If Your Ex Wants To Stay Friends With You, They’re Probably A Psychopath, Science Says

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by Nick Delmacy, Oct 2, 2018.

  1. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
    Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2013
    Messages:
    3,565
    Daps Received:
    12,142
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Orientation:
    Gay
    Dating:
    Not looking
    5A7531B1-3839-43A9-B213-404A50806251.jpeg

    We’ve all heard an ex ask to “be friends” after a particularly brutal breakup, and we’ve all been in that situation where we’ve wondered what it really means. Well, apparently psychologists have been wondering the same thing, and they found a pretty shocking answer.

    If you’ve wondered why someone would like to stay friends with their ex, know that psychologists have been wondering about the same thing. And what they have found out is pretty shocking.

    In a recent study conducted by the scientists at Oakland University, a direct correlation has been discovered between bad personality traits like psychopathy and narcissism, and a person’s interest in maintaining expired relationships.

    BE9DD2A4-D2F6-4797-A964-EBA80A80EB08.jpeg

    In other words, the people who are most likely to stay friends with an ex are narcissists and psychopaths.
    So, if your ex wants to stay friends with you, please, know that you’re dealing with both a narcissist and a psychopath. Honestly, I wouldn’t like to know how someone who possesses these two traits would behave.

    And the study showed that the reason for this is not that these people still love or care about you, but because they want to take advantage of you, or manipulate you.

    Such people would like to stay friends with you because it’ll enable them to gain access to important things, such as money, information, or $.e.x.

    It’s not a secret that narcissists hate to lose. And breakups are just one more thing added to the list of things they’ve failed at. They want to keep you in their social circle because it’ll help them keep their social standing.

    Moreover, narcissists and psychopaths share one characteristic – they can’t stand the idea of their ex being in a relationship with another person. They want to be in constant control of your life. That’s why they’ll be charming and kind towards you so as to persuade you to stay friends with them. And in this way, it’ll be easier for them to manipulate you.

    0BD5011B-2C05-441D-A9AC-54A42C0CED5E.jpeg

    It’s not a bad idea to proceed with caution when it comes to an ex.
    The findings offer some fascinating insight on human relationships, specifically when it comes to emotional turmoil. Experts say that maintaining a relationship after a falling out is difficult, especially because — surprise! — ulterior motives may be at play.

    “[Exes] are less emotionally supportive, less helpful, less trusting, and less concerned about the other person’s happiness,” Juliana Breines, a social experience researcher and postdoctoral fellow at Brandeis University, wrote in a Psychology Today blog. “This is especially true, not surprisingly, for former partners who were dissatisfied with the romantic relationship, and in cases when the break-up was not mutual.”

    That isn’t to say that all exes are terrible people only using you for their pleasure. It is very possible to have a cordial relationship with a former partner. The basic takeaway here is, if it doesn’t feel like a real friendship to you, or things ended badly, there could be a less-than-kosher reason your ex tries to maintain the connection.

    Who wants to be a vehicle for someone’s personal gain, anyway? No thanks.

    So, if you want to avoid the toxic trap of your ex and protect yourself from their harmful influence, make sure you don’t stay friends with them after the break – up. Instead, try to distance yourself from them as much as possible.

    If someone is friends with their exes, it could be a warning sign they're a psychopath — here's why
     
    Lancer and I-Stay-Woke dapped this.
  2. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
    Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2013
    Messages:
    3,565
    Daps Received:
    12,142
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Orientation:
    Gay
    Dating:
    Not looking
    FINALLY, I FEEL VINDICATION!!! THANKS, SCIENCE!!!

    [​IMG]
     
    Dean, mojoreece, Lancer and 3 others dapped this.
  3. hannibal

    Most Comedic Player Squad Leader The 100 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2015
    Messages:
    403
    Daps Received:
    620
    Its true. They want to make sure they always have access to you and make it harder for you to move in. Uts called hoovering
     
  4. takeyourmeds91

    The 1000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2016
    Messages:
    739
    Daps Received:
    2,994
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    FL
    Oorrr...I spent time building a relationship with that person, the least we could do is keep in touch and wish each other well moving forward....

    To me, it's even more crazy that you used to plan every day with this person in mind and now you pretend like they don't exist...
     
    Infinite_loop, mojoreece, Lancer and 2 others dapped this.
  5. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
    Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2013
    Messages:
    3,565
    Daps Received:
    12,142
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Orientation:
    Gay
    Dating:
    Not looking
    To each his own. Being cordial is one thing, this article (and my views) are based on the “Best Friends with Exes” situation that many people (especially gays) seem to get caught up in...They want the companionship without the relationship.

    It’s not about pretending they don’t exist, its about placing the good and bad memories in a mental archive and moving on with your life.

