLA, Feb 22, 2016.

?
  1. Maybe

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  2. Yes

    13 vote(s)
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  3. No

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  1. NickAuzenneNOLA

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    At first glance of that question as an out bisexual guy I immediately say yes! I have never had an issue dating women since coming out and have let every woman I have dated exclusively know that I am a bisexual man. 95% of the time it has not posed any issue. I've only recently realized that that kind of connection has a name. Mixed-orientation relationships/marriages. I think the general idea is that women just arent interested in openly bisexual men and that helps feed the DL phenomenon. To my knowledge most DL guys are gay, not bisexual, so that presents more of a complete lie about ones attraction to the woman in their life and the intentions they have for that relationship. I recently saw this documentary called Bideology that chronicles the lives of 30 women, different ages, races, and sexual orientations that seriously date and or marry bi men and it didnt seem so unheard of to me but I noticed how much pushback it received.. As SGL men would you date and or marry a bisexual man? If not is it because of the perception or your own personal experience with self-identified bi guys? Cant find a direct link to the documentary but heres the trailer.
     
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  2. ColumbusGuy

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    I said maybe (if I was still looking). I might have said no at one point, but I guess if a person can be bisexual but commit to a marriage and simply not act on that 'other' part(especially if it is 90% male/10% female attraction or something like that) I would be ok with it. I think I would say 'maybe' to any marriage as well though. I don't think it would be a set up for cheating-you are as likely to get cheated on anyway without this issue really. I would say yes to dating, especially casual dating. Why not?
     
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  3. Nick Delmacy

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    Just being honest, my instinct is to say no...mainly due to my own personal experience. But I'll go on record as saying "maybe" mainly because if I did meet a dude who was mad cool, attractive, intelligent, had his stuff together and was truly feeling me as well, it would be insane to reject him just because he's bisexual. Hell I've been known to chase after (and even date unbeknownst to them) straight men, so dating a Bi man wouldn't be out of the question.

    I think its not fair to totally dismiss the negative experiences people may have had with bisexual men in the past. True this could be seen as baggage or stereotyping, but the benefit of life experiences is that we remember and learn from them...If 10 times out of 10 a man was "burned," is it totally surprising when he finally says that he prefers to no longer touch stoves to see if the next one will be hot as well?

    Bad metaphors aside, let me ask you a question @NickAuzenneNOLA. Have you experienced being rejected by gay men for being Bisexual? Seems hard for me to believe that a 25-year-old feminine bottom would stop dating you cold turkey just because you're also attracted to women.
     
  4. jusrawb

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    I can't really say because I have never met a actual bi guy let alone a out one. Most bi claiming men I have met are really just gay but going through the common self acceptance. I would like to say I would be open to the idea but I would have to know if he could commit to just a man for the rest of our lives.
     
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  5. tigerbreaux

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    My homeboy married a chick who knew he was bisexual. Although many people didn't knew he was bisexual, and I think even fewer people knew they had gotten married lol. He's just a private guy. He was one of the people that convinced me that bisexuality was really a thing.
     
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  6. ControlledXaos

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    I wonder if it matters to women who date bisexual men if those bi men are penetrated or not? Like would they be OK as long as the guy is a top in a male male relationship but if he's verse or bottoms mostly, if that would make any difference to them. From what I have heard and read, most black women wouldn't deal with a dude who gets prostate stimulus from another male. But are okay or handle it better when the dude is a "top".

    It would be important for me as a versatile man to know if the bi guy was really versatile. I wouldn't be able to entrain the thought of dating a bi guy if he's not planning on backing that așș up.
     
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  7. tigerbreaux

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    I've wondered that as well, and I think you're right in some instances. I think the women who aren't truly ok with bisexuality, but either really like the dude or have that "pickings are slim" mentality would be concerned, but a woman who truly understand bisexuality and doesn't care, wouldn't care.

    Now as for you, would you date a gay total top? Because if so, why would it matter if the bi guy was a top?
     
  8. ControlledXaos

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    Date? Sure. We can go out to dinner and junk. But if he thinks he gonna climb on my back with zero reciprocity, he's gonna be disappointed. This goes for any man regardless of sexual orientation. Or position.
     
