If Your Ex Wants To Stay Friends With You, They’re Probably A Psychopath, Science Says

Its true. They want to make sure they always have access to you and make it harder for you to move in. Uts called hoovering

 

Oorrr...I spent time building a relationship with that person, the least we could do is keep in touch and wish each other well moving forward....

To me, it's even more crazy that you used to plan every day with this person in mind and now you pretend like they don't exist...

 

I must have missed the best friend part but I still wouldn't put someone with whom you invested so much emotional time in the same category as someone who signs your checks, gives you grades, or you saw every once in a while at the family function. All of those situations were out of circumstance, not because you chose to actually be around those people.

(Speaking in general now) I don't think you should want to be best friends but why can't we be just friends? Why is that so weird? Why are we bound to the social convention that just because yo momma and yo cousin too don't want to be friends with their ex, means you have to follow suit?

I just very averse to this type of groupthink when there's no real basis for it except in situations where either you or your ex might still have feelings and can't handle it or it just ended bad.

Will Smith still go on dates with his first baby-moms...and the kids are grown lmao

 

This hits a sore spot for me in particular because it happened to me. I wanted to continue being friends with my most recent ex. Not saying we had to chat everyday or even every other week but this nigga don't even respond to my text messages because his current dude isn't comfortable with it (ie. he's feeding his current dude's insecurities"

 

I think I just grew up and became secure from my first relationship where being friends with exes was normalized. I don't miss this last dude for the relationship feelings and I'm not bitter lol. He's actually just a decent person in a world full of folks you can't trust.

I've moved on from the situation and have accepted it for what it is but that doesn't bar me from still having an opinion on the principle.

 

THAT PART! ALL OF THIS! I will continue to debate with gay men in ATL and they keep telling me that I am insecure or mean for believing that all ties with exes should be CUT. Yeah if I see you while out I will give you a head nod, a wave or say hello but that is ALL.

 

@takeyourmeds91 I'm with you. I don't need to operate in absolutes here. Of the guys that I've been in relationships with (Going broad here so more than a year together.), there's only 1 that I consider persona non grata. He is a pathological narcissist. Of course, I played his game for a long time even after our time was up. I finally said game over a few years ago.

There's one that I'm ambivalent about, but would be cordial to if we crossed paths. There's one (my first real SGL relationship) that I wouldn't mind hanging out with, but I reacted badly to his neediness and accept primary responsibility for things ending and know that even as occasional, platonic hangout buddies, I would have to be prepared to be his everything. There's one whose insecurities, as opposed to neediness, make him too much work so even though he's a lot of fun, in the end, what could be a good time hanging out would merely result in me asking why did I waste my time.

There are two that I have no issue spending time with. I was close friends with one of the guys for many years before we dated. We ended the relationship because jobs were taking us thousands of miles apart and knew that our friendship could easily withstand the separation so we took the safe route. We are both far too practical. As for the other dude, if not for his battle with religion and family pressure, we easily could have gone the distance. Recognizing that his issues are so incredibly deep seated killed any romantic feelings for him. Yet, he's a wonderful human being. There's no reason to deprive ourselves of an otherwise fulfilling, platonic relationship. As I've aged, finding quality people has been more of a challenge so I'm not ready to discard someone who is a long-time, tried and true ride or die simply because romance wasn't in the cards.

 

Meh, I’m calling junk science and bs on this study. There’s a lot of clickbait “studies show that ...” news feeds out there. Business Insider isn’t exactly a Nobel-level, peer reviewed, study-reproducible source for neurological assessments rotflmao.

National Association of Scholars

If you want to break with an ex, you don’t need “backup” for justification. You’ve moved on, you want to have a healthy future outlook, Nuff said. Personally, I’ve had a couple of Jerry Seinfeld/Elaine Benes type post-relationship situations, I don’t think that makes me a serial killer or 45th President. Depends on the maturity of the parties. I do agree if you have a burning NEED to be friends post-breakup, you should self-examine motives but everyone is different.

