Pressured to marry to please parents.

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by Luke Evergreen, Jun 9, 2019.

  1. Luke Evergreen

    Luke Evergreen Squad Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2016
    Messages:
    40
    Daps Received:
    80
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Trinidad and Tobago
    Orientation:
    Gay
    Dating:
    Single
    Hi guys, I'm the only child of a single father, and the only child of him and his 2 siblings .
    I feel immensly pressed by him to marry a woman and have children.
    He frequently and shadily makes comments about the importance of having a family and kids randomly. And I know it's not because he just thinks it's important. A parent of a straight 21 year old male would not feel the need to bring that up so often. I feel like he's trying to brainwash me through repetition. I don't know what to do or say to him.

    I don't want to end up like those DL men who marry women for their own selfish needs to please society and his parents.

    I don't want an unhappy relationship, a sexless marriage or unfulfilling sex life where I just do it to make kids.

    I dont want to have to make up fake business trips or have a secret double life. Nor do I want to waste the life of myself or my female victim, divorce, and have kids that dislike their parents.
     
    Krimsonic_ dapped this.
  2. ControlledXaos

    Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club

    Age:
    43
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2015
    Messages:
    2,472
    Daps Received:
    6,914
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanna
    Don't get involved in a sexual relationship with a female to procreate.

    There are alternatives for gay men to have kids. There's adoption. If he just wants his genes passed down then surrogacy is an option as well. It'll be less expensive than a wedding and subsequent divorce financially and emotionally.

    You have to live your life for you and not other people.
     
    Sage, Sean, Krimsonic_ and 4 others dapped this.
  3. Omega Level

    Omega Level DRACARYS
    The 1000 Daps Club

    Age:
    41
    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2015
    Messages:
    649
    Daps Received:
    1,612
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York
    Dating:
    Single
    Based upon what you posted it seemed you made a list of all the things you DONT want. When it comes to life it seems that many of us as human beings tend to focus on all the things we dont want, what isnt going right, or whatever is negative.

    I think you should forget about all the things you DONT want and focus on the things you DO want.

    Make a list of those things and become steadfast and secure in who you are as a person. The people that love you, (TRUELY love you) will come around to accept anything you present your life to be as long as you certain and confident in who you are and what you want your life to be.
     
    Sage, Krimsonic_ and mojoreece dapped this.
  4. LeMignon

    LeMignon Sith Lord
    The 100 Daps Club

    Age:
    24
    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2015
    Messages:
    228
    Daps Received:
    253
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Alexandria, LA
    Are you out?
     
  5. mojoreece

    Bae Material The 1000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2015
    Messages:
    1,313
    Daps Received:
    2,736
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NC
    100dap:clap::lawd: Preach Brother!
     
    Lancer dapped this.
  6. Infinite_loop

    Infinite_loop Is this thing on?
    Bae Material The 1000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2015
    Messages:
    753
    Daps Received:
    2,372
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    BK
    Orientation:
    SGL
    Dating:
    Single
    went through the same thing when I graduated college. fortunately for me I have 5 siblings and as soon as my brothers started having kids and my parents had grand kids in bulk, my case faded into the background which I absolutely love lol

    I understand how important the bond and relationship with one's family is; it becomes increasingly so as you get older.My advice to you(and this is what I told myself) is: live your life the way you envision to live your life and make sure to stand your ground and not succumb to pressure from neither your family nor the "gay" community. You will figure it out eventually; we always do.
     
    Lancer, Krimsonic_ and mojoreece dapped this.
  7. Infinite_loop

    Infinite_loop Is this thing on?
    Bae Material The 1000 Daps Club

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2015
    Messages:
    753
    Daps Received:
    2,372
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    BK
    Orientation:
    SGL
    Dating:
    Single
    Not sure if this is going to help, but here is my favorite quote from Helen Keller, the bad b*tch herself

    "Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole, experience it. God Himself is not secure, having given man dominion over His works! Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold. Faith alone defends. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable."
     
    Sage, Sean and mojoreece dapped this.
  8. Sean

    The 100 Daps Club

    Age:
    39
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2015
    Messages:
    482
    Daps Received:
    728
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    DFW
    Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Dating:
    Single
    Helen “spoke” a word, didn’t she!?
     
    mojoreece dapped this.
  9. Sean

    The 100 Daps Club

    Age:
    39
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2015
    Messages:
    482
    Daps Received:
    728
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    DFW
    Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Dating:
    Single
    I concur with everyone here. If you want kids, tell your pops he will have grandkids, eventually. But if you haven’t already, it would be important for you to go ahead and explicitly let him know that his grandkid(s) will have a mom and two dads.
     
    mojoreece and Sage dapped this.
  10. Sage

    Sage Squad Member

    Age:
    46
    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2015
    Messages:
    59
    Daps Received:
    53
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Long Beach, CA
    Dating:
    Single
    Damn, Helen!!! A word!
     
    mojoreece dapped this.
  11. Sage

    Sage Squad Member

    Age:
    46
    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2015
    Messages:
    59
    Daps Received:
    53
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Long Beach, CA
    Dating:
    Single
    I agree with the opinions stated previously. Ultimately, it is your life. It sucks when people attempt to position you between choosing their happiness at your detriment or choosing your happiness with the possibility of them disowning you. Save yourself a whole lot of heartache and choose to be happy, rather than make other folks happy when it is not your job to do so.
    If you intend to or decide that you want to be a dad someday, let your dad know. However, stress that that will happen when you desire it. Parenting is expensive and it can take over your life. It’s best to do your on yourself and get your ducks in a row before taking the plunge.
     
    mojoreece dapped this.
  12. Lancer

    Best Thread Creator The 1000 Daps Club

    Age:
    35
    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2015
    Messages:
    1,216
    Daps Received:
    1,811
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Minas Morgul
    I understand how you feel. As the 3rd, of 5 kids with 2 married, they have come knocking heavly on my door. My Parents are African, Nigerian, so that means they involve everyone in the decision about their children's marriage. Quiet as its kept, I believe my older siblings were pressured into getting married.
    I gave gotten statements from Aunts and Uncles with kids, who constantly call for Rent money or some sort of financial assistance, like 'When you getting married?' 'Don't you want kids?' or the ever so random 'What's going to be the flavor of your wedding cake?' and I am SO tempted to reply 'When I am financially stable and don't have to call folks begging for money' but that will stir up shit that I am disrespectful. smh
    I personally drown out the noise, and keep doing so. Not to feel alone in the family, I have told 3 of my very close cousins the deal and they are super cool with it and show me love. Knowing I have them on my side has giving me great comfort. You can find a friend who you can confide in and vent to from time to time, trust me it helps.
    Tell your dad he should not pressure you into getting married and his comments do no good.
    Focus on your personal goals and your professional life, they will help propel you forward.
     
    mojoreece dapped this.
Loading...
Similar Threads - Pressured marry please Forum Date
Trump campaign CEO assaulted wife — then pressured her not to testify Race, Religion, Science and Politics Aug 26, 2016
Childish Gambino my GOD will you Marry Me PLEASE!!!! Music and Podcasts Jul 15, 2017
Fvck.Marry.Kill. Group Discussions Nov 14, 2016
NYT: In Tanzania, straight women are marrying one another LGBT News and Events Aug 5, 2016
Do Women Date/Marry Openly Bi Men? Group Discussions Feb 22, 2016

Share This Page

Loading...