Hoe Phase or Nah???

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by Nigerian Prince, Aug 21, 2015.

  1. Nigerian Prince

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    Sup brothas,

    It's Ya Man African King! One of the select few Cypher Avenue OGs! Pretty much everyone who's been active on Cypher Avenue since its incarnation knows that I am the (now 25 year old) virgin on the site lol. I am happy that many of the guys on there have given me so much advice via one-on-one text message, GroupMe, private message on Cypher Avenue, Google Hangouts, Skype, etc.

    I met up with 5 other Cypher Avenue members this week in Atlanta for dinner which was awesome! Anyway during one of our conversations, we discussed about dating and relationships. We brought up a topic that was discussed on Podcast #8, the first roundtable podcast on Cypher Avenue, about whether or not having a hoe phase is necessary. One of the Cypher Avenue members (26 yrs old) mentioned how he has been in a relationship for four years. He has enjoyed his time in the relationship but he did say that he wishes that he did see what was out there. Then another one of the guys at the dinner said that he feels it is important to date and see what is out there. Not necessarily having a lot of sex with random people but it is necessary to not put so much pressure on a dude and having huge expectations. 3 of the other guys there with me said that you will have to kiss many frogs before you find your prince and that I have a lot to learn. Some guys said that we have ideas about what we think we may like as far as looks, personality, sex, etc but we never know until we try it.

    So what do you guys think? Hoe Phase or Nah?
     
  2. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    I say go for it...especially if sex isn't involved...If I had the time I would do it myself.
     
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  3. Nigerian Prince

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    Hmmm Yeah I feel you on that Nick. I don't have as much time to date with graduate school. When I talk to the other dudes I know off of Cypher Avenue, they tell me that dating, relationships, sex and so on is not going anywhere. They tell me to focus on school. But then I say to myself, "I'm already a 25 year old with no dating/relationship experience!" So when would I ever end up dating? Do I wait until I am out of school? But some others say to not make getting into a relationship or dating a goal and that I should just keep going to school, keep working out and taking care of myself to become the best version of myself. Then at some point in my life someone will come along.
     
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  4. DreG

    DreG is a Featured MemberDreG Art Heaux
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    It's importatnt to figure out what you like and which qualities mesh well with you.Sometimes you see your weak points too.Maybe a hoe phase isn't what you need,but you definitely gotta mingle.
     
  5. Nigerian Prince

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    That does make sense. Gotta mingle. I have made so many gay friends through this website that I have met in person. Those experiences have been rewarding and exciting. I have met one Nigerian guy before grad school so I guess I got more of a feel for what I do like. We had great chemistry.
     
  6. ControlledXaos

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    IMO, I think you have one aspect that going for you that helps out: You are talkative. Or at least I think you are. That will go a long way. Meeting and talking to different guys and types of guys from different backgrounds and walks of life...you'll eventually find out what you can and can not deal with in a mate and also what you really like and don't. What types of guys go well with your personality and the ones who don't.

    Getting to know people is what it is all about. That's mainly what dating is, just getting to know someone who you may eventually see naked. You won't be the 'oldest' virgin so don't even worry about that. Just meet guys and get to know them. There will be many bad dates, but don't concentrate on the negative. Just a forewarning.

    I think as far as when you get to the point where you are ready for a relationship, try to get that 'friendly' type of relationship going. Nothing is better than to be able to laugh at the same jokes and not be lovely dovey 100% of the time. Relationships should be fun! Not work. For example, whatever your goof ball moments are, your intended should be able to enjoy you at those times too all while you feel comfortable with them seeing you like that. That's charming IMO.

    Always be yourself and don't worry about trying to become what you THINK someone else will like.
     
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  7. Nigerian Prince

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    I think you bring up some valid points. I am talkative when I feel comfortable like I was when I met you and the other guys back in ATL. Yeah I know it is important to be myself and really just put myself out there. When I get back to Florida, I will definitely start hitting up more clubs and bars to see how the vibe is out in Miami.
     
  8. ControlledXaos

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    You don't have to limit your self to just clubs either.

    The Gays LOVE festivals and stuff like that. Not sure if Miami has regular events at the parks but there's usually always something here at Piedmont every other weekend though with summer winding down, there's less of that until spring. Basically, anywhere/outdoor where you can people watch, especially in major city like Miami should be good to meet people.