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  9. alton

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    :ufdup:
     
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  10. Dante

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    The reality is Yes, if they truly don't know. The typical woman, specifically Black woman, sees bisexual as the synonym for gay. And with that mentality, a lot of bisexual men join the DL club or appease the heteronormative as they can easily do and dismiss men altogether. As for me, I can only date and marry a bisexual man, if he is more attracted to men than women (90/10). I can say I've fucked around with bisexual guys, mostly who are on the low and play it straight single or otherwise. However, if there's strings attached, there would be my standards.
     
  11. redsai84

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    I think most women will say no they would not date a bi guy but if they found out they have been dating a bi guy and they cared for him they would keep dating. In my past I usually tell the person I'm dating I'm bi when I feel like our relationship will go somewhere. It's not something I would tell someone in our first few dates.
     
  12. NickAuzenneNOLA

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    Great response to kind of address the common misconception that bisexual men have to have both sexes at the same time to be fulfilled. That is not true. Being bisexual is an either or not a simultaneous thing. We are either equally or more or less attracted to either sex based on the particular person, I dont like to use percentages because I dont feel its helpful, but the common theme is we are attracted to both and thus can be just as happy with a woman as we are with a man and vice versa.
     
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  13. NickAuzenneNOLA

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    I'll have to say yes and no. Most gay men see me as both an oddity and a challenge. They dont get how I can really be bisexual because in their experience men that claim my sexuality are just misusing the identity to cover for truly being gay so they often try to get me to "admit" to being gay and I just am not. Theres nothing wrong with it but its just not my personal identity. When i stand by my sexual identity I'm often then viewed as a challenge. They want to get me to fully switch up and so they work at breaking me alot, its not going to happen, but they try. I've been called a liar, dl nigga, confused, and some have flat out said hit me up when you come out as gay. I'm not going to lie and say I get rejected often but when I am these are some of the reasons.
     
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  14. NickAuzenneNOLA

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    I feel as long as you are honest and transparent most women, men as well, accept what it is and are willing to learn and accept that bisexuality is legitimate and is exactly what its defined as.
     
  15. NickAuzenneNOLA

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    I think that may be because most bottoms, bisexual or otherwise, have a certain feminine quality and tops are typically masculine. Most all heterosexual women want a masculine man so I that has something to do with it as well. In my experience I've never been asked after telling a woman my sexual identity my position. They generally have not really cared to know that bit but I'm sure the generally get from my vibe what they believe I am and are cool with it.

    I can understand that bro, as a Top I wouldn't want to be with anyone that was also a top because of course it sexually wouldn't work.
     
  16. NickAuzenneNOLA

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    I can only respect your thoughts, but my question to you is why would the guy have to have this 90/10 ration? Do you believe that would somehow prevent something? I dont do the percentage thing but I can definitely say my attraction to men isnt 90% of my sexuality but I can just as easily love and commit to a man as I can a woman and have no problem.
     
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  17. NickAuzenneNOLA

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    Thats interesting. In my experience when I tell the woman I'm seeing that I am bisexual they tend to have a few questions but other than that keep it going.
     
  18. Dante

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    I guess I have the "What If..." syndrome having been the side nigga to bisexual men primarily dealing with women as well as gay men who are on the DL. For me, the NSA thing doesn't require me to care about what a bisexual guy is doing with men and women. But for me, I'm complacent with my past experiences with bisexual men dealing more with women than men. I really can't say it any other way. Experience hasn't rubbed off me.
     
  19. Cyrus-Brooks

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    I can't speak with any authority on whether women will date or marry an openly bisexual man. But from the what I've observed many black women are deeply suspicious of bisexual men or men they deem to be "suspect." As for me as a gay man I wouldn't date a bisexual man. I've had enough negative experiences for me to rule that out as a possibility. I just don't think that will work. As for DL men being gay. I don't see how one can be gay and be DL. If you're exclusively homosexual you're going to be clocked no matter how masculine you are it's only a matter of time before people start to suspect you're not straight. I've said this many times before if you're over 30 you might as well come outta the closet. You're not fooling anyone but yourself.
     
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  20. ColumbusGuy

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    I thought DL meant you were homosexual or bisexual but were basically not being honest about it and living a life that outwardly looked straight(even married with kids) but you were secretly hooking up with men on the side? Couldn't a masculine gay guy still be 35, married with 3 kids, doing the whole 'straight lifestyle' thing...but hooking up with men on the occasional weekend, on business trips?
     