    I used to go to certain schools and jobs every day, yet I don’t keep texting my old bosses/teachers asking how they are doing and planning trips together... Even family/friends that I grew up with eventually fade to the background of my life, yet if we see each other we can be cordial.

     
  6. takeyourmeds91

    The 1000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2016
    Messages:
    739
    Daps Received:
    2,994
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    FL
    I must have missed the best friend part but I still wouldn't put someone with whom you invested so much emotional time in the same category as someone who signs your checks, gives you grades, or you saw every once in a while at the family function. All of those situations were out of circumstance, not because you chose to actually be around those people.

    (Speaking in general now) I don't think you should want to be best friends but why can't we be just friends? Why is that so weird? Why are we bound to the social convention that just because yo momma and yo cousin too don't want to be friends with their ex, means you have to follow suit?

    I just very averse to this type of groupthink when there's no real basis for it except in situations where either you or your ex might still have feelings and can't handle it or it just ended bad.

    Will Smith still go on dates with his first baby-moms...and the kids are grown lmao
     
    Lancer and OckyDub dapped this.
  7. takeyourmeds91

    The 1000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2016
    Messages:
    739
    Daps Received:
    2,994
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    FL
    This hits a sore spot for me in particular because it happened to me. I wanted to continue being friends with my most recent ex. Not saying we had to chat everyday or even every other week but this nigga don't even respond to my text messages because his current dude isn't comfortable with it (ie. he's feeding his current dude's insecurities"
     
    Lancer dapped this.
  8. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
    Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2013
    Messages:
    3,565
    Daps Received:
    12,142
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Orientation:
    Gay
    Dating:
    Not looking
    This comment just explained your other comments in this thread. You still want this dude in your life (because he gave you warm boyfriend feelings in the past) and you feel bitter because his new dude ain’t having it. Move on, Breh!

    There’s an old poem that says, “people come into your life for a reason, season or a lifetime.” That relationship was a good (or bad) season in your life. Now its time to have new seasons with new people. But like I said, to each his own.

    Will Smith was/is tied to his first baby mother because they have a child together. No matter how grown a person’s child is, the parents will still (most likely) have to interact with each other due to events, family gatherings and/or so the child can live with his parents (hopefully) still having a good relationship. I GUARANTEE he’s not still going on dates with all of his Exes, even the ones he loved very much.

    My work/school analogy def wasn’t the best, but I think you get the point. I made very close friendships in high school and college that I no longer have today. Guess what I did: Made new friends and cherish the memories with the old ones. But I’m a people person, so maybe that’s why I don’t need to hold on to Exes for dear life.
     
    I-Stay-Woke, Juan-Carlos and OckyDub dapped this.
  9. takeyourmeds91

    The 1000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2016
    Messages:
    739
    Daps Received:
    2,994
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    FL
    I think I just grew up and became secure from my first relationship where being friends with exes was normalized. I don't miss this last dude for the relationship feelings and I'm not bitter lol. He's actually just a decent person in a world full of folks you can't trust.

    I've moved on from the situation and have accepted it for what it is but that doesn't bar me from still having an opinion on the principle.
     
    mojoreece, Lancer, Juan-Carlos and 2 others dapped this.
  10. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
    Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2013
    Messages:
    3,565
    Daps Received:
    12,142
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Orientation:
    Gay
    Dating:
    Not looking
    No doubt. Well when people call me “Insecure” for not being friends with Exes, I now have something to call them (based entirely on science): A Psychopath.

    [​IMG]
     
    I-Stay-Woke and takeyourmeds91 dapped this.
  11. African King

    Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club Supporter

    Age:
    30
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2015
    Messages:
    1,552
    Daps Received:
    3,475
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta, Georgia
    Orientation:
    Homosexual
    Dating:
    Single
    THAT PART! ALL OF THIS! I will continue to debate with gay men in ATL and they keep telling me that I am insecure or mean for believing that all ties with exes should be CUT. Yeah if I see you while out I will give you a head nod, a wave or say hello but that is ALL.
     
    I-Stay-Woke and Nick Delmacy dapped this.
  12. Sean P

    Squad Leader The 100 Daps Club Supporter

    Age:
    55
    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2016
    Messages:
    226
    Daps Received:
    848
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Seattle/Atlanta
    Dating:
    Single
    @takeyourmeds91 I'm with you. I don't need to operate in absolutes here. Of the guys that I've been in relationships with (Going broad here so more than a year together.), there's only 1 that I consider persona non grata. He is a pathological narcissist. Of course, I played his game for a long time even after our time was up. I finally said game over a few years ago.

    There's one that I'm ambivalent about, but would be cordial to if we crossed paths. There's one (my first real SGL relationship) that I wouldn't mind hanging out with, but I reacted badly to his neediness and accept primary responsibility for things ending and know that even as occasional, platonic hangout buddies, I would have to be prepared to be his everything. There's one whose insecurities, as opposed to neediness, make him too much work so even though he's a lot of fun, in the end, what could be a good time hanging out would merely result in me asking why did I waste my time.