    Though I understand about needing to feel comfortable around people before hitting the 'talkative' switch.
     
  9. Nigerian Prince

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    You mean like festivals that are LGBT related or just any type of festival in Miami?
     
  10. ControlledXaos

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    No they don't have to be just gay themed events. Just any place where there's a lot of people, usually there will be some same sex oriented types going. Though, I can understand not wanting to approach guys if you are not at a specific gay event.
     
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  11. Naturally10Me

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    Awww young one...lol Early this year I did 90 Days of serial dating. While I met some great guys. I learned a lot of things about myself in the process. I suggest you give yourself 90days of going in. It doesn't mean always sexual. Some people used Jack'd and other apps/sites to find dudes. I did it organically. Ultimately what you should be doing in this little 90 Day exercise: 1) Is learning the difference between a fuck, a cuddle buddy and and relationship. 2) likes and dislikes 3) and not to be falling can posting pics talking about I got a man ya'll HEEYYYYYYYY. If after 90 Days the dudes last see where it goes from there.
     
  12. Nigerian Prince

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    I got you. I guess this may happen after I graduate with my masters??? lol. I don't know about doing 90 days of dating now haha
     
  13. Nigerian Prince

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    Oh yeah and how did you meet them organically so to speak?
     
  14. Naturally10Me

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    So what I am mean is just live your life. And when you see somebody you like, follow the wise words of @Nick Delmacy "Close mouths don't get fed" Go after them. Some people try so hard instead of just living their life homie. Just be authentically you and have fun meeting people and when you feel a spark, light a fucking match!
     
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  15. Nigerian Prince

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    Yeah that does make sense what Nick Delmacy stated. I know that my gaydar sucks lol but I do hope that I will come across more people as I continue living my life so to speak.
     
  16. KritiKal Analysis

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    Well, I'm in my Hoe Phase now...lol. Seriously though, I think that we are alike in many ways. My gaydar sucks as well, I do have things that I look for in potentials - even friends, and sometimes I feel like I don't have time to do much given my hectic teaching schedule, hella meetings, and my own graduate work. A couple of things that I have learned are these:

    1. Make time for what you WANT to do. We all have obligations that we have to meet, but good planning and effective organization of your schedule can yield some very positive results.

    2. Don't be afraid to meet people - especially if they are not in your immediate area. When I am in my own area/hometown, I am a little more cautious of who I meet because the community is sooo small. Meeting people means holding conversations with people (either online or in person), going to restaurants or meeting in public spaces, etc.

    3. Don't be afraid to not like what you don't like. I'm a blunt, straight forward type dude, but I never intentionally set out to hurt anyone. Sometimes it's hard to reject some people because they are not what I like or are attracted to.

    4. Try new things. You are in your 20's, now is the time to make a few minor mistakes so that when you get older, you have that function already designated on your utility belt and know how it works. Random sex was something I would never have thought about, but once I got into it a bit more - ALWAYS protected though - it didn't seem so scary because I am never reckless with it. I meet a lot of dudes, but I don't have sex with all of them. I'm not saying you should go out and do that...ease into things at your own pace. Sometimes I just feel like I have a lot of catching up to do because I started so late...lol.
     
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  17. Nigerian Prince

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    LOL Yeah in graduate school I am only making time for things I really want to do. Aside from school, I am exploring my "gayness" so to speak. I am going to a black gay men's group meeting Wednesday, a forum about "Finding Mr. Right, Not Mr. Perfect" Thursday then a black gay men's picnic on Saturday. I hope it all goes well.

    As for meeting people, that is not going so well yet but I do hope to come across more people at the picnic I go to on Saturday because many of the black gay men there are around my age. I am trying to put myself out there so let's see what happens. I have had ZERO LUCK on Jack'd and Tinder for finding friends and/or relationships.

    I have a lot of catching up to do as well. I want to be able to even just spend time one on one with another black gay man that is interested in me as much as I am interested in him. But I will do like @Naturally10Me says and just live life. Also, Juan and Gee on YouTube say to not make relationships a goal. Just to live life. I guess I will try my best because I am VERY busy right now. I imagine most of my "living life" will come when school is over and done with.
     
  18. ControlledXaos

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    I wish someone had told me that. Many times, I would end up dealing with people who I did not like OR doing the cop out fadeaway and not answering the phone or returning texts when I should have just said "You cool and all but...we can't be friends/date/fuck/."
     
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