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  21. Cyrus-Brooks

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    I suppose so but I would consider the person you described as being more bisexual than gay if they are married with kids.
     
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  22. redsai84

    redsai84 For the night is dark and full of terrors.
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    from what i seen most woman i have dated don't have any questions as far as sex wit guys or that part of my life. they just want to make sure ill be there for them.
     
  23. Nick Delmacy

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    Not to hijack the thread but...you would be surprised by how many times I still get assumed to be straight by ppl who have known me for nearly a decade. And I live in ATL of all places. Same goes for men I've known a long time that I suspect but still have no clue. This "you're not fooling anyone" may apply to you but def not all.
     
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  24. ColumbusGuy

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    Well if they really do not have a sexual attraction to women but can fake it and even really like and care about their wife in a non sexual way while still 'stepping out' every now and then to get what they really want(sex with men), I don't think that is bisexual.

    Being older and having known men who 'came out' back in the day, this has happened-there have been men just like this. They either finally just could not do it anymore-or they got found out and exposed and were forced out.
     
  25. Cyrus-Brooks

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    There are exceptions to every rule. But it is true if you don't behave in stereotypically gay manner (effeminate) people do assume you're straight. However after a while they will become curious which will cause them to suspect something is up if you don't have a wife, girlfriend, and or kids. Just because they don't say anything doesn't mean you haven't been clocked.
     
  26. Cyrus-Brooks

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    If they don't have any attraction to women then how can they get it up? There has to be some attraction to the opposite sex for it to work. That said I am aware that there are men who identify as gay who come out later in life after getting married and or having kids.
     
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  27. Nick Delmacy

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    Agreed but you made a very blanket statement as fact. I disagree with it. Unclockable men are not "exceptions to the rule." They ARE the rule. Innocent until proven guilty...Hetero until proven gay.

    Hell, we have tons of examples of men over 30 here on the site who still either get hounded by single female co-workers who see them everyday or family members who have no idea...

    I agree that once people get a whiff that you are gay, they will assume it from then on...but that's different than merely being over 30 (and even single) means EVERYONE knows you're gay and "you're not fooling anyone but yourself."
     
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  28. ColumbusGuy

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    I agree I honestly do not know how they can keep 'getting it up' and continue like that-but some of them can. And they said there never was an attraction too. I don't really understand how they can do that for years either. But some of them do. And they claim they were never bisexual and I believe them. They were just able to fake it. Once they came out they never had a thought about women and they claim they never did-it was always about men and always had been about men.
     
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  29. Dante

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    As a gay man who never went near a female sexually, I'm sure any of the "non gold star gay" CA members who have had penetrative sex with a female multiple times can attest to the physical act of sex being completely seperate from sexual/physical attraction. It's very easy to conform to being someone you're not. That's why DL gay and bisexual men exist. The dick is attached to the body, but it doesn't have to pay attention to the brain or the hole it's going into.
     
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  30. jusrawb

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    With you being attracted to both equally, is it ok to say there may be a time where your with a guy but have urges to sleep with a girl or vice versa?
     
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  31. Tyroc

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    I didn't find that true in my experiences. I had to be attracted to whoever I got it up for, some more than others but if I weren't physically attracted, then... image.jpeg
     
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  32. Dante

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    @Tyroc Are you looking at attraction through the act of actual having a sex or your sexual/physical attraction to that person's gender? I say that, because as a gay man, I can see a man and a woman have sex (as I have always, especially watching straight porn in my lifetime) and get off. The pure idea of sex, regardless of sexuality, can turn an individual on.
     
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    If I'm understanding you correctly, the physical/sexual attraction on my part to be able to perform, is based on the individual and not so much the gender. My mental attraction is wholeheartedly geared towards the male gender.
     
  34. Champagne Papi

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    ....I've heard several people say that before and I've always had a very hard time understanding how people had a difficult time grasping the idea (or even the existence) of bisexuality.

    I couldn't fathom why it was such an onerous task for someone to believe that one can be truly attracted to both sexes.
     
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  35. Champagne Papi

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    Absolutely; although I am speaking from a lack of experience, I don't see any challenges in dating and or marrying a bi dude. Truthfully speaking, I'd have some thoughts about how he'd like to have children (both biological or not) but I don't believe he'd give me an answer I'd be turned off by.
     
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