    There are two that I have no issue spending time with. I was close friends with one of the guys for many years before we dated. We ended the relationship because jobs were taking us thousands of miles apart and knew that our friendship could easily withstand the separation so we took the safe route. We are both far too practical. As for the other dude, if not for his battle with religion and family pressure, we easily could have gone the distance. Recognizing that his issues are so incredibly deep seated killed any romantic feelings for him. Yet, he's a wonderful human being. There's no reason to deprive ourselves of an otherwise fulfilling, platonic relationship. As I've aged, finding quality people has been more of a challenge so I'm not ready to discard someone who is a long-time, tried and true ride or die simply because romance wasn't in the cards.
     
  13. Winston Smith

    Best Site Comments The 1000 Daps Club Supporter

    Joined:
    May 6, 2016
    Messages:
    1,920
    Daps Received:
    5,040
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Nowhere in Particular
    Orientation:
    Gay
    Dating:
    Not looking
    Meh, I’m calling junk science and bs on this study. There’s a lot of clickbait “studies show that ...” news feeds out there. Business Insider isn’t exactly a Nobel-level, peer reviewed, study-reproducible source for neurological assessments rotflmao.

    National Association of Scholars

    If you want to break with an ex, you don’t need “backup” for justification. You’ve moved on, you want to have a healthy future outlook, Nuff said. Personally, I’ve had a couple of Jerry Seinfeld/Elaine Benes type post-relationship situations, I don’t think that makes me a serial killer or 45th President. Depends on the maturity of the parties. I do agree if you have a burning NEED to be friends post-breakup, you should self-examine motives but everyone is different.
     
    Juan-Carlos dapped this.
  14. takeyourmeds91

    The 1000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2016
    Messages:
    739
    Daps Received:
    2,994
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    FL
    It's all love baby
     
    mojoreece dapped this.
  15. HauteChocolat

    HauteChocolat Squad Member

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2015
    Messages:
    81
    Daps Received:
    92
    It's actually interesting reading this. I am about to start kicking it with a guy I think I'd like to remain friends with, should it be over, depending of course on the dynamics of the ending. I think no need for absolutes and to each his own.
     
    Winston Smith dapped this.
  16. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
    Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    6,199
    Daps Received:
    14,260
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The planet of Memory Corpses
    Orientation:
    Homosexual
    Dating:
    Married
    Just a thought

    One would've had to been in a serious long term relationship before they can say what they will do while in and after the relationship is over. In 10 years with the same dude, there are many things I have done that I previously said I would not do.
     
    Infinite_loop, mojoreece, Lancer and 3 others dapped this.
  17. ControlledXaos

    Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club

    Age:
    44
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2015
    Messages:
    2,506
    Daps Received:
    7,068
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanna
    If one has not really been in a serious long term committed relationship, how do you conclude that you're not going to be friends with or at least able to have small talk with this person you've probably shared some seriously deep conversations with and totally exposed yourself to?

    I'm not saying that it's wrong to want to cut everything off but I'm getting the feeling that this is coming from the perspective of someone dating someone who is friendly with their ex while not having been in this situation themselves. Nawl you probably don't want them talking to them but it's kinda unrealistic to expect them not to in minor capacities.
     
  18. takeyourmeds91

    The 1000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2016
    Messages:
    739
    Daps Received:
    2,994
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    FL
    That's all one is saying! I ain't tryna be all in that man inbox out of respect for his current situation but damn

    Edit: the rhetoric is starting feel real Games of Throne-sy
     
  19. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
    Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2013
    Messages:
    3,565
    Daps Received:
    12,142
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Orientation:
    Gay
    Dating:
    Not looking
    I’ll say again,

    1) The article sums it all up, Science.

    2) To each his own. Do whatever works for you. The majority of human beings in the world move on from their Exes so I’m in good company. Neither my mother or father remained friends with their Exes after they got married.

    3) Since shots were fired in my direction, I’ll say this: I’ve dated a lot but, granted, I haven’t been in a 10 year relationship...however I have dated guys long term and I been very close friends with various different people all my life. Certain friends/family/men who spent every day with you at one time can become distant strangers. And your life still went on. It’s life.

    I think many people are mistaking “friends” from being “friendly.” No one, not even the article, is arguing against being friendly with each other after a break-up. But the “we broke up but still hang out together like when we were a couple” thing is something mostly only seen in fictional television/movies and the Gay Community. And both of those two groups feed on Drama and Messiness for entertainment.
     
  20. ControlledXaos

    Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club

    Age:
    44
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2015
    Messages:
    2,506
    Daps Received:
    7,068
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanna
    I don't think anyone in this thread is suggesting this. I don't have the largest circle of friends but I don't know anyone who does this.