 

It's all love baby

 

It's actually interesting reading this. I am about to start kicking it with a guy I think I'd like to remain friends with, should it be over, depending of course on the dynamics of the ending. I think no need for absolutes and to each his own.

 

Just a thought

One would've had to been in a serious long term relationship before they can say what they will do while in and after the relationship is over. In 10 years with the same dude, there are many things I have done that I previously said I would not do.

 

If one has not really been in a serious long term committed relationship, how do you conclude that you're not going to be friends with or at least able to have small talk with this person you've probably shared some seriously deep conversations with and totally exposed yourself to?

I'm not saying that it's wrong to want to cut everything off but I'm getting the feeling that this is coming from the perspective of someone dating someone who is friendly with their ex while not having been in this situation themselves. Nawl you probably don't want them talking to them but it's kinda unrealistic to expect them not to in minor capacities.

 

That's all one is saying! I ain't tryna be all in that man inbox out of respect for his current situation but damn

Edit: the rhetoric is starting feel real Games of Throne-sy

 

I don't think anyone in this thread is suggesting this. I don't have the largest circle of friends but I don't know anyone who does this.

If my ex was writing a book during the course of our relationship and we broke up before it was published, I'd like to think he'd tell me he finished it, especially if there's mention of me and our relationship in it or parallels to the story. Am I going to hang out at his house for tea and crumpets? No.

If someone had a disastrous break up I can understand not wanting to ever see their face again. If you just realized Y'all were incompatible or grew apart and it was amicable, being on good terms with appropriate boundaries isn't a problem for me.

 

Instead of going back and fourth, I will just refer back to the head line an the article itself.

"If someone is friends with their exes, it could be a warning sign they're a psychopath — here's why"

"The research, published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, found that how people relate to their ex partners could be a new test for psychopathy."​

Which means it has NOT been scientifically proven.

And the article clearly states this.

"This doesn't mean that if you're friends with an ex or two you are a psychopath. But if your ex does have a habit of collecting ex partners as "friends," you might want to re-examine their motivations, and distance yourself if anything makes you feel uneasy."​

 

How do you know this wasn't meant for @African King ? My comment was not directed at any person but from my own experiences of me being steadfast in what I would and wouldn't do for another man.

The last kat I kicked it with before my current relationship, I haven't spoken to him in over 7 years. He was a great person....but I'm good.

I completely agree with this point

 

If this is the case you are either Sarah Sanders or Kelly Ann. LOL

The post you started the thread with is an opinion commentary piece from someone's site or blog. The actual article from Business Insider which is linked under the piece provides more of a reporting style. The tone is different than the opinion piece you posted in my opinion.

If someone is friends with their exes, it could be a warning sign they're a psychopath — here's why

Regardless of everyone else's POV, we've had this conversation multiple times publicly and privately.

Just as with most of those times, I agree with you on your points when it comes to this culture and the high number of dudes who are friends with their exs for whatever reasons.

My issue is I feel your argument is flawed in this specific instance because you used one research study that's inconclusive and not absolute. They are saying there are possibilities that some of these individuals may possess narcissistic or psychopathic behaviors and or could be narcissistic or psychopathic. They found this out because when the respondents gave reasons as to why they remained friends with their ex, the possible psychopaths provided nefarious reasons for why they stayed friends. The possible non-psychopaths who were friends with ex's did not provide nefarious reasons.

You took the information from the opinion piece and made it 100% scientific absolute fact ("vindication - thank you science" as you put it) when even the researchers who conducted the study didn't even reach that conclusion.

Based on the research, psychopaths do psychopath shit, like staying friends with their ex's for nefarious reasons; however according to the research, this doesn't mean all that all people who remain friends with ex's are psychopaths.

They state, "It's not an exact science either way,"

 

I can not be friends with an ex because manipulation is bound to happen with that now "friend" knowing how to get in your head and has seen your O face. The line becomes so easy to cross in a given situation.

 

Lol, Nick’s reaction to disagreements in this thread reminds of this old Barney Miller segment. People are gonna believe and do what they feel regardless of someone’s claim to empiricism (the actors reaction in ignoring their colleague is priceless)