    If my ex was writing a book during the course of our relationship and we broke up before it was published, I'd like to think he'd tell me he finished it, especially if there's mention of me and our relationship in it or parallels to the story. Am I going to hang out at his house for tea and crumpets? No.

    If someone had a disastrous break up I can understand not wanting to ever see their face again. If you just realized Y'all were incompatible or grew apart and it was amicable, being on good terms with appropriate boundaries isn't a problem for me.
     
  21. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
    Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    6,199
    Daps Received:
    14,260
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The planet of Memory Corpses
    Orientation:
    Homosexual
    Dating:
    Married
    Instead of going back and fourth, I will just refer back to the head line an the article itself.

    "If someone is friends with their exes, it could be a warning sign they're a psychopath — here's why"

    "The research, published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, found that how people relate to their ex partners could be a new test for psychopathy."

    Which means it has NOT been scientifically proven.

    And the article clearly states this.

    "This doesn't mean that if you're friends with an ex or two you are a psychopath. But if your ex does have a habit of collecting ex partners as "friends," you might want to re-examine their motivations, and distance yourself if anything makes you feel uneasy."
     
    ControlledXaos dapped this.
  22. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
    Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    6,199
    Daps Received:
    14,260
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The planet of Memory Corpses
    Orientation:
    Homosexual
    Dating:
    Married
    How do you know this wasn't meant for @African King ? My comment was not directed at any person but from my own experiences of me being steadfast in what I would and wouldn't do for another man.

    The last kat I kicked it with before my current relationship, I haven't spoken to him in over 7 years. He was a great person....but I'm good.

    I completely agree with this point
     
    ControlledXaos dapped this.
  23. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
    Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2013
    Messages:
    3,565
    Daps Received:
    12,142
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Orientation:
    Gay
    Dating:
    Not looking
  24. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
    Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2015
    Messages:
    6,199
    Daps Received:
    14,260
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The planet of Memory Corpses
    Orientation:
    Homosexual
    Dating:
    Married
    :fakenews:

    If this is the case you are either Sarah Sanders or Kelly Ann. LOL

    The post you started the thread with is an opinion commentary piece from someone's site or blog. The actual article from Business Insider which is linked under the piece provides more of a reporting style. The tone is different than the opinion piece you posted in my opinion.

    If someone is friends with their exes, it could be a warning sign they're a psychopath — here's why

    Regardless of everyone else's POV, we've had this conversation multiple times publicly and privately.

    Just as with most of those times, I agree with you on your points when it comes to this culture and the high number of dudes who are friends with their exs for whatever reasons.

    My issue is I feel your argument is flawed in this specific instance because you used one research study that's inconclusive and not absolute. They are saying there are possibilities that some of these individuals may possess narcissistic or psychopathic behaviors and or could be narcissistic or psychopathic. They found this out because when the respondents gave reasons as to why they remained friends with their ex, the possible psychopaths provided nefarious reasons for why they stayed friends. The possible non-psychopaths who were friends with ex's did not provide nefarious reasons.

    You took the information from the opinion piece and made it 100% scientific absolute fact ("vindication - thank you science" as you put it) when even the researchers who conducted the study didn't even reach that conclusion.

    Based on the research, psychopaths do psychopath shit, like staying friends with their ex's for nefarious reasons; however according to the research, this doesn't mean all that all people who remain friends with ex's are psychopaths.

    They state, "It's not an exact science either way,"
     
  25. Dean

    The 100 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2017
    Messages:
    37
    Daps Received:
    139
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Dating:
    Single
    I can not be friends with an ex because manipulation is bound to happen with that now "friend" knowing how to get in your head and has seen your O face. The line becomes so easy to cross in a given situation.
     
  26. Winston Smith

    Best Site Comments The 1000 Daps Club Supporter

    Joined:
    May 6, 2016
    Messages:
    1,920
    Daps Received:
    5,040
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Nowhere in Particular
    Orientation:
    Gay
    Dating:
    Not looking
    Lol, Nick’s reaction to disagreements in this thread reminds of this old Barney Miller segment. People are gonna believe and do what they feel regardless of someone’s claim to empiricism (the actors reaction in ignoring their colleague is priceless)
     
Loading...
Similar Threads - Wants Stay Friends Forum Date
Reddit’s BlackPeopleTwitter Forum Wants to Know if Its Users Are Actually White Race, Religion, Science and Politics Apr 24, 2019
Brie Larson Wants Less White Men On Captain Marvel Press Tour Movies and Shorts Feb 17, 2019
Infamous anti-gay therapist now says he wants to date other men LGBT News and Events Jan 21, 2019
Young Buck wants y'all to know that he ain't gay. LGBT News and Events Sep 12, 2018
Lloyd really wants you to buy his music. Does this nude album cover tempt you? Music and Podcasts Jul 11, 2018

Share This Page

Loading...